


Marked

by ASliverOfHope



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Human Names Used, M/M, attempt at slow build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-03-03 19:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 106,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2882090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASliverOfHope/pseuds/ASliverOfHope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roderich and Gilbert live in a world where everyone has a soulmate, one they are destined to be with. Each person is born with a mark on their chest and the person with the matching mark is their soulmate. Gilbert is too immature for the relationship at first and Roderich is still in love with someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Buring Red

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt at a longer slow build fic, I write mostly one-shots, we'll see how it goes. I love Pruaus even if it isn't the most popular pairing.

It was said that everyone had a perfect match. When someone found that one person, who’s mark matched their own, the pair was destined to be together. Forever as soulmates. Roderich, being the realist he was, was not too sure he believed in that. He absently rubbed the silky fabric over his heart where his own mark lied. He’d been taught and told from a young age, as all in society were taught, that the day he would meet his soulmate, his mark would change. From his parents, he’d heard that he would feel warmth spread across his chest and the mark would turn from a pale brown, like the color of a freckle, to a deep crimson. The mark was only an indicator that one’s soulmate was near by, it was up to that person if they wanted to take action to meet their fated person.  
Roderich wasn’t sure he wanted to meet his “soulmate” nor was he sure what would happen if he did. There was way too much at stake with meeting this one person. What if he met his soulmate and it didn’t work out? Sure, he’d heard even fate couldn’t be perfect, but it was destined to workout anyway. What if he and his soulmate despised each other? What if he never found his other perfect half? Even if he did, what if he couldn’t make it work? What if he was the exception to the fate of soulmates? There was just too much stress, too much pressure. If it didn’t work out with his soulmate, would there be another out there for him? Like, what if his soulmate died, would his mark fade and then he’d left alone for the rest of his life?

The brunette sometimes really hated how effortless the piano had become to him, because then his mind had time to dive into the bottomless ocean of the unknown. He slammed the piano lid shut before he banged his head onto the keys. He was jolted from his thoughts from the sudden ringing of his phone, he smiled as he saw Elizabeta calling. As he talked to her he thought how he was plenty happy with her. He was quite content in the life he was living. He loved his current girlfriend even if their marks didn’t coincide. He knew she felt same as he did, and yet every time he was with her, he wondered if they were just buying time until they found the one. What if she found her one and left him? Would he fall apart? He’d hate to admit to being that weak, but she’d been by his side, supporting, for as long as he remembered. He was often angry, although he never showed it to her, that she wasn’t his soulmate. He just didn’t understand fate, it would have made everything so much easier. Roderich often thought too much of what others thought of him and what they would say if they found out that his mark didn’t match Elizabeta’s.

He wasn’t quite sure why he let his girlfriend talk him into going to the beach that day. He wasn’t all that fond of swimming or the sun’s harsh rays. Maybe it was because it would give him an excuse to get out and away from his nagging thoughts. Roderich absently watched as Elizabeta stripped off her dress, revealing a lime green bikini that brought out the green tones in her kind eyes. She was the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on, but he knew there was something missing. His eyes settled on the mark that was nestled into the left side of her chest. It’s soft curls and dots were so unlike his own pattern of stripes and sharp peaks. Each mark spanned a diameter of four inches and it’s design was a tribal like pattern that was unlike anyone else’s. Well, except that of a person’s match.  
“Roderich? Do you want to come swimming with me?” Elizabeta asked, bending a bit at the waist to peer down at him.

He most certainly did not. No way would he take off his shirt and show his mark in public. “No, I’m alright. I don’t really care for that sort of thing.” He answered evenly.

She pouted a bit, “Okay then. I’ll come back an join you in a bit.” He watched her run off into the water with her a few of her friends. His violet eyes followed the shoreline as it inched up the sand and then was pulled back into the depths. The simple, automatic movements of the waves finally calmed him down and washed away his soulmate thoughts.

Yet, fate had other ideas, she had a way of sticking her nose where she was never wanted. It was like a sudden flame, bursting to life and Roderich’s eyes widened in disbelief. The warmth and tingles crawled and overflowed on his left side. _No!_ The brunette thought, _not now. I’m not ready yet. Please no._ His heart pounded as he apprehensively lifted the collar of his t-shirt. Sure enough, his mark was no longer a soft brown, but shone like a ruby. Panic set in, prickling over his skin, making the hair on his arms stand on end and he scanned the beach. His eyes suddenly locked onto the form of a young male about his age. The man has pale skin, soft white hair and red eyes full of life and joy. Just like the sun cutting through the clouds, this man’s mark glared brilliant red on a white chest. That mark, it was the same one Roderich looked at in the mirror every morning. A perfect match. At that moment he felt suddenly cold, like he was in Antarctica instead of the steaming beach. Perfectly shaped nails clawed at his T-shirt, if he could he would have ripped his mark off of his chest. A male? He was completely horrified that his match turned out to be another man, but the furious beating wings in his stomach were more prominent.

He was an upstanding proper man! He knew his panic and thinking were wrong and backwards for this world but he was still so upset. He didn’t want another man! What would his parents think of him? His dreams of a beautiful bride with chestnut hair, not unlike Elizabeta’s, shattered like glass. The brunette’s heart stopped and he felt like he couldn’t catch his breath no matter how many deep breaths he took. A joyful smile played on the albino man’s lips as he shook the water out of his hair. Roderich couldn’t help but watch as the man stretched his arm up to smooth down the hair on the back of his neck. Each one of the man’s muscles in his arm contracted with the movement showing off an exquisitely toned form. The albino wasn’t huge, but every muscle he did have, down to his six pack appeared as if they had been sculpted out marble by a master craftsman. In fact he was a bit short and stocky, although, taller than Roderich, who had always been petite for a man. He watched as the stranger stuck his surfboard into the sand. Roderich’s amethyst eyes tracked the albino as one of his friends came over and pointed to his mark. No. Nothing in this world could make him take off his shirt now. Yet, he continued to watch the surprise on the man’s face and he caught a bit of their conversation as they approached their towels, just three feet in front of his own.

“…not really. I don’t know. I’m not really ready to meet my soulmate yet.” Roderich’s match replied.

So they were in the same boat.

“I’m still young, man. It’s a soulmate; I can find him or her another time. I still have more I want to do before settling down. I am too awesome to be tied down right now.”

“But your soulmate is _here_ on this beach! Don’t you at least want to look? You know, find out what he or she looks like?” asked the brunette that sat at his side.

“Oui, Gil, I would want to know.” His blond friend answered.

“That’s because you’ve already met yours, Franny.” The albino fired back

“So? I am very happy with Mattie. I couldn’t want anyone else. It’s kind of nice knowing everything worked out and I’m set for life.”

“How can you know it’s for life? What if I’m not like you? I’m not ready guys, lay off.” The albino, Roderich now knew as Gil, lay back on his towel, showing no signs of continuing the conversation. Roderich sighed in relief, but he couldn’t help feeling a little bit hurt by the rejection.

“Why wouldn’t you be ready?” The brunette protested. “We wait our whole lives for our soulmates!”

Gil threw an arm over his eyes and groaned. “You know me, I’m still in the stage of dating desperate girls who haven’t yet found their match.”

Roderich grimaced and scoffed. Never in his life had he been so disgusted by another human being. Who had morals and standards that were that low? This guy was his soulmate? _No way_ , the brunette shook his head. Fate had gotten this wrong; they were nothing alike. _If this is my soulmate I’ll have to accept being alone. I’m never going to take of my shirt. I’ll have to hide this as long as I can from Liz and stay happy with her as long as possible._ He cleared his throat and tried to calm down as much as possible. Unfortunately he couldn’t possibly be as calm as he tried to be with the storm of emotions flooding him on the inside. Roderich started to feel nauseous the more he thought about it and he couldn’t hide it as Elizabeta came back up to join him.

“Roderich, darling, you look unwell. Are you doing okay?”

The brunette cleared his throat again, “No, I don’t think I am.”

“Why don’t we leave then? You should go home and lie down, I’ll make you a cup of tea when we get there.” She smiled down at him reassuringly as she packed up their things. He could see the worry behind her smile and he longed for his mark to change so it could match hers. Elizabeta was kind, she was supportive, loving and even if she was a little feisty and had a temper at times, they fit together perfectly in his opinion. After picking up their things, she slipped a supportive arm around his waist as they made their way to the car. He couldn’t be more relieved, when he was setting in the car, that he managed to avoid the run in with his soulmate.

He lay in the dark trying to rest and calm his stomach, but the thoughts swirling around in his head only involved the certain albino that had become a new bane of his existence. Roderich couldn’t forget those piercing red eyes and the curve of his abs, and how the light shone off his white hair, making it almost iridescent. He groaned and pulled the blanket over his head, _did I really just think about his abs and_ iridescent _hair? Is this what attraction feels like, can fate force me into like my soulmate?_ He scoffed, not believing that he actually though of fate like a real force. He seemed to be losing all rationality the more he thought about Gil.

He knew sexual orientation or preference didn’t really matter when it came to soulmates. His soulmate could be a man it could be a women. Two women were allowed to marry, two men were allowed to marry, but the only marriage that couldn’t happen was a marriage between non-soulmates. That fact of this world was soulmates trumped all. In their society sexual orientation wasn’t a thing, no person gay, no person was straight, not entirely anway. Although, if a male is born to be with another male in the end, it didn’t really matter, that’s just how it was.

“Roderich? I’ve brought your tea, are you up for it?” Elizabeta brought the tray into his room and set it on the bedside table.

Roderich removed his arm from over his eyes showing real vulnerability to her for the first time. “No, but please just stay here.” He patted the bed and she carefully sat next him, running a hand over his hair. He sighed and closed his eyes only focusing on her touch to calm him down. His heart rate calmed and his head stopped spinning as she hummed softly to him. Roderich smiled as he recognized the melody; it was the song that he composed for her.

Closing his eyes, he remembered the day he preformed the song for her. Elizabeta’s green eyes lit up in surprise when she saw her name written across the top in his own calligraphy. She closed her eyes and clasped her hands together by her heart as she listened. He heard her praise and clapping in his head again. Roderich fully calmed down but just as he did, Elizabeta’s form next to his piano quickly morphed into Gil’s pompous form. Violet eyes snapped open and he sat up suddenly, startling Elizabeta as he did.

“What’s got you so upset?” Elizabeta peered at him curiously, “I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“That’s because I don’t let anyone see me upset.” He murmured finally admitting that to her. “I really must be sick. You should probably go.”

She nodded and let herself out quietly.

The next few weeks went along normally and the couple fell into their normal routine. After his original break down, Roderich found it surprisingly easy to pretend he had never found his soulmate. They took their normal afternoon walk after tea, then he spent time at his piano composing and they made dinner together, laughing together as normal. It wasn’t until Elizabeta decided to surprise Roderich for their three-year anniversary that everything went sour. She had let herself into his house, not knowing that he was in the middle of changing as she did so. The chocolates, his very favorite, fell to the carpet when she opened the door and saw the bright red mark across his chest. “Roderich!”

He jumped and quickly covered up his chest, amethyst eyes wide with shock. “E-Elizabeta, dear, you surprised me.”

She walked into the room, anger overtaking her surprise. “Why didn’t you tell me you found your soulmate?”

“I didn’t. It was at the beach, he was near and I didn’t go find him.”

“Him?” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “you didn’t find your soulmate and yet you know it’s a him.”

Roderich clasped his hand over his mouth, letting the middle of his shirt flop open. He removed his hand and ran it over his face. “Yes, I saw him.”

“Then why are you still with me?” She asked, a little hurt.

“Because I despise him! I know that it’s not supposed to happen but it did. He is a despicable person, nothing like me. There’s no way it would ever work out.”

She looked over his face worriedly and in surprise. “You don’t like him? Aren’t you supposed to fall for him when you see him? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t either. Do you think fate is capable to mess up?” He asked timidly

“I don’t think so, it’s never been heard of. I think it’s your choice to figure it out or not, but I can’t stay with you now that I know. How long?”

“I saw him that day at the beach.” He bit his lip. Everything he feared would happened started to happen. When he asked himself if he would fall apart if she left, well he didn’t think that would actually be possible. Well, until now.

“Can’t we just stay together until you find yours?”

“Why? Why do you even want to be with me?” Her olive eyes welled up, knowing she wanted to stay but couldn’t bring herself to stand in his way.

“I love you.” He whispered, but even he knew it was not in the same way that he used to. Something was off, something was different, and it was all his soulmate’s fault. “I like being with you. We’re familiar and we fit together well.”

Elizabeta smiled sadly, “I love you too, but you know as well as I do that this was going to end someday. I was disappointed that I wasn’t your soulmate just as I assume you are. That just means he will fit better than we do now. Being with a soulmate isn’t supposed to be easy, but you’ll make it work. That’s why you’re soulmates!”

“What if I can’t?”

“Then it was your choice to give up. I can’t hold you back from your happy ending and your true love. I’m sorry.”

The both looked at each other and they knew it was over even if neither of them wanted to admit it right now. Fate had torn them apart now with her twister destroying everything in her path as she did so. If it wasn’t meant to be there was not way it could be. Her eyes were always scanning, always looking, for the opportune time to enforce what she thought was best. She knew what was best and what time was best to bring that person into someone’s life. She knew better than any mere mortal even if that mortal couldn’t see why at the moment.

Roderich was about to really meet the man who would drive him completely mad and crazy. Yet that same man would bring out his true emotions and a love that he never could dream of experiencing. That same person would bring out his romantic and loving side that he never showed to anyone else. That person would complete him. No, it wouldn’t be perfect, but it would better than that. It would gritty and mean sometimes. It would scare him more than any of his worst fears, but when everything was good, it would be more beautiful than a sunrise. He wouldn’t believe that now and how could he with the opinion he had of his soulmate at this moment?  
It was Elizabeta that finally spoke up, “So I know neither of us really want to end it, but I’ll have to be the one who does. Happy anniversary, sorry it had to be today.” She gathered her things and left quietly.

* * *

It had been over two years since the day his mark flared up and two years since he last felt the warmth. He stared down at his coffee, the longer he watched the steam rise from it, the less appealing it looked. Sure it warmed him up on the dreary day like today, but he couldn’t quite stomach it. Of course it had to be pouring on their anniversary, well the anniversary of the worst day of his life. Roderich called Elizabeta about every two weeks just to check up on her and they still got lunch once a month. She had met a gorgeous, petite, Belgian girl named Emma. She was very sweet and kind. She treated Elizabeta right and He knew Elizabeta loved that Emma was a chocolatier. It was like all Elizabeta’s dreams had come true. He still missed her and thought about her often, and now that she moved on it was even worse that he still wanted to be with her. He had slowly accepted his chosen fate that he would end up alone, but some days the loneliness was unbearable. No amount of composing, afternoon tea or the occasional painting could keep his mind off the white-haired male.

His heart would flutter at the mere thought of Gil even if his whole being wanted to be against it. He would get flashes of being with Gil at afternoon tea or Gil sitting on the love seat in his piano room writing something as he played. He wished the images would go away because he didn’t want them. He wanted nothing to do with any of it. Roderich finally lifted the cup to his lips breathing in the crisp smell of the coffee that he loved. It came on suddenly like it did the first time and it burned in his throat like heartburn. Gil was near, he mind reminded him as the icy panic rushed through his body. _I don’t want to see him! I don’t!_ His brain yelled, but his pounding heart was giving a different message. Roderich was about to bolt for the door when it opened letting in the man he’d been avoiding. It had been the first time in two years he had this feeling and he just wanted to run. He peaked at Gil from over the top of the booth.

The albino was soaked from the monsoon that raged outside, his clothes were sopping and the whites of his eyes were webbed with red. He wore a three-piece suit that had probably been ruined by the rain and was totally out of place. Gil looked soaked to the very core and Roderich almost felt bad for him. Almost. If he didn’t despise the man so much he would have cared. The brunette stared into his mug once again and willed his mind to worry about if Gil had been crying or not. “Can I see your mark, please! I’m desperate here, I know my soulmate is near, I just want to meet him or her.” Roderich scoffed at the way he badgered the poor barista. To his surprise the barista obliged and lifted up his shirt. A brilliant rose flushed across Roderich’s cheeks and he slumped farther into the booth. Was Gil really going to ask everyone? Ice clung to his heart when he realized he couldn’t escape now without Gil noticing him and asking about his mark. The brunette closed his eyes and tried to keep his breathing even as Gil questioned everyone in the shop about their marks. He was surprised that everyone freely accepted his request. Soulmates really did trump everything in their world. “Hi.”

Roderich looked up at Gil, as the albino slid into his booth only because it would be rude not to. The soft music played in the background and as it always did, followed along with Gil’s sadness and desperation. “Yes, hello.”

“You must be him. My soulmate. I’ve checked everyone else here, show me your mark.” He demanded.

“Look Gil, I’m not really interested.” Roderich stood abandoning his half drunk cup.

“You know who I am?”

“I was at the beach that day. Right behind you and your friends.” He looked down at Gil like he was beneath him and in Roderich’s opinion the albino was.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Roderich let out a short, sarcastic laugh. “I’m not really into guys who only want to sleep around with ‘desperate girls who haven’t found their match yet’.”

“Listen I-”

“Honestly I’d rather be alone. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Roderich started to walk toward the door, but he was stopped when Gil grabbed his wrist.

“Wait! Please just give me a chance. I’m not that person anymore. I just came from yet another one of my friend’s weddings and I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to see if this soulmate thing is for real, don’t you?”

Roderich pulled himself away from Gil, well that would explain his appearance… “No.” Yes! I do even if I don’t think it will work out with you. There has to be a reason I match you. He swallowed thickly, pushing his needy thoughts to the back of his mind as he looked upon the utterly broken man that stood before him. He knew what it felt like to be that broken even if he’d never admit it. He remembered that look in Gilbert’s eyes the once he once wore when he’d begged Elizabeta to stay, when he desperately wished it wasn’t Gilbert who was his soulmate. He tried to stop his heart from going out to Gilbert. He knew what it felt like to be that lonely, and even if he’d decided that he’d end up alone, he was as terrified as Gilbert looked right now.

“Just give me a chance. We can start over. I’m Gilbert Beilschimdt, nice to meet you.”

Roderich was hyper aware that everyone in the coffee house was staring at the pair, hanging on their every word like their encounter was a daytime soap opera. He gritted his teeth and sighed, he owed Gilbert a chance didn’t he? Maybe, just maybe he judged his soulmate a little too harshly. Maybe one day his emotional reaction to Gilbert would catch up to the physical one. “Okay. I’ll give you another chance. My name is Roderich Edelstein. It’s definitely interesting to meet you.”

“Really?” The albino’s scarlet eyes lit up and Roderich tried his hardest to not find this endearing.

“I’m not meaning anything by this, believe me, but let’s go back to my place.” He put a hand up to stop any sexual quip Gilbert would have uttered. “If you make that joke now, I’ll revoke your second chance.” Gilbert’s smirk dropped and he quickly shut his mouth. “Now,” The brunette continued, “you’ve embarrassed me enough here, let’s go.” He yanked his hand away and led Gilbert out to his car. He wasn’t too happy that about the amount of water that was sure to soak into the clean leather, but he bit his tongue.

Gilbert was a bit surprised when they pulled up to an apartment building and he was led up to a penthouse, but it would explain how they guy dressed. The place was simple but elegant. The room that would have been the third bedroom had been converted into a music room. A glossy ebony piano sat in front of a tall rectangular window that currently bathed room in white moonlight. Gilbert tried not to snoop around too much as he was invited to sit in the living room.

“Can I get you something to drink since we did not get the chance to finish at the coffee shop?”

“Do you have any beer?”

Roderich gave him a look that said, ‘do I look like the kind of guy that would have beer?’ “No. Coffee, water or tea.”

“Coffee is fine, though I should introduce you to some good beer! It’s awesome because the awesome me drinks it!”

“You bounced back real quick.” Roderich muttered under his breath as he made them both coffees.

“Well of course I do! I’m too awesome to stay down. I’ll make you fall for me Roddy! It’s fate isn’t it? I bet it will happen.”

“What if it doesn’t? Who is ‘fate’ to decide what I should do? Maybe I’ll make my own path.”

“You really don’t like being told what to do, do you?” Gilbert mused.

The brunette flushed, “How would you know that?”

“Don’t be so defensive, it was just an observation.” He tugged at his half-dried clothes that were sticking to him.

“Would you mind lending me something dry to wear, by the way?”

Roderich stared at him, appalled, “Are you kidding me? We just met.”

“Well I could continue to drip all over your fancy furniture and hardwood floor if you’d like.” He smirked, eyes ruby eyes wide and knowing.

The brunette groaned and went to his room to fetch a basic white T-shirt and sweatpants. He threw them at Gilbert, “Bathroom is in the hallway and the piano room you were snooping around in earlier.” Roderich swallowed and went back to brewing the coffees as the albino changed. He had to actively keep his mind from thinking about the fact the Gilbert was stripping down mere feet away from where he was. He is not attractive or worth fantasizing about! He mentally scolded himself. He glanced at Gilbert as he came back into the sitting room and snickered a bit at how ridiculous Gilbert looked in his clothes. The shirt was too tight around his chest and it showed his midriff, while the sweatpants fell to his mid-ankle.

“I’m surprised you have clothes like this, Roddy.”

“What did you do with the wet clothes?” He ignored the quip and the nickname.

Gilbert held up a plastic bag. “I found a bag under the sink in the bathroom.”

“Making ourselves quite at home, are we?” He muttered, not even trying to keep the disgust out his tone.

“Yep, who knows, maybe I’ll be living here eventually.” He winked as he settled down on the couch.

As if that will happen. Roderich scoffed and brought the coffees over. “So, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a general manager for a couple of steakhouses. I’m so awesome they wanted me to manage several restaurants.” He grinned in the pompous way of his that complete annoyed Roderich, but the brunette was surprised he as a decent career. “What do you do?”

“I am a piano player with a local orchestra and I also do some freelance on the side for movie soundtracks.”

The albino cackled a bit, “That does seem to fit you, a prissy orchestra player. Did you come from some old money rich family too?” He smirked.

Roderich swallowed thickly trying to keep his flashbacks at bay. “Yes I did.”

This made Gilbert laugh even more. “I bet they’d be horrified that their prissy son has a male soulmate.”

“Are you trying to make me hate you even more?” The brunette responded, changing the subject and took a sip of his coffee.

“Well you already do, don’t you? So what do I have to lose? I might as well show you who I am now. We’re soulmates after all we’re supposed to work out forever.”

“And what if I refuse?”

“You’ll come around eventually, many people have succumbed to my awesomeness. That or ‘Lady Fate’ will step in and it will work out anyway, or so they tell us.” He paused to sip at the coffee. “Plus you’ve already made one mistake.”

Roderich rolled his eyes, “I know, I’m starting to see where I’ve gone wrong in giving you a chance.”

“No, not that. You’ve shown where you live. Nothing is stopping me from coming around to annoy whenever I want.”

“I could always not let you in.”

“I’d have my ways of getting in.”

“I live in a penthouse, good luck with that.”

“I have my ways. I could always get a key from your doorman; soulmates trump almost everything in our society, after all.”  
  
“I could get a restraining order against you.”

“Against your soulmate? Good luck with that.” He ran a hand through his hand hair, violet eyes following the muscles of Gilbert’s bicep as they flexed slightly with his movements.

“Could you be anymore obvious?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I get checked out a lot, I can tell when someone is giving me eyes. You think I’m attractive, although I’m not surprised, admit it.”

“It’s not my fault! I’m not trying to check you out. It’s like ever since we were at the beach, I can’t stop thinking about you. Trust me, I don’t want to. You’re hardly my type. I mean we’re complete opposites and I still find your personality despicable.”

“Wow, Specs, lay it all out on the table, will ya? There is a plus in all this, at least you find me physically attractive so that’s a start.”

He groaned inwardly and sighed, “Well fine, we’ll at least start with trying to be friends.”

“Did I just get friend-zoned by my own soulmate? Ouch.” He snickered, sarcasm dripping from his words. “Nah, I’m not worried. I’ll make you fall for me. I’m pretty persistent and I think I like you already.”

“You like me? We hardly know each other and I haven’t treated you well at all.”

“Maybe I’m the type to like what I can’t have.”

“So what happens if you can have me?”

He raised his eyebrows, “See you think it’s a possibility! I’ll take that. Plus I still think I’d like ya. More what I meant is I like a challenge and someone who plays hard to get turns me on.”

“I’m not playing anything. I’m just not fond of you.”

“For now. You know you’re as curious about this soulmate thing as I am. You’ll give a shot. Plus I’ve changed in the two years we’ve been apart. I’ll show you the man I can be and what a perfect soulmate I’ll be.”

Roderich was about answer as lightning cracked against the sky, lighting up the dark sky with white streaks. He tried not to look affected by the sudden light or the thundering sound that followed. A fake yawn came over him and he checked his watched. “Well it’s getting late. You should go.”

“It’s barely 10. Although, staying up late doesn’t really fit your personality.” Gilbert finished the rest of his coffee and laid his business card on the table. “Call me if you want or I may just show up.”

He rolled his eyes as he walked the albino to the door. “I wouldn’t put it past you. You do seem like the unexpected guest who will come just annoy me.”

“Not long until you won’t find it so annoying.”

“Get out of here already.”

“Geez. Fine, have your precious 10:00 bed time.” He waved over his shoulder as he walked off. Roderich shut the door as Gilbert’s form retreated around the corner. He strode into the music room, watching as the lightning stretched across the dark clouds. He winced as the thunder erupted after each light show, hugging himself to try to stop the trembles. It had been had been 9 years since then; he knew he should have been over this by now, but that didn’t stop the tightness in his throat or his shaky breaths. He was glad he got Gilbert out in time, now was not the time for the overconfident idiot to find out about his stupid fears. He could almost hear the albino’s cackle, mocking him, calling him a child. He was 27 after all he shouldn’t feel this way. He squeezed his eyes shut praying the memories wouldn’t resurface this time.

Roderich did all he could to conquer the fear, he rented an apartment on the top floor with wide windows something he swore he’d never do, but he thought it would help. As much as he tried to watch the storm, telling himself it wouldn’t escalate, not like that, he’d moved from that area. Those storms didn’t happen here like they did there. He knew he’d retreat into his bed with blankets over his head and noise canceling headphones like he always did, begging his dreams to stay away from that fateful night. He even tried to think of Gilbert this time, but the images replayed in slow motion as they always did. The brunette almost wished that someone was here to hold him, and not Elizabeta this time, but dare he think it? Gilbert.


	2. Warming Up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize for how long this update took...you know life and stuff. I try to put updates on my writing on my tumblr blog asliverofhope-the-fan-girl-nerd (I know it's an unnecessary long url). I will try to update monthly instead of y'know almost 90-daily-ish... I hope you liked chapter 2 and feel free to tell me what you think. :)   
> Just so you all know, I'm using the name Chiara for Nyotalia Romano, Felicia for Nyotalia Italy and Emma for Nyotalia Belgium
> 
> Enjoy :)

Gilbert brought a hand up to his mouth to cover up the satisfied smile he knew he shouldn’t have. “Oh man, I’m in trouble already.” He murmured to himself as he walked out to his car. He imagined most people would be frustrated with the turn of the night’s events, but they excited the albino. He loved their banter and was never one to back down when challenged. He felt alive for the first time in years and it excited him to his very core. Normal, gooey relationships bored him more than anything else. Fighting, witty banter, and teasing along with the gooey, every once in a while, were what he lived for. He was always the one to fall first and he knew this time would be no exception.

The ground might as well have fallen out beneath him. He was free falling into the hot magma below the earth’s surface as his heart lit the rest of his body a blaze. The fire flowed through his veins and made him feel like anything was possible. He could be worth more than he’d always been and he didn’t have to be the asshole that others thought him to be. Maybe that was the true power of the love of soulmates. It would never be perfect like a movie, but it was real and it would make him feel alive like never before. He shook his head to get the stupid metaphors and thoughts out his head. “Yeah I’m in real trouble…it’s only been an evening and he still hates me.” He bit his lip and got in his car, making his way home. The streetlights raced by as his car bumped over the familiar cracks in the road. Scenes of them going out to fancy dinners, moving in together and being so damn domestic danced in front of his eyes like some cliché montage from some romantic comedy. He let himself into his apartment, still wearing a giddy smile.

As usual, he was greeted by his hyperactive German Shepherd. He grinned down at the dog, patting him on his head. “I’m home, Sebby. Guess what? Daddy is falling…not in love yet, but maybe. I found my soulmate and he doesn’t feel the same way, but I’ll change his mind.”

Sebastian wagged his tail and tilted his head to the side as if he was trying to understand what was being told to him.

Gilbert smiled fondly at him. “I sometimes think you have it easy that you wouldn’t have to deal with human problems. This one is too awesome, but you can experience my love!” He scratched behind Sebastian’s ears, “come on, Sebby, let’s go to bed.”

* * *

“Is Toni here?” Gilbert asked when he went to the familiar stand at the farmer’s market the following day.

The girl behind the stand scoffed at him, “What, so you can distract him from his work?” Anyone could see Chiara was beautiful, if they could get past that attitude, that is. Her long, dark auburn hair was pulled into a messy bun that should have looked sloppy, but on her it worked. She tipped her sunglasses down to glare at him. Her new wedding ring gleamed as it caught the midmorning sun.

“Well he’d have work to do, if you didn’t scare off all the customers first.” He shot back and then bit his lip as their banter just reminded him of Roderich.

“Hah! You’d know better than almost anyone how damn charming I can be. I did charm the pants off you that night.”

“Yeah and I’ve spend the last two years trying to forget about that.”

“That led to the best two weeks of your boring life. Too bad you bored me after only a short period of time.”

“Two weeks that were totally out-shined by the best night of my life last night.”

“What? My wedding?” She lost her smirk and looked generally confused.

“No, after that. Although I did ruin my Best Man tux…”

“You met your soulmate didn’t you?” Toni chimed in as he came up to them.

“How’d you know?”

“You should see the stupid smile on your face, potato-head.” Chiara snickered. “It’s like you’re some teenage girl in one of those corny chick flicks. ‘Oh I have seen the light! My dear soulmate, I have met the One.’” She batted her eyelashes and gushed.

“Shove off, Chiara. You cried the day Tonio proposed, you’re as much of a sap, if not more. You’re just better at hiding it.”

“So what is she or he like?” Antonio brought the topic back to Gilbert “He’s a total stiff and he hates me.”

“Hates you?” Toni looked confused.

“Oh you’re one to talk Chiara is rude to everyone.”

“She is not! She just only shows her love to those who can earn it. It’s sweet and special because it’s secretly mine.”

“I’m right here you damn sap. I’m so done with your stupid gossip. Take it somewhere else.” She waved them off and walked back to Toni’s truck to pick through the tomatoes.

Gilbert laughed. “I thought you were going to work on that?” He teased Toni as he led him down to a coffee stand.

“She’s come a long way! I can actually get her to be affectionate in public sometimes! Anyway, this isn’t about me. How did he come to hate you already?”

Gilbert sat down his coffee and sighed. “Remember that day at the beach when my mark first turned red? He was sitting literally right behind us.”

“You were such an asshole back then. Just saying.”

“Thanks for support, fucker.” Gilbert rolled his eyes.

The skin by Toni’s eyes crinkled a bit as he laughed. “Well if your best friend can’t be honest with you, then who can?”

“Yeah, yeah. Well, he heard my whole sleeping with desperate lonely people speech.”

“Well of course he hates you then. Who’d really want a soulmate who sleeps around?”

“Aw come on man!” The albino whined. “You know I’m getting better! It’s been like 3 months since my last one night stand.”

“Whoa a record.”

“I’m not here for your condescending sarcasm. Do you want to hear about him or not?” Antonio held his hands up in surrender. “Well he’s really fucking gorgeous. I mean the most stunning man I’ve ever seen, so pretty he could almost be a girl. I was so tired of being alone that I went to find him the night of your wedding. Sleeping around actually gets old when you’re the last of your friends to find a soulmate.”

“Oh so that’s why you left in such a weird mood.”

“Yeah, unfortunately I probably looked like a drowned rat when I met him. Next time I will for sure look like my normal awesome self! Anyway after some probably desperate and pathetic begging on my part…yeah I’m not proud of it, but it worked. We went back to his place. He was so mean to me and basically friend-zoned me on our first ‘date’ but, my god, I left his place so turned on.”

“You were always the one who loved a challenge.”

“Yeah and he’s a complete priss, like the kind from a rich family and everything. He plays piano for some orchestra or something. I just need to show him how awesome of a soulmate I can really be. I just need to find out my first step.”

“Maybe you should actually do as he wishes and start by being his friend? Chiara and I started as friends and well look as us now…”

“Yeah why aren’t you two on a honeymoon now?” “I had to get rid of my stock. I can’t let my tomatoes go bad! We’re leaving for some tropical island that Chiara picked. Which means a week of Chiara in that tiny black bikini of hers, am I right?”

Gilbert rolled his eyes, but hi-fived Toni anyway. “Yeah and I’d start off like you did if, I was a pushover like you.”

“Hey!”

“I had to get you back for asshole comment.”

“Fair enough.”

“So I’m going to find what orchestra he plays for and buy front row seats for it and huge roses for his dressing room. It’s going to be awesomely romantic.”

“You _are_ some sort of romantic movie heroine.”

“As if! I’m the dashingly handsome male lead that all the girls fall for, if anything. I’m going to look it up right now!” He pulled out his smart phone and searched for anything related to Roderich Edelstein and an orchestra. “Holy shit.”

“What?” “He plays for Hetalia Symphony Orchestra…I mean you’d have be an idiot to not know that orchestra. I mean it’s the big orchestra of our city right? It’s famous throughout the country as well. No wonder he had such a fancy penthouse place. I thought it was just off his parents’ money or his trust fund or something, but he has to be rich on his own, right? Beat that, Toni, my soulmate is famous.” Ruby eyes scanned the screen in front of him as Toni scoffed at the comment. He saw several relatively famous movie titles came up with Roderich’s name under the soundtrack list. “He wasn’t kidding. He actually has composed for movies…”

“So I suppose front row tickets would be expensive?”

“Wait! Their next show is at opera house downtown, _tonight_! There’s no way I’ll get tickets, especially at the last minute.”

“Doesn’t Hercules own that now? I heard he recently bought it. I bet you could call him up and see what he could do?”

“But I don’t even know the guy, yeah we went to high school together, but that doesn’t mean he’d do me any favors.”

“It’s worth a shot?”

“Yeah, dude, I gotta go, got some business to take care of.” Gilbert rushed off as his mind reeled.

* * *

Turns out, Gilbert could be pretty persuasive when he wanted to be. Hercules tended to be pretty apathetic and it wasn’t a hard sell once he brought up the whole “trying to be romantic for my soulmate” thing. Actually, the lazy owner had a romantic side after all. Gilbert supposed it wasn’t that weird since he did own a theater that was known as much for its romantic dramas as it was for its music performances. He sat at his computer with a satisfied smile as he called the local flower shop.

“Hetalia’s finest flowers only at Love’s Blooming, Francis speaking.”

“Franny!” Gilbert yelled enthusiastically into the phone and the Francis had to hold the phone a foot away from his ear so he wouldn’t go deaf.

“Let me guess, you need a favor.”

“What? You ruin all my fun by knowing the secrets.”

“Well you only call me at work when you need something.”

“I need two dozen red roses sent to the opera house by tonight. At 8:30 pm so he doesn’t find them until after the show.”

“Roses? Who is this he, you’re babbling about?”

“My soulmate. He’s a famous piano player.”

“Pianist, Gil, and congrats on finding him. Toni was concerned with the way you left his wedding, but I assume he knows already.”

“He’s amazing, Fran, I mean I don’t remember the last time I felt like this just by talking to someone. He’s not ‘fond’ of me as he says, but I’ll make him fall for me. We are soulmates after all and it is the awesome me!”

“Ooo and you’re letting me help in romantic schemes. Hope it works, who am I sending them to?”

“Roderich Edelstein from his awesome soulmate.”

“I think you should leave out the awesome part. He doesn’t seem like guy who like guys who an ego problem.”

“I don’t have an ego problem and what makes you think you know him?”

“My parents knew his. You know rich families are in those stuffy gated communities. The Edelsteins are known to be the most prestigious of the blue bloods. Rich people were falling all over themselves to get to know them.”

“No, I wouldn’t know how that is, but thanks for the tip. He does seem to dress like a stuffy rich person. Luckily you got away from that.”

“Only because I couldn’t stand it anymore.” “Anyway. Thanks for the favor.” “You’ll get charged in rush fees.” “What’s with businesses and their stupid last minute or rush fees?”

“Did the opera house charge you a lot? I was only kidding. Normal fee, you’re my friend after all.”

“Then I should get a discount!”

Francis chuckled into the phone. “Fine. I’ll bill you. Good luck tonight. I’ve left a customer on hold. Later, Gil.”

Gilbert hung up the phone with a smile. “Everything is all set, my dear Roddy! Prepare to be wowed.”

After the near fortune he spent on the tickets and the hours agonizing over what outfit he’d wear, Gilbert was in his car driving through the busy streets of the city. If he wasn’t practiced in navigating the traffic, taxis randomly stopping with no signal and honking horns, he’d be wildly stressed out. Although he’d also be one to join in the chaos with his own horn and a slew of curse to any car that wasn’t driving correctly, well by his standards.

The opera house stood out from all the other buildings, as time had changed the downtown was constantly being modernized, but it was the only exception. It was renovated of course, but its gothic-style architecture was still as it had always been. Gilbert had always been a fan of the building even though he couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually been inside the place. Maybe a long time ago with his grandfather and little brother when they we small? He shrugged off the thought as he went up to the box office to pick up his ticket. The building was as elegant inside as it was outside with its rich red velvet curtains and gold, intricately patterned carpet.

The albino had a vaguely wondered how much it would cost to sit up in those fancy balcony boxes. They seemed to be where the wealthy sit in their full fur coats and jewelry that probably costs as much as his studio apartment. Maybe Roderich’s parents or Francis’s parents would be the type to be in those boxes. He suddenly felt unsophisticated and under dressed even in his best suit. Sure, he’d actually researched the proper clothes, but now it didn’t seem enough. Still, at least Roderich when would see him this time, it wouldn’t be in some ruined tuxedo or clothes that didn’t properly fit him, he’d actually be handsome and put together.

Gilbert settled into the plush seat in the front row directly in front of the piano. He grinned, way to go, Hercules, you really hooked me up perfectly. Ruby eyes locked onto the piano as the conductor led the orchestra on stage announcing the orchestra and Roderich separately. The albino hadn’t realized being the pianist was such a big deal, but then he figured maybe it was being Roderich was the only one, while the other instruments like the trumpets or violins had multiple players to make up their section. Excitement flowed through him from his pounding heart, as Roderich bowed to the crowd and violet eyes met his own. He sent a wink to the pianist; there was no way Roderich didn’t know he was there. Plus with that persistent warm feeling of his mark, Roderich had to feel it too. He wondered how long his mark would heat up and prickle like this. Forever or maybe after they really got together? Or maybe after they kissed? It would be rather annoying if it were constant warm feeling when Roderich was around. Roderich probably dreaded the warm feeling and part of Gilbert didn’t blame him. Sure he wasn’t the greatest guy around, but he’d learn how to be if that’s what would please Roderich.

As the first song floated out to audience with it’s soft melody, Gilbert soon found that he wasn’t all the fond of classical music. He hadn’t been expecting the cheering and madness of a rock concert, but he didn’t expect it to be this boring. He was able to focus for only one song before his mind started to drift. He was only able to keep himself awake by watching Roderich’s serene, but concentrated face. His soulmate was really the most handsome man he’d ever seen, but he was more than that. Crimson eyes drifted down from that captivating face to the long fingers that danced along the keys in a waltz that was both elegant and yet clearly skilled. With all his attention on the pianist, Gilbert started to tune out the rest of the orchestra and slipped into a daydream.

First, what came to him was the crisp smell of flowers and rain in the spring air, and then it formed into a scene before his eyes. That same air turned into a light breeze that drifted into Roderich’s penthouse through an open window. Maybe it was Sunday because the day felt like a lazy one. Roderich’s melody drifted into the living room where Gilbert was lounging on the white sofa, his feet up on the coffee table. He smiled to himself knowing this would annoy his soulmate, but at the same time not caring because then he’d get to see the cute way Roderich’s nose scrunched when there was something he displeased. At this point he knew one thing, he was stupidly in love and way past the point of the crush he had now. Something in the daydream told him that Roderich felt the same way.

The music in his daydream stopped and he heard soft footsteps approaching from behind. His grin widened as he felt a soft weight drop into his lap, Roderich wasn’t usually a huge cuddler, but the brunette had his day where he just wanted to be held. “Oh there you are, little master, I was getting bored and was about to come find you. How’s the composing coming?”

Roderich scoffed, but nuzzled closer as the albino’s arms encircled him. “You and your silly nicknames. My _composition_ is coming along fine. I thought I needed a break.”

“I’m a good break and I’m surprised you haven’t commented on my feet being on your precious coffee table.”

“At least you had the sense to take off your shoes. Besides, what would be the point, you never listen to me anyway.” Gilbert smiled, unlike the harshness their banter always had, this time he could hear the lightheartedness behind his lover’s voice.

“I listen to you, just not when you’re a nag. This is my place now too, I should reserve the right to put my feet up.”

“Not on a coffee table I bought.”

“Fine then I’ll buy my own to put my feet up on.”

Roderich chuckled, “Now don’t be ridiculous.” “Then I can put my feet on it?”

“Fine, as long as your shoes are off.”

Gilbert put his feet down, “and yet, now it’s lost its appeal.”

“Well, you’ve always wanted what you couldn’t have.” “Not when it comes to you. Now that I have you, I just want you more.”

“Glad I haven’t lost my appeal.” Roderich joked. “I love when you make your rare jokes…no. You’ll never lose your appeal to me.”

“Promise?”

“Well of course.”

He leaned down and softly kissed Roderich. This part he had dreamed out many times since their meeting, but the dream or daydream would cut out just as they were about to really get into it. He wondered if it was because they hadn’t gotten there yet so he couldn’t quite picture how Roderich would kiss. Would he be soft and sweet? Or shy and coy? Or maybe even, hot and aggressive? The latter excited Gilbert the most and he had to remind himself he was at a fancy place and in public.

Before he realized, the concert was over and people had started to file out. The albino stayed in his plush seat with anticipation and a satisfied smirk as he waited for Roderich to find the flowers.

“Nice try.” The brunette came back onstage and gracefully ascended the stairs to meet Gilbert.

“What?”

“Well, I am impressed that you managed to get front row tickets. You must have had some kind of connection to get them last minute. But the flowers, sorry, they’re nice and all, but I’ve never been too fond of them as a romantic gesture. They’re cliché and their only purpose is to look pretty and then die.”

“Romantic gesture?” Gilbert faked looking taken aback. “I would do nothing of the sort. They were merely a gift to a dear friend of mine who played a wonderful show. How did you know it was last minute? I could have had these tickets for months. I could be a secret classical music lover.”

Roderich scoffed in amusement, not unlike the way he had in Gilbert’s daydream. “You were hardly paying attention. Anyone could tell by that stupid look on your face that your thoughts were somewhere else. Plus, you looked surprised when the concert was over.” He rolled his eyes. “What were thinking about that had you so happy, anyway?” The brunette asked out of mere curiosity.

Gilbert winked, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Of course, annoying as always.”

“Okay, even if didn’t like all that much, at least I came didn’t I? And I tried with the flowers! Doesn’t that count for something?”

“I suppose.”

“I’ll be at every performance of yours when I don’t have to work, would that impress you?”

“You’d be willing to come again even though you hated it?”

“I never said I hated it, I did like your playing or watching you play. And yeah, that’s what soulmates do right? They are there for their soulmate, even if it’s not enjoyable, as long as it’s important to you, Roddy.”

“Don’t call me Roddy.” He snapped, but he was actually impressed at the effort Gilbert was wiling to put in, or saying he’d put in. “If you’re really that insistent I could get Mr. Karpusi to reserve that seat for you so wouldn’t have spend the money. Though we’ll see if you actually follow through. The orchestra leader says we can request a seat for a family member or soulmate or whatever.”

“Deal, I’ll be there. Send me a schedule.”

“It’s on our website, dummy.”

“Oh thanks.” He shot back and then looked at Roderich for a moment. “You’re used to people letting you down, aren’t you?”

Roderich looked appalled. How could this guy he’d known for two days see through him so easily. “No. You just don’t seem like the type to follow through.”

“I do like my awesome self, but I’m not lazy or that selfish, Rod. I am a general manager of two restaurants after all.”

“Well, I have to get going. Interesting seeing you as always. Next time, don’t send that embarrassing display of flowers again.” Roderich walked back stage and Gilbert, like last time, was left eagerly wanting more.

“I won’t let you down, Roddy!” He called after the brunette.

Roderich rolled his eyes, “I doubt that, but go ahead and try.” He muttered.

* * *

_Okay_ , Gilbert sighed as he sat in his office the following day. _So he hates grand gestures and flowers. I need to figure out what he likes besides music. I wonder if anyone I know would know him…wait! Didn’t Elizabeta used to hang out with some guy named Roderich? It’s not a common name…maybe it’s the same person._ A knock on the door roused him from his thoughts.

“A productive day I see.” Antonio chuckled. “I see you’re really getting somewhere with all that bookkeeping. Anyway, I have your tomato shipment and I need you to sign this.”

Gilbert reached for the receipt and scrawled out his messy signature.

“Oh! How did last night go? Franny told me about your big flower delivery. Is he falling at your feet?”

“Well…I wouldn’t necessarily say it went well, but I’m making progress. He’s not like all the other bimbos or easy guys I used to go for. He doesn’t like flowers or grand, public gestures. Nor is he easily swayed. Plus, he caught me day dreaming during the performance.”

Toni snickered. “Way to go, loser. What were you daydreaming about? Call of Duty? Beer?”

“Shove off, that’s not all I daydream about. It was actually about Roddy and I…what it could be like if we actually got together.”

“God, when did you become such a cheese ball? Nah, wait, that does fit your personality. I take that back, but if you were thinking about the two of you fucking, then I wouldn’t have been even the littlest bit surprised.”

“No, perv. I can’t even get past us kissing. It’s like I know I’ve kissed a lot people—”

“Me being the best by far.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I just can’t get myself to imagine what it would feel like kissing the one or whatever a soulmate is supposed to be.”

“Wow that’s new for you. What did he do to you?”

“Same thing Chi did for you. Speaking of Chiara, why are still here?”

“We’re leaving tonight! I just wanted to make this delivery to see you. So what’s your next move?”

“I don’t know. I might talk to Elizabeta, I think she grew up with him so she’d be the one to ask about it.” “Makes sense.”

He took the receipt from Gilbert, “Well got to go before Chiara gets mad that I’m not totally read yet.”

“Get out here Toni! It’s a guaranteed that Chi could kick your ass if she was mad enough.”

“Just like she did to you?”

“Fuck, that was one time. Get out already.”

“Okay, good luck with Liz and Roderich.”

Toni waved over his shoulder as he left.

“Oh and get your work done, slacker!” He called from the hallway.

Gilbert rolled his eyes and tried to bury himself in the book keeping, but all the numbers ran together and didn’t calculate out right no matter how he crunched them together. After what felt like an hour he cried out in frustration and pushed back from his desk so forcefully, his chair rolled into the wall behind him, causing him to smack his head on said wall. “Fuck. Of course.” He pulled out his phone and combed through his contacts until found the one he was looking for.

“Gil, I’m kind of busy, can you make it quick.”

“Why’d you pick up then?”

“Because you’d keep calling until I did.”

“Can we meet for lunch?”

“What would make you think I’d want to do that? I’ve met my soulmate.”

“Come on Liz, you know I’ve never wanted you like that. It’s about Roderich. You grew up with him right?”

“Why are you asking about Roderich? He is no where near your type nor will we fall for your one-night-stand-sleep-with-desperate-people crap.”

“Ouch, Liz. I don’t do that anymore and apparently ‘fate’ thinks I’m his type.” He heard her burst out laughing on the other end and didn’t respond.

“Wait. You’re serious? You’re his soulmate? …Well I suppose that makes sense now that I know it’s you. He did describe you as a despicable person.”

“Damn, that’s harsh. I am awesome Gilbert! He just has yet to see that. I am also serious about the quitting sleeping around thing. I haven’t had sex since we met. I like him and I’m supposed to be with him so, yeah, I want him.”

“…”

“Liz?”

“I’m just surprised. Alright, I can meet you for lunch this afternoon at 1.”

“Awesome. See you Romano’s?”

“Sounds good.” Things seemed to be looking up as Gilbert walked to the familiar Café and picked a table outside.

“Gilbert!” He looked up into the olive eyes of Chiara’s sister.

“Felicia! I’m glad you’re working today.”

 

“Well of course, someone has to watch the restaurant While Chiara is on her honeymoon.” “Yeah, they left today, I saw Toni earlier. How’s my brother? Not being too mean to you?”

“What? Ludwig’s never been mean to me. He always treats me well. Has he told you yet?”

“Told me what?”

“Well we only found out yesterday. He’s been busy…”

Her olive eyes sparkled with anticipation and excitement. “I don’t care if he wanted to tell you first. We’re pregnant!”

Gilbert gasped and got up and pulled his sister-in-law close. “That’s awesome! Congrats! Man looks like everyone is moving on, Toni’s married, Francis is married and now you and my brother are married _and_ having a baby.”

“Aw Gil! I’m sure you’ll find your soulmate and be happy soon~!”

“Actually Feli, I’ve found him. He’s not happy with me because of…my past.”

“He can’t blame you for being young and sleeping around!”

Gilbert almost choked on his water with that comment. Because of how innocent as Feli looked, it always surprised him when she used language like that. It was like hearing a puppy swearing, but he knew she knew more than she let on. “I suppose, but now I’ll make up for it. I am awesome after all so I’ll make him fall for me.”

“Of course you will!” She beamed at him. “When you really set your mind to something you accomplish it.”

“Don’t fluff his ego more than necessary.” Elizabeta walked up in a basic green and flowered sundress that hugged her body in all the right places. Normally Gilbert would be practically salivating at the side of her, but his mind could only focus on Roderich now. As cheesy as it sounded to him, Roderich was the only one on his mind. He didn’t need a pretty girl because Roderich was gorgeous and better looking than even Elizabeta, whom he used to harbor a crush for.

“Lizzie!” Felicia ran over and hugged her. “It’s good to see you. I feel like it’s been forever. Are you meeting with Gil? And how are and Emma doing?”

She grinned and hugged her back. “Yes, he wants to more about Roderich and I’m apparently the only person who could go to. Emma and I are doing wonderful.”

“Well you did date him for years! It was surprising that you two weren’t soulmates.”

Gilbert frowned at the thought of them being together, but it did make him wonder why it him that Roderich was destined to be with. They seemed like complete opposites. He cleared his throat, “Yeah, seems surprising…” He was more annoyed with the topic than he was willing to admit. Maybe this was a mistake. Roderich and Elizabeta had been together for as long as he could remember, what if Roderich was still in love her and that’s why the brunette was so resistant to be with him. He tuned the girls out as they talked about Emma and Elizabeta as well as Felicia’s new pregnancy.

Felicia looked over at Gil, “Sorry! I’ve been taking up time on your lunch break. I’ll let you talk and I’ll get your lunches ready. She scurried off to the kitchen as Elizabeta sat down.

“Okay so, I get that he despises me for the person I’ve been, but how do I get past that with him?”

Elizabeta shrugged, “I would just say your best bet is to give it time. He isn’t the kind of person to open up to others easily. I dated him for 3 years and I’ve known him for half of my life, but sometimes I wonder if I ever knew him. He’s so private and I’ve seen him upset 3 times in the whole time I’ve known him.”

“So showing up at his concert with two dozen red roses waiting for him backstage might have been the wrong approach?”

She laughed. “Horribly wrong choice. Like I said he’s a private person and he hates being embarrassed or vulnerable around anyone and especially in public. That is the most embarrassing display you could have made.

“No wonder he was so mad… I was just trying to be romantic.”

“Try it in a different way and keep it low-key.”

“How about bringing take-out to his place and just having dinner together?” “Not bad, but he hates fast food.” “What about take out from one of my restaurants?”

“As long as it’s well made. He loves sweets so if you bring a well made cake or dessert that would be ideal.” “And he hates flowers? He told me they were pointless because they were only there to look pretty and die.”

“Well, not necessarily. He may have just been trying to cover up how mad he was about what you did. He’s known to have flowers in apartment from time to time for decoration, but who knows. I wouldn’t give that as a gift or anything. If your going for a gift anything music like or sweet.”

Gilbert nodded and they started eating when their food came. “Thanks for that.”

“Well I’m not doing this for you. I want Roderich to be happy.” “What about me?” “If weren’t such an ass, maybe I’d want the same for you.”

“Ouch you wound me!” He teased and clutched at his chest and his eyes widened as warmth suddenly spread underneath his fingers. Ruby eyes gazed past Elizabeta’s shoulder until they connected with familiar violet ones.

Elizabeta turned when she saw Gilbert’s entire being brighten like a brilliant noon sun and gasped audibly. “Wow, I’ve never seen you look so happy to see someone.”

Roderich froze as ice-cold terror flushed over his entire being. Why were Gilbert and Elizabeta together? How did they know each other? What were they talking about?

“Roddy!” The albino jumped out his seat and ran to the brunette’s side. Elizabeta chuckled at how Gilbert looked like a puppy greeting his owner after the owner had been away a long time.

“How do you know Elizabeta?”

“Our parents knew each other, so, yeah.”

He narrowed his eyes at Gilbert, “What were you talking about?”

“I was asking her about you.”

“You could have asked me about me.”

“Like you would let me. You push me away, I just thought if Elizabeta knew you the longest, she could help.”

Roderich actually felt a little bad that Gilbert felt like he couldn’t approach him. He walked past Gilbert to address Elizabeta, “You’ve known him for a while so what’s your opinion of him?”

“Well, Gilbert is quite promiscuous or I suppose was. He’s really trying change and I’ve never seen him try so hard to be with one person. He’s an idiot, but his intent is there and he always mean well.”

Gilbert chewed his lip and looked between the two and he saw it in Roderich’s eyes, the brunette was still connected to Elizabeta. He didn’t know if it was still a lingering romantic interest, but Roderich really valued her opinion. Roderich sighed and Gilbert took his moment of doubt as an opportunity. “Roddy, do you want to hang out again? I promise no embarrassing flowers. I’ll bring us some dinner from one of the restaurants I work at. It’s good food and we have an excellent chocolate espresso cake that I’ll bring for dessert.”

Roderich sighed again. “Okay. Fine. Does tomorrow at 6:00 work for you?”

Gilbert would have jumped for joy if he wasn’t trying so hard to keep his cool. “Yeah I could make that work. See you tomorrow! I have to get back to work. Liz, I owe you one.” He walked off and Roderich hid a small smile behind his hand as he watched the albino go.

“Why him? I still don’t get how you two would work.”Elizabeta remarked.

Roderich scoffed and shook his head. “Why him, indeed. I guess I’ll find out.” “So you’re letting him in?” “I think I’ll have to or he won’t leave him alone.” A part of him knew it wouldn’t be as bad as it seemed to let Gilbert closer to him. Maybe Gilbert would show him that not everyone who gets close to him would leave.


	3. Can I Get Closer to You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Here I stand with my heart in my hands, all I do, to get closer to you."  
> -Adelitas Way ("Closer to you")  
> I always listen to music when I write and in some way there is a specific song that inspires part of a chapter.

It was supposed to be easy, it always came easy to him, but now—now he couldn’t even remember a time where he had stared at a blank page for so long. The familiar looping curves of the treble clef and rigid lines of the staff seemed to mock him in all of their empty glory. Gilbert. It was his fault. That familiar tune had become his theme since the albino had come into his life. Gilbert was the cause of everything lately, his thoughts, his frustrations, and even his dreams. Roderich clenched his hands into tight fists and he would have slammed his hands down on the keys to produce a horrible discord if he hadn’t wanted to hurt his precious piano. A smile and flickering movements shown on the blank wall to his left and he felt the exact opposite of the love struck woman. He quickly turned off the projector, bathing the room in a sudden darkness.

Roderich sat still, slits of sunshine cutting across his face as his thoughts decided to rage war once again. _I don’t want to like him! There’s no guarantee he won’t leave like everyone else._ His mind’s eye smirked at him, _then again he’s really attractive and you’re apparently destined to be together. It could work._ He shook his head as if the could throw away those thoughts, _what if I don’t want it work? I’m fine the way I am._ He stood up roughly, pulling himself away from those thoughts and started cleaning to prepare for Gilbert’s visit. _I don’t trust him, that’s why I don’t want to like him._ He tried to convince himself of this but deep down he knew that wasn’t the real reason. Roderich would have to be blind not to see how much Gilbert had been trying. _You’re afraid to get close to him because it’ll hurt more when he leaves._ His mind mocked him once again. He wondered how long Gilbert would stay. How many times would he keep coming back after being pushed away? Would he forgive Roderich for the times he will yell at him and be difficult? Could Roderich even be with another man? The thought had never crossed his mind before Gilbert had crash-landed into his life. The brunette had always loved Elizabeta so he assumed he only liked women. He wanted to be physically repulsed by the thought of being intimate with Gilbert, but somehow he couldn’t. Gilbert would be like a plane crashed into his life. Streaming in with a violent, burning light, charring everything in its path and leaving a gaping hole of destruction. Roderich would never be the same after Gilbert came into his life. Everything would be changed, he hoped for the better, but there was no telling the damage the crash could do. He laughed at himself, maybe he was putting too much thought into this. It was just dinner tonight and maybe he’d have to let it happen. No matter what happened, it wasn’t like there was anything he could do to stop it.

* * *

Gilbert paced around his apartment, not knowing how to stay still if he tried. Sebastian sat in the middle of the living room watching his owner with curiosity, his ears cocked and dark brown eyes trained on Gilbert’s every movement. The albino looked to his loyal dog, “You just don’t get it, Sebby. This isn’t just some casual take out! He agreed to let me in! I can ask questions and get to know him. This is a big step! I have to impress him and be charming.” He groaned and knelt in from of Sebastian, taking the shepherd’s face in his hands. “You’re lucky you don’t have to go through this.” The dog wormed his way into Gilbert’s arms, sensing Gilbert’s discomfort. He whined a little and licked his master’s face. The albino smiled fondly and scratched him behind the ears. “You’re so smart, but unfortunately you can’t help. I doubt he likes dogs.” He stood and pulled his phone out, knowing exactly who could help him.

**To Francis**

**I need help.**

**From Francis**

**I thought you were too awesome for help**. He groaned, Francis had to be as difficult and frustrating as always. It made him want to throw his phone across the room. Sure he really hated having to ask for help, but if it was for Roderich, it didn’t bother him.

**To Francis**

**I am! But I’m not awesome in the romantic way.**

**From Francis**

**So I’m supposed to help you in all your romantic conquests? ;P**

**To Francis**

**Whoa! Just these ones.**

**From Francis**

**He’ll end up falling for me and not you.**

**To Francis**

**Fuck you. I don’t need your help then.**

Gilbert shook his head he hated his friends sometimes. This was a serious matter. He’d never had to work this hard just to impress someone before. He _was_ charming, and awesome and smooth! Fine! He didn’t need help; he could do this on his own.

**From Francis**

**Love you <3 xxx I’ll be over in 5. **

The albino set his phone down and rolled his eyes, _okay fine. Help me._ He went back to his pacing until he heard the familiar knocking on his door.

            “What took you so long?” Gilbert teased as he opened the door.

            “Oh come on, it’s not like I’m on your beck and call, mon ami.” He grinned in that pompous way that only the two of them pulled off so well. “So what’s the problem?” He patted the excited German shepherd that had greeted him more warmly than his master.

            “Well it didn’t work. The roses I mean.”

            Francis’s blue eyes grew wide with shock. “But the roses I sent were the best we have! Does he not have a romantic bone in his body? They were perfect.”

            “I know, I thought it would be perfect, but it only embarrassed him. Apparently he hates super public displays of affection.”

            The blond mulled the idea over before answering. “I suppose that makes sense. His family was always the private type. Now that I think about it, he wouldn’t be the type to go for a gesture like that.”

            “Thanks for telling me _now_ , asshole.”

            “Gil, chill, we can fix this. What are you planning now?”

            “I talked to Liz and she told me to keep it simple. I’m going to pick up food from my one of my restaurants and bring to his place. He also got upset that I went to Liz about him instead of asking him about him directly. He promised to talk to me and let me learn—what?” He stopped talking when he saw the amused smirk on Francis’ face. “Is that not good?”

            “No, it’s fine. Actually, I think it’s a good way to get to know someone; I’m just amused by your efforts. I’ve never seen you try to hard before.”

            Gilbert groaned. “I know! I’ve never had to before. I just don’t get it. My normal charm doesn’t work on him.”

            “Well of course it doesn’t. He is from a family that has standards for everything, especially the ones they let close to them. He’s smart and careful. He won’t fall for tricks that your normal partners would be swept away with.”

            “Are you trying to say that I don’t measure up to his standards? I’m awesome of course I do!”

            Francis chuckled. “Yes and no. I’m not sure his parents would have liked you. I think how much you’re trying now shows, though.”

            “So I guess they _loved_ Liz. I will make both him and his parents love me more than her.”

            “Well, unfortunately you can’t do that.” Francis stated a bit grimly as he avoided Gilbert’s eyes for a bit.

            “Why, because I’ll never meet his father’s standards or something? I’m not that bad! I bet I can be the perfect gentleman in their presence.”

            “No. Gilbert, Roderich’s parents died 9 years ago.”

            “Oh…”Gilbert looked down at his hands.

            “Yeah, but please don’t bring it up. He wouldn’t want to know that I told you.”

            “Of course I won’t! I’m not a complete idiot.”

            “Well that’s good to know.”

            Gilbert sent a glare his way. “Are you going to help me pick out an outfit or what?”

            Francis chuckled and followed him to his closet. “Alright. Sweatpants and hoodies are completely out of the question, but you don’t want to look too dressed up.”

            “You really think I’d wear sweatpants to impress someone?”

            “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

            Gilbert rifled through his closet to find the nicest pair of jeans he owned. He pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans. “Would these work? They make my ass look even more awesome than it already is.”

            “As long as you don’t point that out to him.”

            “Okay…”

            “Idiot. I love you, but please don’t do that. Also try to avoid calling yourself awesome as much as you usually do.” Gilbert gave him a look. “I know it’ll be nearly impossible for you, but you can do it.” He pulled out the nicest collared shirt that Gilbert owned. “There, that should work. You should be good. I’ve got date night with Mattie tonight so I’ve gotta run.”

            “How cute, even as a married couple you go on dates.”

            “Well of course, always keep it interesting. Watch your ego and you’ll be fine.”

            “Why does everyone think I have an ego problem?”

            Francis gave him a look as he went out the door. “Yeah, it’s such a mystery.”

            “Hey, if you can’t love yourself who will?”

            “If everyone loved themselves as much as you do, we might have a problem.”

            “Rude.” He called down the hallway before shutting the door behind him.

* * *

Roderich sat at on his couch reading, well trying to read, he felt like he had read the same sentence over and over for the past 20 minutes. He tried his hardest to focus on his favorite book and not his watch.

            _5:40 He’ll be here in 20 minutes. I’m in no way ready for his arrival. Who knows what he’ll ask me…._

_5:45 He’ll probably be late_

_5:50 What if he decided not to come?_

_5:55 He—_ There was a sudden knock on his door that jostled him out of his doubting thoughts. _He’s here. Maybe I should pretend like I’m not home. I could avoid this all together._ His actions betrayed his thoughts as his feet led him to the door and his hand reached out to the handle.

            “Roddy! It’s good to see you.” A bright smile and a surprisingly well put together man greeted him.

            “You too.” Roderich replied in politeness, before he realized what he said. He cringed internally when he saw how those striking crimson eyes lit up.

            “Really? It’s good to see me?”

            The brunette shrugged with a false nonchalance. “I mean we did make plans after all.” He tried not to make a mental note about how nice Gilbert looked tonight. He had clearly put effort into his look and it showed. He didn’t think he had ever seen a pair of jeans that fit someone so well. _I am_ not _attracted to him!_

            “Yes! And I brought take out, but don’t worry, it’s the good kind.” Gilbert walked over to the table and set the bags down before wandering into the kitchen to look for plates and silverware.

            “You could ask before you go rifling through my kitchen.”

            “I just wanted do everything for you.”

            Roderich was about to make a remark about how rude it was, but he stopped himself. It was actually kind of sweet, even if he went about it the wrong way. “Plates, top left cabinet, left of the stove. Silverware, two drawers away from the refrigerator.” He watched as his soulmate set out the plates and carefully plated what looked like a well-prepared steak and potatoes dinner. He clearly was a professional when it came to food.

            “Wine glasses?” Gilbert looked a bit amused when Roderich didn’t answer right away.

            “Sorry?” He realized Gilbert had been speaking as he was admiring Gilbert’s work.

            “I was asking if you had wine glasses.”

            The brunette blushed a little. “Right of the stove.”

            Gilbert poured out the red wine and pulled a candle out of his bag and lit it. He stood back and admired the table like an artist admiring a painting. “Ready.”

            “You even brought a candle?”

            Gilbert grinned and raised an eyebrow. “Impressed?”

            “Actually yes.” He sat down across from him and started eating. He was surprised again that it was as good as it looked.

            Gilbert watched Roderich’s face over his wine glass. He was happy that he had finally done something right. They were heading in the right direction now. Maybe this was the start of Roderich falling for him. “Oh, I’ve already cleared my schedule for your next concert.”

            Violet eyes lifted from his plate and traced the curves of defined cheekbones before connecting with ruby. He saw the seriousness in his expression and again was surprised. “Oh really now? So should I expect you sleep through the performance this time?”

            “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

            Roderich chuckled a little. “I’m sure you will.”

            “Is that sarcasm, Rod?”

            “Possibly.”

            Gilbert had so much he wanted to ask but he decided to wait until the end of the meal. He let the rest of dinner be occupied by simple conversations and indulging in the feast. He smiled at the look on Roderich’s face when he brought out the dessert he promised. Liz was right about his love of sweets. Gilbert wanted more than just the idle conversation, but he could wait. It was almost enough just watching Roderich with a look of pure joy on his face. When just being with him would put that look on the brunette’s face, Gilbert would be the luckiest man in the world. He’d wait for that day, he’d be patient, because something in his being, as if ingrained in him, told him it would be worth it.

            Roderich graciously pushed his empty plate away. They had a nice meal, but that wasn’t the real reason they had come together tonight. He sipped at his second glass of wine before he ripped the bandage off. He didn’t know what this would expose and he suddenly had the feeling he was losing his safety net. Well, if the albino was going to run, he might as well push him away early. At least then it wouldn’t hurt as much when they’d eventually be ripped apart. Roderich knew better than anyone how fragile a relationship was and how nothing good ever lasted forever. Soulmates may be forever, but they didn’t say how long forever was.           

            “So what do you really want to know?”

            “How long were you with Liz?”

            He should have known this would be the first question asked, Gilbert must have heard about their relationship.

            “Two years, romantically, which is what I’m guessing your getting at.”

            “If you both knew you weren’t each other’s soulmate, then why did you stay together so long?”

            Roderich sighed; maybe it would have been better if he had not gone into this after all. That damn albino had made him feel so guilty for making him go to his ex for answers. Gilbert was just so sincere that the brunette found himself answering anyway. “Why did you spend so much time of your life sleeping around? It’s better than being alone. We loved each other, maybe not in the way we hoped, but it was easier that way.” That was all he would say on the topic. There was no way he would tell him how leaving her left a hole in his heart that he didn’t know how to fill or how empty it feels to be alone, and especially not how he feels a little less empty when Gilbert is around.

            Gilbert nodded, swallowing his pain, like he would a lump in his throat, as he thought of the real reason he started sleeping around. It had been grounded in loneliness, like Roderich’s, but also in so much more he’d rather not think of right now. “I guess that makes sense.” _…and he’s still in love with her. That’s why he doesn’t want me._

            “Haven’t you ever been in a serious relationship?”

            Gilbert suddenly felt a little inadequate, he’d been around his brother, who had met his soulmate young. Plus all of his friends had found their other half, so he’d seen serious relationships, but he had never had one. Ruby eyes followed patterns in grains of wood and he shook his head quickly. “If it wasn’t my soulmate then I didn’t see the point.”

            Roderich was surprised at how practical the answer sounded, but at the same time how…romantic, that was something he definitely wasn’t expecting. “I suppose I can see your point, but mine was, it’s not the easiest to let go of a relationship like that. I mean I loved her and she loved me. Just because she wasn’t my soulmate, didn’t mean I couldn’t love her.” He tried to state this in a matter-of-fact way so he could hide behind the facts instead of showing the feelings.

            Gilbert pulled his eyes away from where they had been watching the changes in the lovely purple ones. He had seen something that he wished wasn’t there. It cut him deeper than he expected, especially this early into their relationship. The brunette had tried to hide it with emotionless words, but nothing could hide the honesty in those eyes. Roderich was for sure still in love with Liz. He’d seen that gaze shared between Ludwig and Felicia more times than he could count. It was a passionate look, but in amethyst eyes, it was one of distance and longing. That look was a race that just couldn’t be won and, one that Gilbert found; he might be running all of his life. If only he could shake his head and shake away the look that was now ingrained in his memory. It would have been so much easier to pretend he had a shot to compare to that delicate feminine grace that Liz had. He’d never match up. Nothing he could do would be better than the love of a woman. He would always fall short.

            “Gilbert?”

            But Roderich’s words didn’t reach him, the albino was too far gone.

            “Gilbert, are you alright? You suddenly don’t look well.” He watched with worry on his face. Had something happened? The far away look in Gilbert’s eyes suddenly faded as he snapped back to the present.

            “Yes, fine. Maybe we should start with simple things. I mean soulmates know everything about each other. Oh what if I try to guess your favorite things?”

            Roderich was still concerned as he watched the mask that had become Gilbert’s face. He was clearly hiding something, but it wasn’t the brunette’s place to ask, he was hiding just as much, if not more. “If that’s what you want.”

            “Okay! You’re favorite color…” he looked over his appearance, Roderich did tend to wear a lot of blue. “I would say like a navy blue.”

            “Correct, but that wasn’t exactly rocket science, Gilbert.”

            “Your turn. Guess mine!”

            “Red. Any shade.”

            “Nice! Okay, favorite food, Cake.”

            “No, that’s a dessert and if cake, what kind?” Roderich tried not enjoy the game, but it seemed to take away whatever sadness was in those eyes.

            “Chocolate?”

            “Close. Chocolate with a certain flavor.”

            “Espresso?”

            “No, mint. Nice try. Of course you would hope your cake would be my favorite. Your favorite? Pizza.”

            “No, anything having to do with potatoes.”

            “Okay, especially fried? That would suit you.”

            “I feel like you’re using this as a way in sneak in insults against me.”

            Roderich actually laughed, he was surprised he was actually enjoying himself doing something so trivial. “So what if I am? Favorite past time? I would say some kind of video game.”

            “Okay close, can you guess the genre? Someone who doesn’t a thing about video games should know that.”

            “Something to do with shooting or something. You’d be into something crass like that.”

            “Ouch, but correct. “Yours? Piano.”

            Roderich scoffed and rolled his eyes. “That’s basically cheating and that’s more of work.”

            “Okay then you sit around reading some stuffy fancy people books.”

            “I’d say you read comic books because novels would be too difficult.” The brunette shot back with a satisfied smirk.

            “I _do_ enjoy comic books, but I can read other books, I just don’t choose such a boring hobby. I mean if I really wanted to know the storyline I could find a movie about it.”

            “Not all books are movies.”

            “The good ones are.”

            “You don’t know good books then.”

            Gilbert bit his lip, he felt alive just as he had the first night when they talked like this. He was enjoying himself more than he’d like to admit, but he’d dare to guess that Roderich was as well. He got the brunette to laugh after all. TWICE. That was definitely a good sign. “Favorite genre of music. Classical, but if you had to pick, I bet you love pop songs. You sing them in your apartment when no one else is around.”

            He rolled eyes, “Yes for classical, no for pop, way too over played and repetitive. You’re a rock fan and you sing into your hairbrush wishing you were as awesome as a rock star.”

            “I am as awesome as a rock star! Yes, you’re right.”

            “I bet you even attempted to play guitar.”

            Gilbert grinned with pride. “I do play electric guitar and I’m quite good. Guess what other instrument I play. This one will stump you.”

            “Drums?” Gilbert shook his head. “Is it another string instrument or something different?”

            “Different.”

            “Trumpet?”

            Gilbert shook his head. “You’ll never guess so I’ll just tell you. Flute.”

            Roderich let out a short, surprised laugh. “You’re not serious.”

            “I am. My grandfather taught me.”

            “You’re right, I would have never guessed. Pets, I’m guessing you have a dog, a big one.”

            “Yes. A German shepherd, his name is Sebastian, but most of the time I call him Sebby. You don’t like pets.”

            “True. Of course you’d even call your dog by a nickname.”

            “A nickname shows you love them.”

            “So all my nicknames mean—” He cut himself off as his face turned a furious pink.

            “That’s right. I give nicknames to those I like. Don’t worry, you’ll get a ton of silly ones.”

            “Please no.”

            “Yes and I bet you actually use pet names when you like someone.”

            “Possibly and you use all of the pet names you can think of.”

            “Of course.”

            He shook his head at Gilbert. “You’ll be hell-bent on embarrassing me.”

            “But of course! How could I not when you look so cute when you’re flustered?”

            “I am not flustered.”

            “Could have fooled me.” Gilbert winked. “You’re still blushing.”

            “Well it’s getting late.”

            “Oh I see what you’re doing now. When I make you uncomfortable, or close to admitting you like me more than you let on, you change the subject.” He held his up in surrender at Roderich’s glare. “Okay, dear, I’ll respect that. Come to my restaurant on Friday, the second one listed on my card.”

            “What if I refuse?”

            “You won’t. See you soon.” He got up and walked out the door. He called Francis as soon as he got in his car.

            “Please don’t come whining to me that it didn’t go well. You didn’t tell him about how good you look in those jeans, did you?”

            “I did not! And it had a rough patch, but for the most part, it went well.”

            “What do you mean rough patch?”

            “Well…he’s in love with Liz still, but…after we talked about her we had fun. I got him to laugh three times now! I am making progress.”

            “You know about Elizabeta for sure?”

            “Unfortunately yes, I could tell.”

            “Well, sorry to say, but that will take time. It won’t be easy to win him over after a heartbreak like that.”

            “Yeah I can tell he wishes it was her instead of me.”

            “But you’re not as sad as you sound?”

            “No, he at least, even a little, finds me attractive. He’s checked me out and was clearly flustered when I talked about liking him.”

            “Those are good signs. Keep working at it. You gotta find someone else to gossip to right now. You kind of interrupted Mattie and I.”

            “Damn, I’m the only one not getting laid right now.”

            “But it’ll be amazing when you do. Making love to your soulmate, well no other fucking could come close to how good—”

            “Don’t you dare go any further! I am not listening to how good your sex life with Matthew is.”

            “Bye mon ami.” Francis chuckled as he hung up.

            Gilbert groaned and smacked his head into the steering wheel. This was going to be a long road. It was going to be a long time until he’d be able to have sex. He didn’t want to admit how much of a challenge that would be. That could be the hardest of all. He had to believe all of this would be worth it.

 

* * *

 

            Friday had come along after what had seemed like an agonizingly long week. It was because he was so excited to see Roderich that the week decided to drag itself on. Monday and Thursday must have made a pact to float by in slow motion. He had made sure that private room wasn’t reserved and rolled his eyes at every staff member that gave him mocking eyes as they walked by. Chiara would make fun of him the most if she could see all the effort to make this better than last time.

            “Big night boss?” One of the waiters smiled at him.

            “Yes, I’m planning a surprise for my soulmate. I even cooked for him.”

            “Yao let you in his kitchen?”

            “I know, he watched over me the whole time to make sure I did everything up to his standards. ‘Nothing can leave my kitchen unless I could be proud of it’.” He laughed and then he lit up when he felt the warmth blossom across his chest. “He’s here.” Gilbert smiled and patted his chest.

            “You haven’t kissed yet?”

            “How do you know that?”

            “Well that warmth goes away once you kiss for the first time. I guess that’s the official sign that you’re with your soulmate.”

            “Huh. So it is true. Thanks Mike, now I know. I think I’ll miss it.” He grinned even more when he went to greet Roderich at the door. “Hi Roddy! You look nice.” He did mean that. He always liked how Roderich always put effort into his outfits no matter the occasion.

            “Thanks. You do look like a manager.” Roderich smirked.

            “Surprised?” He offered Roderich his arm.

            “Maybe.” He weaved his arm through Gilbert’s with a small smile. The restaurant seemed like a really nice place and he was impressed that Gilbert was the manager of it, as well as a second one like it. Roderich was led to back room that must be used for private parties. He gasped audibly as Gilbert let him go and revealed the surprise behind the doors. The room was cleared so only a single table sat in the center. It was draped with a midnight blue tablecloth and a few candlesticks burned, giving off a soft, romantic light. That ambiance was accented by the twinkling lights strung across the walls. It was clear that the back room didn’t look like this all the time and Gilbert had really put an effort into making this place special. A single red rose sat in a vase in the center of the table, understated and beautiful, just like Roderich—at least that’s what Gilbert thought.

            “Impressed now?”

            “Yes. Did you do this by yourself?”

            “I did! And I even cooked the food, unlike last time.”

            Roderich eyed him curiously. “Should I be worried?”

            “Not at all, Yao, our chef, watched over me the whole time. Although, that was not necessary, I am awesome in the kitchen.”

            “I’ll be the judge of that.” He sat down in front of one of the silver covered plates. Roderich watched Gilbert with a smug look on his face as he lifted the cover with that annoyingly effortless grace of his.

            Gilbert would mess that grace up someday. _Oh god, don’t ever say that out loud, it sounds stupid._ The albino’s thoughts mocked him. The chicken and fries dinner looked basic enough, but also so delicious in it’s own way. Gilbert winked at him as he watched the brunette take a careful bite.

            _Wow, this is really good._ “Not bad.”

            “Not bad? I saw your face, you loved it!”

            He rolled his eyes. “Not as good as your chef’s though.”

            “Rude! No one does fries better than I do.”

            “I doubt that.”

            “Gilbert, I’m glad you’re still here.” Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by a tall blonde woman. She leaned against the door with an amused smile on her face. Her black dress fit her every curve like it was made specifically for her and it showed off her perfectly toned, spidery long legs. Nothing about her appearance was out of place and she was as stunning as always. “Although I would say this is new for you.” Her strappy heels clacked on the floor as she made her way toward the frozen albino. Roderich looked between the two and their chemistry was obvious to even the most oblivious person.

            _No, not now. You’re not supposed to be here._ Out of all his partners, this woman was his favorite. She was so much like him that he never had to try. She wasn’t easily impressed, but then again, Gilbert had dazzled her the first time they met. He didn’t fall at her feet like most men had and he wasn’t bending over backwards to take her home. After she rejected him the first time, he didn’t grovel or try to make her jealous, no, he just went on with his night. That in itself was mesmerizing to her. Like him, she was one to want what she couldn’t have. They didn’t fight when the other hooked up with someone else nor did they become attached at the hip. She was always there when he wanted, yet they turned each other down sometimes just keep it interesting. She was a dominatrix of sorts and he was her victim. When she left for good, it nearly tore him apart. Now that she was back and he felt himself drawn to her like metal to a magnet. He’d melt like a wax under a flame if he wasn’t careful. “C-Claire.”

            “Good to see you again, lover.”

            Roderich’s eyes narrowed as molten jealousy consumed him from the inside. He tried to play if off as just anger, _I knew I couldn’t trust him._

            “Lover? Claire you ended that when you skipped town.” Gilbert stood and put himself in between Roderich and Claire.

            “Oh come on. I couldn’t end what wasn’t really a thing from the start. I’m just letting you know I’m here for you if get bored or want something else.” She stared over his shoulder at Roderich with a knowing smirk. “Who’s this? He doesn’t seem like your type.”

            “He’s my soulmate. I always thought the real reason you ran out was to find yours.”

            Claire barked out a short laugh. “Not in the slightest. You know I don’t believe in soulmates or in being with just one person, Gilly-dear.” She brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “I just got into a little trouble, but it’s all resolved now. I always thought you were like me. Never to settle down, but look at you.” The blonde scoffed and shook her head. “Like a broken dog on a short leash. You told me that life wasn’t for you. I’m so disappointed.”

            “I’m not broken! I out grew that stage of my life, but looks like you never will. I want this, I want him like I’ve never wanted anyone else.” Gilbert stood firm and tall as if was trying to be a wall between Roderich and Claire.

            “We’ll see how long that lasts. Come find me when you get bored because we both know you will.” She walked out leaving a path of chaos and destruction in her wake. Her smiled was more alive than ever, _looks like this game of chase is just getting started._

           

           

           

           

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning chapters are harder for me to get ideas and inspiration for. I always know how it will end and the climax/important scenes, it's the middle scenes that trip me up. The updates for the first few chapters will be slow until it really gets going. Side note: Claire is an OC and she will be coming around to stir up trouble at a later time.


	4. Would You Give Me a Moment?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you had a day, would you give me a moment?" -AFI 
> 
> Claire appearance continues to wreak havoc with both the boys and makes them doubt their relationship and their level of commitment.

            Gilbert returned to the table chewing his lip, afraid of Roderich’s expression. He thought nothing could stand in the way of them. He had been so focused on Roderich not loving him, but he hadn’t thought of it being the other way around. She was the hurricane of his life. The one person that could destroy him like no one else and like any disaster, he couldn’t look away. What if Claire was right? Had he really changed or was this just a persona he had put on to impress Roderich? What if he really grew tired of being with one person? Finally, the albino shakily sat down and dared to look at his companion.

            The brunette refused to make eye contact as he quietly finished his meal. Gilbert decided to do the same since he couldn’t bear to ask what was on Roderich’s mind. What right did he have to accuse Roderich of loving Elizabeta if he could still have feelings for Claire? He sighed as he finished his food. “I was going to offer dessert, but I think it might be best if we just end it here tonight.”

            Roderich was slightly taken aback, but nodded and stood. “Thank you for tonight. The food was pretty good.” He walked off in shock, leaving a troubled Gilbert behind. _Who is this Claire really? I mean she really shook him up. I thought I knew Gilbert, but maybe I don’t even know him in the slightest. He had been trying his best impress me, but all of the sudden it’s as if I don’t matter anymore._ It seemed like a switch was flipped inside Gilbert and he could revert at anytime. As Roderich caught a cab home, he tried to keep the doubt out of his thoughts, but he couldn’t shake a certain feeling. What was it anyway? Anger? He shook his head and offered a greeting to the doorman before heading up to his apartment. It was different than anger, but yet not quite that different. It felt ugly and selfish and somehow he associated it with the color green. Then it hit him, _I’m jealous…jealous of her for having a past with him. Is this how he feels when he thinks about my past with Elizabeta? Maybe that’s why he had a need to know what happened…kind of like how I feel now._ He walked into the bathroom and froze when he looked at himself in the mirror. _Wait! Does admitting I’m jealous mean I’m admitting to myself that I like him?_ Roderich splashed his face with water as if he could wash the feelings away. Violet eyes caught themselves in the mirror, watching the way water trickled down his face, following every crevice until the droplets fell into the sink.

            The laughter that passed his lips sounded too high and alien to him. “That’s just ridiculous. I don’t _like_ him. I’m mad at him for being the player he is. Besides he has Claire and she obviously still wants him. She did say they perfect for each other.” He tried to convince himself, but his reflection seemed to mock him with a knowing smile.           

            _“You know that’s not true. You like him. You just won’t let yourself because you’re scared._ ”

            Roderich shook his head and the smirk in the mirror vanished. His face had returned to the horrified expression he’d been wearing. _That’s right. He’ll abandon me. He’s too much of a risk. It doesn’t matter how I feel. Nothing lasts forever. I can’t trust him._ He wandered into his music room and flipped on the projector, illuminating the room with a soft glow. He watched the couple dance across the screen and he thought about his happiest moments with Elizabeta as he started his composition. He didn’t need Gilbert. He didn’t need anyone. He was fine on his own.

* * *

 

            “I don’t understand. Why now?” Gilbert glared down his beer glass the next night, already losing count of how many he had. Was it three? Four? Five?

            “Who knows? This is what she’s always done.” Francis sat opposite of him wanting to cut his friend off, but he knew better than that. If this was what Gilbert needed right now, he’d let him be. “She always mixed you up when she’d blow into town. You know as well as I do that she won’t stick around long.”

            “Yeah, but aren’t I just like her? Bouncing from person to person aimlessly because I was never satisfied?”

            “Claire sleeps around because she’s bored. She knows she’s hot and she can get anyone she wants so she goes for the challenge. You are a possession of hers. She thinks she can control you. You sleep around because you’ve always been looking for something more. Something you couldn’t get from just anyone.” Francis took a sip of his drink and his dark blue eyes lit up. “Gil be careful. She might come after you more now that she can’t have you.”

            “But aren’t I doing that with Roddy? Going for him just because he’s a challenge? And you just said it, she can control me.” Gilbert waved down the bartender so he could continue to drown his troubles. “Look at me. I’m doing just what I always have. I’m upset and I drink. I’m no different than I used to be.”

            “I said she thinks she can. You don’t have to let her. You did turn her down the other night after all.” The blond paused and switched gears. “Gil. In the two weeks you’ve known Roderich when is the last time you did this? Plus have you really not had sex in 3 months?”

            “I haven’t gotten drunk like this and yes.”

            Francis looked a little stunned. “I know you didn’t have any one night stands, but I didn’t know that meant you didn’t have sex of some sort. Wait. Didn’t Claire leave three months ago?” He looked into crimson eyes for conformation and realization ran through him. “I didn’t realize she messed you up so bad.”

            “I thought if I met my soulmate, I’d finally find someone who wouldn’t leave. It’s not like I loved Claire, but it’s not like she meant nothing to me. Our affair lasted two months before she left. She told me she was getting too attached and bored with this place so she had to move on. Why then would she come back?”

            “Have you ever been able to figure Claire out?”

            “Well no, but I always thought we were kind of the same.” He looked down, not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing anymore.

            “You’re not. On the surface you may seem that way, but she’s actually quite different from you. Gil, you care, you love, and you care for others in a way she can’t. Why have you been trying so hard to impress Roderich? Did you ever try this hard with Claire? Did you go after her when she left?”

            Gilbert shook his head. “No. I didn’t think I could make her stay even if I wanted to.”

            “Then why do you keep going after Roderich even when he denies you. You never did that with Claire.” Francis smiled. “You, my friend, believe in love and all it’s beauty unlike her. She’s only fueled by lust.”

            “Of course I believe in love! I saw for half my life with my brother and his soulmate.”

            “You didn’t answer my first question.”

            “Because I like him! I don’t think there was a time I ever felt this way about someone. I don’t remember the last time I even wanted to do gestures like this for someone else. I’ve only seen his smile a handful of times and heard his laugh even less. I want to be the reason for his smiles and his laughter. I am awesome and I know he’ll fall for me!”

            The blond chuckled and finished the rest of his wine. “There you go. You know that this is real and you feel better with him than you ever did trying to impress Claire, right?”

            “Right! Giving up now will only prove him right. I know he’s already starting to feel something for me. I can do this. I need to go figure out what I’m going to do this time.” Gilbert abruptly stood up but nearly fell over as he stumbled in his drunkenness. “Whoa. It’s like it all hit me.”

            “You were really going to let some girl mess you up?” A petite brunette walked into the bar with a pompous smirk.

            “Chiara! You’re back.” Gilbert slurred a little as he blinked at her.

            “Gil! Francis!” Toni burst into the bar and ran at his friends, pulling them into a tight hug.

            “Honestly.” Chiara scoffed, “sometimes I think he loves you two more than he loves me.”

            “You know that’s not true, but it has been a week.” Francis called over. “You look nice Chiara, very tan.”

            “Shut up, suck up. I wasn’t done with you, Gil, you idiot.”

            Toni backed let them go and pushed Gilbert toward Chiara waiting for the show to start. “I don’t need your lecture, Chiara.” The albino grouched.

            “Oh yes you do. Claire is a bitch and she doesn’t respect you. She treats men like they’re toys and you fell into her trap once. No way will I let that happen again. Okay, Roderich might not respect you now, and he won’t if you keep acting like the mess you can be. He’s a good guy, my sister and I know him. He’s too good for you the way you used to be. How you’ve been lately, you’re getting closer. You have to earn his trust and no it’s not going to be easy. You’re not the kind of shit that gives up and if you do I will kick your ass.”

            “I’ll even let her too.” Toni piped up with a snicker.

            “As if I need your permission, dear.” Chiara sent a playful glare Antonio’s way.            

            “Okay, I got it. Damn. I’m not a child.” Gilbert scoffed.

            “Could have fooled me.”

            “She is right though.” Francis nudged Gilbert. “Not about the child thing, but about what else she said. When you find your soulmate it’s the real thing. It’s worth all the effort because it’s better than anything. We’ll all kick your ass if you give up on him.”

            “Geez. I did not come out for this. I’m drunk and tired. I’m going home.” He rolled his eyes at their faces. “Yes. I am getting a cab.”

            “Oh so tomorrow will be another walk of shame.” Toni grinned and easily dodged a swipe from Gil. His reflexes tended to be slower when he was inebriated.

            “Yeah, yeah, you assholes. See ya.”

* * *

 

It had been two days since the dinner and Roderich was stunned he hadn’t received even a text by now. In the two weeks they’d known each other he’d get a text a day, at least, but now…nothing. He sat on his couch trying his hardest to relax, but even then his right foot was jittering. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, wishing if he scrubbed hard enough the Gilbert-centric thoughts would go away. _I actually welcome the break from Gilbert. I am finally not badgered by him, this is good._ He groaned as he was once again not convinced and quickly rushed to the door to throw his shoes on. _Yes, fresh air will do the trick. I’ve just been cooped up too long._

He walked to his favorite café near by where they knew just how to make his coffee and he could sit at their quaint outdoor tables. “Roderich! Good to see you.” Felicia skipped up to him with a beaming smile on her face. “I saw big brother Gil recently! He said he was your soulmate. Is that true? You’d be a part of my family! I’m so excited.”

“Yes, I am. So I heard the good news. Ludwig and you are expecting a child. That’s wonderful. You look wonderful, Felicia. I remember when I used to babysit your sister and you, but now you’re all grown up.”

She giggled happily and ran a hand over her stomach. “Well, what can I get you?”

“Coffee, black with sugar.”

“Sure. Coming right up.” She tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear and went to the kitchen.

“Oh look who it is. Roderich, right? I’ve been looking for you.” Claire entered through the wrought iron half gate, the heels of her boots clicking as she walked. Yet again, she was clad in another skintight outfit.

“Why would you be looking for me?” Roderich asked, mildly.

“I’m curious about you. I want to know what he sees in you.” She flipped her long blonde hair over one shoulder as she sat down.

“I don’t see what it has anything to do with you. He’s not with you anymore.”

“That may be, but you don’t want him.” She sneered and searched his face, “I’m not wrong.”

“I-I didn’t say that.” Roderich forced a small smile as a waitress placed the coffee in front of him. “I haven’t decided yet.” He admitted.

“I’ll take him off yours hands. He’s not like you; he’s the same as me. We belong together and we understand each other. Unlike you two, who have nothing in common, but were forced together.”

“What about soulmates?”

“You actually believe in that? No one is meant to be together forever. Life doesn’t work like that and I don’t believe there is one person out there for another. Monogamy is a thing of the past. It’s boring. You know that and I know that. He will leave you eventually and you don’t trust him.”

Roderich opened and closed his mouth a few times. He wanted to fight back and he wanted her to be wrong, but he didn’t know for sure. “I don’t know.”

“Gilbert is not a good person. He is only being kind to you because it’s part of the chase. Once the chase is done he’ll get bored and leave. He’s still undeniably attracted to me. You saw him yesterday. He’ll leave and he won’t look back. I can handle him because I’m the same way.”

Roderich looked down at his coffee and his stomach turned. Gilbert hadn’t contacted in two days, maybe he was already abandoning him. “H-he’s not like that.” The brunette stuttered wishing he had more confidence behind his words. “He wouldn’t be so nice to me if he didn’t care…I might care about him too, but I need time to figure that out.”

“You’re not his type. The proper way you talk, how you dress and how you act. He would never naturally be attracted to you. He just thinks he likes you because he’s supposed to.” She smiled and stood. “He’ll come find me, when he’s done with you. You’ll see. Bye pretty boy.” She left with a wink.

Roderich felt sick, his coffee sat untouched as he tried to hold himself together. If Claire was right at least he didn’t have to be around Gilbert anymore. Isn’t that what he wanted? Hadn’t he chosen to be alone rather than be with someone as despicable as Gilbert? If he finally got what he wanted, why did he feel so empty inside? He chewed his lip and stood up, swaying on his feet. He suddenly felt faint and clenched his hands as he told his body to stay still. Gilbert was nothing to him! _Pathetic. You can’t actually believe those lies you tell yourself anymore. Maybe not in the romantic sort of way, but you like him! You want her to be wrong more than anything because you’re not ready to give up on him yet. You want more than anything for soulmates to be real because being alone scares you more than the risk of being left._

Roderich managed to pull himself together long enough leave money on the table and walk back to his apartment. He looked down at his phone debating if he should just let everything go and call Gilbert. Smooth lips sealed themselves as he clenched his phone. No, he wasn’t quite ready to put everything out there yet. He needed to know that Claire wasn’t right and Gilbert did actually care. He didn’t have to be Gilbert’s number one yet, because he knew in his heart that Elizabeta was still his number one, but he had to know he meant something to Gilbert. The albino may still be in love with Claire, but he couldn’t mean nothing to Gilbert. He had to mean… _no, it’s not fair, but I need to mean more to him than her. I need to know he won’t leave me for her. I know I’m only with him because I can’t be with Liz, but I’ll love him eventually, won’t I? I have to, there is no one left for me if I don’t. Why would he love a selfish man like me?_

            The brunette stumbled over to his bed and stripped down hoping he’d fall asleep quickly so he could finally shut off his running thoughts.

            He woke several hours later to excited, frantic knocking on his door. He threw a robe on over his underwear, rubbing his eye as he went to answer it.

            “Roddy! Hi, were you sleeping?”

            “Yes, it’s 9:30!” Sleepy violet eyes watched him with surprise.

            “So you really do have a bedtime.”

            “No! I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

            “Get dressed, Rod, I want to show you something.” Roderich crossed his arms, letting the sides of his robe hang open. Gilbert eyed the white boxers with littered with tiny black music notes as the brunette blushed. “Cute underwear, sweetie. I am trying to apologize for how I left things the other night. Come with me.”

            Roderich sighed and stepped out of the way, letting Gilbert in. “Wait here.” He came back in a casual T-shirt and jeans. “Okay let’s go.”

            “I didn’t know you had clothes like this. I like you in jeans.” He led him out to his truck and opened the passenger door for him.

            “Where are we going?”

            “No, no, Roddy. That would ruin the surprise!” Gilbert grinned and slid in behind the wheel.

            “You don’t text me and then you show up here and kidnap me to take me some secret unknown location.”

            Gilbert smirked, but kept his eyes on the road. “You missed me didn’t you? I didn’t kidnap you, dear, you came willingly.”

            “Okay, maybe I did.”

            “Miss me or come willingly?”

            Roderich looked out the window, refusing to answer.

            “I’ll take that as a yes to both.”

            “Of course you would.” He watched as they turned down a gravel road and listened to crunch the pebbles made under the tires. Trees seemed blend with spindly shadows thrown off by yellow headlights. “Is this where you take me into the woods and kill me?”

            “Was that a joke, Rod?”

            “I can make jokes, Gilbert, but seriously we’re in the middle of nowhere.”

            “This will be worth it. Trust me.”

            Roderich swallowed thickly. “I-I hardly know you still. I don’t trust you.”

            “Fair enough.” The albino pulled into a clearing, tires squashing in the dew covered grass. “Come check this out.” He pulled his keys out the ignition and stepped out his car.

Roderich followed surprised by his partner’s tenacity. “You bring me out here just to apologize and expect me to trust you.”

“Roddy.” He placed a hand on the brunette’s shoulder. “Look up.”

He did as he was told and was amazed by the multitude of stars, framed by a near perfect circle of black-silhouetted trees. “Gilbert…wow.”

“I wanted you to see this. I don’t take just anyone out here, I’ll tell you my story with Claire as my apology.” Gilbert undid the cover on the truck bed, revealing a blanket and pillows lining the frame. Roderich bit his lip and accepted Gilbert’s help up into the truck. He carefully made himself comfortable, making sure not one part of him was even brushing against Gilbert. “I was stunned. Claire was the hottest girl I have ever been with. She seemed unattainable. Every moment with here was game or a competition. I always had to impress her and nothing was ever good enough. I used to think I was like her, but I got a wake up call about us last night. Roddy, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Not even with Claire. I fell apart when she left three months ago I haven’t been with anyone else since.” Gilbert looked up at the stars, slightly wishing he didn’t have to do this.

“How are you not alike?” Roderich asked, more out curiosity than trying to be accusatory

“I care and she doesn’t. I really think this could work out and I hope you forgive me and we can pretend like the other night didn’t happen.”

“But it did and how do I know you won’t leave me for her?”

“I won’t I had a momentary lapse and I more shocked than anything. I am trying harder than I ever have because I think you and I could actually be good together. I fell for Claire and I never got anything back. She didn’t care when she left. I’m here aren’t I? I care about you Roderich.”

Roderich lip quivered and he let his hand fall down at his side so it would lay flat next to Gilbert’s hand. “You don’t want her?”

“Not anymore. I have changed my friends can see it and I hope you do too. I’m happy that I’m not like her anymore. I will make the commitment for first time in my life. I’m not going anywhere.” Roderich’s violet eyes connect with ruby ones and saw the truth and sincerity in those words. “If it helps, I haven’t even had sex in the past three months and I haven’t even looked at another in that way. Sure it sucks, but it’s for you.”

Roderich laughed. “That was almost a moment and I don’t want to forget the whole night, the first part was really nice.” He shook his head but he kept eye contact with Gilbert. He watched in surprise as the albino abruptly sat up and vaulted himself over the side of the truck. Roderich felt cold without the other male by his side. “What was that about?”

“I almost kissed you. I wouldn’t have been able to resist if we stayed like that much longer.” He leaned against the hard metal side and tilted his head up to sky. Whispers of a breeze ghosted over his face and he could feel his pulse through his clenched hands. He had to keep his cool and his self-control. He would do this one right. He had to. Now, he was out to prove he was more than what others thought he was. “The kiss would have been awesome and it would have blown your mind, but I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“Gilbert. Thank you. For showing me this and for respecting me.”

He turned to face his soulmate. “Am I forgiven?”

Roderich wanted to laugh a little at how hopeful Gilbert looked and how he looked like a puppy begging for a treat. “Okay. Yes. I forgive you.”

“This is my spot, but I’ll lend it to you for a little peace and quiet sometimes. It’s where I come to think. We can even come here together sometimes.”

“I would like that.” Roderich admitted. He was actually touched by Gilbert coming clean and respecting him. It seemed out of character for the albino, but maybe it wasn’t, maybe he was the kind of guy who was harder and confident on the outside, but kinder and caring on the inside. “You okay to come back up here? The view is spectacular.”

Gilbert smiled and nodded. He lie down next to him and let his eyes take in the familiar view. “I used to lose myself in this view when I was upset or stressed. It made me see how small I was and how all my problems were miniscule compared to all those out there. You think I might get tired of the same view but it seems different and new each time.”

“It is peaceful, I see how you could get lost in this view. Do you ever come in the daytime? I bet it’s beautiful in a different way.”

“It’s the best in autumn, the meadow is full of leaves of every color. I love how they sound when they crunch under my feet.” He laughed a little.

“I love that too. It’s my favorite season, but I bet it’s filled with wildflowers in the spring.”

“I thought you hated flowers.” Gilbert teased, poking him in the side.

Roderich jerked away from him, “Stop it.” He swatted his hand away. “You know I only said that to be mean and because I was embarrassed.”

“Will you stop being mean to me yet?”

“I will. I like you. N-not romantically, but I think we’re becoming friends.”

Gilbert reached over and took his hand. “Do you think you’ll fall for me someday?”

“We’ll see.” He held up their hands. “What’s this?”

“What? Friends can’t hold hands? I don’t see anything wrong with it. You can let go if it bothers you so much.”

Roderich wanted to pull away, but at the same time it felt nice have his hand held again. It had been so long since someone had been physically affectionate with him. He had almost forgotten how nice it was. “I guess they can.”

The two spent the next hour lying in silence, enjoying the summer breeze and sounds of the meadow. Crickets chirped and leaves brushed together with their quiet whooshing sounds. They didn’t need to talk or explain anything right now. It was okay to be silent and to just be with the other. Roderich moved closer as he became sleepier, his resolve slipping, and letting his head rest on Gilbert’s shoulder. He wanted to enjoy this for longer, but he knew he should take him home. Besides, he thought was probably partly responsible for Roderich’s trouble sleeping.

“Roddy, let me take you home.” He nodded watched Gilbert climb down over the side, too sleepy to care that was not being subtle in the slightest as he was checking out Gilbert’s butt.

“Help me down?” He reached out his arms to the albino and wrapped his arms around Gilbert’s neck when he got close. Gilbert chuckled a little and picked Roderich up like a princess as he helped him onto the ground.

He decided not to point out how cute that was as he drove him off. He watched as the brunette quickly nodded off. “You’re adorable and so serene when you’re asleep, Roddy.” He watched the lights pass and he fiddled with the radio, settling on a classical music station, smiling as it reminded him over the concert he went to and how handsome Roderich looked in his black tuxedo and how calm his face was. The way his eyes slipped closed when and how he swayed slightly to the music as he played.

The car jostled a little as it bumped against the curb and rolled to a stop. Roderich jerked awake, wiping a bit of drool off his chin, hoping that Gilbert didn’t notice. “My apologies. I did not mean to fall asleep like that.”

“It’s fine. Can I walk you up to your place?”

“That’s not necessary.”

“I want to.”

“Fine.” He nodded to the doorman who let him in.

“Good evening, Mr. Edelstein. Did you have a nice time on your date?” The doorman greeted them politely with a knowing smile.

“I-it wasn’t a date!” He blushed and led Gilbert upstairs.

“It was a date to me.” Gilbert chuckled. “Every time we hang out is a date to me.”

“Of course it is. I had a good time tonight. You can text anytime even if they are annoying…I don’t mind that much.” Roderich smiled and opened his door. “See you soon.” He waved as he walked in, rolling his eyes at the kiss Gilbert blew his way. Gilbert was about to walk away when something caught his eye. With a smirked he grabbed it and slipped it into his pocket.

* * *

 

Gilbert grinned as Roderich’s name flashed across his caller ID the next morning. “Hello my dear, how are you today?”

“Where is my spare key?”

“In a safe place.”

“It _was_ in a safe place!” He groaned as Gilbert’s pompous chuckled vibrated through his receiver.

“No it wasn’t! Anyone could have found it. I found it very easily. Now I’m protecting it.”  
            “What if I get locked out?”

“Are you locked out now?”

“No, but what if I was?”

“Then your knight in shining armor will come save you.”

Roderich laughed sarcastically into the phone. “Is that what you are?”

“But of course. See you soon!”

“GIL! I did not give you permission to keep my spare.”

“Finders keepers, Rod, that’s how a thief would have seen it.”

“Fine! Then I get a key to yours.”

“I can arrange that. I have to get to work now. Bye~!” He hung up.

“No—wait—I didn’t mean that…shoot.” Roderich sighed and set his cell phone down. _Great, now he can make all the unexpected visits he wants…I’m in trouble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! A mischievous Gilbert can now have full access to Roderich's apartment for his crazy shenanigans. Feel free to tell me what you think.


	5. Fears Bring Us Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know I’m going to find a way to let you have your way with me. You know I’m going to find a way to catch your hand and make you stay.” – Safetysuit

Roderich hated how nervous he was on the day of each performance. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this a multitude of times before. He chalked it up some underlying fear of the unknown. Anything and everything could wrong or even right, but he’d never know until the night started. He smiled a little to himself as he shifted the grocery bags in his arms, wondering if Gilbert would keep his promise and show tonight. A soft sigh escaped his lips while unlocked his front door, looking forward to a relaxing afternoon.

            He froze in the entryway when he heard a soft clinking noise coming from his kitchen. Panic dripped over his entire being, like sweat, as he set down his bags as quite as he could. The brunette crept around the corner and through his living room. His shoulders dropped with a frustrated huff when he saw a familiar lean body bending into the fridge. “Gilbert what are you doing here?”

            “I was bored so I thought I’d see if you were home. You weren’t so I thought I’d hang out here until you got back.” He stood up and closed the refrigerator.

            Roderich shot him an annoyed look. “And eat all my food?”

            Gilbert gave him a knowing look. “No. You don’t have any good food right now. I’m just stocking you up on beer since I’ll be here a lot.”

            The brunette rolled his eyes and went back to get his groceries. “Oh you will?”

            “But of course, I brought your key for my place as well.” He slid it across the table to him.

            Roderich sighed, but put it on his key ring anyway before he started to unpack his food. “I won’t really use it, but thank you for holding up your part of the deal.”

            “So you’re not going to take it back?” The albino looked at him hopefully.

            “No. You’d find another way in, so it’s better that you have a key, I suppose.”

            Gilbert moved in to help Roderich put away some of the food. “So I was thinking, you haven’t seen my place yet and I could cook for you tonight. Then I’ll drive us to your concert and back to my place for drinks after.”

            Roderich had to bite back his quick refusal. He had promised to give Gilbert a real chance as friends this time. “Okay, I could do that.” He had to bite back a grin as Gilbert lit up with his answer.

            “Awesome! Hey Roddy, I want to show you something.” Gilbert abruptly grabbed Roderich’s hand and led him into the music room. The brunette had no choice, but to follow him. He glanced at the floor to ceiling windows and how they bathed the room in the soft, yellow afternoon light.

            “You should see this room at sunset. It’s my favorite time to play.” His eyes drifted to where Gilbert had taken a seat at the piano.

            “So I got bored before I went on my beer run and looked up the keys for the piano. Since it’s in the same key as flute I decided to practice a little something for you.” He placed his hands a little clumsily on the keys and started a song. It was a simple melody with a common refrain, but he played it rather skillfully, save for a few hiccups of wrong notes along the way.

            Roderich smiled as he watched white fingers that tread a little to heavily on the keys, but had really tried. _So under all that ego and innuendos he is really a big softie with a desire to please._ He knew his smile had molded from amused to fond and at the moment he could care less. He moved behind Gilbert and carefully placed his hands on top of the albino’s to fix the posture in them.

            Gilbert jumped at their sudden closeness, which was actually initiated by Roderich this time, and his fingers mashed out a discord that made them both cringe. Yet neither moved, crimson eyes locked on violet, both waiting to see what the other would do. The air between them was still with hesitation and everything in Gilbert’s body felt heavy. Mere inches were all that separated them, but if he acted now he would undo the trust he was trying to build. Roderich had been impressed by how he had been respected after all. He swallowed the tension that was building in his throat and carefully stood up.

            “Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I was just thinking your playing would be easier if your hand position was correct. I didn’t mean to tempt you.”

            Gilbert let out a surprised laugh, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had just been hanging between them. “You actually just apologized for tempting me? That’s awesome. Yes, Roderich, being that close to you is quite tempting. I laughed because I found it so adorable that you realize that now.”

            “Well you did almost kiss me the other night.”

            “That is true.” He paused and changed the subject. “So? I was pretty good, hm? Awesome even, with more practice, I could give you a run for your money.”

            “You wish. My playing has been learned over most of my lifetime. You’re many years away from that.”

            “And even then, you have yet to perfect your craft.” Gilbert teased.

            Roderich rolled his eyes and playfully bumped Gilbert’s shoulder with his own. “No one can be perfect at anything so it would be ridiculous to hold myself to that standard.”

            The albino’s hand flew to his mouth with a false gasp. “Wait did his majesty just admit to as average as the rest of us? I don’t believe it.” The brunette rolled his eyes and let him continue with his fake monologue. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. My whole life feels like a lie.”

            “Are you finished?”

            “I am. Besides why be perfect when you can be awesome? It’s way better.”

            “Yes and you would know.” He added, humoring the albino for once.

            “Of course!” He cracked a joking smile and patted Roderich’s shoulder. “I have to go get things ready for tonight.” He handed him a slip of paper and made his way toward the door. “Come by around 5:00 that should give us enough time to eat and get downtown.” Roderich waved him out.

* * *

Gilbert came home to the ever hyper-active shepherd with a fond smile. “Sebastian, sorry, but you’ll have to stay outside this evening until Roddy can get used to having a dog.” He paused Sebastian gave him his best sad puppy eyes. “Aw come on, you know that’s unfair. He’ll find out how smart you are and easy to love you are. I promise when we move in together you won’t be negotiable.” He scratched his dog behind the ears before he started on dinner. Sebastian settled himself by the warming oven and watched his master work. Gilbert hummed to himself as he prepared the most complex dinner he could muster, which was basically steak, potatoes and corn, but at least he knew how to make it well. Roderich had been nicer to him since their night in the meadow and Gilbert was practically glowing with happiness. _Tonight will go well. No ex-girlfriends ruining our night. Just me and Roddy._ He told himself as he finished up dinner.

            “Sorry Sebby. You’ll have to go out.” Gilbert patted his dog’s head as Sebastian whined in protest, but he finally complied. He sat at the glass door for a while just looking at Gilbert and ignoring the food set out for him. The albino shook his head. “You’re fine, you big baby.” A soft set of three knocks echoed through his apartment and he practically skipped to door. “Hi Roddy! Oh you’re not all fancy yet?”

            The brunette smiled lightly and held up a suit bag. “I don’t want to get my outfit dirty. You’re not dressed up either.” He pointed out.

            “Yeah. Same reason.”

            Gilbert watched as Roderich headed toward the kitchen and sniffed delicately. “Smells good in here.” Violet eyes scanned the cozy apartment with its wide welcoming kitchen, centrally located living room and tucked away bedroom. It was so unlike his place, but he had to admit it felt homey and welcoming. “I thought you had a dog. I was surprised I was not bombarded by him on my way in.”

            “Oh he’s outside. Didn’t want to overwhelm you on your first visit.” Gilbert pointed to the set of glass sliding doors where Sebastian had finally decided to stop looking so sad and enjoy his dinner. Roderich jumped back a little, surprised by the size of the dog with its strong stature. “Oh Rod, don’t worry. He’s not as mean as he looks. When I bought him, I thought he’d grow up to be strong guard dog.” He chuckled a little. “Sure he’s protective, but he’s a big softie that loves to cuddle.”

            Roderich nodded slowly and turned his attention back to dinner, trying not to scrunch his nose. He thought of how rambunctious big dogs like that were and all the hair the must be around the apartment. There’s no way he’d ever warm up to that _thing_. He settled himself down at the small table and tasted the wine sat in front of him. “I was expecting this to taste cheap, but it must actually be of good quality.”

            “Only the best, little master.” Gilbert mocked him a bit as he bowed. “Just because I don’t live in a fancy penthouse doesn’t mean I don’t have money.”

            Roderich flushed in embarrassment. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that.” He back-tracked.

            Gilbert smirked and chuckled. “Hey, you’re going to strike at me like that, I have to retaliate. I know what you think of me.” He set out their food and took his place across from Roderich.

            The brunette ran a hand over his face and sighed. “My apologies. I did judge you when we first met. I didn’t want to be that way. It’s how I was raised. My father was always the type who knew we were better than others, but I didn’t want to turn out like him.”

            Gilbert was flattered by the honesty. “Hey. It’s alright, I wasn’t really offended away. I know I didn’t have a fancy up-bringing, but we did alright. I do make a good amount now.” He smiled warmly and Roderich bit his lip a little. If he wasn’t careful, a smile like that could make him melt. He took a slow bite of food and again was surprised by how good it was. “I’m not the best cook out there, but the things I do know how to cook, I do well.”

            “I spent a lot of time hanging in the kitchen with our staff when my parents were busy. I was always interested in cooking and baking so our chef taught me a lot growing up.”

            “You’ll have to make me dinner sometime, Roddy.”

            Roderich nodded. “Alright. It’s a deal.” As they finished their meal Gilbert was happy with the progress they were making. Now that Roderich had finally agreed to be friends he guard didn’t seem to up as much as it was when they first met. Sure it was a tiny glimpse over the wall, but right now, it was what Gilbert lived for. That glimmer of sunshine beyond the stone wall. One day that wall would be knocked down and he would see the interior.

            “I need to get dressed now.” Roderich’s sudden words brought Gilbert out of yet another fantasy.

_Shit. I gotta stop doing that!_ “Uh yeah. Bathroom’s around the kitchen just before the bedroom.” Gilbert followed him back and went into his bedroom. He tried his hardest not to think about how Roderich was getting naked just a few feet away. Okay, he tried, but he may have failed a little. He walked to the bathroom door and knocked softly. The brunette emerged fully dressed in his performance tuxedo and Gilbert was reminded of one of the reasons why he loved Roderich’s concerts. The albino adjusted his suit coat. “I’m hopeless at tying ties. Can you help me?” Yeah, he did know how to tie a tie, but it was excuse for seemingly innocent closeness.

Roderich’s thin fingers expertly wove the black silk tie through it self until it formed a perfect. Gilbert felt breathless as those slender hands snaked themselves around his neck to flatten his collar. He hoped his pounding heart wasn’t obvious and he wasn’t imagining that maybe Roderich’s heart was doing the same.

* * *

Gilbert took his seat, smiling at its precise placement right in front of his soulmate. _Okay, no daydreaming this time! I have to pay closer attention._ He told himself as the orchestra filled into their seats. Ruby eyes immediately trained on their favorite pianist. They watched every small movement the brunette made as he prepared for the first piece. He brightened as Roderich’s violet ones made eye contact with him. He was happy that the brunette passed a glance at him before everything started. With the quiet beginning of the first song he realized that each piece seemed to paint a picture or tell a story.

He was reminded of his quiet meadow in the spring. Purple wildflowers that covered every inch of open grass, the same purple that matched Roderich’s eyes. Maybe he loved those flowers on purpose, like he was meant to love because they would later represent the one he would love most. Then again, maybe he was just getting cheesy. The second piece took him through the forest beyond the meadow with its dark shade and streaming beams of sunlight. It was as if he was chasing someone or something he couldn’t catch up to. He was surprised by this and maybe this was why Roderich loved it so much. They could go anywhere the music took them, it wasn’t as good as going to the actual places, but it was a close second.

The albino met Roderich after, offering him a single red-tipped yellow rose. “Better than the embarrassing display?”

            “Did you have this the whole time?” He asked, not really answering the question.

            “I slipped out during the intermission to get it. Do you know what it means?”

            “Of course. Friendship or falling in love, depending on your intention.”

            “Very good, little master. I mean it in both ways.”

            “You know what rose colors mean?” Roderich looked slightly impressed, but mostly confused. It didn’t seem like the kind of thing that would be common knowledge to the albino.

            “I thought you would know so I did some research.”

            “You seemed to enjoy the concert this time more than last time.”

            “I think I’m starting to see why you’d like it so much. I mean lyrical music tells you what it means, but this kind of music is interpreted by the listener, but still tells a story in its own way.”

            The brunette looked completely taken aback and slightly lost for words. This was the biggest surprise he’d had with Gilbert so far. There were many layers to Gilbert. On the surface he seemed like a confident guy with a big ego, but he was also kind and caring. Not only that, but also romantic and insightful. “T-That was surprisingly insightful.” Roderich finally managed to get out.

            “Impressive, I know. I’m quite awesome. Just because I don’t appear that way, doesn’t mean I’m not clever and smart.”

            “What did the first piece make you think of?”

            “Our meadow in the spring time.”

            “It was brand new. I wrote it after you took me there that night. It was only the image that I guessed, but I hoped people would see that.” Okay, he hoped Gilbert would see that more than anyone else.

            “When spring comes around, I promise I’ll take you there. You should see the purple wildflowers.” Gilbert thought of them again while looking in Roderich’s eyes. Purple was quickly becoming his new favorite color.

            Roderich nodded and tried to swallow his doubts. It was summertime now and spring was three seasons away. He was flattered that Gilbert still saw them together in that time. It was supposed to that way, but Roderich had yet to wrap his head around it. What would they be like come spring? Just friends or maybe more? It was a hard concept to grasp since the only person he had been romantic with was Elizabeta. He got a sudden flash of the meadow covered in flowers that now took on a soft violet color. The flowers and the soft afternoon sun were not the focus of this vison, but the two of them. Gilbert’s truck pulled to the edge of the meadow and the long grass parted by their bodies. Clear eyes watched clouds float by as his head was lying on Gilbert’s chest. His left hand was laced with Gilbert’s right and the smile on his own face wasn’t fake or forced, it was genuinely happy. Could they really be like that?

            “Rod? Ready to go?” Gilbert broke through his thoughts and Roderich quickly recovered.

            “Sorry just lost in thought. Lead the way.” He tried to keep the smile off his face as he held the simple rose up to his nose.

            Gilbert smiled to himself as he opened his car door for Roderich. The brunette had been wearing the same look that he did when he was lost in a daydream. He wanted to ask Roderich what he was thinking about, but he also didn’t want to pry. Roderich did better when he was able to be open naturally. He’d take the rose as friendship and for now that was okay.

* * *

Roderich accepted the glass of wine that was offered to him as he explored more of Gilbert’s apartment. His eyes landed on a crammed bookshelf. “I thought you said you didn’t read.”

            Gilbert laughed a little and walked over to his side. “Yeah, well, I have a reputation to uphold and I’m used thinking reading wasn’t cool. I actually have read all of those. Some several times.”

            Roderich looked over the shelf some were classics that he loved and others were the kind that Roderich would expect from Gilbert. He picked up a rather battered copy of _1984_ and looked it over.

            “That was my grandfather’s favorite. I’ve read it several times.”

            “I’ve got to say you’re definitely different than I thought.”

            “And you’ve started to fall for me, hm?”

            Roderich scoffed. “Not yet, I’m not even convinced I like you yet.”

            Gilbert clutched at his heart. “Ouch, Rod, shots fired.”

            “As if that would deter you.”

            “No, you’re right. I’ll just have to try harder.”

            “Good—” The brunette’s words were cut short as he saw a flash across the sky. No! There wasn’t supposed to be a storm tonight. He’d checked the forecast carefully didn’t he? _Of course I did!_ He reassured himself. He had to get out before he’d be discovered, but before he could get out his parting words the thundering boom reverberated through the room. He was frozen and in trouble. Gilbert would surely make fun of him for this.

            “I hope you don’t mind, but I have to let Sebastian, my dog, in. I don’t want him to get all wet out there.” Roderich’s eyes were focused on the storm and he was going numb. Gilbert’s words had passed over him, but he nodded all the same. Gilbert quickly went to the porch doors and let the shepherd in. Sebastian greeted his owner with an appreciative lick and the albino made sure to hold the dog back. He glanced back at Roderich and was stunned by his rigid stance. Was he really that afraid of dogs? At a second glance he could tell it wasn’t Sebastian that Roderich was bothered by. Violet eyes hadn’t left the window since the sky had opened up. “Roddy? Are you afraid of storms?”

            Roderich winced and waited for the laughter, but it never came. Instead Gilbert let go of his dog and walked over to the TV and turned it on to some random channel. When he left the room to get headphones Sebastian had wandered over and nuzzled his head against Roderich’s leg with a soft whine. Roderich jumped as Gilbert had fitted the headphones over his ears.

            “It’s okay, it’s just me. Give me your phone.” Roderich unlocked and handed it over as Gilbert plugged the headphones in, unknowingly playing Roderich’s favorite song.” He looked at his dog and shook his head. “Sebby, leave him alone. I know you’re trying to help, but he doesn’t want that.” He was about to remove his dog until Roderich’s hand stopped him.

            “I-it’s fine.” The voice that passed Roderich’s lips was so alien to Gilbert. It was the farthest from the collected Roderich he was used to and each letter seemed to wobble. Gilbert brushed Roderich’s hair out of his face before going to his room. He came back with a basic t-shirt and sweatpants.

            He walked over and lifted one of the headphones. “Roddy, why don’t you change into something more comfortable? I’ll be in my room for a bit so you change.”

            Roderich nodded and dressed as soon as Gilbert was out of sight. _I want to go home_ was his initial thought but as he thought of his big, empty apartment that was the last thing he wanted. _He’s not laughing and he’s not making fun of me. M-maybe it’d be okay to stay by his side just for tonight._

            He watched as Gilbert moved the headphone again. “Looks like this will continue all night. Do you want me to take you home or I wouldn’t mind if you stayed here.”

            “I’ll stay.”

            “Come here then.” He helped the brunette stand up and led him to his bedroom, whistling for Sebastian to follow. He waited for Roderich to lay down then paused the music for a bit. “I know you’re not super fond of dogs, but trust me, this is was Sebastian is best at.” He patted the bed and Sebastian leapt up and snuggled close to Roderich and the brunette instantly felt safe. Maybe this was why people liked dogs so much. They weren’t just slobbery messes; they were protection, comfort and companionship. He gasped slightly as Gilbert slid into bed behind him and started his music. He wasn’t the cuddling type, but right now maybe he’d make an exception. Roderich couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this safe during a storm. His fingers slowly brushed through Sebastian’s fur and he was surprised by how soft and warm the dog was. He drifted off slowly as his body felt the warmth from both sides. Between each song he listened to Sebastian’s calm, steady breathing and felt the way Gilbert’s body curled around his own. _I guess this might not be so bad. I have to remember Gilbert isn’t always here to mock me. He can be caring and kind. He’ll take care of me, but for how long?_ His fears that were ingrained even deeper in him just wouldn’t let him rest. Not completely anyway.

            Would he always be afraid of fully committing to this? Or would Gilbert be the first exception to his rule. How hard would Gilbert try? He wished he could just settle into the safe cocoon that was built around him now. Just before his heavy eyelids rested for the night, he felt it. Pure bliss and joy of being with someone who loved him and maybe, just maybe, he’d find a way to feel way about Gilbert.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really trying to make update at least monthly! I hope you like this installment of Marked and feel free to tell me what you think! - Hope


	6. He's Not Sick of Me Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not sick of you yet, is that as good as it gets?" - Marianas Trench 
> 
> In the aftermath of the storm Gilbert asks Roderich if he'll spend the day with him.

            Last night had been the best Roderich had slept during in a storm in a long time. He snuggled deeper into the covers, and he was planning on staying there for the rest of the morning. Suddenly, he jerked awake when a foreign smell hit his nostrils. It wasn’t the fresh lavender of his detergent, but a deep woodsy sort of smell, with a hint of something sweet. Was it honey or perhaps cinnamon? Either way, it was distinctly Gilbert. He blinked the last blurriness of sleep from his eyes as memories from last night came back to him. He couldn’t believe he had allowed himself to sleep here last night. It was way too early in their relationship for vulnerability like this. Roderich was horrified with himself and wished the bed would swallow him up so he wouldn’t have to face Gilbert.

            He supposed the worst part about being smashed between Gilbert and Sebastian, was that it was safest he’d felt in years. Okay, to someone else that wouldn’t be a bad thing, but it scared Roderich more than anything. There was something about this particular dog that didn’t turn Roderich off. Was it the fact that the dog was Gilbert’s? The brunette shook his head. No way that could be, it must have been how smart the dog was. Sebastian had known that he was distressed and knew just how to be comforting in the right way. A short bark pulled Roderich out of his brooding and looked to edge of the bed to see Sebastian there. The German Shepherd wagged his tail as he nudged a folded piece of paper onto the bed. _Yes he is really clever._ Roderich smiled and opened the note.

Good morning! I’ve made breakfast, come whenever you’re ready. :)

Gil

         Sebastian sat at the edge of the bed watching and slowly wagged his tail. He caught Roderich’s attention by giving a short whine.

“What?” Roderich looked down at the dog, trying to figure out what he wanted. He shrugged and stood, patting the shepherd on the head. “Good boy.” Sebastian yipped happily and nuzzled into his hand. “Oh, I see, you just wanted praise for your delivery.” He sighed to gather his courage and composure before entering the kitchen.

“Oh, good morning sleeping beauty.” Gilbert turned toward him with a smile. “Hey look at that, Sebby likes you.”

Roderich was starting to realize, even though Gilbert had been with a lot people, he still felt lucky to be someone special to him. He just couldn’t be mad at him, because of the devotion the albino shows to the one he’s with. Roderich looked back to see Sebastian following close behind. “Yes, I suppose he does. I guess we bonded last night. For a dog, he’s not that bad.”

“Wow that’s quite a compliment coming from you. I’m jealous.” Gilbert teased as he handed Roderich a cup of coffee. He shook his head, as he looked Roderich up and down. He hadn’t been focused on this last night, _but_ _damn he looks good in my clothes. This so isn’t fair._ “You,” He pointed at Roderich with the spatula, “are really going to test my restraint.”

Roderich took a plate from Gilbert and brought it to the table. The round, pastry of some sort looked delicious even if he’d never had it before. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“First of all, you have the sexiest bed head I’ve ever seen and second have you seen yourself? It’s a major turn on to see the guy you like in your clothes, especially when they’re slightly too big.”

“Well, I didn’t realize.” He bit his lip and hoped his blush would go away soon. It was strange to be thought of in that way since he and Elizabeta never discussed it. “Not to be rude, but what is this we’re eating? I mean I’ve had bacon before, but the other thing.”

Gilbert stared at him with amusement and little disbelief. “You’ve never had pancakes? Well, I suppose they may be too simple for your tastes. I have to show you how to eat them right then. I thought they were awesome by themselves until a friend of mine served them with maple syrup. It’s the best part!” He leaned over the table and poured a generous amount of syrup on Roderich’s pancakes before doing his own.

Roderich looked appalled for a minute, but decided to trust Gilbert and took a slow bite. “Huh. They are quite good, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I told you. I may not be the best cook, but the things I can, I do well.”

“I guess I’d have to agree with that.”

“Maybe you can teach me more sometime.” He looked at Roderich hopefully over his mug.

“Maybe, but next time, it’s my turn to cook for you. It’s only fair since you’ve done all the meals we’ve had together.”

“Why do you do that?”

“What?”

“Justify everything. I mean is it that bad to just say you wanted to cook for me?”

“Oh, I hadn’t realized I was doing that.” Roderich answered quickly, knowing his lie didn’t quite fool Gilbert.

“Uh huh. Well, maybe I’ll find out someday.”

“Right.” He nodded as he finished his breakfast. He quickly stood and brought his dishes to the sink. “Thank you for last night. I really appreciated that you were there.” He started gathering his things, “I’ll wash the clothes and return them.”

“Wait. Do you really have to go?”

Roderich looked at the disappointed look in Gilbert’s eyes. No, he didn’t have anything going today, but he did need his space or he’d be in trouble. It was getting harder and harder to keep away from Gilbert, and even harder to want to. “I do need to get dressed in my own clothes. I can’t spend the day in a tuxedo.”

“Will you come back and spend the day with me? I thought if you didn’t have anything to do we could spend the day together. I have the day off so I’ll be bored anyway.”

He opened his mouth ready to make an excuse, but it didn’t come. “Alright, I have laundry and things I have to do, but I suppose I could spare some time.” He had to bite his lip to keep from smiling at the way Gilbert always got so happy when they spent time together. Would he ever feel that?

“Cool! I need to shower and clean up so text me when you’re on the way over.” He walked him to the door and Sebastian whined a little as Roderich started out the door. “Sebby, he’ll be back.”

Roderich smiled softly at the dog, “See you in a bit.” He met eyes with Gilbert and rolled them at the albino’s amused look.

* * *

When he got home, Roderich paced his walk-in closet and tried to decide what to wear. Should he wear his normal clothes or something more casual? No, he _absolutely not_ stressing out about what to wear because of Gilbert. He didn’t do well with not knowing exactly what they were doing and surprises. There were always so many questions and how could he prepare for something he didn’t know? In a way this was how being with Gilbert was. It made him nervous and yet somewhat excited at the same time. As much as he loved his routine and planning every detail, there was something liberating about this.

He sighed and decided to just wear casual slacks and a plain button down. When he went to the bathroom he sighed again, but this time at how plain he looked. He ran an annoyed hand through his hair as he continued to scrutinize his appearance. Even though every hair could be combed and put back in its place something was always off. The only feature he found somewhat interesting about his face was his eyes. Their violet color always reminded him of his mothers and it had always been his favorite color. He didn’t quite see why Gilbert found him so attractive. No he wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t handsome either, or so Roderich always thought. He was somewhere in the middle, blah, and forgettable. With a small adjustment to his glasses, he finally deemed his appearance acceptable and took a taxi back to Gilbert’s place.

“Did you dress up for our date?” Gilbert’s amused tone greeted him, as the door was eagerly swung open. Roderich looked at Gilbert’s relaxed jeans and solid t-shirt and nervously chewed his lip. He had gotten it wrong again, hadn’t he? “No wait,” Gilbert corrected, “for you this would be dressed down. You look good, Roddy.”

Roderich smiled, relieved, “So what are we doing first?”

“Well! I thought we’d go take Sebby to the park by your place. It is the best one in the city, after all. Then we’ll have lunch there. I made us some sandwiches and snacks for Sebby too. Although, if you don’t want him there, I guess I could leave him in the yard.

“No, no, that’s fine, it all sounds nice.” Roderich patted the dog, who had come up to sit at his feet. “I actually like him, he’s not like those messy, wild, or mean dogs I have met.”

“Of course not! He is a guard dog by nature, but once he deems you okay, he loves you. Sebastian is very smart and is always ready to be a comfort to those who need him.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” He watched as Gilbert went for the leash and Sebastian bolted up at once. The shepherd was so excited his whole body was wiggling. He let out several excited barks and nuzzled Gilbert affectionately as the albino attached the leash to his collar. Roderich didn’t think there was anyone on Earth that could love someone more unconditionally as Sebastian does Gilbert. He smiled fondly and let out a short laugh through his nose when Sebastian gave Gilbert a big sloppy lick to the face. He followed the pair out the door as they started their walk. Gilbert seemed to know the streets well and Roderich hadn’t really noticed how closely they lived to each other. He supposed this was because he always to a cab to get to places.

Gilbert took a deep breath of the cool air and smiled. The city was always most beautiful the day after a storm. He noted the subtle change as summer was lazily changing to fall. He wondered if this how it would be when they lived together someday. He didn’t always believe Roderich choose to be with him, but there was always hope. Roderich seemed to still harbor something that held him back. He hoped one day Roderich would let him in on what it was. He knew everyone had his or her own burden to deal with, but Roderich’s always seemed greater. Was it still the death of his parents or the break up with Elizabeta? Gilbert didn’t think so. He decided today was the not the day to get into of all that. Today was about just being together. He hoped Roderich would just let go and relax as well. Violet eyes were tracing the lake that bordered the city and Gilbert’s hand itched to close the distance between them.

“Where do you want to sit?” The park was crowed today, blankets strewn along with their groups of respective people. Adults chatted while children played and frisbes flew for dogs to catch. Roderich nudged Gilbert when he didn’t respond right away.

“Oh, um…” Crimson eyes scanned and lit up when they landed on Gilbert’s favorite spot under a maple tree, facing the lake. Luckily it was still unoccupied. The trio weaved themselves through the crowd until they reached that spot. Roderich looked at the bench beside their spot and thought of the times he’d come to sit out here and sketch when his compositions just weren’t coming to him. He was amazed Gilbert had picked this spot; not knowing it was his favorite. “How’s this?”

“Perfect.” He smiled and helped Gilbert spread out the red plaid blanket that reminded Roderich of the many shades of red that lit up Gilbert’s eyes. Gilbert unattached Sebastian from his leash and pulled a ball out from his backpack. He teased the dog as he wiggled it in his hand before whipping it into the air. Roderich tried not to watch the way the tendons and muscles flexed in Gilbert’s arm as the albino threw. Even though fate had given him a male soulmate, at least it had been an attractive one. He turned his attention to Sebastian, who took off after the ball. Unluckily for him, Gilbert had caught him staring and raised a curious eyebrow at him.

“What were you just looking at?”

Roderich blushed. “The tree behind you. It sure has grown since my family had been coming to the city.”

“Bullshit. You were staring at me.” Gilbert grinned pompously and shoved Roderich’s shoulder playfully. “Admit it for once.”

“I was just thinking that you must work out in your free time.”

“Sure do, Antonio, Francis and I are always playing some kind of sport when we can. I always liked staying in shape, plush I can tell that others like it as well.” He winked.

“Oh come on, I wasn’t saying I liked it!”

“Who says I was talking about you, Mr. defensive.” Gilbert teased, but decided to change the subject anyway. “How long has your family been coming to the city?”

Roderich was happy for the subject change since he was already embarrassed for being caught checking Gilbert out again. “We’ve had my penthouse for as long as I remember. We spent most of the summer here since my mother had summers off because of teaching. My father used the apartment when he worked late and couldn’t make it home.”

“So your mansion was off in the country or something?”

Roderich rolled his eyes. “Yes, our house was about an hour outside of the city.”

“But it was a mansion right? I mean to have a _penthouse_ with that view, for a summer home, you must have money.” Gilbert gestured to Roderich’s building that towered over all the others and faced the lake. Those apartments were already luxury to begin with, and to have the one with the most square footage, cost a million, easily.

“Yes. My father was from money and he took over his high position in the corporate world from my grandfather. My mother was from a more modest lifestyle and they met in college. Her grades got her into the top university, while money got my father in.”

“Do you miss them?” Gilbert blurted out before realizing Roderich didn’t realize that he knew. He quickly took the ball from Sebastian and threw it as a distraction, avoiding Roderich’s face. Even without looking, he knew Roderich had been caught off guard and was looking at him in surprise.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry, I…Francis told me. He didn’t tell me how they died, but just that they did. He was at the funeral after all since he parents were friends with yours.”

Roderich let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He stretched out his fingers, unclenching them from the blanket. “I forgot about that.” He refused to speak more on the subject and stared off away from the albino.

“Are you mad?”

“No, I just don’t want to talk about that now.” It was plain and matter of fact, but Gilbert felt as if he’d been slapped.

“U-Uh well, okay. My family lived across the country in what you might call the poorer sector. We never traveled to the city much, but I always love the beach here. The three-hour plane ride was a treat only at Christmas time, when my father got his bonus. My brother and I worked as hard as we could to get out of the small town. We dreamed of the city and both got jobs here when we graduated. I know Ludwig sends money to our parents even if they send it back every time. They did let him move them to a town just outside the city so they could be nearer to us.”

“Have you always been close with your brother?”

“Not exactly. I envied him as a child because he always got more of the attention. When I would do well at school, he was always better. I struggled to catch up to him, but then realized it wouldn’t make me any better to be like him.”

“I guess I never had that, being an only child.”

“As much as I hated him some days, I did love having a younger brother. He met Felicia in high school and they have basically always been inseparable. It was a little annoying to say the least.” He pulled out the sandwiches from his bag and Roderich noticed that seemed to be avoiding something having to do with the subject. He didn’t press for information, since he was also avoiding talking about certain personal matters. “Are you hungry?” Gilbert offered one of the sandwiches and Sebastian was suddenly at their sides begging for a taste. “Yes, yes. I have food you too, greedy.” He pulled out a Tupperware container of food and poured water into another for his dog.

“I guess you are responsible at least.” Roderich joked as he unwrapped the plastic wrap from his sandwich.

“Why do I come off as such?” Gilbert raised his eyebrows, taking the bait. “I do run three different restaurants here.”

“It’s a surprise they are still standing.”

Gilbert laughed. “Very funny, Rod. I can be responsible, I just live a little when I’m not working, unlike _someone_.” He teased right back.

“Just because I don’t go out and drunk in my free time doesn’t mean I don’t live.”

“Have you ever been?”

“No.”

“Would you ever come out and get drunk with me? I’d pay money to see you drunk.” He watched Roderich’s nose in the way he always found so adorable and laughed at his utter disgust.

“No. I don’t see the point, don’t you just feel awful the next day?”

“Not if you build up a tolerance. Plus I’d take wonderful care of you, Roddy. I’d let you be my little master.”

Roderich scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You’re gross. Of course you’d like that.”

Gilbert smirked. “I wasn’t even making a sexual pun, maybe it’s not me with the dirty mind.”

Roderich blushed again and backtracked. “It was obvious to anyone where you going with that.” He tried to keep his voice as neutral and bored as possible.

“It’s so hot when you get all flustered.”

“I knew you doing that on purpose!”

“Of course. I have to get something out of being stuck in the friendzone. You may not see it now, but you’ll want it some day.”

“Please Gilbert, there are children in the park, don’t be so vulgar.”

“That was not a no, so I’ll take that as a yes.”

Roderich shook his head and focused on his sandwich. Sure, he’d thought of kissing Gilbert, especially that night they went stargazing, but sex hadn’t crossed his mind yet. Would he really want that? He knew that’s what soulmates did, but he didn’t realize he even liked boys before being paired up with Gilbert. This wasn’t a fairy tale and Gilbert didn’t sweep him off his feet. He still occasionally thought about all of the people Gilbert must have been with and how inadequate he will be in comparison.

“Roderich? I’m sorry, I was only teasing. I know we’re not at that stage.” He finished his sandwich and moved closer to Roderich.

“Yes, no where close.”

“Yeah.” Gilbert tried to pretend that one didn’t sting, but he knew coming from a woman, the transition might be hard. To him it never mattered, but he guessed for Roderich it did. It still made little sense to him why they were destined for each other and he knew Roderich thought about it too. Roderich would come around eventually, wouldn’t he?

“So it’s a beautiful day, I’m glad you decided to bring us here.”

 _Weather talk? I must have really made him uncomfortable._ “Yeah, I thought so too. Plus, better take Sebby out as much as I can now before I’ll stop wanting to in the winter.”

“Don’t even start talking about winter. It’s still summer after all.”

“Not a fan?”

“No. I hate having to bundle up and walk with the snow and ice.”

“At least I know now not to take you out in the winter. So I’m guessing you’d be mad if we were going somewhere and I’d happen to tackle you into the snow.”

Roderich’s body language had at least changed from closed off; even it was tense with horror now. “Don’t you even think about it.”

Gilbert smirked and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well, I’ll have to save that for later.”

“Gilbert!”

He laughed as Roderich glared him down and aimed a kick to his leg. “Okay, okay. I won’t, but even if I did, I’d promise to warm up.”

“Stop.”

“Hey you didn’t let me finish. I meant with some hot chocolate and a fire, duh.”

Roderich laughed a little at that. He found it amusing that Gilbert could go from annoying him one minute to making him laugh the next. He supposed that was part of his charm. Sure he could be annoying, but he had to admit he was fun to be around.

“Are you having fun?” Gilbert asked, somewhat out of blue.

“Yes, I am.” Roderich picked up the ball when Sebastian was finished and threw it for him. The shepherd barked in happiness and raced after him.

“So do like being around me, hm?” Gilbert elbowed him with an exaggerated wink.

“Stop.” Roderich laughed. “You’re an idiot and yes I do. I’m not sick of you yet.”

“Not sick of me yet?” Gilbert jumped up and pumped his fist in the air. “Yes! He’s not sick of me yet! Everyone did you hear that?” He shouted, dancing around a little.

Roderich immediately stood up and covered Gilbert’s mouth with his hand. He was laughing as he pulled Gilbert back down. “I take it all back, you’re childish and annoying.” He pulled his hand away in disgust when he felt something wet graze his palm. “Did you just lick me?” The brunette wrinkled his nose and wiped his hand on Gilbert’s shirt.

“Maybeeeee. Besides you can’t take it back. You said you liked spending time with me! It’s the first step.”

“But why did you lick me?”

“Because I could. You interrupted my celebration. You like my dog and you’re not sick of me yet. This may be my best day ever.”

“That’s a sad best day.”

“If I can make you happy it’s a good day in my book.”

Roderich smiled. He loved how honestly sweet Gilbert was. With him there were no tricks and no games. He was just happy for the littlest gain in their relationship and Roderich hoped to be that happy by doing the same one day. It wasn’t fair for Gilbert and he knew it, but he’d fall for his soulmate. He had to.

“So I was thinking we’d stay for the sunset and then I’d take you back. I have dinner plans with my brother and Felicia. They had the Felicia’s first ultrasound today so they wanted to celebrate.”

“That’s amazing. I bet you’re pretty excited to be an uncle.”

“I am! Of course I will spoil their kid rotten when he or she arrives, being the awesome uncle and all. You’ll of course scold me for doing so, being the stuffy uncle and all.”

“I am not stuffy! It’s called responsibility.” Roderich suddenly realized that would be one thing he’d never have. Having a man as a soulmate, he’d never have the joy of having a pregnant wife. Why did this world even have same sex soulmates? It did make any sense.

“Roddy? Hey, did I lose you? Was I moving too fast again?”

“Do you think we’d have children if we worked out?”

“I’d hope to, I think you’d be a good dad. Maybe we’ll see how you’d be at being an uncle first.”

“That’s not what I meant, I meant how? Neither of us can get pregnant after all.”

“We could always adopt. There are kids out there that are born out of wedlock or a surrogate maybe? We’ll figure everything out. I mean we’re not even together yet.” Gilbert reminded and in turn reminding himself of yet another landmark that his brother would have that he might never have. Roderich still doubted that they would work out so what kind of sign was that for Gilbert.

“Right.” Roderich ran his fingers through Sebastian’s fur when the dog settled in beside him. _I’m sorry, I’m so unsure about us. I promise it’s not even you anymore. I don’t know if I can even make a long-term relationship work for myself. But I do like you and I do like being around you, I promise for me that’s a good start._ Roderich reached over and took Gilbert’s hand and smiled at him a little. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Gilbert looked at their hands and then up at Roderich’s face.

“I know I’m not the easiest to be around, but I am happy that you are trying with me.”

“Really? I don’t think you’re that bad.”

Roderich chuckled softly and gently squeezed Gilbert’s hand. “Thanks. I really did appreciate you being there for me last night. I had expected you to laugh at me.”

“Laugh at you?”

“It’s kind of childish for an adult to be afraid of storms, after all.”

“You looked truly terrified. I would never make fun of you for being scared. I do tease people sometimes, but I am not an asshole.”

“No, I guess you’re not.” The two laughed together a little and directed their eyes to skyline where the sun was starting to dip below the horizon splashing the lake with shades of red, orange and purple.

“It must be amazing to see this from your place every night.”

“It is, I guess sometimes I get so used to it, I forget how beautiful it is. I usually notice it from my music room since that room has wall to ceiling windows.”

“I bet that would be the best time to play and write songs. My place it too blocked by other buildings. The times I’ve taken Sebby to this park and not seen you, or hung out with Francis or Felicia…it’s strange.”

“Yes I guess it is. Thank you for inviting me today, have fun with your brother tonight.”

“Thanks for coming.” Gilbert packed up their things and walked Roderich back to his place.

Roderich leaned down and patted Sebastian on the head. “Bye Sebastian. Good to spend time with you.” He chuckled as the dog licked his hand and then stood to face Gilbert. “Thanks for last night and today. You can talk to me about tonight too, I’d like to know the news.”

“Sure and I had fun, see you soon.” Gilbert hesitated for a minute and leaned forward, leaving a soft whisper of a kiss on his cheek.

“Hey!”

“Hey nothing, that was a friendly kiss.”

Roderich narrowed his eyes at Gilbert, suspiciously. “Fine, I’ll let it go for now."

* * *

 

Gilbert was surprised that Felicia was starting to show when he met them for dinner. “Feli, you look wonderful! How was the appointment?” He hugged her and then his brother. “Well, you look happy, brother.”

“We’ll tell you at the table.” Ludwig said, formally and led them to their table.

Felicia slid a black and white picture across the table, grinning so much Gilbert bet her cheeks would be hurting. He looked at the picture, not sure what he should be seeing since it had barely been three months. “Do you know the sex yet?”

“No, it’s too early, not until month 4 or 5.”

“But everything is going well, right?”

Ludwig nodded and took Felicia’s hand. “Yes it is.”

“How are you and Roderich? How much progress have you made with him?” He saw the expectancy in her eyes and he knew she meant well, but he didn’t have the answer she wanted yet.

“Well, I was with him today, we took Sebastian to the park by his place. Surprisingly he had taken to Sebby really well, plus Sebby likes him too.”

“So are you two together yet?” Ludwig had gone quiet and let Felicia talk as usual for them. He was happy Gilbert was spending time with Roderich and of course Felicia would be invested in his life as well.

“No, but he did mention our future earlier. I mentioned why I was coming to meet you guys tonight. He was a little sad I think that he won’t be able to have kids like you two do. He seemed frustrated that I’m a guy and I told him we’d work that out when it came to it. Although I have no answers about it.”

“I’d be your surrogate! I’d love to do that for you big brother.”

“Felicia, that’s a big decision. We’re just having our first, let’s see how that goes.” Ludwig, the ever-rational one, jumped in to calm her down. Gilbert smiled _I suppose that’s why they’re meant to be. Felicia flies off the handle and she needs someone to reel her back in._

“I know that, I mean when they get there of course. Wouldn’t you want to help them, Luddy? It’s not their fault that the one they’re destined to be with is their same sex. Gilbert is right for Roderich and if our situations were flipped, I bet they’d do the same for us.”

“Thank you, really, for the offer. Trust me, Roderich and I have a long way to go before we’re at that stage, so you’d have a long time to think about that.” Gilbert reassured her, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice.

“I know you will though!”

Ludwig smiled at his brother and Gilbert smiled back. This is why people were always drawn to Felicia; she always had such blind faith in people and a positivity that no one could dampen. He hoped that she would be right. He hoped Roderich would come around, but if he was actually given the choice he knew Roderich wouldn’t pick him. He wished he had her optimism. His brother had always been the one who got things easier. Then again if easy wasn’t Roderich, than he wouldn’t want easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd give you a thousand apologies for how late this chapter is, but the time just got away from me. Happy Holidays everyone! I hope those who are following this story are still with me and my erratic updates. I do love this story, I just don't love the beginning chapters. I have so much planned for the later one so hopefully you'll bear with me! Your feedback is always helpful, so leave a review if you feel like it. See you in a month...hopefully!


	7. I'm Still Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let me be the one you run to for the rest of your life. I’m still learning how to love you.” (Learning)  
>  “Love in moderation was all you ever gave.”   
>  “You feel, but you fight it.” (Crawling)   
> – Green River Ordinance

Moonlight would have streamed through the windows of the piano studio if the shades hadn’t been drawn. Roderich was used to this darkness by now. A soft yellow desk lamp illuminated half of his face and the flickering images of a movie reflected off his glasses. He’d lost could by now how many hours he’d been working on this project. He glanced at the two figures dancing on the screen. These scenes were always the hardest for him to compose for. Romance, the movies he despised, but he supposed he was sort of a sell out. It made him money after all so he wasn’t really above any project. He watched the way the director framed the girl in afternoon light that matched her smile. As unrealistic as the movies were, at least he could appreciate the cinematic quality.

He sighed and frustration as the people blurred before his eyes. He rubbed them and when his purple irises focused on the screen he saw Gilbert and himself on the wall. He blinked a couple of times, but even as the couple faded back in, he couldn’t get the idea out of his mind. As his eyes slipped out of focus, he lost himself in the daydream. The rural setting of the movie transformed into the city he knew. The city buzzed by as usual until he found himself in the familiar meadow.

            _Roderich sat with his back against a tree as he started to sketch the scenery in front of him. He had only seen it at night so far, but he imagined it just as Gilbert told him it would be in spring. He saw the purple flowers with their delicate petals scattered among the rich green grass. He passively wondered Gilbert had ever compared those violet flowers to his own eyes. It did sound like the kind of line he would use. A light breeze blew across the meadow making waves across the grass and Roderich added that to his sketch. Something told him he had drawn this meadow several times. For once, being alone didn’t feel as isolating as it usually did. The self the lived in this dream had more of an assurance than he did now. Sooner or later, Gilbert would come find him, he always did._

_The mechanical hum of the pick up truck would have startled him if he hadn’t come to expect it now. A warm smile spread across Roderich’s face when he felt soft lips leave an equally soft kiss in his hair._

_“Hey babe.”_

_Something in his wanted to hate the term that was so overused, but it didn’t bother him coming from Gil. He thought maybe he was special and Gilbert hadn’t said that to any of his lovers in the past. Maybe that’s why it didn’t bother him. He loved the endearment that came with the simple greeting._

_“You should really bring your watercolors next time. I bet the meadow would look awesome in them.” Gilbert settled down in the grass next to him, leaning against the rough bark. “One day I’m going to get too old to sit in the grass like this.”_

_Roderich smiled and laughed. “Gilbert, you’re 27.”_

_“I know, but we’re not even on the young side of 20 anymore. Before we know it, we’ll be 30 and then it will only go down hill from there.”_

_“Oh, I doubt that Gil. I think every year will come with it’s own fun.”_

_“Whoa! Since when were you not the Debbie downer?”_

_He laughed again at Gilbert’s feigned shock. “Oh, come on, I’m not that bad.”_

_“Yes, you have been better since I’ve come into your life.”_

_“Yes, you assume everything is because of your doing.”_

_“I am awesome after all, but I meant what I said about your paints.”_

_Roderich smiled wistfully, “True, but it would look better if someone else was painting it.”_

_“No. I think you’re a wonderful artist!”_

_He shook his head and gave Gilbert a fond smile this time. “You’re biased.”_

_“Yes I am.” Roderich watched as his boyfriend stood and went to passenger side of his truck. “Just because, I brought them for you anyway.” Gilbert held up a sizable canvas and a set of art supplies._

_“Of course. I should have seen that one coming.” He sighed, but took the supplies from Gilbert. “If it’s bad—”_

_“I’ll still hang it up in my room and I’ll love it.”_

            The brunette and blonde couple slowly faded back into sight as the meadow drifted away. _Could we really be like that? Will I really let him in? I felt the care in every one of our words._ Roderich stood and drew the curtains, making them movie lighten in the moonlight. He wished he could let go and flow like the ocean, but he was never like that. Loneliness bubbled up inside him like boiling water and he pressed his hand flush against the glass. _I can’t, not yet. I’m still so afraid. I’m like this for a reason and it’s all my doing. I can’t hold him prisoner in my indecision forever, but maybe he can hold on for a little longer. This loneliness is nothing I can’t handle._

Roderich tried to shake the daydream from his thoughts but he couldn’t keep the gnawing feelings away. They had been so happy, so free. They still had their normal banter, but it was different too. There was a fondness in words and smiles where there had once been annoyance. The Roderich of that dream was alive and he let everything happen to him. He wasn’t completely changed, he still had his insecurities, but he was getting there. Maybe Gilbert wasn’t just a fire, but a wave as well. Maybe he would wash Roderich clean until he was the person he was always meant to be. That, possibly, was the true purpose of soulmates. He would never admit it to Gilbert, much less himself, that his composition now flew onto the page because of the daydream.

            He barely acknowledged the pajamas he put on, as he got ready for bed. He was too encircled by his contradicting thoughts. He wanted to be alone and yet he wished Gilbert would be by his side. No, he didn’t want to be alone, but it was just easier this way.

* * *

 

            “Alright Gilly, I’m cutting you off.” Antonio called as he ran over the bar and pulled his inebriated friend away.

            “Aww, you buzz kill. I just wanted more beer. It makes me feel nothing. I feel like water floating along.” Gilbert erupted into a series of giggles as he let himself be swept away.

            “The fact that you want to feel nothing is what’s concerning.” Francis added and slipped Gilbert’s other arm over his shoulder. He supported the albino around the waist, just above Antonio’s arm. The blond had lost count of how many times they had done this in the past. Gilbert was always the type to get carried away, but as of late, these drunken nights had become scarce. He vaguely wondered if the stress of work and Roderich had become too much for him lately. _Roderich, you need to cut the guy some slack. He’s been trying and he needs you._ Francis thought, wishing he could send the message to the brunette telepathically.

            “I’m having fun after a long week. Chill dude.” Gilbert’s steps were stumbling even with the support of his two friends. Even though he had good control of his speech his body was failing him. Antonio left Gilbert in Francis’ arms as he flagged down a cab. “Ooooh! Take me to Roddy’s!” Gilbert yelled as he saw the flashes of yellow cars passing by.

            His friends exchanged looks for a moment as both of them had a similar thought. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, man.” Antoino said and then sighed. “But we shouldn’t leave you alone either.”

            “I’m sorry, but I don’t want him. Mattie said he’d wait up for me tonight~.” Francis smirked and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

            “At three am?” Antonio asked in surprise.

            “You know it, Toni, Mattie can be just as horny as me some days.”

            “So damn lucky.” Gilbert slurred.

            “I can’t have him either though, Chiara has to wake up early. She’ll kill me if we wake her up.”

            The two wingmen paused their conversation to help Gilbert into the cab. Antonio slid in first, pulling Gilbert in, followed by Francis. “Then I suppose we’re leaving him with Roderich.”

            “I suppose you’re right.” Antonio sighed, “Gilbert is his soulmate, after all. Even if he doesn’t want Gil right now, he instinctively cares for him a little. I had the same issues with Chiara at first, but it’s made us stronger now. I do still feel bad for him, though.”

            “Don’t we all.” Francis joked.

            “YAY!” Gilbert cheered, way too loudly for the small space they were in. “Hey driver, I’m going to my soulmate’s place.”

            “Good for you.” The man responded in a flat voice.

            “He says he doesn’t love me yet, but I know he does. He just has too much shyness or something.”

            “That’s nice, but I’ll need an address.”

            “Sorry,” Antonio apologized for Gilbert, “28 North Axis. It’s a high rise apartment building.” The brunette prodded Gilbert in the side when he was done. “No need to tell the man your life story, idiot.”

            “Maybe he’d wanna know. I am awesome!”

            “Doubtful.” Francis muttered. Once they finally calmed Gilbert down, a silence fell over the car. City lights dance in the distance like stars and the passing headlights illuminated their faces.

Gilbert was happy that tonight was a clear night and they hadn’t had a storm in a while. He wondered what exactly made Roderich afraid of storms. Francis had kept quiet about how Roderich’s parents had died, but Gilbert had always been curious. It had just dawned on him now that maybe Roderich’s died in a storm? Or maybe he was thinking too much into this in his drunken state and Roderich was just afraid of loud noises. _I promise Roddy, I’ll be there for every storm if I can. I won’t let you be lonely._

            When the car rolled to a stop Gilbert suddenly felt his stomach drop. “Uh guys…? I don’t feel so good.”

            “Shit.” Antonio muttered under his breath as he paid the driver. “Keep it together Gil, at least until we get upstairs.” The trio spilled out of the cab and made a hasty ascent to the penthouse. Gilbert now hung his head, his giggly demeanor gone, and leaned heavily on his friends. Francis worried that Gilbert was going to get sick as they fumbled for the keys. To say they barely made it would be an understatement. It was as close as heat to a fire, and a fire it was. Antonio winced and shut the door, partly to give the albino privacy, but mostly to shield them from the retching sounds. “Do we wake Roderich?” He said, finally.

            “I would say no, but I don’t know if we want him to have this surprise in morning.”

            Roderich sat up in bed as the voices filtered into his room. He reached for the bat he kept under his bed. The brunette was too disoriented from being so abruptly woken to recognize the voices. He pulled on his robe and walked cautiously out to where his apartment was now flooded with light. Roderich poised the bat from attack as he rounded the corner. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw the familiar faces of Gilbert’s friends. “What are you all doing here at 3 in the morning? I though someone had broke in.”

            Francis hid a snicker at the sight of the small brunette with his weapon of choice. “A bat?”

            “Well this is an expensive penthouse, I have to be prepared.” He stated as if it was obvious. “Are either of you planning on answering my question?” They didn’t have to say it because another round of vomit hitting the toilet bowl was answer enough. “Is Gilbert all right?”

            Antonio laughed a little. “Yes, he did this to himself, after all. A little too much to drink.”

            “Oh.” Roderich looked only a little less concerned.

            “But this has been the first time he’s gotten this drunk in a while.” Francis jumped in to defend his friend. “It’s almost like he’s a different person since meeting you. He doesn’t check out people in the bar and he doesn’t seem to feel the need to get drunk.”

            “Really?”

            “Well…he did get drunk the night after you both saw Claire. He was afraid that he was just like her.”

            “He’s not! He does care and I know how hard he’s trying. It’s not his fault; it’s mine. She’s cruel and could care less about commitment, but I know Gilbert has completely committed himself to being with just me. He’s a lot better guy than I gave him credit for. He’s sweet and thoughtful and he really tries to cater to me. I…I just have some personal things…” Roderich looked down, suddenly embarrassed by admitting so much to Gilbert’s friends.

            “I was hoping you’d see that in him.” Antonio smiled warmly. “He’s just been so stressed lately. They’ve been short staffed at one of his restaurants and he’s had to wait tables as well as trying to keep the other restaurant running. I think he was trying to unwind and got carried away.”

            Francis’s phone pinged and the blond grinned at the message, biting his lip.

            **From Mattie <33333 **

**Are you coming home soon? I’m getting sleepy. If you really want it you better hurry.**

**To Mattie <33333**

**Be right there. Don’t start without me~ 10 minutes max. Love you**

“If you all got the situation here covered, I got a husband to go home to.” Francis winked at Antonio who gave him a gagging face.

            “Everything is fine. Both of you go ahead home. I’ll take it from here.” Roderich sighed tiredly.

            “Are you sure? He can be a handful.” Antonio asked, but Francis was already out the door.

            “Thank you for bringing him here.” He opened the bathroom door when Antonio left. He grimaced when he saw Gilbert resting his cheek against the rim of the toilet. “Are you okay?” _Of course he’s not okay! Look at him._

Gilbert just groaned in response and watched Roderich leave the bathroom. _No, don’t go. Please come back._

Roderich re-entered the room with a glass of water and a wet washcloth. He helped the albino wipe his face, not knowing that Gilbert was coherent enough to do it himself. _I didn’t know you were so stressed out. No wonder I haven’t heard much from you in the past few weeks. Please just come to me instead. I want to be the one you come to when things are wrong. I promise, I’m trying even if I don’t look like it._

Gilbert’s eyes focused and he tried to figure out Roderich’s face. It seemed torn between pity and something he couldn’t grasp. Unfortunately his study was cut short by his need to expel his stomach once again. He nearly jumped when he felt Roderich’s fingers in his hair. The touch was so soft and gentle he hadn’t realized it was there at first. _Please don’t let this be a dream._ Gilbert thought to himself as he was lulled by Roderich’s touch.

 _I hope this is okay. I don’t care that you did this to yourself; it still…hurts…to see you in pain._ His fingers trailed from the top of Gilbert’s head to the nape of his neck. He smiled a little when the vomiting calmed down, but Gilbert didn’t move. _His hair is just as soft as I thought it would be._

Gilbert reached for the cloth and wiped his face before looking up at Roderich. “I’m sorry. You must…I’m sorry.” He hoped he could blame his actions on being drunk. He was slow at first, as if he waiting for Roderich to startle like a bunny. Gilbert laid his head in the crook of Roderich’s neck and folded into his lap.

Roderich tensed at first, but forced himself to relax. _Just let it happen, he needs this right now. He was there for me during the storm; I can do this for him._ He closed his eyes for a moment and then slipped his arms around Gilbert. One of his hands falling back into the hair he was now addicted to. He remembered how comforting it was when his mother would stroke his hair. He hoped he could help in this way if he didn’t know how to in other ways. “I’m sorry. I should have known you were so stressed.”

“Well, I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to burden you anymore than I already do.” The words were a little slurred, but they came out as honest as they were intended.

 _He thinks he’s a burden? How…no, I can’t ask that. I haven’t exactly treated him like he wasn’t._ “You don’t burden me, Gilbert. I should be sorry. You have done everything right and I can’t. I’m still not ready; please wait for me just a little longer. But just because I don’t…I’m not ready, doesn’t mean you can’t come to me with things. We are friends, Gilbert.”

“Why are you most honest with me when I’m drunk?”

“I guess…I just don’t want you to hurt anymore.” He murmured as he continued to stroke Gilbert’s hair.

Gilbert’s grip on Roderich’s t-shirt tightened as he drew closer. He didn’t care how needy he was being now; he’d lost that inhibition way earlier in the night. _You don’t know how much just this hurts. The rejection when all I want is to be accepted. I want to be loved and it hurts that you won’t see me like that. All I want right now is to kiss you, but I can’t. I won’t do that, because it’ll just hurt more when you pull away._ Gilbert let himself be held not realizing how much he liked his hair being played with until this moment. If he closed his eyes he could pretend this relationship was more than it was. Yet, Just like sobering up, it would all end and he would be left with the incurable emptiness. He stood up and pulled away, ignoring how he stumbled.

“Gilbert?” Roderich looked up at him curiously.

“I’m going to bed.” He grabbed the bathroom’s trashcan on the way out and went across to the guest bedroom. Roderich got up to follow, but was promptly shut out.

The brunette stood frozen, numbly staring at the door. _What just happened? I thought he would revel in the opportunity to cuddle._ Roderich shut his eyes tight, hands clenching at his sides, and tried to not be swallowed up by the darkness of fear. _Maybe he’s growing bored with me already. I can’t be better than the people he’s had in the past. He’ll leave eventually._ Roderich finally shook himself out of his daze and went back to his bedroom. He lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours. _Maybe neither of us is cut out for a committed relationship and that’s why we were paired together. No…that can’t be true; he tries so hard to be with me. So it’s just me then, too petrified by this fear to be with him. If I hold off much longer, he might realize I’m not worth the effort._ Roderich slept in a cycle of dreams and waking up, biting back screams. Each one varied, but the end result was the same. Each time he got close to a happy ending, it was ripped away from him. _I’m not done Gilbert! I promise I’ll try harder. You deserve to be happier than this._

* * *

Roderich woke earlier than normal, hoping to make breakfast for Gilbert. Even though the albino had gotten drunk over his job, Roderich worried part of the stress Gilbert had been experiencing was partially his fault. He didn’t hear anyone moving around when he entered the kitchen so he started cooking. He hummed softly to himself as he started whisking eggs for omelets. As the eggs cooked, he crept through his apartment to the guest room. He paused, pressing his ear to the door before nudging it open.

His face fell when he saw the sheets stripped and folded at the edge of the bed. He searched the room for any signs of his soulmate, but everything had been straightened up. The garbage can liner was even changed and then put back into the guest bathroom. Disappointment washed over him like a wave and it caught him off guard how heavy it weighed on his chest. The brunette paced the bedroom and replayed the events of the previous night in his head. He racked his brain and poured over every sentence he’d uttered. Nothing, to his knowledge, seemed to be wrong. The sinking feeling returned when he realized how much he didn’t know about Gilbert. He must have done something wrong, but he didn’t know Gilbert well enough to know what it could be. Weren’t soulmates supposed to have a connection that no one else had? Weren’t they supposed to understand each other like no one else could? He lowered himself onto the mattress. _Well, you haven’t been acting like a soulmate toward Gilbert._ His mind taunted him.

**To Gilbert**

**I was going to make breakfast. I guess you had an early commitment. See you soon.**

            He clutched his phone in his hand, as if the tighter he held it, the faster a response would come. The smell of burned eggs finally hit his nostrils and tore him out of his waiting. He hurried to the kitchen and dumped the eggs into the sink along with the pan. He stared at the waste of the food and sighed, appetite officially diminished. _I have to do something. He can’t be the one doing all the work._

He raced back to his bedroom to fetch his phone. His heart dropped when he saw Gilbert hadn’t responded yet. He scrolled through his contacts until his finger hovered over Elizabeta’s name. He debated with himself for a minute before pressing the call button. His heart thudded in time with every ring until she picked up and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Hello? Roderich how are you?” Her voice floated over the line and he could picture her surprised face. He wasn’t really one to call or check in first.

He sighed and dragged a hand over his face. If he really wanted to make a change and do something he had to be honest even if it made him vulnerable. “I’ve been better.” He told her about everything that had happened last night.

“Well, for Gilbert to skip out early like that could be one of two options. One, he was really hungover and too ashamed to let you see him like that. Or two, he really was bothered by something. At this point in your relationship, it could be either one. I am surprised that he didn’t milk his hangover and give it as an excuse for you to take care of him.”

“I fear that he is getting sick of me. I know waiting for me is frustrating. I told him last night that I didn’t want him to hurt anymore, but what if I’m hurting him without really realizing?”

Elizabeta was silent on the other end before she answered. “Huh. You really do like him now, don’t you?”

Roderich blushed heavily and sputtered. He shook his head and willed hit not to be true, but she was right. He had already started falling for Gilbert. “I-I don’t know. I’ve never been with anyone but you. I don’t know if I can really make this work.” He paused for a moment to gather his composure and his thoughts. “What was it like when you met Emma?”

“I was actually blown away by how cute she was. I was surprised she was a woman, but as I got to know her it didn’t really matter much. I love her for who she is, not her gender. I don’t know how much help I’d be since we got along from the start.” She bit her lip and tried to think how to help. She had to help Roderich after all, not only because he was her best friend, but because she wanted to make Gilbert happy as well. Even if that was the last thing she wanted to admit. This was the first time he reached out to her with a problem and she had to find a way to solve it. “Wait!” She suddenly realized the perfect person he could talk to. “You should go see Chiara. She’d probably be the one who you could relate to the most.”

“Chiara? You mean Felicia’s sister?”

“Yes. Go see her at the café; she can probably take time to see you. Plus she’d do it if she knew I asked you.”

“Okay, well, thank you for your help. Bye Liz.” He hung up and stared at his phone surprised by her answer. He hadn’t really had much contact with Chiara since the girls had grown too old for babysitting. The thought of bringing more people into this made him cringe, but he did trust Elizabeta more than anyone. _Maybe that’s my problem. I have let Gilbert in, but only to a degree._ He swallowed his pride and got dressed to head out.

Clenched fists sat at his side the entire walk to the café as if those fists could hold his composure together. He had always been a professional person and he never wanted others to see what was under his calm demeanor. He pulled out one of iron chairs and sat himself at an outdoor table. Roderich’s face read calm in collected, but his shaking hands said otherwise.

“Roderich! It’s good to see you.” He looked to the source of the voice, but he didn’t have to look to know what sister had greeted him. Felicia was just barely starting to show under her apron and she was glowing. “What can I get you today?”

“Hello Felicia, it’s good to see you as well. You look very nice today. I’m actually here to see your sister. Can you ask her if she could take a moment to talk?”

Felicia’s eyes showed a flicker of surprise, but only for a moment. Roderich was nothing like Chiara so it seemed strange for the two to interact. “Of course, I’ll be right back.”

Chiara stood in the kitchen preparing a soup for the lunch crowd. Her hair was pulled up and she wore a white chef coat over her floral dress. To most people’s surprise, Chiara was actually the girlier of the two. She was really into fashion and knew exactly what clothes to buy to flatter her body.

“Ari, Roderich is here to see you.”

“Ugh, not you too.” The older sister groaned without turning around. “Don’t you that idiot’s nickname. It’s stupid.” She was so annoyed with the nickname that she had forgot that someone was actually here to see her. “Wait who?”

“Roderich, Gilbert’s match. The guy that used to babysit us before we moved.”

She turned around and looked at her sister this time. “Why is he looking for me?”

“No idea.”

Chiara groaned again and turned off the stove. “I suppose I should go see what he wants.” She strutted out front; her heals clicking with every step. Her eyes landed on brunette and she snickered a little. _He hasn’t changed a bit._ “What do you want? I’m busy.”

Roderich looked up in surprise and became suddenly sheepish. “If you’re busy I can come back later. Elizabeta just thought I should talk to you, but I don’t really know why.”

“Lizzie requested this?” She put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. “I guess if she says so.” Chiara took a reluctant seat across from Roderich. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Well…I’m not really sure. She just thought you could help me.” Roderich looked at his hands and a silence stretched out between them.

Elizabeta watched the agonizing for only a few short moments before he she had to intervene. “Okay, Roderich, I was going to let you do this on your own, but I also feared this would happen.” Elizabeta left her hiding spot and approached their table. Neither Chiara nor Roderich looked surprised to see the third brunette join the table. “Roderich is having problems with Gilbert and being ready to be in a relationship him.” She stated bluntly and Roderich flushed with the direct attention that was put on him. He had a hard enough time admitting this to Elizabeta and now Chiara just knew. “What did you think of Antonio when you first saw him?”

Chiara stared pointedly at Elizabeta as if to say, ‘you’re really making me do this?’ “Fine. Only because you asked, I’ll tell.” She sighed and shook his head. “He was a bastard. He was totally cocky and thought we were meant to be right then and there. I was thoroughly unconvinced. Plus I guess I was kind of jaded toward guys since all of them always flocked to my sister. I had met Gilbert first before meeting Toni. Even though our fling was only a week, Gilbert kind of got me. I guess we had the whole living in a sibling’s shadow thing.” Chiara made every sentence look like it was tooth being extracted from her mouth.

“How did you warm up to him?” Roderich asked this time, gaining more confidence now.

“He just would go away.” She laughed a little to herself. “Not only that, but he made me feel like I was worth something and I was special. I saw myself as a slut because I looked for attention by sleeping around. I told him I wasn’t meant for relationships because I was dirty and I couldn’t just be with one person. He told me I was wrong and never let me call myself bad things. He used to go to bars with me, partially to make sure I didn’t go home with someone and also to keep other guys away from me. I hated it at first, but I’m glad he did. He’s still a bastard, but better than he was.” She smiled at the last comment and Roderich could tell she was in love under that exterior.

“What was the thing he did that made you realize you were ready to be with him?” Elizabeta interjected when Chiara paused.

“Feli is always one to be greeted first and she loves people so they tend to love her back. Toni was different. I remember one time she ran up to him when he was meeting me here for lunch and acknowledged her, but ran to greet me first. He looked a little like golden retriever greeting an owner. It was me this time. Me, that was picked out first, me that was greeted like I was special. From then on, he’s always been there. He calms me when I’m stressed and kisses my insecurities away.” She turned her head away and blushed like she’d had enough talking for now. He could tell she told more than she’d ever meant to. Like most people, she fell privy to Elizabeta’s charms. She was always the kind of person that was kind, yet could be stern when she needed to be. She just had this way that made others comfortable to talk.

“Thank you Chiara. I really appreciate you opening up to me.” Roderich went back to his formal composure and started to leave. _Does Gilbert think he lives in his brother’s shadow? I didn’t even know. There so much I still need to know._

“Look, Gilbert is an asshole, but he’s gotten a lot better since you. He’s still way more impatient than Toni was to me. He’s probably having a hard time dealing with the rejection. I know Toni did from time to time. Even if you’re not ready, he still needs to know that there’s a possibility. Also, he’s a lot less confident than he makes himself appear. Remember that.” Chiara promptly stood when she was done talking. “Lunch rush should be here soon. I can’t talk anymore right now. I hope this was somehow helpful to you.”

Roderich watched her go and lost himself in thought. _At least now I know I’m not the only one who didn’t like their soulmate at first._

“Did that help?” Elizabeta watched Roderich carefully and cautiously.

“Yes actually it did. I have some things to think about. Thank you.” Roderich got up and went to his apartment. He would give Gilbert space for now, but he had to act fast.

* * *

 

“Gil…” Antonio waved his hand in from his companion’s face. Gilbert had asked to go out for drinks, but had gone silent. “Dude, I’ve never seen you this moody. What’s going on?”

“I let him see me like that…I didn’t want that to happen. I wish you hadn’t taken me there. I would have been fine by myself.”

“We explained to Roderich that you don’t do that as much anymore. He’s your soulmate, he’s supposed to be there for the good and bad.”

Gilbert pushed his beer aside and covered his face with his hands. “He told me I wasn’t burdening him.” He mumbled.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” He looked at Gilbert in confusion.

Gilbert removed his hands to make sure he got his point across. “Yes, but I was so damn clingy. He must have hated that. I can tell he’s not a cuddler, but he was so damn sweet. He stroked my hair and held me until I pulled away.”

“Why would you pull away? Isn’t that what you wanted? He’s letting you get closer to him.”

“I asked him why he was being so sweet to me and he said ‘I just don’t want you hurt anymore’. I wanted to stay in that moment, but I knew the minute I sobered up it’d be all over. I could have milked it and kissed him, but it wouldn’t have been real. The thing is, I was still hurting even when I was in his arms. It fucking hurts to be around him knowing I’m with him, but yet not. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

Antonio slammed his fist on the table. “Dammit Gil! You can’t do that. You can’t blame him for not being there yet. Chiara and I were around each other for five months before we kissed. Plus whom does Roderich have if you’re not there? He’s not exactly a social person and he has no family left. He came from a mother and father who were both only children. He was all alone at 18 far before he was ready.”

Gilbert looked at Antonio, surprised by his outburst. Out of his two best friends, Antonio was always been the easy-going one. “…He has Elizabeta.”

“And she has Emma. If I hadn’t waited Chiara out, she still wouldn’t know that she was worth something. She’d still be thinking that no would ever love her better than her sister. Roderich needs to know you’ll stay.”

“It hurts to be around him. You know that better than anyone.”

“Yeah it hurts, but isn’t he worth it? If the answer is no then I might have to slap you.”

Gilbert chuckled a little, but didn’t respond right away. He thought about how Roderich’s nose crinkled in that oh-so-adorable way when he was annoyed. Or how his whole face lit up when he smiled and how that same smile made Gilbert’s heart flutter. “Yes. I’m already in love. I don’t want anyone else.”

“There you go, you idiot.” Antonio smiled fondly at his friend. “At Roderich’s and your wedding I’m going to be standing up there right next you whispering ‘I told you so’. Hell, I’ll even write it into my best man speech. ‘Yes, their journey wasn’t easy, and I always had to be there to tell Gilbert not to give up. Now I’m standing at his wedding and I have four words for him. I told you so.’”

Gilbert shoved Antonio’s shoulder, but laughed along with him. “I’m picking Francis then.”

“Asshole! We had it all worked out. Francis was the best man at mine, you were the best man at his and I get to be the best man at yours. So we each get to be a best man. Even if you violate that contract, I’ll make sure Francis writes it in to his speech.”

Gilbert was about to retort when the familiar warmth blossomed across his chest. He had become so accustom to it by now that he normally could ignore it, but today it caught him off guard. Crimson eyes scanned the bar until he saw Roderich approaching over Antonio’s shoulder. “Roddy?”

Roderich held up a hand to stop Gilbert when he approached. “You can go back to be mad at me, but just let me get this out first. I am not ready to be with you romantically yet, but I’m getting there. Each day I’m getting more comfortable with us. Please don’t give up on me yet. I guess I’m hurting you without even realizing it. I always thought my side was harder so I wasn’t thinking about yours. I meant what I said last night. Please come to me first I’ll try my best to help you. I want to be there for you like you have for me.”

Antonio looked at Roderich in surprise, but then again he wasn’t really surprised. Roderich was the type of person who stated what he wanted and could be blunt at times. “I always thought Roderich would be the dominant.” He cut in before Gilbert could respond.

“What?” Gilbert’s head whipped around to glare at Antonio. “Bullshit I’m the dominant one, no question.”

Roderich watched the exchange with a small smile. “Like I’d let you be the one in control. It’ll always been me.” He smirked as he draped an arm over Gilbert’s shoulders.

Gilbert looked over at Roderich in shock. “What? You too?”

Antonio reached over and hi-fived Roderich’s free hand. “My man! I knew you had that in you. Someone need to keep our Gilbert in line.”

“I can do that for myself!” He protested, but they all laughed together. Gilbert felt Roderich relax a little at his side. He turned to look at his soulmate. “I am sorry I ran out this morning. I’m sorry if I made you worry.”

“You did, but I forgive you.”

“Calling him out on his bullshit! I love you.” Antonio interjected. He felt his hip buzz and pulled out his phone.

**From Chiara xxx**

**So I talked to Roderich today about Gilbert and stuff. If it worked tell Gil he owes me. Oh and come home soon. You promised we’d eat dinner together.**

“Alright love-birds. I have to go have dinner with my beautiful wife.”

            “Finally, get out here you third wheel. Chiara is the last person you want to keep waiting.

Roderich smiled and laughed a little. For the moment everything was okay, but he knew they couldn’t go on like this forever. Something would have to change and he worried it might not be pretty. Then again nothing in life ever was always pretty and nice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to get the update out earlier this month, but as it turns out it was basically right on time. I love all of you who read this and support it! I'm on tumblr under asliverofhope-the-fangirl and I'd always be up for asks about this story :) Anyway I just wanted to say I apologize for my grammar mistakes, it's never been my strong suit, but I tried harder this time to fully edit and revise it. I have ideas for the next few chapters so hopefully the story will start flowing from here. Trust me I want to make them kiss so badly, but I do like the way this story is progressing. Almost there lovelies.


	8. The Beauty of Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I just want to be the hand you hold when you’re crying. I just want to the voice that tells you it’ll be all right.” – Green River Ordinance (“Come On”) 
> 
> Roderich finally opens up about his parents' death to Gilbert. The two spend the day eating cake and talking about their families.

They had made up from their fight—or Gilbert thought—should he even consider it a fight? Whatever it was he supposed they had made up. Yet everything still felt different. They had only met up for little things like lunch and a concert of Roderich’s in the past few weeks. As the days raced toward August, the two had started to drift apart. It was Gilbert’s doing and he doubted Roderich had even noticed. Roderich probably thought this was their normal progression. It had been almost four months since they connected and they had done nothing but hold hands. It was agonizing to Gilbert and he knew he should be patient, but how long could that last? He wanted them to be together more than anything, but he couldn’t be only one wanting. He had to pull away to see if the other would chase him.

            Gilbert rolled over in his bed and stared at the ceiling. It was nearing 11 am on a Saturday and the albino had no desire of getting out of bed. This was the first Saturday in a month that he didn’t have to work since they had finally hired enough employees to cover his restaurants. Okay, yes, he had given himself the day off, but he damn well deserved it. He was only on call today for emergencies he had stressed that to the managers he left in charge. A sudden pounding on his door, like thunder, forced him to rouse from his relaxed state. Sebastian had joined the racket with his protective barking. He flanked Gilbert as his cautious footsteps carried him closer to the door. Gilbert recognized the voice that accompanied the fervid knocking at once. Elizabeta. She would only be here for one reason; it had to be something to do with Roderich. His hand hesitated on the doorknob as he finally made sense of the words.

            “Gilbert! I have called you four times now. Open the door. I know you’re in there. Your car is still here.”

            Gilbert winced as he twisted the knob waiting for a blow. “What have I done wrong this time?” He raised his voice over the barking. Sebastian promptly stopped the minute he recognized the brunette at the door. His fierce demeanor quickly changed into the excited one for which he was known.

            Elizabeta smiled down at the dog and gave him a quick pat before turning her attention back to her victim. “What kept you so busy that you couldn’t answer your phone?” Emerald eyes took in the albino’s disheveled appearance and her annoyance grew with her realization. “Sleeping? Really? Never mind, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here instead of calling you insensitive.”

            Gilbert was still trying to wipe the drowsiness out of his eyes. “What are you going on about? I would appreciate you stop the insults and actually tell me why you rudely disturbed me on a Saturday?”

            Elizabeta crossed her arms. “I really don’t get it.” She sighed, having no energy to finish her arugment. “I’m guessing he hasn’t told you since Roderich has always been the private type. Plus he wouldn’t want to burden you, but I really think it’s important for you to be there for him. Today is anniversary of his parents’ death.”

            “Shit…Okay. I’ll meet you there. Don’t go see him without me.” Gilbert left Elizabeta in his entryway as he ran into his bedroom getting ready in a whirlwind.

            “I’ll wait for you out front.” She called, shutting the door behind her.

            Nothing mattered now. He wasn’t angry or frustrated with want in this moment. Those thoughts had faded like the setting sun. All that mattered was seeing Roderich. He’d always be there for Roderich, he promised himself that, hadn’t he? What had motivated him in the passing weeks was his case of blue balls. He wasn’t thinking straight and of course his frustration was warranted, but not excusable. He barely took notice to the clothes he put on his body. Were they rumpled and wrinkled? Probably, but he absolutely didn’t care.

            The speedometer in his truck flirted with the speed limit as he drove to the penthouse. His stop had taken longer than he expected, but he hoped it would be worth it. Elizabeta rolled her eyes when she took in Gilbert’s still slightly disheveled appearance. Emerald eyes narrowed at the white square box in the albino’s hands. “A cake? Seriously?” She scoffed, predicting that Roderich would hate it.

            “Hey, a cake always makes things better and who says this has to be a sad occasion? We can celebrate their life.”

            “Whatever you say, I still think he’ll hate it.” The brunette rolled her eyes and gestured for the albino to take the lead.

            “Miss. Héderváry,” the doorman nodded to Elizabeta first. “Mr. Beilschmit! Wonderful to see you again.”

            “James, my man.” Gilbert greeted him with a high five. “You know you can call me Gilbert.”

            “Of course, Gilbert, sir. Enjoy your stay.”

            Elizabeta looked at the situation as if it was alien. James Cordon had never acted that way toward anyone. He was always so formal. He had never greeted her like that and she had known him for years. She raised and eyebrow at Gilbert as they got on the elevator.

            “What?” Gilbert asked then realized she was silently asking about their exchange. “What can I say, ole Jamesy loves me. He totally ships Roderich and I. I’ve made conversation with him while waiting for Roddy. He told me he had never seen Roddy look happier than when he comes back from time spent with me. He says it was how he used to look when he first started courting his wife.

            “I suppose you do have a strange, charming appeal.”

            “Of course and it’s not strange, it’s awesome!” Gilbert grinned smugly, but his joking demeanor abruptly changed when the elevator stopped at the sixteenth floor. Roderich hardly mentioned his parents and when he did, he kept the conversations short. He chewed his lip and shifted the cake in his hands. Maybe the cake was a bad idea, but it felt wrong to come here empty handed. The hallway stretched out in the perception of his worry, and yet the walk took only minutes. He watched Elizabeta’s delicate hand curl into a loose fist and rap on the door hesitantly.

            The Roderich that answered the door was one that Gilbert had not seen before. He had seen him in his most formal clothes, his normal attire, which was still formal by Gilbert’s standards, his casual clothes and pajamas, but this was something else entirely. This version had crooked glasses, hair that hadn’t been meticulously put into place, and actual sweatpants. “Oh, hello, come on in.” Roderich moved only just enough for the pair to enter.

            “I know it may seem kind of strange, but I brought a cake. Chocolate mint, your favorite.” Gilbert set the cake on the coffee table and joined Elizabeta in front of Roderich.

            “Roderich, dear, are you okay?” Elizabeta asked gently and held her arms out to him. Gilbert did the same, knowing it was probably futile because he knew whose arms the brunette would choose. He still couldn’t win out over Elizabeta even if he wanted; he wasn’t the number one yet. Purple irises locked onto red ones and Gilbert’s breath caught in his throat. Roderich only wavered for a moment before he dashed over and threw himself into the albino’s arms. Gilbert took a couple staggering steps back, clearly not prepared for the impact. He carefully wrapped his arms around Roderich’s body as if he was waiting for Roderich to realize his mistake and switch to Elizabeta’s arms.

            Roderich only tightened his hold around Gilbert’s waist. Maybe this was why his soulmate was a guy. He couldn’t remember the last time he found this much comfort in someone else’s arms. His head rested perfectly against Gilbert’s chest, stopping just short of the albino’s chin. Before now, Gilbert’s muscle tone was something he had only appreciated from a distance. He hadn’t realized before now how comforting it was to lay his head against those contoured pectorals. Gilbert had a strong hold and in this moment Roderich felt as if Gilbert would never let him fall.

            Elizabeta pulled her arms back down by her sides and smiled at the tender moment. She hadn’t really expected Roderich to accept her hug. In their relationship he had always suffered alone. He had always refused any sort of physical touch when he was upset. He would recoil as if he’d been burned and curl himself in the tightest ball. This was the first moment she really saw that Gilbert was changing Roderich as well as the other way around. “Roderich, I have to go to work now, but I just wanted to stop by to make sure you were all right.” _Also to bring your idiot by, because you need him more than you need me._ She smiled warmly with this realization. She could finally stop feeling guilty for leaving Roderich. They were still far from perfect, but they were making strides. She left a soft pat on Roderich’s back and an eye roll for Gilbert on her way out.

            Roderich had barely heard her; his focus was still on Gilbert. “Thank you for coming, Gilbert.”

            “I should have known…I’m sorry.”

            “How could you have? It’s not like I ever told you. I guess it’s lucky that Elizabeta was able to bring you over.” Roderich pulled away and smiled grimly at Gilbert before leading him to the couch. Gilbert sat down and Roderich laid his head against Gilbert’s leg, curling up at his side. There was something about how cuddling felt with Gilbert that was starting him change his mind.

            “Tell me about it now.” He murmured, hoping he wouldn’t get the pushback he was expecting.

            “Okay.” Roderich responded softly, his eyes landing on the box before them. “But first, did you really bring a cake?” He felt the rumbled of Gilbert’s laughter against the back of his head and joined in with a little smile.

            “Yes. It sounds stupid now, but I thought maybe today would be a celebration of their life. Just because your parents died doesn’t mean we need to be sad each time. They wouldn’t want that, they’d want you to celebrate their life. That’s what I would want.”

            Roderich let out an actual laugh this time. It was short and seemed forced because of his somber mood, but it was genuine. “You’d want a party where everyone would drink and spend the night musing about how awesome your life was.”

            “Of course!” Gilbert triumphantly raised a fist and then grinned down at Roderich. “You better throw me one.” Gilbert laughed again. “But, seriously, chocolate does help one feel better.”

            “It does and I’ll see what I can do if I don’t go before you. I won’t make any promises about also complaining how annoying you were as well.”

            “I guess that would come with the territory. I can’t please everyone.” Gilbert stood and wandered into the kitchen. Roderich already missed his warmth but watched as he grabbed a pair of forks.

            “No plates?”

            Gilbert shrugged as he came back into the living room. “It seemed like the kind of day where you just ate straight from the cake.”

            Roderich was about to protest, but he kind of understood Gilbert’s point. His eyes widened as Gilbert carefully lifted the cake out of the box. He recognized the delicate way the cake was frosted. He knew the place immediately. The elegant, delicate cherry blossoms that climbed up the side of the cake were trademark of one place. Kiku’s, his favorite bakery, run by the soft-spoken Kiku Honda. “How did you know?”

            “Know what?” Gilbert looked at him curiously.

            “That’s my favorite place.”

            “Well, naturally that would make sense. It is the best bakery in town. You have good taste as usual, Roddy.” He handed his companion a fork and pulled the table close before sitting back down. Roderich cuddled back up to him, resuming his position from before. He reached over and took a fork full of cake. He closed his eyes savoring the chocolate taste as it hit his tongue then the underlying mint flavor, perfectly paired and not overbearing. Gilbert looked at the satisfied smile on Roderich’s face made him smile as well. “I’m glad I could make you happy today.”

            “You always make me happy.” Roderich stated as if it was obvious, and before he could catch himself. “I’ll tell you about it. I was never trying to keep things from you…well, maybe I was at first, but I won’t anymore. We agreed the night you were drunk, you can come to me first for anything and I’ll come to you too.”

            “Right. I’d love to hear about it when you can.” Gilbert hadn’t realized how serious Roderich had been about that.

            “My dad and I were never close. He was always very strict and he is where I got my sense of composure. Only show the world your best side. Manners were always important. My mother was the kinder of the two. She was caring and compassionate. She was beautiful, dark brown hair and violet eyes.” He pressed his lips together and prepared for the story.

            “That must be where you got your beauty, Rod.” He blew a kiss at him and Roderich blushed a little.

            “I’m not, but thanks.”

            “Are you kidding? You are! You’re so handsome. Even now all dressed down like this.”

            _Does he really believe that or is he just saying that to make me feel better?_ “Thanks….again.” Roderich cleared his throat obviously wanting to drop the subject. “About...twelve...wow it's been that already. Well it is 10 years today. Anyway, twelve years ago my dad got sick with cancer. Toward the end he was so weak that he was left wheelchair bound. One night there was a bad storm. The house was shaking and the wind was howling. Lightning struck a tree and it caught fire. The tree fell…crashing into our house, and the house caught fire. I woke up to the smoke alarm. My mother made sure I got out then ran back in to get my father. She was just that kind of person. Selfless to a fault, she’d make sure I was safe before helping my father. As she was trying to get him out, the roof collapsed.” A few tears felt, staining Gilbert’s jeans with the droplets. “I was seventeen, two months from eighteen so the police told me I was fine on my own. I inherited everything. I’m an only child after all. My parents were both as well. My grandparents on my father’s side have passed and my mother’s are both in a nursing home now.”

            _He really has no one else…_ “I’m so sorry Roddy. I know that’s cliché, but I don’t know what else to say. That’s really awful.” He pulled Roderich into his arms and held him there.

            “This is enough.” Roderich pressed his face into Gilbert’s shoulder, digging his fingers into his shirt. He held clutched Gilbert close and didn’t let go until he calmed down.

            He hardly noticed the wetness on his shirt. He only felt the pain nearly as bad as Roderich did. It was a stone in his heart that tugged and sank deeper with each sob that wracked the brunette’s body. He wondered if Roderich would feel it if their situation was reversed. He guessed it just came with being soulmates. Pain was shared so no one had to bear anything alone. All he knew was he had to find a way to make Roderich feel good again. “Okay,” Gilbert said finally when Roderich’s sobs had subsided. “Tell me something good about them. A memory that makes you laugh or smile.”

            The brunette pulled back and thought for a moment. “The funny thing was the sicker my dad became, the kinder to me he was. He told me once that yes, it’s important to stay composed in public, but to your soulmate, nothing is private. He never hid anything from my mother and loved her with every thing he had. That was probably my favorite thing.”

            “Maybe he realized how little time he had left with you and he needed to show you the kind of man he really was. You may be composed, but I can tell you have the compassion of your mother.”

            Roderich smiled. “Thank you. Tell me about your parents. I know your brother, but nothing about your mom and dad.”

            “My dad is exactly like my brother with the emotional range of a teaspoon. It took him forever to work up the courage to talk to my mother. He’s an albino like me. My mother is more like me, confident, but also devoted and loving to my father. She reminds of Felicia in that respect.”

            “You have that too.” Roderich murmured, earnestly. “You are caring and you devote everything to whom you love. You’ve done everything for me.” He leaned into Gilbert’s shoulder.

            Gilbert could over analyze this and think they were acting so much like a couple, but he wouldn’t. Not today. Today it was okay to just stay like this. Today he was here as a comfort to Roderich and he knew he was helping on a day that reminded the brunette of so much sorrow. He smiled and watched his soulmate eat bite after bite of the cake, clearing savoring each one.

            “The cake really does help too.” He put his fork down when he was finished. “My father and I used to fight, before he got sick, about my future. I wanted to study music and he wanted me to go into a career that was more marketable, business. One of my favorite moments was when at one of my high school piano competitions. I knew the whole time, my father stood in the back with arms crossed. Close enough to the door and not in a seat, committed yet not. He held his stern, stoic face the whole time. I had gone to meet him in the back, hoping just once to get his approval on my composition. I saw it in his eyes; he was going to cart me out of there the minute the awards were given. Then a scout for The Axis Music Academy approached us.”

            “That’s the best music university in the whole country!” Gilbert interrupted.

            Roderich smiled, flattered by Gilbert’s praise in that statement. “Yes. He handed my father and I both a card and told me they’d be looking forward to seeing me next fall. My father actually looked impressed and he congratulated me when I won first prize that day for my original composition.”

            "That's amazing. No wonder you're so good at piano." Roderich smiled again at Gilbert's compliment and the albino's heart started racing. He'd be content his whole life he could just always make Roderich smile.

"I know I talk about how bad my father can be, but I did have an fine childhood. Because my family always had money, we had the best of everything. I guess having that kind of standard set from his parents, my father instilled that in me as well. I wasn't just supposed to have all best, possession and school wise, I was supposed to do everything my best. I went to the best private schools and had a huge manor, but the best part was this penthouse.

I loved the summers I spent here. I was free to explore the city by the time I was sixteen and I wasn't always studying like during the school year. Plus most weekends I got to bring Elizabeta up with me. As long as my grades were satisfactory, I could spend as much time here as I wanted. I don't really miss the manor. I like living here year round since most of my favorite memories are here."

Gilbert smiled, glad that Roderich was finally talking with him. "Must have been nice."

"What about you? Didn't you grow up on the other side of the country?"

"Yeah. I loved the city as well, but I only went a few times on school trips or when my parents could spare the money. I worked odd jobs in high school to pay for train tickets to spend time with friends in the city. Money was always tight. It's not like we were poor or anything, but sending two boys to college took a lot of funds on my parents' modest salary.

Still, my father worked hard to make sure we wouldn't have student loan debt. My brother, the golden boy, got his tuition paid by academic scholarship so my parents were only ever responsible room and board. I, on the other hand, wasn't so good at school. I passed with mostly B's but not good enough for a scholarship. I tended to be the one who cared more about my social life than school."

"You? I would never have thought." Roderich couldn’t resist commenting with his deadpan sarcasm.

"Ha ha. When I graduated college, Toni, Francis and I moved out here. My brother and his soulmate joined shortly after. My brother helped my parents moved so they could drive an hour to the city instead of a four-hour plane ride." Gilbert finished.

"Why do you call your brother the 'golden boy'" Roderich asked out curiosity

"Because he is! He's the model student and son. He never stayed out past curfew, never missed an assignment or bombed a test. He was quite and respectful. Made me look bad!" Gilbert said the last part in a teasing sort of way since he wasn't ready to get into the real details of their brotherly rivalry.

The brunette cuddled closer to Gilbert, surprised how easy it was to talk about his past with him. "For the record, I think my parents would have loved you. Yes, they would have been surprised at first by you, like I was, but I know they'd love you."

Gilbert looked down into violet eyes filled with such sincerity that he had to bite back tears. No one had ever talked to him like that. Now that they'd spent this time together just being real and honest, Gilbert had a new sense of hope. Maybe they could really make it.

Roderich had finally truly let go of his reservations. Today he let himself get closer to Gilbert and he couldn't even start to regret it. There was nothing wrong with putting faith in Gilbert, he trusted him now. Today wasn't about the future or the possibility of them not working out. It was only about the right now. He could just be happy in Gilbert's embrace. This was always what his father had wanted; a soulmate that he could really be vulnerable with and never hold back.

"Okay, since you claim to have the best of the best," Gilbert started, breaking the sentimental mood. "Where is your fancy sports car?"

Roderich fidgeted and looked anywhere but Gilbert. "I don't really need a car in the city. I take the bus or cabs."

"Oh! I should have known, I bet you had a driver and bet you'd be lost directional wise without him if you drove yourself." Gilbert grinned cheekily.

"I am not! I can make my way around the city!"

"You get lost easily, admit it? I bet you got lost in your own manor."

"Only when I was little!"

Gilbert laughed and dodged the playful punch Roderich aimed at him. Roderich shook his head, but he was glad to have Gilbert today regardless.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I actually have two updates in a row in on time (according to my once a month schedule). We're almost to my favorite parts of the story. This chapter is slightly shorter, but it's just because I'm preparing for the next chapters. Plus I wanted this one to stay mostly fluffy. Remember to tell me what you think. (It's my birthday next week. Give me review as a present. wink wink) Feedback motivates me to write. I really love this story and I hope you all do too. Until next time, Hope. (Oh and I hope to have chapter 3 of 4 out of "For You I'll Always Wait". Just in case you were wondering about my other PruAus work.)


	9. No One Really Wins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had a lot of music inspirations. Roderich and Gilbert have dinner with Felicia and Ludwig, but when the conversation comes with commitment, Roderich gets scared.   
> “I don’t want to world to see me, because I don’t think that they’ll understand.” – Goo Goo Dolls (Iris)   
> “It hurts same when nobody knows.” – Mariana’s Trench (Say Anything)   
> “What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way” – Three Days Grace (cover – Wicked Game)   
> “I’m afraid to be alone. I’m afraid that one day you’ll find out.” – Madina Lake (House of Cards)  
> “I can't pretend that everything is still okay. Until you rightfully say what you said, the night you left me here for dead, for dead. Is it just me or has this time we've spent come undone. I know forever is not what you want. I'll pack my bags and brush it off, brush it off.” – Mayday Parade (Call Me Hopeless, but Not Romantic) - This whole song!!!!!  
> “You were the first to say that we were not okay. You were the first to lie when we were not all right. This was my first love, she was the first to go.” – Three days grace (Last to Know)

Gilbert sat outside with a smile on his face. He guessed it was wrong to be thankful for last Saturday, but he was all the same. The anniversary had brought them closer. They had acted like a real couple, he had been chosen over Liz! He threw his head back and let the sunshine warm his face. He hoped it would stay warm like this until at least the end of August. Sebastian lay by his side panting softly. The shepherd mirrored the calm bliss of his owner, only moving to nudge Gilbert's hand when it went still. A gentle vibration of the phone in his pocket stirred Gilbert from his thoughts.

**From Felicia**

**Gil! We've got news about the baby! Dinner tonight at 6 bring Roderich.**

**To Felicia**

**Okay, I'll call him now.**

Gilbert picked up the phone and pushed the speed dial one. He waited anxiously for Roderich to pick up. He couldn't even try to stop the smile that spread across his face when he heard his soulmate's voice. This was how it was supposed to be. The fire in his heart was back.

"Hey Gilbert, how are you?"

Roderich's greeting was cheerful and it made his smile grow wider. "I'm good, I'm having a nice day. Are you free tonight?"

"Yes." Roderich was smiling as well. He cradled the phone against his cheek with his shoulder. He looked down at the sketch in his lap. He thought back on his daydream of the meadow and looked at the painting in front of him. No he wasn't entirely satisfied with it, but he'd been inspired.

"Great! Felicia invited us to have dinner tonight. I'll pick you up at 5:45."

"Sounds good, I'll see you then."

"What are you doing now? Just curious."

"Painting actually. It's been a while since I've actually done a painting. I usually just sketch."

Gilbert smiled imagining Roderich standing in his music room with a tarp spread out on the floor. Of course he'd take all precautions to protect his glossy hardwood. He wondered if Roderich would push his hair back to concentrate. "What are you painting?"

"The meadow you showed me. I went back during the day a few times, it's really beautiful. Yet, I can never seem to capture its beauty no matter how many times I try.” He sighed and Gilbert could picture Roderich running a hand through his hair messing it up and wrinkling his nose. Every time Roderich’s appearance was out of his ordinary, composed way, it drove Gilbert crazy.

“Can I come see it?”

“No!” Roderich shouted too quickly and a little bit more defensively than he wanted it to sound. “Sorry. He quickly corrected worrying what Gilbert’s face looked like now. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just—I’m weird about my art. I never think it’s finished so I won’t let anyone see it.”

“Okay, well, once you decide one is finished, I’d love to see it.”

Roderich smiled again, comforted by Gilbert’s words. He noticed that the albino had a way of reassuring him without even meaning to. “Okay.”

“Cool, well, I’ll let you get back to your painting. Bye, my dear.”

Roderich dropped the paintbrush in his hand, taken aback by the sudden pet name. “My dear?”

“Yeah? You let Liz call you that! Why can’t I? We are soulmates, after all.”

“I suppose that would be okay. I was just caught off guard. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Bye.” _Shit._ Gilbert pressed his fist into his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut. _I hadn’t really meant to say that. I’m supposed to be supportive and not push…but we made so much progress last week. Didn’t we? I felt like it, but maybe it was just me like always._

* * *

 

Gilbert straightened his tie in the mirror before rolling his eyes at his reflection. _A tie is probably too formal, but wouldn’t it impress Roderich?_ He adjusted his dark wash jeans and shrugged again, opting to keep the tie. He refilled Sebastian’s food bowl and gave the dog a little pat on the head before leaving his apartment. He chewed his lip when he started driving. News about the baby…what if he parents were there? He hadn’t thought of that. Felicia made it sound casual, but then again everything with her sounded casual. Roderich would definitely not be ready to meet his parents. He just hoped it would just be the four of them. He pulled up to the high rise and parked his car before sending a quick text to Roderich.

**To Roddy <33333**

**Here. Do you want me to come up?**

**From Roddy <33333 **

**No, I’m nearly ready. Be right there.**

“You look nice Gilbert, sir. What’s the occasion?”

“James, hey!” Gilbert greeted him with a smile. “Thank you. We’re going to have dinner at my brother and sister-in-law’s place. She has news about our future niece or nephew.”

“That sounds nice. Has Mr. Edelstein met your family yet?”

Gilbert bit his lip and averted his eyes for a moment. “No. I mean not officially, he knew Felicia before I did, but no.”

“Well, that is a big deal.”

Gilbert’s insides twisted with the emphasis that was now put on the night. He hadn’t really thought that originally, but now it was apparent. He hoped Roderich wouldn’t be too thrown off by this night. They had made progress, but not this much progress. “Yeah. I mean I guess I don’t see that way, but for him it might be.”

“I’m sure it will work out fine, sir, I have faith in you two. You’re one of the good ones, Mr. Gilbert.”

Gilbert clapped a hand on James’s shoulder and the doorman smiled. “See? This is why I’ve always liked you.”

“Be careful Mr. Maris. Once he likes you, you’ll never be rid of him.” Roderich smirked at Gilbert when the albino made a face at him. He looked at Gilbert’s outfit and was glad for once that they were dressed up similarly. “You look really nice in red. It makes your eyes really stand out.”

Gilbert bit his lip knowing there was a light blush dusting his cheeks. He wasn’t prepared for the sudden compliment. “Thank you. You look handsome as always, Roddy.” Roderich smiled as Gilbert got the door for him and slid into the cab of the truck.

“Do you know what the dinner is about?” Roderich asked, surprised by this sudden invitation.

“Yeah, she said she had news about the baby. I guess she texted me because she’d probably spill the news.”

Roderich chuckled. “That does sound like her. It must be something big. I was surprised about the invite.”

“Well, we’re all going to be family someday. Of course you’d be included.”

The brunette gasped and bit his lip. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. She does think of her friends as part of her family.” Roderich looked out the window and swallowed the lump that had grown in his throat, hoping his anxiety would be swallowed with it. _I knew this was coming and it’s not like I have met his family yet. We’ve been in each others’ lives for a while now…I guess that’s how it’s supposed to happen. I wouldn’t know…_

Gilbert could see the anxiety as if it were a cloud that had suddenly enveloped Roderich. He placed a hand on Roderich’s thigh, hoping to be comforting. He almost pulled his hand away when Roderich didn’t react, but then Roderich’s hand settled on top of his own. He flipped his hand over and laced their fingers. They were silent for the rest of the ride, but Gilbert could see the cloud of anxiety had started to dissipate.

Ludwig and Felicia lived on the other side of Hetalia where there were more town homes and families than where Roderich and Gilbert lived. They had moved into a town home the day they had found out they were pregnant. Felicia wanted a big family and that had made Ludwig nervous at first, but the blonde warmed up to the idea. That’s what had amazed Gilbert about their relationship. It reminded him a little of his parents, and Felicia could always calm Ludwig down. Even after being in each other’s lives for more than 10 years, they always found a way to work out their issues. It was as if Felicia was the fire that warmed up Ludwig’s heart and he was the reason that cooled her raging fire. She had crazy ideas and he reeled her back in with his calm logic.

“Gilbert!” The albino froze the moment the door was answered not by his brother nor Felicia, but his mother. Roderich must have been surprised as well because he dropped Gilbert’s hand immediately. Gilbert could see how wide Roderich’s violet eyes had grown in his peripheral.

“Mama. Wow this is a surprise.” He accepted the hug then watched as she looked his soulmate over.

“Good to see you too, dear.” She let him go and grinned gleefully at the pair. “Wow, Gilbert he’s just as you described him. So handsome, you’re a lucky man.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Beilschmidt. It is a pleasure to meet you.” Roderich had come out of his stunned state and regained his composure once again. Gilbert could tell Roderich had charmed his mother immediately. He knew it wasn’t all okay, but for now they would get through this.

“No, no. Please call me Julia, but I do admire your manners.” Julia chuckled.

“Dad!” Gilbert ran past his mother to greet his father as well.

Henri smiled at his son and clapped a hand on his shoulder. It was typical greeting for them since he father wasn’t really a hugger. “I heard things have finally settled down at work. Good for you.”

“Yeah. It’s been rough, but we’re fully staffed again.”

“You should teach some of those manners to Gilbert.” Julia joked with Roderich as she led him over to the table.

“Hello Roderich,” Henri firmly shook Roderich’s hand in a way that was so trademark of the Beilschmidt men. They were always formal when meeting people. Gilbert was different; he was more open like his mother. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m happy Gilbert is finally settling down.”

Gilbert blushed and huffed. “Dad! We talked about this; Roddy and I are still getting to know each other. We’re far off from that.” _Ludwig was first as always._

“I know, but it’s still nice that someone has finally reigned you in!” Julia smiled patting Gilbert on the back. He rolled his eyes and went to greet Felicia as a distraction. This was going to be harder than he thought. He mostly worried how Roderich was taking everything. The brunette looked calm and collected, but that’s how he always appeared to others. Polite to a fault and always kind, but Gilbert was starting to see what a front that all was.

“Smells good, Feli.” He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “Wow. You’re really coming along, huh?”

Felicia smiled warmly and nuzzled her cheek against Gilbert’s. “Yes I know! Is Roderich here?”

“Yeah, he’s with Mama.”

She waved enthusiastically at Roderich and got a polite smile and wave in return. “How are things? Are they getting better? I know Roderich and Lizzie talked with Chiara the other day about you.”

“He did?”

“Yep! I guess Lizzie thought Chiara would be understand what Roderich was feeling.”

Gilbert’s crimson eyes widened in realization when he thought of that night in the bar. “Oh. That would make so much sense. He came an apologized to me and told me he hadn’t realized how hard it had been for me. Wow. I didn’t think he and Chiara would get along like that. Things actually have been better lately. He opened up to me last weekend and we talked all about our families. It was really nice.” He smiled when he thought again of how they had ate cake from the box and cuddled. “By the way, you could have warned me my parents were coming! I’m not really happy that Roddy had to be caught off guard like that. Where are your parents?”

“We told them on Wednesday. They wanted to make it for dinner, but my father’s annual gala for his work is tonight.” She gave him an apologetic look for the ambush. “Get back to the table, dinner’s almost ready. Plus you don’t want to leave Roderich alone with your mother for too long.”

Roderich had been polite as he always was with adults. Parents loved him. As he told Julia about what he did for a living and what not his attention had strayed over to Gilbert. Although he seemed to be a cocky jerk sometimes, Gilbert really had a way with people. He was always popular and people were drawn to him. It made him smile watching him interact with Felicia.

Gilbert sat down next to Roderich, giving his leg a quick reassuring pat. He knew this had to be hard for the brunette, but he supposed he couldn’t really understand. The small talk died down as Felicia brought over the pasta. It was her specialty and Gilbert never got sick of it. He could tell she was brimming with excitement but was trying to wait until everyone had been served. Once everyone had their meal Felicia clasped her hands together, her amber eyes connecting with her husband’s blue ones, mirroring her excitement.

“So. We’ve gathered you here today because we found out the sex of the baby today at our doctor visit.” She exchanged a look with Ludwig and the two announced it together.

“It’s a girl!”

“And we’ve picked out a name too! Maria Lovina. After Luddy’s grandmother and mine.”

“That’s great, honey!” Julia squeezed Ludwig’s hand and grinned at her daughter in law. “Maria would have been honored.”

“Oh! We also have something to ask you and Roderich, big brother.” Felicia turned her amber eyes on Gilbert and the albino froze. Although he loved Felicia, she had a tendency of getting carried away and she was pretty horrible at reading situations at times. Gilbert looked to his younger brother for a clue, but Ludwig only gave a weak smile in return. The pair could never understand what it was like to court a soulmate who was so reluctant to start out a relationship. Ludwig and Felicia had been together since high school. Sure, Felicia was sometimes a little too much for Ludwig at times and he found her a bit annoying at first, but the blonde soon saw her charm. Roderich and him had made so much progress lately Gilbert feared what this would do to them. He was afraid the damage of what something serious would do to their relationship.

“I had the idea and Ludwig agreed. We’d like you two to be Maria’s Godparents.”

Gilbert’s breath caught in his throat and he looked at Roderich out of the corner of his eye. Roderich’s jaw line tightened, but otherwise his expression was unreadable.

Roderich didn’t make eye contact with Gilbert, but slowly released the tension in his face. It only took him a moment, but he was able to smile. It looked convincing but Gilbert could tell it wasn’t genuine. “Oh Felicia, Ludwig, this is such an honor. We’d love to.”

“Yes! Thank you. I’m thrilled.” Gilbert spat out with enthusiasm. He was happy about this, but he could tell everything about Roderich was forced right now. _I love you guys, but this couldn’t have come at a worse time. We’re just getting to a good place again._

“Oh good. This is just wonderful!” Julia cooed, clasping her hands together over her heart. “My Ludwig is going to be a father and my Gilbert is finally settling down. And with such a gentleman! I couldn’t be more pleased. Roderich, has Gilbert met your parents yet?”

Gilbert choked on the sip of wine he just took. _This is a disaster! Shit shit shit.”_

Roderich wiped his mouth to hide his expression of surprise and Gilbert guessed it was laced with sadness as well. “I would have and I’m sure he would have charmed them, but they passed 9 years ago.”

“Oh honey!” Julia put a comforting hand on Roderich’s forearm and gave a look to Gilbert that read ‘why didn’t you tell me?’ Gilbert tried to send an apology with his eyes but also tried to convey that is wasn’t his to tell. “Well, you’re a part of our family now.”

“Of course you are. Any partner of Gilbert’s is family to us.” Henri added giving Roderich a rare smile.

“Thank you.” Roderich said formally. His violet eyes moved from each of the guests at the table before settling on Gilbert’s own. Gilbert was surprised that there was fondness in them instead of anger. “The anniversary was actually last week and Gilbert came and spent the day with me. It was really sweet.”

Gilbert sighed and the tension finally released from his shoulders. Maybe this dinner would actually be okay for them. “Of course! I hoped my awesome presence would make everything better.” Everyone at the table groaned at the awesome remark, but it made Roderich smile. “Honestly, that was one of my favorite days we’ve spent together.”

“So sweet!” Felicia cooed.

After that Gilbert was surprised how easy the rest of the dinner went. Roderich looked happy and joined in with the conversation. Everything was going well and he hoped that this would help move their relationship along. He also hoped that Roderich would see that he was included and he would see that he was part of their family.

* * *

It wasn’t until Gilbert walked with Roderich out to his truck after dinner that he realized something was definitely wrong. Roderich’s collected and happy demeanor quickly vanished and the tension returned to his face. “Roddy?” Gilbert prompted.

“Just take me home.”

Gilbert didn’t press the issue since he’d never seen Roderich like this. The ride was silent as the bottom of the ocean, deep and dangerous. The albino gripped the steering wheel as if it was the tension in the cab, and he could crush it. He didn’t know what to do or where to even start to fix this situation. Roderich refused to look at him once during the drive. His violet irises watched the other cars passing by and Gilbert could see his anger in the reflection.

Roderich got out without a word the minute Gilbert parked his truck. “Roddy, wait!” Gilbert got out of the car and tried to reach out to him but Roderich kept walking. “Roddy! Talk to me please. I don’t know what to do. I’m not good at conflict. Please just tell me what’s wrong!”

The brunette’s face was burning with the attention their scene was causing, but he just needed to be alone. He furiously pressed the door close button on the elevator and sighed in relief as the door closed before Gilbert could get there. He pressed his thin lips together and tried to hold himself together. He couldn’t have a panic attack in the middle of an elevator. He already felt claustrophobic in the small space but it was if his insides were closing in on him too. He broke out into a run the moment the doors dinged open and he sprinted to his flat. He slammed the door shut and collapsed onto his couch. Roderich was about ready to fall apart when the door banged open once again.

“Roddy! We can’t leave things like that. I know I probably just embarrassed you out there, but we need to talk about this. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what went wrong.” Gilbert was panting and Roderich saw the desperation in every inch of Gilbert’s body.

He sighed, knowing there was no getting out of this. “How could you do that to me?”

Gilbert stood up and stepped further into the living room, but kept his distance. “I swear I didn’t know my parents were going to be there. I didn’t know anything. Felicia ambushed me as well. I knew we weren’t ready and I never would have taken you there if I had known.”

Roderich started pacing and a bitter laugh escaped his lips. “Not ready…it’s not like I would know. We are nowhere near where your brother and sister-in-law are. We’re light-years away.” Gilbert winced at that statement, it hurt him more than he could say. “Then she asks if I want to be a Godparent? I’m not even sure I want this relationship yet, much less being a Godparent. Of course I couldn’t say no! Not with your parents there. I bet that was a trick of yours to lock me in before I was ready.”

“Roderich! No, I told you I would never.”

Roderich wasn’t even looking at Gilbert; he was falling faster and faster into the pit of his anxiety. “No. No of course not. I will never be what you want. I will never fit into that perfect family. I’m trying, Gilbert, but I just can’t. I’m done.” He carded his hands through his hair and his pacing intensified.

“Wait—what—what are you saying?” Gilbert felt the panic radiating off the brunette adding to his own cocktail of panic and hurt.

“I’m done with whatever this is. I tried to change, to open up but I don’t want to anymore. Just go Gilbert.”

Gilbert couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thought they were so close. They were making progress…or was that just his imagination? He could have sworn Roderich was starting to fall for him. _Didn’t I mean something? Or was that all part of some kind of act today? I know I saw fondness in your eyes at dinner._ “So what then? We’d end up alone?” Roderich stopped pacing and stood straight in front of Gilbert. The albino looked at his soulmate across from him in this Mexican standoff. Neither of them moved and neither backed down. Why couldn’t Roderich see how hard he was trying to make this work? As he thought about it, watching Roderich roll the idea over in his mind, he realized he’d been the one doing all the work. He thought his soulmate was starting to respond to him, but maybe he’d been wrong this whole time. The albino couldn’t wrap his head around it, but maybe them, as soulmates, was somehow a mistake. He didn’t think it could happen and yet he was witnessing it right now. At this point he didn’t see how they’d ever end up together. He had loved every moment they spent together, but he supposed he was the only one.

“Oh don’t do that!” Roderich snapped, his eyes blazing now. “Don’t put this all on me. So it’s completely my fault if you end up alone because I’m your soulmate? I hate this pressure on me, it’s not easy on this end either.” _You’ve never been truly alone; you don’t understand the alienation. You’ve always had someone._

Gilbert clenched his fists at his sides and pulled out the first gun in his arsenal. “At least I’m fucking trying! You on the other hand are clearly living in a ghost of your past, pining after a woman who will never come back to you.”

“How. Dare. You.” Roderich spat out the sentence, putting weight on every word.

“Oh right, how dare I see that you’re still in love with Liz? How dare I throw that in your face like you do to me! At least I want you! For some damn reason and now I’m starting to wish I didn’t. This isn’t worth it anymore.”

That, more than anything, had been a bullet to the heart. Roderich didn’t stagger physically, but the hole started his whole mental collapse. He slowly shook his head. _Who was I kidding? I thought with the way Gilbert had really been trying that he’d actually be the one to stay. I’m not_ worth _it…he said it himself. I’m too closed off and stuck in my ways. I’ve never been good enough._

This wasn’t a fight anymore, it had left that territory long ago, this was now a full-blown war. Who could lead the most wounds, wounds that would fester and become more infected with time. Who could cut deeper into insecurities and find the worst emotional scars. The one who could do that would definitely be the victor.

“If you had a choice, an actual choice who you’d end up with, you’d never pick me. Not when we first met and still not now. Admit it.”

“That’s not true!” Roderich didn’t know what he was doing, but he had to fight. He had to prove there was still something in Gilbert that would make him stay.

“Liar!”

“Wait, what about last week? Both you and Elizabeta held arms out to me and I ran into yours!”

“As if that mattered. You only did that because Liz isn’t available. Sure you let me in that day, but you’ll shut me out. You play a game and make me think you care, but you don’t! I never get to truly see what’s under your composed act. You’d still choose her, but you can’t so you settled for me.”

Roderich grasped for his weapons, trying to find something he could compare and then it hit him. “What about Claire? I know how you are around her.”

“Claire!” Gilbert yelled, outraged that Roderich would bring that up now. They had already gone over this. “She’s a manipulative bitch. She saw that she couldn’t have me so she went for you. We have chemistry, yes, but she would never compare to you. I left every lingering feeling for her, for anyone, behind when I met you. I’ve tried so hard to be the guy who’d be good enough for you. I changed for you, but you can’t see it! You still see me like I was. Like how your snooty parents would have seen me. A loser, a lowlife, a guy who’s always fallen short.” Each insult had been like a slice to his heart and now he couldn’t hold anything in anymore.

Deep inside Roderich there was a lingering thought that wanted to tell Gilbert that he knew that wasn’t who Gilbert was at all. Yet he was too overclouded with rage to think clearly. “Don’t you dare talk about my parents like that! You didn’t know them. I lied at dinner they would have hated you. They would have seen through your surface charms to see what you said.”

Gilbert was losing the war and he knew it. He staggered back a few inches, showing a hole in his wall, showing weakness. His throat felt tight and his heart was a cut away from breaking. He wouldn’t cry, not here. He wouldn’t give Roderich the satisfaction of a victory. Even if he lost all of his weapons, he’d have the last word. “You’re not worth the trouble and I was right. I’ll never meet the ideal you’ve set. I’ll never measure up to your precious _Elizabeta._ ”

“Of course not.” Roderich snorted. “She’s a woman and I like women. The thought of being with you in any way literally sickens me. I could never love a _man_! I will never love you like I love her. Nor will I love you at all. I’d rather be alone.”

With that, Roderich had knocked Gilbert’s rifle out of his hand and aimed the final blow. His heart finally broke, cutting him on the insides as the shards rained down. The fire that had been lit in him the day he met Roderich had finally gone out in a cloud of curling smoke. “Maybe you’re right, Claire would have been my better option. For her I never had to be someone I’m not. She-” Gilbert’s words stuck in his throat and when he swallowed it was like sandpaper. She wouldn’t love him either. He’d always been second best, but in this case he’d be nothing at all. Nothing even close to the best. “At least she knows me. You really do deserve to be alone.” It was over, he was spent and he wouldn’t stick around any longer. He walked out, slamming the door behind him.

The slam echoed through the empty loft and it finally shook Roderich out of his anxiety filled rage. His body started shaking as the fight replayed in his mind. He had really said all that and Gilbert had tried to hurt him. _What have I done? I got scared and let my anxiety run my mouth again._ He walked into the bathroom and flicked on the light. A pallid, haggard looking Roderich stared back at him. _“Well…congratulations.”_ His reflection and mind mocked him _“You finally got what you wanted. Gilbert is out of your life. It doesn’t feel as you expected, huh?”_ In his delirious state he watched his reflection double over and laugh at him. “ _Not even your soulmate thinks you’re worth it. This isn’t his fault you know that, right? You did this”._

Roderich let out a scream of agony and slammed his fist into the mirror. His reflection burst apart as silver shards rained down onto the bathroom floor. Roderich fell with them, surrounded by the mess he caused. Tears fell from his face and he didn’t even raise a hand to brush them away, nor did he tend to his bleeding knuckles. At least that pain mirrored what he was feeling on the inside. _What have I done?_ He repeated over and over in his mind as he cried out everything he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hurt me so much to write. You know what this means though? This is the major conflict and it can only get better from here. I have written 30+ fanfiction stories (mostly on my ff.net account), but this is the first one that makes me feel like a real writer. Anywaysssss I hope you liked it and please review. Review motivate me to get chapters out faster. *wink wink*


	10. The Road to Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s so loud inside my head with all words I should have said.” – Skylar Grey (“Words”)  
> “I’m only human and I bleed when I fall down.” – Christina Perri (“Human”)  
> “You can put me back together, only your love can save me.” – My Darkest Days (“Save Me”)  
> “I’m so stubborn, that’s how I got here. So alone it feels like forever.” – Plumb (“Hang On”)
> 
> Gilbert and Roderich deal with the aftermath of their fight. Roderich realizes how hard it'll be to come back from this and just how much he was starting to need and miss Gilbert.

It had been a long night. He’d tried everything to fall asleep, but nothing could stop this storm of emotions and fear. He was still on his knees, but now cradling his injured hand to his chest. Words bounced inside of his head screaming at him, trying to get out. He wished he’d said something and that Gilbert would have refused to leave him. Panic settled in, nuzzling right up next to guilt that made him feel so heavy. All he feared was coming true. Would no one ever stay by his side? _“I never asked you to be! I wanted my best friend to be my soulmate instead of you! I would have given anything for it to be her. The thought of being with a man disgusts me. Try as hard as you may, but I will never want you.”_

Tears fell down his cheeks again as he replayed the words he had said and the thoughts that had plagued his mind. His sobs a quieted down for short periods before the regret would bubble back up and made him cry all over again. They were quickly replaced by words he should have said ones that he thought would never break past the fear. _I’m falling for you and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m too afraid that if I admit this to you that you’ll leave like all the others._

He finally let the flashback come at him with full force as the wind picked up outside. If he was in pain he might as well let it all him now. Espeically if he wasn’t distracted by Gilbert or his music he couldn’t stop the flashback and pain.

He had been playing his piano that night when the rain started to sprinkle down. Roderich didn’t think anything of it at the time because storms were quite frequent where he lived. The sprinkle had soon turned a full-blown storm to the point that Roderich could barely hear his composition over the splitting lightning and exploding thunder. A crash had shuddered every wall of the vast Edelstein manor. The tree that had forever shaded their yard had come crashing into the house, pulling the nearby power lines down with it. Roderich stood, about go check on it when the fire alarms screamed out.

His mother burst into the room and told him to get out. She escorted him out and told she’d be right back. He wished he could have heard her voice one last time. He screamed at her to stay but she had to go back in for his father. Robert couldn’t get out on his own after all. Roderich tried to run after but the roof collapsed in the minute his mother entered the house. The sirens coupled with the storm, drowned out any sound. They were too late and he was the only who made it out.

The next thing he remembered was waking up in the hospital, alone, while some nurse explained that his parents were found underneath the rubble of their mansion. They had been crushed; neither of them had made it. He had tried to run into the burning house, but was stopped by the police. He then had passed out from the shock of it all. Roderich had been two months from turning eighteen, too young, but yet not young enough to coddle. He was truly on his own. No one would be there to look after him even though his family fortune would help him for a while, he’d have to find work.

Elizabeta was the one who had gotten him through that time. Giving him a place to stay until he went to college, a home on the holidays and the love he was missing. Roderich took a shaky breath as the last tendrils of flashback faded away. Now he had lost and pushed away his soulmate.

He knew this wasn’t going to be like all the other times they had bickered, Gilbert wasn’t going to come back. The brunette wouldn’t receive a text from the albino in an hour with some teasing apology. He’d gone too far and he didn’t know how to make up for it. No one had stayed and he didn’t know how to win someone back. Nothing in his upbringing had taught him that.

The Edelsteins where a proud family, they hardly apologized and they especially didn’t grovel or beg for forgiveness. He’d never once seen an apology or heard a fight from his parents. His mother had been the silent type, an old world man’s dream. She didn’t complain, didn’t fight, but always did what she could to be a proper housewife. He remembered asking her once if she ever got frustrated with caring for his father and working from home on top of that. She told him yes, but her father didn’t deserve to hear about it, it wasn’t his fault that he got sick after all.

Roderich’s father had been the silent type too, but in a different way. If he really tried, most people would have been intimidated by just one of his stares. He was proper and polite to a T, along with his usually kind demeanor. Robert, his father, had impossible expectations and even if Roderich got close to meeting them, it still wouldn’t be enough. Once his father became ill, Roderich finally was able to connect with his old man. His father had loosened up and talked to Roderich like he was his son instead of one of his employees. They never talked of his illness, but Roderich knew his father for the first time when he was 17.

With Elizabeta it had been different. A year after his parents’ death, he vowed not show his vulnerable side to her again. She’d been through enough of that already and she didn’t need it anymore. He’d become the strong, polite man his father had raised him to be. She hadn’t gotten close enough to him for them to have an actual fight. They didn’t bicker like he and Gilbert did nor did they blow up at each other like he’d just done with Gilbert. So when she broke up with him he didn’t know how handle it. He couldn’t convince her to stay and he had no knowledge of how to get her back.

Roderich couldn’t cling to the past any longer. He had to figure out what to do now. He couldn’t hide from this like he wanted to, now was the time to figure out how to fix this. Anxiety had taken over everything and he felt like he blacked out. When he finally came to, he realized what he had done. Nothing could have called Gilbert back, not even any of the word he hadn’t said.

* * *

Ragged, Gilbert had managed to drive himself to a nearby bar. He didn’t want to be alone right now nor did he want to be with his friends. Strangers would help him, none would judge, but none would bother him either. Rain trickled down slowly at first and then all at once. The sound of water hitting the concrete outside made Gilbert’s heart clench and he remembered his promise. He told himself he’d be there for every storm, but then again what did promises mean now? _Even after everything that has happened between us tonight I still care so much about him. I hate myself._ He ran his hand over his face with an audible groan. With a shake of his head he took his beer and sat down. This was the one thing he loved most about drinking. Each sip brought him one step closer to the ultimate numbness he sought. It took several drinks and he had to switch something harder just to forget his pain and everything that had occurred.

_So hopeless…doesn’t matter. I put everything I had into that relationship and I never got anything back. I should have realized he’d never come to care for me, but I was so blind. I guess I’ll never get to feel what I love like my brother’s feels like._

“Wow…look at you, darling. I told you soulmates don’t work out. Let me help you feel better.” Gilbert looked up from the table and saw a pair of spiky black heels before everything went dark.

* * *

 

Sunlight streamed in through the blinds and Gilbert groaned feeling both a pounding head and nauseous stomach. It had been so long since he’d use alcohol to forget like this. He was out of practice, so to speak and the hangover hit him like a punch to the stomach. As the bleariness of sleep started to fade away he had a sudden realization of horror. He was lying in a bed, which was not his own, completely naked. _NO! How? I don’t remember…shit; I didn’t mean to do this._ He strained to think of something, but he only remembered some girl’s heels. Well he hoped it was a girl, either that or a really fashionable drag queen. Not that he hadn’t done it with the latter before. Guilt that had chained his heart was suddenly replaced by spite as his thoughts mocked him. _…Then again, it’s not like Roderich would care that I cheated on him. Yet, you can’t really call it cheating since we were never together._

“I bet you don’t feel good, darling.” The blonde walked in with water and an aspirin. There was no doubt in him mind now they had clearly done it. She was obviously naked under the button down she had snatched from him. Even after sleeping and sex she always looked perfect. It was as if her blonde curls were so in place they couldn’t look messed up.

“C-Claire.” He should have recognized it immediately, but then again this wasn’t her old place, this was just a hotel room.

“Wow, you really were gone last night. Do you remember anything?”

Gilbert felt sick to him stomach and it wasn’t just because of the hangover. “No…I remember someone approaching me, but I was too drunk to realize whom it was.”

She let out a musical laugh. “I assumed so, but it was good for me as always.”

“How did you know where to find me?” He accepted the medicine and water from her.

“I would say I always know how to find you, but I don’t believe in fate or romantic bullshit. I just happened to be in the area and found you there. I suppose that coincidence worked in my favor.” Claire sat down on his side of the bed and ran a gentle hand through his bangs. “This is so nostalgic it nearly makes me sick. He rejected you, didn’t he?”

Gilbert suddenly stood, pushing her hand away. “I’m not talking about this with you.”

“Oh Gilly, I’m glad you’re keeping up your physical appearance. I can’t believe you’re even more attractive than I remember.” She adjusted her position so she was lying on her stomach, knowing that Gilbert would see down her shirt from where he was. “Don’t you miss this and the freedom to do whatever you want? You’ve always been like me, too wild to be tied down.”

“I am not like you! I am miserable because he doesn’t want me and yet he’s the only one I want.”

Claire faked a gag. “Gross, is this really what finding your soulmate is like? I’ve always run in the opposite direction when I felt that putrid warmth. “

“No! It’s not supposed to be like this. He’s not supposed to reject me and push me away, but that’s my fate. I thought for once I would finally be happy.” Gilbert had his back to her and was pulling on his pants. Anxiety coupled with bile bubbled in his throat.

“You weren’t happy with me?”

“No. You have no idea how alienating it was to pine after someone who didn’t care enough to stay. Then when I was bouncing from person to person and never feeling satisfied, how could I be happy?”

“Wow, you really have changed.”

“I don’t think I have that much. I was always trying to be someone I’m not when I was with you. But now, it looks like I’ll feel that way forever.” It finally crashed down on him now that alcohol was out of his system. There was no coming back from last night. Roderich didn’t _want_ him and he never could. He’d be alone forever, searching for comfort in others that only could have been found in Roderich. He shrugged on his jacket and shoes. “I have to go.”

“Don’t you want breakfast? I made coffee.” Claire offered, giving him her most seductive look, implying there would be so much more than breakfast. She smirked knowing just how to make him melt under her gaze.

“No! Stay away from me. Forever.” He glared and quickly backed away from her.

“You weren’t saying that last night.” She giggled and tucked a stray hair behind her ear like she knew he liked.

“That doesn’t matter, I wasn’t in the right mind to make any decisions last night. If you as much come near me, I’ll call the police.” Gilbert warned and ran out her room. Claire watched him go, dumbfounded that her tricks no longer worked.

Gilbert immediately regretted his fast movements the minute he reached the street. He desperately threw himself over a trashcan and retched, emptying out all the poison from the night before. _It had be to Claire of all people…if I were anyone else I could get forgiveness easier, but not her. Roddy already anticipated something still lingering between us. If we ever get together, I’ll never earn his forgiveness._

* * *

Roderich woke to pain shooting through his lower back and a throbbing in his hand. He didn’t remember when he finally passed out, but he’d spent the night asleep on the bathroom floor surrounded by shards of broken mirror. It was a miracle he hadn’t cut himself further. He slowly sat up and looked as his reflection in one of the pieces. Underneath his eyes, the skin was puffy and red from crying himself to sleep. His expression was grave and he was the furthest thing from okay. _He’ll never forgive me. I’ve never felt so alienated being alone as I do now._ Roderich picked himself up and treaded carefully out of the bathroom to retrieve his broom. He swept up the mess wishing he could clean up his life just as easily. He knew Gilbert would be mad, but he still had to try. This fight was his fault, his mess, so it was his to clean up. He couldn’t give up now. He was done being that person that hid everything, it was time to really fight for what he wanted.

He picked up the phone and dialed Gilbert’s number. His heart pounded with every ring and then sank with each time the next one went unanswered.

“Hey you’ve reached Gilbert Beilschmidt. I’m obviously too busy being awesome. You know what to do.” The brunette’s heart ached at the sound of Gilbert’s voicemail. It was so like him that it made Roderich smile wistfully.

“Hello Gilbert. It’s Roderich. I know you’re probably still mad, but we need to talk about last night. I said some things I regret and I didn’t mean. Please call me when you feel up to it.” Roderich hung up the phone and tended to his injured hand. He hadn’t been hoping for much, but it still hurt that he call went unanswered. Luckily the cuts in his hand weren’t deep enough to need stitches, but they were definitely significant. He ran his hand under the hot water and rinsed off the dried blood. He hissed and winced the soap stung his wounds. _I deserve this pain…it’s nothing compared to how empty I feel inside._ He wrapped his hand and tried to go through the rest of his day as normal. Yet, he knew nothing would be normal until He and Gilbert talked.

* * *

Two weeks had passed and they remained in a stalemate. Roderich’s calls had gone from once a day to now only once this week. Gilbert threw himself into work and hardly spent time with his friends. Everything reminded him of Roderich and his ghost haunted him everywhere he went. He saw the question of Roderich in his friend’s eyes and he stopped seeing them all together. He would have to give them the same answer. “Yes, he’s called, but no, I don’t want to see him.”

Roderich had become numb to everything and he hadn’t touched his piano in the two weeks. Nothing felt the same and nothing made sense since Gilbert had gone. He never realized before now, how much of a difference Gilbert had made in his life. He missed the random texts, the surprise visits and most of all Gilbert’s smile. He had the kind of smile that made Roderich smile even if he didn’t feel like it. That smile was so warm and full of pure joy that it made his ruby eyes light up with wonder. His mirror had been replaced, but every time he looked in that mirror he was filled with shame and self-loathing. _I have to do something!_ He took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. He’d have to seek outside help; he wasn’t going to be a quitter any longer.

**To Chiara**

**Hey, are you and Antonio available some time this week to meet for lunch?**

He anxiously paced his living room, but luckily he didn’t have to wait long for the response.

**From Chiara**

**I suppose we can do lunch today since Toni is off. Come at 1:30, I’ll be on break. You have an hour.**

He smiled at her reluctance but thanked her for agreeing. His heart and his feet wouldn’t rest until it was finally time to leave. He slipped into his casual shoes and didn’t even think to check if every hair was in place. Roderich felt a sense of relief, even if it was small compared to tension still held within him. “Antonio, thank you for coming.”

The taller brunette smiled with his normal warmness. “Of course, I’d do anything for Gilbert and you.” That was the first time anyone outside Elizabeta and Gilbert had said something like that to him.

“Looks like we’re all here. Let’s get this over with.” Chiara announced plopping down at the chair closest to Antonio and across from Roderich. “Roderich, listen I’m not here to be your personal advice giver so don’t make this habit. But you are the least annoying of those associated with Gilbert, and I suppose Gilbert is my friend. Kind of.”

“My apologies, Chiara, but you two were the only ones I thought could truly help me. Since you know a little bit about my issues and Antonio knows Gilbert better than almost anyone.” Roderich smiled, apologetically, but the light didn’t reach his eyes.

“Of course, Roderich, and please call me Toni. Only my grandparents call me Antonio, well, and sometimes my mother when she’s really mad. We’ve heard about the fight from Gilbert. It took a lot to pry it out of him, but Franny and I didn’t leave until he told us. He isn’t keen on talking about it to anyone right now. In fact, I haven’t seen Gilbert much in the past two weeks. No one but his employees and his boss have seen him.”

“It’s that bad?” Roderich felt his heart sink.

“Gilbert has a lot of insecurities and you, not knowing, threw them back in his face. I won’t go over them now because I feel he should tell you if he ever decides to. Gilbert has a lot of pride and he’ll cover up his hurt until almost no one sees it. This won’t be an easy journey coming back.” Antonio offered, jumping right into the situation at hand.

“You can’t give up either. He thinks as long as he ignores you, you’ll finally stop caring. He never sees how damn worth it he can be. That’s how I was, if Toni didn’t show it how would I know?” Chiara added the last part reluctantly.

“So what do I do?” Roderich asked, desperately taking in every word they said.

“Keep calling and keep trying to see him. Like Ari said, you can’t stop or he’ll think you stopped caring.”

“When will he let me see him?”

Antonio rubbed the back of his neck absently as he thought this over. “That’s hard to say.”

“He’s never been hurt like that before. Gilbert has always felt like he was second best to his brother and I understand that because that’s how I felt compared to my sister. He can be as damn stubborn as you are, but twice the idiot.”

“Yes, I kind of understood that when we were at dinner with his family. I didn’t mean to do that to him, but my anxiety got in the way. There were so many unknowns.” Roderich looked down at his hands. He was hurting more and more with the continuing realization of how much he hurt Gilbert.

“Plus he always complained how you never let him in. If you really want to make up with him, you’ll have to pour everything out to him. You have to let him see you in a way no one else has before.”

The barbed wire that had twisted it’s way around Roderich’s heart in Gilbert’s absence suddenly tightened. It punctured his heart and made his chest feel tight. The thought of bearing everything like that made his anxiety flare up again. He wasn’t ready to give someone the full power to accept him exactly as he was. If he was able to withhold his secrets, then he still had control over that person and their relationship. “O-okay. I can try that.”

“I know it’s scary.” Chiara reached over and placed a hand over one of Roderich’s own. She didn’t usually show her physical affection to others, but something about him tugged at her heart. She supposed it was because she saw a little bit of herself in him. “It’s fucking terrifying to let someone see everything about yourself and especially with the parts of yourself that you don’t like. At least you’re a more pleasant person than myself, so you have that going for you. Toni knows more about me than anyone and he still loves me, somehow.”

Antonio smiled and wrapped an arm around Chiara’s shoulders. “That’s because you didn’t see yourself the way I see you. You’re starting to, but you’re not as bad as you think. Same goes for you Roderich, you’ll always see yourself for worse than anyone else will. Yes you messed up and you got scared. You’re human and we all screw up sometimes. We’ll do our best to persuade Gilbert to see you.”

Roderich nodded feeling more reassured than he thought. “Thank you, both. I am really glad for your advice. I have some things to think about.” He got up and started back home, but his feet betrayed him. He made his way toward one of Gilbert’s two restaurants. With no luck at the first one he went to the one of their first date.

“Roderich, wow, it’s been a long time. How have you been?” A waiter with soft chestnut hair and hazel eyes approached him, grinning.

Roderich looked at the waiter that greeted him and recognized him immediately. “Oh, you were working the night Gilbert first brought me here.”

“Yes, I’m Mike, I don’t think we got properly introduced.”

“Right, Mike, good to see you again.”

Mike’s hazel eyes searched the restaurant for a moment before coming to rest on Roderich’s violet ones. “I can go get him if you’d like. He actually doesn’t really need to be here today, but he’s been manning the bar. I think he’s just here because he wants to be.”

Roderich put a hand on Mike’s arm to stop the overly enthusiastic waiter. “No, that’s all right. We actually got into an argument; I just wanted to know how he was doing. I don’t think he wants to see me right now.” Warmth spread over his chest as Gilbert made his way onto the main floor. Roderich had been so in tune with his mark lately, hoping for even a little sign that Gilbert was close by. Gilbert must have felt it too because he immediately looked up. Roderich staggered back a few feet when the weight of Gilbert’s gaze hit him. There was tension his jaw; his ruby eyes were hard like a stone, and sharp as daggers. Roderich’s pounding heart had suddenly thudded to a stop as Gilbert turned on his heel and went to the back of the restaurant. Roderich’s phone vibrated and he saw Gilbert’s name appear on his notifications.

**From Gilbert**

**Get out now. If it wasn’t evident by all the calls I’ve ignored I don’t want to see you. Don’t come back here again.**

            Roderich’s breath caught in his throat and the venom in those words stung him. “He’s still upset. I have to go. Thank you, Mike.” Roderich barely made it out of the restaurant before the tears that had been threatening his eyes finally spilled over.

* * *

Gilbert reluctantly answered the door and groaned when he was greeted with the familiar brunette. “Now you too? Everyone has been up my ass about seeing Roderich. I don’t fucking want to, if I did I would have seen him already.”

            Elizabeta pressed her lips together and forced her way into Gilbert’s apartment. “Yes I am here about Roderich, but this is different than what everyone else has said. I’m really worried about him. He was very active in the first two weeks since your fight, but now in the last two that have passed, he’s been silent.”

            “So? Roderich usually keeps to himself, doesn’t he?”

            “Well yes, but this is different.” Elizabeta accepted the water that was offered to her. Even when Gilbert was angry, he never forgot to be a good host. She sat on his couch a few feet away from him. “There’s something you should know about Roderich that no one else has ever known. I kept it a secret, but I think it’s happening again.”

            “Wouldn’t be the first time you knew more than he ever shared with me.” Gilbert spat back, bitterly.

            Elizabeta wanted to argue with Gilbert, but she bit back her qualms. “I wouldn’t necessarily call this depression since I’ve only see one occurrence of this before. It happened right after his parents died. Roderich shut himself off from everyone and everything he loves. No piano, no baking, and no contacting his friends, even me. It’s like he stops caring for himself. When I finally saw him a week later, he had hardly eaten or bathed. He is hair was not even close to being in place and it was noticeably greasy. I think he just thinks that everyone close to him has stopped caring so why should he care?”

            Gilbert’s angry front faltered with this news. “Wait, what?”

            “It’s true and I think he’s doing it now. I’ve contacted him several times and I’ve gone by his place but he refuses to answer. I know he’s there, but he won’t see me.” She wiped a tear that had escaped her eye. “Let me ask you something. Without you, whom does Roderich have to rely on?”

            “Well you of course!”

            “And whom else? Plus he doesn’t really think he has me anymore as much since we broke up.”

            “Yeah but he must…he must have relatives or something…” He remembered Roderich telling him his only living relatives were his grandparents in a nursing home. He probably doesn’t rely on them too much. “Okay so why don’t you take my key to his place and go over there?”

            “No you idiot!” She wanted to slap him, but barely managed to restrain herself. “It has to be you. The fight is the reason he is like this. I’m not saying it’s your fault and in fact, he probably put this all on himself. He was trying to push you away, that’s what he does.”

            “Yeah, well, he did a damn good job of it.” Gilbert interrupted.

            “Everyone in his life has either died or left him, he’s going to push you as hard as he can. Better he push you away than you leaving him eventually. He has a hard time trusting anyone and you were finally getting there. I could see it. He knows if you’ll stay or not based on how many times you continue to come back. He hurt you so you wouldn’t hurt me. I’m not saying it’s right, but his anxiety of being alone takes over and sometimes he can’t control it.” Gilbert saw the sincerity in her eyes and he finally broke. “Did you do anything in the past few weeks or so that might have set him off? I’m not accusing!” She held her hands up in surrender. “I’m just trying to figure why the sudden change. He was fighting for you, I know he was contacting you.”

            Guilt tugged on Gilbert’s heart when he thought of the text. _Had that really set him off?_ He swallowed his pride and showed her the text.

            “Gilbert!” She glared at him, actually slapping him across the arm this time. “Of course that’s what did this! He finally thinks it’s over. Do you really want it to be all over? Will you really give up? Do you want to give in and be the loser every one said you’d be?”

            Gilbert thought about it and his heart ached. “No. No I don’t want this to be over. I’m still in love with him. I finally hurt him like he did to me and I feel worse. I didn’t want us to be like this. You’re right. I was so caught up in how mad I was, I wasn’t thinking of how it affected him.” The albino suddenly stood and grabbed a bag. He started filling it up with Sebastian’s things. Elizabeta watched him in confusion as he grabbed the leash and headed toward the back door.

            “You’re bringing the dog? Roderich isn’t fond of animals.”

            “Shows what you know.” Gilbert smirked. “He loves Sebby and dogs are the best a comforting others. Even if their owners are pissed at each other, a dog will love you unconditionally. Sebastian loves Roddy more than he does any of my other friends.” He opened the door and whistled for his dog. “Come on, boy, we’re going to see Roddy.” Sebastian barked happily at the mention of the brunette’s name and wiggled excitedly. “Good boy.” Gilbert praised him as he fitted the leash onto his collar.

            “If you say so. Are you actually going to see him or should I follow you there to make sure?”

            “No, _Mom_ , I going.” Gilbert walked Elizabeta out before making his way toward Roderich’s place.

          

* * *

  “Good evening, Mr. Gilbert! It’s great to see you, and you’ve brought a friend.” James greeted Gilbert and gave Sebastian a quick scratch behind the ears.

            “Oh, I didn’t think to ask, are pets allowed?”

            “Yes, Mr. Gilbert, no need to worry. I’m happy you’re going to see Mr. Edelstein. I have hardly seen him in two weeks. I hope he’s all right. I was worried when I hadn’t seen you around all month long.”

            Gilbert licked his lips nervously. “Yes, well, Roderich and I had a fight, but we’re on the way to making up.”

            “I hope all goes well.”

            Gilbert gave James a weak smile and shifted the groceries in his hands. He had stopped on the way, figuring if it was as bad as Elizabeta said, he’d need fresh food. He sighed and took the elevator up. He swallowed when he slid his key into the lock. He wasn’t ready, but he had to rip the band-aid off some time.

            Roderich looked up when he heard the familiar jingle of Sebastian’s collar. His breath caught in his throat when the dog came up to him and whined softly. “Sebastian, I’ve missed you, boy.” Roderich murmured petting the Shepherd, who was so excited to see him, he was practically vibrating. He scratched Sebastian behind the ears and Sebastian barked happily before setting at his feet. “If you’re here that means…” He nearly teared up at the sight of Gilbert. The albino hadn’t properly greeted him yet, but he was here! He watched as Gilbert set the paper bags on the kitchen island and started putting groceries away.

            Gilbert wrinkled his nose at the bare fridge and the few spoiled items that were left. He was surprised to see the beer he left was nearly gone as well. “When was the last time you ate?” Gilbert looked at Roderich for the first time since he arrived. He was stunned by how cloudy and far away his purple irises were. Roderich’s eyes were usually the most expressive part of the brunette.

            Roderich opened and closed his mouth as he tried to remember. “Um…maybe yesterday and if it wasn’t then, then the day before.”

            “Dammit Roddy. I’m making you some food. _Only_ after you eat will we talk.” He walked over and placed a fresh glass of water next to the brunette.

            Roderich watched as his soulmate prepared a simple sandwich along with some fruit and vegetables. He accepted the plate and purposefully brushed his hand against Gilbert’s. “Elizabeta must have told you.”

            “Eat.” Gilbert commanded and played with his phone until Roderich finished.

            “Gilbert, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said it was all a mistake. I was scared.” He said when he finished and wiped his mouth.

            “Why have you done this to yourself?”

            “You wouldn’t understand.”

            Gilbert was trying to be civil, but he snapped. “I wouldn’t understand?!” He swallowed and took a deep breath. “Of course I wouldn’t, you never let me in, but I think I understand better than you think. I’m going to open up to you even if you won’t do the same. I’ve been hiding, but if this will show you then, okay, here goes.”

            Gilbert shifted in his seat and took another breath to prepare. “I grew up living in my brother’s shadow, academically and other wise. I was the ‘bad boy’, and the ‘partier’ because at least then people would acknowledge me as someone other than Ludwig’s older brother. When I was sixteen and Ludwig was fourteen, the Vargas family moved in down the street. Ludwig met his soulmate that day and I became instantly jealous. Not only was he the good boy that everyone wanted; now he had his true love. They went to every dance together and I started to sleep around to fill my emptiness. My grades slipped and people started to see me more and more as the ‘loser’ Beilschmidt. Then I went off to college and spent my days drinking. I went for Hospitality and achieved my bachelor’s, but Ludwig went for Engineering and was, of course, stupidly good at it. Yes I am successful now, but I’ll never reach him. He got everything first, even now with his wedding then child and everything.”

            “I suspected some of that at dinner, but I didn’t know. I’m sorry Gilbert. I didn’t mean to call you a low life and of course my parents would have loved you. Everyone loves you don’t you see that? You have this charisma that draws others to you. You have an innate ability to make others comfortable and feel welcome around you. I suppose that’s why you do so well in Hospitality. Ludwig doesn’t have that and he wouldn’t be as good at your job as you are.”

            Gilbert closed his eyes, flattered by the compliments, but he was ready to spill the real extent of his insecurities. “Do you know why I claim to be awesome all the time? Don’t you dare say it’s just because I have an ego! I’ve heard that enough from those who don’t understand. Or maybe I’m expecting too much asking you to see this now.”

            But Roderich did see it, it was right there, burning under the surface. A bright orange coal, the fuel for the fire, and the reason for it all. Then he looked again. It had only appeared to be a bright coal, but the insides were smoldering black. It did fuel the urge to keep fighting and keep going on, but at the same time it was almost too burnt to keep the fire going. Gilbert had been hurt over and over, too many times and he shouldn’t still burn this brightly. “You want others to believe you’re awesome even if you don’t.” As Roderich had an insecurity with his fear of abandonment, Gilbert had what appeared to be a self-esteem problem. Then again, Roderich had one of those as well. Maybe this was what being someone’s soulmate really meant. It was being able to understand the other like no one else could. Everyone else saw the cocky exterior while his soulmate would see the insecurities and be there for him.

            Everything went still in that moment. Roderich had seen it, he understood. “Yes.” Gilbert looked away and drew in on himself. He knew Roderich had so much going on and now he was adding to the burden.

            Roderich saw Gilbert pulling away. “No, please continue. I’m here for you, that’s what I do.”

            “I’m a burden to you and I’ll just become more annoying.”

            “No! No you are not!” If Roderich weren’t still weak from lack of food these past couple of weeks, he would have gotten on his feet. “You have never been a burden to me. Yes, you were annoying and you still can be, but I don’t regret meeting you. I may have at one time, but I don’t any longer, since I got to know you.”

            Gilbert’s eyes widened and Roderich smiled. It was as if the coal was finally starting to rejuvenate. “So I tried to feel awesome by being cocky and finding my happiness in others. My plan had back-fired and while sleeping around I felt most alone. It was so alienating to search for love and companionship in someone who wouldn’t and couldn’t love you back. It was the same with every guy or girl and especially so with Claire.” Gilbert thought of their one night stand and swallowed, deciding not to bring it up now.

            “I never realized that. I guess I had some tastes of that when I was with Elizabeta. It was nice, but never really complete.” Roderich swallowed the lump in his throat and prepared himself. Antonio and Chiara were right and it was time to heed their advice. “Why did I do this? I am as insecure are you, if not more so. No one in my life has ever truly stayed with me. My mother loved me more than anything, but she rarely said it. My father set near impossible expectations of me and I never felt like I was enough. That continued throughout my childhood until my father became sick. That was the first time I was told he was proud of me. I was never good enough so I started seeing myself that way, but it was all okay as long as I kept that all on the inside. If no one knew than it was fine.” Once Roderich started, he couldn’t stop. It was as if the dam that was holding back his emotions had burst and everything rushed out.

            “I am so worried that others will leave me that I push them away until they don’t come back. If they come back then they must really care. I’ve never had many friends and the ones that I did have, never really knew the real me. Elizabeta has not seen half the emotions that you have pulled out from me. I was scared the night I met your parents. It was all too much when I was still trying to figure out if you’d leave or not. I said everything I didn’t mean.

Then I was consumed with self-doubt when you left. ‘Of course you wouldn’t say with a selfish man like me’, ‘I’ll never be good enough to stay with’, and ‘If you don’t even care, why should I be worth caring about?’ Will you—can you—find it in yourself to forgive me?” Roderich eyes had been shifting everywhere, but Gilbert’s eyes. Even when they found his face, they didn’t quite connect. With his last line he finally connected their eyes and saw compassion instead of anger.

            Gilbert was starting at his soulmate in awe. Roderich had finally done it. He had finally shared everything and he was finally seeing on the other side of the wall. “Roddy. Of course you’re worth it! You are not selfish, yes you were scared, but you cared for me. I knew that and I feel guilty for doubting it now. You wouldn’t have called every day if you didn’t care. Yes, I’m still mad and I’m still hurt, but I forgive you.”

            Roderich let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and his shoulders finally relaxed. The tension was almost all out of his body and barbed wire had finally been cut. It was liberating instead of terrifying like he thought it would be. “One more thing,” He had to clarify this just to be safe. “I never meant what I said about never being attracted to a guy. I have found you attractive since the beginning, even when I didn’t want to. I know you’ve caught me checking you out on several occasions. Being away from you, I realized I actually l—”

            Gilbert placed a finger to Roderich’s lips. “If you’re going to confess to me, stop right now. I can’t and I won’t believe that right now. I’ll think you’re doing it just to make me feel better. Please just save it for a bit.” Roderich opened and closed his mouth like a fish again and nodded. Gilbert’s heart started pounding again. _He really was going to confess?!_ “I have to get going now, do you want to keep Sebby for night? He’ll be a good comfort to you. I brought enough things for him to stay.”

            Roderich reached out and caught Gilbert’s arm as the albino passed by. “Please stay with me. I can’t do another night all alone.”

            Gilbert’s heart hadn’t completely softened from the fight, but that sentence followed by Roderich’s completely broken down appearance, cracked the shell. “Okay, but I’m sleeping in the guest room, alone.” He looked at Roderich’s greasy hair; it was just Elizabeta described it. “And you’re taking a shower.”

            Roderich nodded and hugged Sebastian close, receiving a grateful lick in return. _I’ll shower if you come with me._ He held back that tease because they weren’t ready for that. Gilbert smiled fondly at them and went into the kitchen to start dinner. Roderich let a small smile pass his lips. Everything wasn’t completely okay now, but they were on the road to recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! I had it in my mind that I would update my PruAus "For You I'll Always Wait" before this one got done, but well, I just couldn't stop writing this in my head so this came first again. Anyway, I hope you liked that chapter and please leave a review to tell me your thoughts.  
> Next chapter contains the moment we've all been waiting for. -wink wink- and a fluffy beach trip. This chapter was angsty again, but I promise we're on the upward slope!! -until next time, it might be closer than a month I hope. We're getting to my favorite parts of the story.


	11. I Need You, I Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It was always you. I can’t believe I could not see it all this time, all this time. It was always you. Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied, satisfied.” – Maroon 5 (“It Was Always You”) 
> 
> “I tell myself I'm not in love, but one more time is not enough. One last kiss and then you're a goner, and I'm here wishing you could stay a little longer.” – Brothers Osborne (“Stay a Little Longer”)
> 
> Gilbert is still hurting but he forgave Roderich and Roderich is desperate to make Gilbert stay. The pair takes an end of the summer with their friends to make up for the rough month.

Roderich lay on his back staring up at the ceiling, processing the events of the day. At this point, anxiety should be bubbling up in his throat like acid reflux. He had bared his soul and every emotion to Gilbert in these past five months and especially tonight. He had expected rejection, but Gilbert had stayed even if he didn’t want to. Things were starting to change, he was never like this with anyone, but Gilbert just brought it out in him. This time he wasn’t nervous or upset, he was somehow free. Gilbert had forgiven him even if he was still angry, no one had ever done anything like that before. He just listened and he understood.

            He couldn’t say he was completely unafraid and cured of his commitment anxiety, but he was getting there. Gilbert was healing him little by little. Roderich took a deep breath and decided right this moment what he was going to do. _I let him in and I won’t shut him out ever again. I owe him that much. No turning back and when he’ll let me I’ll finally start acting like the soulmate Gilbert deserves._ He fell asleep wrapped in the comfort of those thoughts.

            He wasn’t surprised when he woke up the next morning to an empty apartment. A sinking feeling developed in Roderich’s chest as he wandered out into his kitchen. He was greeted by the German Shepherd, but not his owner. He supposed he couldn’t have expected things to go completely back to normal after their fight. His heart rose a little when he saw a scribbled note on the table.

   ** _I had to go to work, couldn’t wait for you to wake, princess. ;) I fed Sebby this morning and let him out, but he will need to do so a couple more times. He will need to be fed again at 5, and I’ll be back to check on you both then. Eat. I’ll be pissed if you don’t. Breakfast is on the stove._**

**_-G_ **

         Roderich chuckled at the winking face; _he’s even cheeky in his notes._ He found the pancakes and bacon on the stove and reheated them. Sebastian was on his heels the entire time and it didn’t annoy Roderich in the slightest. He reached down and stroked the dog’s head. “That’s the good thing about you, huh? You’re not mad at me. You can’t even tell I did anything wrong. Talk to your daddy for me, won’t you? Tell him I really like him and I’m sorry it took me this long to let myself feel that.” Roderich laughed and brought his breakfast into the piano room. _Of course I’d be able confess my feelings to a dog before I can my actual soulmate._

            He quickly ate before he sat down at the piano. Now that he knew Gilbert would stay, he felt inspired to play again. Today he wasn’t practicing a orchestra song or composing for movie. This song was something different all together. It felt like freedom, shined like and eternal sun and smells of lilacs in a summer breeze. It was love in its purest form, dictated by cheesy feelings and it put a smile on Roderich’s face. It wasn’t forced or pained, it was genuine, and the thought of Gilbert had caused it. Sebastian basked in the sun pouring in from the window and listened perking up or wagging his tail at certain parts of the song. Roderich would ask if Sebastian liked that certain part and he would get a happy bark in return. He wrote the notes down on blank sheet music and was still smiling when he finished. Roderich wanted to title it, but no title seemed to give it justice so he just scrawled Gilbert’s name on the top.

            His phone rang, cutting through his thoughts, and he saw Elizabeta’s name flashing on his caller ID. Purple irses made eye contact with the ceiling, but he picked it up anyway. “Elizabeta, hello.”

            “Oh Roderich! You picked up, I’m so glad, I’ve been so worried.” He heard the lingering worry mixed with a sigh of relief.

            “I know. I did it again, I’m sorry.”

            “Well, are you eating and taking care of yourself?”

            Roderich ran a hand through his now clean hair, “Yes, Gilbert made sure of that.”

            “Good, he’s finally doing his job.” She paused not sure if asking this would be the right thing, but she did anyway. “How are things with you two?”

            “Shaky, but we’re getting there. He’s still upset, but we’ve forgiven each other. He left Sebastian with me for comfort.” At the sound of his name Sebastian got trotted over and laid his head on Roderich’s knee. He gave the dog a fond smile and petted him gently.

            “Yeah about that, I thought you hated dogs?”

            “I thought I did, but this one isn’t so bad. Gilbert has him trained well and I can see the appeal of having a dog.”

            “Wow, interesting. So what’s next for you and Gilbert?”

            Roderich chuckled again. “Straight to the point as always. I’m planning on confessing to him when he’s ready to hear it.”

            “Really?” He could hear the surprise in her voice, but it didn’t phase him. His mind was made up. He had been so lonely in the last month and he knew only Gilbert could cure the loneliness. He had stopped ignoring the way his heart would flip when Gilbert smiled, urge to be close to him, or how he knew the warmth in his chest wasn’t just mark-related.

            “I know, no one is more surprised than me, but there’s something about him. With him I don’t have to hide or stay composed. He comforts me when I’m upset and he has this way of calming me. I realized this in our month apart, I didn’t just miss him in a friend type way, I constantly thought of him in romantic ways. It had started before then, but I had been so stubborn.” He smiled down at Sebastian and scratched behind his ear. “I think I fell along time ago, but I was too afraid to admit it.”

            “This is the most open you’ve been with me as well. Is this his influence?”

            Roderich shrugged, “I guess it is.” Sebastian got up and ran out of the room. He came back and set at Roderich’s feet, barking at him in anticipation. “I suppose Sebastian wants to go out, so, I have to go. Thanks for checking in, Liz.” He patted Sebastian and walked past him earning a frustrated yap in return. “I know, I’m getting changed and we’ll go.” He grabbed a few things and actually fixed his hair in the mirror this time. It only took him a moment to get Sebastian’s leash hooked up before the dog was eagerly leading him out the door.

            “Mr. Edelstein! It is wonderful to see you and of course with your new friend.” James greeted the pair cheerfully. “How are things with Mr. Gilbert?”

            Roderich shook his head, of course, Gilbert would tell everyone. “We’re okay.”

            “I’m glad, he seemed distressed when he arrived yesterday.”

            “Yes. That was my fault, but we’re okay now.” Roderich nodded before Sebastian got impatient and pulled him toward the park. The brunette breathed in the early September air, it was still warm like summer, but it was also nearing fall. As he let Sebastian do his business and pull him around the park, he thought of the excitement that the change of seasons brought. It was a new season for the two of them as well, he supposed. Changes were coming. For the first time, Roderich wasn’t afraid because he knew in his heart that Gilbert would be with him. It was almost a supernatural feeling and he guessed that came with the soulmates territory.

He felt like he finally understood soulmates. There wasn’t a “perfect” one for everyone because it would be crazy to hold another person to that standard. The mark matched him with the person he was most compatible with, but the rest was up to them. The feelings, the experiences, and how to work them out, were all on them. Roderich had to admit he really liked that aspect of the soulmate culture.

When Sebastian finally settled down, Roderich brought them to his and Gilbert’s favorite part of the park. He threw the tennis ball he brought and watched their dog shoot off like a rocket. _Wait. Did I just think of him as our dog? I guess I did._ He set up his easel with a deep breath; everything that he loved was finally coming back to him. Loneliness had made him want to do nothing, but Gilbert made him want to do everything. He though he’d paint the lake just past the park, but instead his pencil lines formed something else instead.

With each throw of the tennis ball and each brush stroke, Gilbert came to life on the canvas. Roderich hadn’t ever painted a person before, but he found it to be easier than he thought. Maybe it was because he had Gilbert memorized by now, or maybe it was a skill he never knew he had. Gilbert’s skin shone like a pearl on the canvas with shades of iridescent lilac and cerulean mixed in. The portrait stopped just below Gilbert’s mark, which shone red like the setting sun against the snow and it matched his eyes perfectly.

“That must be your soulmate, he’s beautiful. So unique.” A voice had pulled him out of his trance and the world slowly faded back into focus. He suddenly realized Sebastian was now taking a nap under the tree and the sun was starting to set.

He looked up into the eyes of a kind old woman. “Thank you, I don’t know if I quite captured his true essence, but I was inspired.”

“It’s there, I can tell even though I’ve never met him. It’s painted with the eyes of a soulmate in love.” The woman smiled. “Oh, to be young and smitten again.”

“Roddy! There you are. I’m glad you’re outside, but I didn’t know where you were.”

The woman and Roderich turned in Gilbert’s direction. “You captured him perfectly.” She smiled and waved as she made her way back through the park.

“Sorry, I lost track of time.”

“Is that me?” Gilbert brushed past Roderich to stare at the painting up close. “Wow, this is incredible. You didn’t tell me you were _this_ good!”

“I actually have never done a portrait before.” Roderich stood behind him and rubbed the back of his neck, knowing a blush was blooming on his face.

Gilbert turned around and looked at him with such surprise and wonder, it made Roderich’s heart flutter. “You’re kidding.”

“No. I usually only do scenery. I didn’t think I could.”

“You definitely can. I’m so getting this framed and hanging it up in your place!”

 _I don’t know how I did this before. How could I just stand here not be moved by his excitement, joy, and just him in general?_ “I don’t think it’s that good, but if you wish.”

“I’m going to stop that some day! You’ll look at everything you do and be proud because I think you’re awesome.” Gilbert paused, reeling himself back, remembering they just made up, barely and they weren’t ready or this. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, let’s get Sebastian back for his dinner. I’ll get him, you take your painting.”

“Okay.” Roderich looked at Gilbert, stunned by the sudden change in his demeanor. Roderich supposed Gilbert had realized how amicable he had been acting toward him. Maybe Gilbert remembered something about the fight and pulled back. He watched as Gilbert wake up his dog and Sebastian greeted him with excited barks and fierce wagging of his tail. No one greeted another with an enthusiasm as a dog that loves his or her owner. He followed them back up, covering his painting so it wouldn’t get ruined.

Gilbert fixed Sebastian his dinner and gathered his things once again. “Do you want to keep Sebby another day or should I take him back with me?”

 _No, don’t leave. Please, I’ve spent so many nights alone. I want you and I need you here._ “You’re leaving?”

“Yes, I’m not ready right now, it still hurts.”

“Please stay, I need you.”

Gilbert smiled wistfully. He confused the disparity in Roderich’s voice for just a feeling of loneliness. “I’m sure you’d be fine with anyone else here. Why don’t you ask Elizabeta to come over for a little bit? I’m sure she’d do anything for you right now.”

“No. _I want you_.”

Gilbert gasped as the full weight of the Roderich’s words hit him. Roderich wanted him, not just anyone, but him. “Just give me one more day.” He answered, still anxious and hurt about everything that happened.

Roderich didn’t want that. He felt an urgency, as if letting Gilbert walk out the door tonight would be a mistake. He hated this and he just wanted them to be okay. He’d felt so good today. _I have to make him stay, but how?_ Then it came to him. He crossed the room in three steps and took Gilbert’s face between his hands. Confused, ruby eyes watched his every move and Gilbert found himself suddenly unable to breathe. Before he could hesitate or Gilbert could pull away, Roderich pressed their lips together.

Gilbert let out a soft gasp into the kiss. Their marks lit up like a fire for a moment before the warmth faded. He had to admit; he was going to miss the warmth whenever Roderich was near.

There was something about this kiss that was strikingly different from all other kisses he’d had. Sure Roderich wasn’t he first kiss, but he was the one that mattered. Gilbert knew he wouldn’t want to kiss anyone else. _No! Wait, I can’t just lose myself in this. I have to make sure._ Gilbert was the first to break the kiss. “Roderich.”

He looked at Gilbert with half lidded eyes. Even though the kiss had been a simple brushing and pressing of lips, Roderich felt himself dazed. “What?”

“Are you sure? You know this means no going back, right? After this, we can’t be just friends any longer. This changes everything.” Gilbert was serious, but he couldn’t quite meet Roderich’s eyes. He chewed his lip and still tasted the Chapstick Roderich always wore. It was sweet like lemon and he could get addicted to it. He quickly shook that from his mind. Then he focused on the impending rejection because it was all he’d ever known.

“…Yes...as long as you’re not mad at me anymore. I want this too that’s why I kissed you.”

Gilbert was taken back by the straightforward answer. _What had really happened to him in our month apart?_ “If you really mean this, then no, I’m not.” Roderich smiled and nodded in response. Gilbert’s lips were suddenly on his again and this kiss was warm and passionate. So different from the first, but the incredible feeling was still the same. It felt right, but Roderich was a little stiff like he was trying to over think everything.

Roderich’s experience with tongue was basically none because he and Elizabeta tired it once, but it didn’t feel right. Now he wanted it even though he didn’t know how. He hoped Gilbert could teach him. He had a feeling Gilbert would be teaching him a lot in the near future.

“Relax babe, and open your mouth.”

Roderich was sure he was a mess as he slid his tongue over Gilbert’s, but his, now, _boyfriend_ didn’t pull away or stop. This kiss was finally it. Roderich couldn’t believe it took him this long to realize he wouldn’t and couldn’t be satisfied by anyone else. Roderich was the first to break the kiss this time and both of them just stayed still, breathless, because of the other.

“I really do have to go, I have plans early tomorrow morning.” Gilbert finally whispered. He chuckled at Roderich’s blatant disappointment. “It’s just tomorrow the waves are going to be good and it’s the last warm weekend we’ll have in September. Francis, Toni and I always go. You could come, but I’d have to pick you up at 5:30 so we could get to the beach by 6.” Roderich wrinkled his nose at just the mention of such an early time. Gilbert leaned in and kissed the bridge of his nose. “That’s so cute. I’ve never told you that. The way you wrinkle your nose is so endearing to me.”

“That’s so strange.”

“I could come back for at 11 if you want.”

“You’d drive an extra hour just to bring me back to the beach. I don’t even like the beach. Plus you know what happened there last time.” Roderich shook his head, remembering meeting the Gilbert he despised.

“Oh come on! The beach can’t be ruined because I said some stupid things. I know better now, I’ve grown since then, right? You’d get to spend the whole day seeing me shirtless…I know you like how I look~!”

Roderich weighed the options, sure he hated how the sand got everywhere, but then again an all-day-shirtless Gilbert had its appeal. “Fine. Come get me at 5:30. I’ll just nap under my umbrella or read or something.”

“I’ll bring you coffee!” Gilbert gave him a chaste kiss. “Wait.” Gilbert paused as a realization just hit him. “Don’t you have your own car, couldn’t you just drive yourself?”

“I did, but I sold it. I didn’t need it and I wanted to have some extra money saved, you know, for future things.”

“You’d probably get lost driving yourself, anyway.” Gilbert teased.

“Shut up.” He tried to pull away, but Gilbert only tightened his hold. “…that’s what the navigator is for.”

“Wait! Are you saving for a house? Are you going to buy us a house?” Gilbert said suddenly excited.

“Maybe, and you’d help if we did buy a house. I’ve thought about eventually having a house outside of the city like my parents used to have.”

“Would we keep the penthouse?”

“Yes. I would never get rid of this place, I love it.”

“Okay! I’m going now and I’ll take Sebby so you can go to sleep early.” He finally let go and gathered Sebastian’s things.

“Wait.” Roderich reached out and grabbed Gilbert’s sleeve still not wanting to spend the night alone. If Gilbert went home it wouldn’t feel real. He wanted to cherish this moment to it’s fullest potential. He had finally let everything go and it felt good. This was the only way he’d be okay with losing control. “You might as well stay over. I mean, it’ll make leaving in the morning earlier, after all.”

Gilbert laughed. Roderich had managed to make asking for company sound practical. “Okay, but I’ll have to run home and then drop Sebby off at Ludwig’s. He’d probably be happier that I’m dropping him off tonight and not early tomorrow morning.” He leaned over and kissed Roderich’s forehead on his way out. “I still can’t believe you were actually going to confess yesterday.”

“I was. I didn’t want you at first. I was doing everything I could to fight back the feelings that I didn’t realize how hard I fell for you. I realized that when we were apart for that month and confirmed it yesterday. No one else mattered and no one else could bring me back like you just did.”

Gilbert crossed the room and kissed Roderich again. It was soft and quick, but still as meaningful and passionate as the others. “That was everything I wanted to hear. I’ll be back, I promise.”

            “See you soon.” He watched Gilbert’s back with a giddy smile until his soulmate disappeared onto the elevator. He shook his head at himself as he closed the door. _I’ve really fallen. Mom and dad, I really wish you could meet this one. I don’t think you would have liked him right away, I didn’t either, but he’s amazing. He calms me down during the storms, he makes me angry, sometimes, but he also makes me so happy._ He ran a hand over his face. _Look what you’ve done to me, Gil, you’ve made me as cheesy as you._

James could tell that Gilbert’s spirits were significantly lifted from the last he’d seen him. “Did something good happen, Mr. Gilbert?”

            Gilbert’s eyes lit up when he turned on James. “Not just good, awesome! James! He kissed me and told me he has feelings for me now.”

            James smiled, his crows feet crinkling with how big his smile was, “I’m happy for you, sir. That is wonderful news. You both looked so down lately, I’m glad you could work it out.”

            “See that’s why I like you. You really care about your residents.” Gilbert high fived James and then skipped out to his car.

* * *

 

            When Gilbert came back Roderich was lying in his bed reading. He smiled at the silk pajamas Roderich was wearing. They were a deep red and Gilbert bit his lip realizing that they matched his eyes. He vaguely wondered if Roderich had bought them for that reason. “Hi, babe.” Gilbert murmured, crawling into bed and snuggling up close.

            “That’s such a cliché pet name.” Roderich wrinkled his nose.

            “I don’t care, I haven’t had the chance to use it with anyone else before.”

            Roderich thought back to his daydream in the meadow. Gilbert had used that exact pet name and it didn’t bother him because it was special. So the pet names really were a special thing just for him. “Fine, I suppose, then it’s okay.”

            “Thanks for being so agreeable, little master.” Roderich ignored that one and continued reading until he was poked in the side. He let out a little yelp and then blushed profusely.

            “What was that for?”

            Ruby eyes watched him with amusement and playfulness. “How can you just ignore me right now?”

            Roderich rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I have self control, unlike you.”

            Gilbert rolled over onto his back and threw his arms out, one lying across Roderich’s stomach. “Oh come on! We just had our first kiss and you don’t want to just kiss all the time right now? That kiss was so special and different. You had to have felt that. I want more. Play with me.”

            “You’re such a handful.”

            “You’re beautiful and sexy and smart. You have a smile that lights up a room and I can’t stop looking at you when you’re near. And I-mph” Roderich had suddenly tossed his book aside and pressed his lips against Gilbert’s in a gentle kiss.

            “Stop it!” Roderich chided as he ended the kiss. “You’re embarrassing me.” He said to hide the fact that hearing compliments like that turned him on a bit.

            “Because I’m making you feel so special?”

            “Something like that. No one has ever said anything like that to me before.” He curled into Gilbert’s side feeling like he fit perfectly just like that night during the storm.

            “You started it now. Don’t think you’ll get away that easily.” Gilbert rolled over and trapped Roderich underneath him. “If you want me to stop you better say so now.” Violet eyes stared unwavering into the crimson ones above him mirrored with the same desire. Gilbert swallowed, suddenly a little nervous, he hadn’t expected that confirmation. He’d been so used to his playful flirts and moves being brushed off but Roderich that he almost didn’t know what to do with himself. He leaned down and buried his face in Roderich’s neck. He peppered his neck and his chest with little kisses.

            Roderich pressed a hand over his mouth and squirmed under Gilbert’s lips. He gasped when Gilbert pulled his hand away and he was forced to let out pent up giggles.

            “…my god. That’s so cute! You’re ticklish?” Gilbert’s face emerged from Roderich’s neck and he looked down on him with a teasing smirk.

            “Don’t you dare! I’ll end up kicking you out of bed.” He gasped and tensed as Gilbert ran a finger down the length of his neck. “Gilbert! Please!” He giggled as Gilbert’s fingers crawled over his neck and chest. He writhed under the feeling that he usually hated, but with Gilbert nothing was ever that bad. Unfortunately he was known to kick when he was tickled.

            “Fuck!” Gilbert exclaimed and doubled back when Roderich’s foot suddenly made connection with his stomach. Roderich immediately stopped laughing and looked at Gilbert with concern.

            “I’m sorry, but I warned you.”

            It took a few minutes before Gilbert could speak again, since he actually had the wind knocked out of him. “Well…” He coughed a couple times before he weakly continued. “If an intruder ever comes in I can count on you to kick them. I thought that was a figurative kick of the bed, not a literal one.”

Roderich chuckled a little. “I guess it was both.”

“You should kiss me to make it better.” Roderich rolled his eyes, but leaned over and kissed him. It started off soft and sensual, but once again it caught fire. He hadn’t really been interested in kissing before. It was a greeting or casual with him and Elizabeta, but with Gilbert it was something entirely different. It was a need to connect in a way that they hadn’t done before. It was a want inside him that was only satisfied with kissing. Eventually that wouldn’t be enough and the desire would be for something more. He felt Gilbert surrounding him, not in just the physical sense, but he could feel Gilbert’s emotions around him with the kiss. Gilbert was vulnerable and filled with a feeling Roderich felt himself. It was different than being with anyone else and he could tell Gilbert felt that as well.

Roderich shut his brain off as Gilbert’s lips slid over his own and then parted with a tongue begging for entrance. He let him in and slid his tongue over Gilbert’s in a slow motion, taking in every inch. Suddenly it was all too much and it made him blush. He broke the kiss and rolled over. If he hadn’t stopped himself right there who knows what he would have imagined them doing.

“Roddy~” Gilbert groaned and Roderich felt a warmth pool inside his stomach. “What was that for?”

“Go to sleep. We have a early morning.” Gilbert pouted and leaned over, leaving a trail of wet, open-mouthed kisses along the length of Roderich’s neck. “Please, Gil, I want things I haven’t wanted before, but I’m not ready. I want us to take our time.”

Gilbert suddenly understood and he held his boyfriend from behind, but didn’t make any further moves. _He didn’t pull away because he was embarrassed or didn’t want me. He pulled away because he did want me, but he wasn’t ready. I’ve waited this long. This is enough._ “This is enough.” He repeated the thought a loud this time and he knew there was a smile blossoming across Roderich’s face. He wondered if Roderich had been worried about stopping them like this. Relief washed over Roderich’s body and he began to relax into sleep, taking Gilbert with him to his dreamland.

* * *

 

“Roddy, time to get up.”

Roderich didn’t even try to open his eyes. “Five more minutes.”

“That’s what you said five minutes ago. Don’t think that’ll work on me twice. I know you won’t get up.”

He imagined Gilbert smirk to match his condescending tone. “I promise this time.”

“I went out and got coffee for you and I’ve packed everything up. You just have to get dressed and get in the car. If you don’t get up, I’ll have to make you.”

“…Like to see you try.”

Gilbert’s smirk morphed from amused to a bit sinister. He started leaving feather light kisses along Roderich’s collarbone, while one of his hand snaked up Roderich’s shirt.

Roderich eyes snapped open and he sucked in a sharp gasp. Gilbert’s hand had made contact with his nipple and tweaked it just right. “Okay! I’m up. That’s dirty, but I still like you.” He gently twisted out of Gilbert’s grasp and made his way to the bathroom.

Gilbert was excited for today, it was their first official day as a couple and he finally felt truly happy. He didn’t have hold back any of his feelings back any longer. He packed a lunch for them and put extra blankets for the bonfire and stargazing. Today was going to be a good day. So yeah, he “forgot” to mention that Roderich could have come later with Chiara and Mattie, but he wanted more time with Roderich.

            If he had thought he’d seen the cutest sides of Roderich he would be wrong. A very sleepy Roderich emerged a little while later in swim trunks and a basic cobalt blue T-shirt that made his eyes pop. He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Gilbert’s neck and gave him a good morning kiss. Well, at least that’s what Gilbert guessed it was supposed to be, but Roderich had pressed close and teased with his tongue.

            Roderich was addicted now, he couldn’t help it, nothing had felt so good, and so right as kissing Gilbert. He broke the kiss and nuzzled against Gilbert’s chest. “I’m too sleepy, you might have to carry me out of here.”

            Gilbert chuckled and bit his lip. “I can, but are you sure you wouldn’t rather walk?”

            “Nope.”

            “Well, I should have expected this from a princess.”

            “Shut up, at least call me your prince instead.”

            Gilbert laughed. He first broke Roderich’s hold around his neck to shoulder his boyfriend’s backpack. “You may be a prince, but I’m going to carry you like a princess.”

            “Whatever, do as you wish.” Roderich didn’t even flinch as Gilbert picked him up and held him.

He tucked one arm under Roderich’s knees and the other supporting his back. He was surprised how light Roderich was and smiled as Roderich nuzzled his head onto his shoulder. _Damn, I’ll have to encounter him sleepy more often. He’s totally docile and affectionate._ “Oh and your coffee is in the car as promised, little master.”

“Uh huh. Good boy.” Roderich murmured and closed his eyes. He was surprised Roderich didn’t even protest once on the whole trip down to the car or past the surprised doorman. Roderich actually looked a little sad when he was put down in the car. His face did light up when the smell of coffee hit his nose. “You even got it from my favorite place, you’re the best.”

 _Fuck…I love this so much!!!_ “Of course! Anything for you, my dear, you know that.”

“I do…I’m so lucky.”

“Me too.” Gilbert smiled and started driving. He was stunned that even with a full cup of coffee, Roderich slept the entire thirty minutes to the beach. The albino sang along to the radio and he swore he saw Roderich smile with his eyes closed.

Roderich was asleep minutes after his finished his coffee, but woke a bit later to a bump in the road. He heard soft singing; it wasn’t even off pitch in the slightest and was surprised at how nice it was. He’d have to make Gilbert sing for him some time. It was a soft tenor, though he knew Gilbert would have like to have been a deep baritone. It reminded him of this commercial he saw for a caramel company, the way it flowed and how sweet it sounded. That he would never tell Gilbert, but he thought it all the same.

“Roddy, we’re here and look! The sun is rising, it’s beautiful.”

Roderich opened one eye and narrowed it at Gilbert for a second. “How are you so chipper? You’re not human.” He sighed and sat up and looked at the sunrise. It was really beautiful with its soft yellows and pinks lighting up the dark sky.

“Do I need to carry you this time?” Gilbert teased.

“You didn’t tell me you could sing.”

Gilbert blushed, he didn’t sing for anyone when he wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t expecting Roderich to be listening. “I don’t know…I’ve only sang to the radio and during drunken karaoke, I didn’t really know I could, I guess.”

“Of course you can. You carry a nice pitch and you were right on with the notes. Your voice is nice. I’d know, I did study music in college.”

“Wow…thank you.” Gilbert bit his lip and smiled brightly. Roderich laughed and it surprised Gilbert. “What?”

“I made you blush. It’s usually the other way around.”

“You keep catching me off guard! It’s not my fault.”

Roderich leaned over and kissed his cheek. “It’s cute, now I understand how you could think it’s cute on me.”

“Why aren’t you this affectionate all the time?”

“Because I’m too tired to care right now and I do really like you. If I was like this all the time, it wouldn’t be as special.”

Gilbert rolled his eyes, but got out to get their stuff. Roderich followed and took his things from Gilbert. “You know that will just make me want to wake you up early more often.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Gil!” Toni called waving at them. Francis raised a hand too, but like Roderich was less of morning person. Antonio trotted over and took Roderich’s things from him and set the umbrella up next to their things. “I’m surprised you’re here this early, Roderich. Chiara and Mattie are just coming later in Chiara’s car.”

Roderich turned on Gilbert and glared at him. Francis raised his eyebrows at Antonio. The pair held back laughs and little winces as they realized what they accidentally released. Francis had only seen this side of Roderich once when he woke Roderich up too early on a school trip. He was surprised he made it out with his life. There was no calming Roderich; Gilbert was definitely going to get an earful. “You mean I could have come later? You made it seem like only way I could come was at this hour.” His tone wasn’t loud or super angry, it was just icy.

Gilbert held up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry! I wanted to spend more time with you, especially with how things had been with us lately. You’re right; I should have offered the other option, but I thought it’d be fun to ride up together and stuff.”

Roderich backed off in surrender although he was still annoyed. “Yes you should have, but you are right. I want that too.” He hugged Gilbert, but didn’t go to kiss him since Gilbert’s friends were there. “Have fun surfing. It’s a good thing for _you_ that I can sleep anywhere.” His tone on the last sentence was still a bit icy, but he saw that Gilbert could tell he was teasing. He let Gilbert give him a kiss on his forehead before he lay out on his towel.

Gilbert unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off with a chuckle. “Thanks.” _This is the best. I’m sorry for our fight, but it has brought us closer._ He laid his shirt down over Roderich’s torso and Roderich gave him an appreciative smile. He grabbed his board and ran to the shore to meet his friends.

“What the hell?” Francis exchanged a look with Antonio before they both looked at him stunned. “I’ve never seen Roderich act like that. How did you do that? In high school we went on a trip and I made the mistake of waking him. His morning glare could kill.”

“Oh, that? Roddy and I are together now. Like together, together. He apologized and we had an awesome heart to heart. I wasn’t fully ready to be around him, but then he kissed me. Yes, you heard right, he kissed me. I told him that meant no turning back we were a couple and he agreed.” Gilbert raised his eyebrows and placed his hands on his hips, looking pleased with himself. “As far as evading his anger? I’m special. I’m his soulmate after all; of course I’d be able to calm him down.

“Congrats man! I know how long you’ve waited for this.” Francis clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m still stunned you got him out here this early. I’m happy for you two.”

Antonio stood with his arms crossed and a knowing smirk on his face. “I fucking told you so.”

“Shut up before I push into the water.” Gilbert shook his head.

“I’m still putting that in my best man speech!”

“You’re a loser.” Gilbert rolled his eyes and dashed into the water, leaving the other two behind. Surfing was one of the things Gilbert loved most. The smell of the saltwater, the crisp ocean breeze and how in control he felt out there, those were the best. Sure, he couldn’t control the waves, because they were as unpredictable as he was, but he could control how he used the waves.

Today was going to be a good day; he felt it deep within his bones. Gilbert supposed it was he was finally happy and he knew it was because of Roderich. Who knew finally getting together with a soulmate would make him feel so free? He did know that it would make him happy, but then again, they _just_ made up. A small seed of worry still grew within him. What if Roderich decided to take it all back? No. He had to believe that it was going to be okay, and that Roderich meant it when he agreed to no turning back.

Gilbert cleared his mind as he dove under a wave to catch the one coming up. He took a deep breath and he was up. He loved the power of being like this. Everything was still and yet rushing by him all at once. He bent further into his crouch and reached a hand out to just brush the water with his fingertips.

Roderich should have been more interested in sleeping, because this was an ungodly hour, but he was stunned. He only knew surfers by their stereotype. Chill, laid back and lazy. Sure Gilbert was the first two, but nothing in how he was moving over the water showed laziness. It was control, strength, and beauty. Those were never characteristics he would have picked out for Gilbert himself, but seeing him now they fit.

 _No_ , Roderich shook his head. _He is and has always been all of those things. He is strong because he was shown obstacles and told what he could and couldn’t do, but he over came them. He won me over even if I had been dead set on going against him. He surpassed his party image to become successful in his career. Gilbert is in control of his life and how he reacts to everything._

He sighed as his eyes traced Gilbert’s form, even if it was small because how far away Roderich was, he could just make out Gilbert’s expression. It was pure bliss that lit up his ruby eyes and calmed his cocky grin. _Of course, he’s beautiful and I’m in trouble aren’t I?_ He placed a hand over his chest and felt his heart fluttering like hummingbird wings. It was if he could take a million deep breaths and still never feel like he could breathe properly. _This must be what falling in love feels like. I didn’t feel this way around Elizabeta ever._

Gilbert rode out the wave and sat down on his surfboard, his friends joining him after their dismount. “You guys, I am a champion. An awesome champion.”

Antonio scoffed. “Okay, yeah, that ride was good, but not that good.”

Francis rolled his eyes and looked down at the cool water as it washed around his thighs. “Idiot, he’s still talking about Roderich.”

“How could I not be? It’s not like you guys celebrated much for me.”

“Shut up, Gil we are happy for you. I’m really happy.” Antonio smiled and splashed Gilbert.”

“Just four years ago you were having parties and still hooking up with Toni. If you told me then you’d end up totally committed to Roderich I would never believed it. You’ve finally grown up. The last of the trio, we’re so proud.” Francis grinned and took a face full of water from Gilbert’s kick. “Rude.”

“Shut up! I don’t need your sass. I’m happy and proud that I finally got Roderich to like me.”

“I know, I know, but he’s right. You have really grown in the past five months with Roderich.” Antonio’s tone was serious this time instead of joking.

“You guys are being too cheesy now. I’m out.” Gilbert headed out for another wave to hide the blush that had taken over his cheeks. He did love compliments, but even he hit his limit.

Roderich watched him surf for a little while before he fell asleep. He had to admit just being able to watch this had been worth waking up early. There was something so sexy about how Gilbert could look so graceful and in control.

* * *

 

He woke later when he felt a sudden cold wetness brush against his arm. His violet eye peeked open to see Gilbert lying beside him, not cuddling him, but close enough that their arms were pressed together. “Ew. You’re wet, get away.”

Gilbert chuckled and draped an arm over Roderich’s stomach. “Never.” He curled his arm and drew his boyfriend closer to his side, effectively getting droplets of water all over Roderich’s left side.

“Stop…” Roderich protested, but he didn’t put up much of a fight. He did like feeling of how Gilbert’s body felt against his own. It was if they were perfectly contoured to fit in each other’s embrace like a lock and a key.

“I’m hungry, but I’m too lazy to get up and get the cooler.”

“Sounds like a personal problem.” Roderich teased, too comfortable to move as well.

“Ari!!!! Guess what?” Toni called, getting up to greet his wife.

Gilbert looked up and saw Chiara approaching and a seed of worry blossomed in the back of his head again. He waited for Roderich to pull away, but it didn’t happen.

“Shut up, there’s no point hiding it anyway. You tell everyone even our doorman.” He rolled his eyes. “I could tell by your body language. You suddenly tensed up. Your emotions are always obvious on your face.” Gilbert smiled and relaxed, his eyes still following Chiara.

She rolled her eyes but accepted the kiss from Antonio. “What now?”

“Roderich and Gil got together last night.” He held her hands and was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Chiara kicked off her sandals on Antonio’s towel and walked over to the two of them. “Well, well. Look who took our advice.”

“Yes, I did and it worked. Thank you again, Chiara.” Roderich said, glancing up a her.

“What advice?” Gilbert butt in, but both of them ignored him.

“Who kissed whom?”

Roderich blushed a little, but he was confident in his answer. “I kissed him, actually.”

“Hah! Suck it Toni, I told you.”

“You still owe me 10. You didn’t believe they’d get together so soon.”

“You bet on our relationship?” Roderich looked surprised but he felt Gilbert’s laughter shake through his body.

“Oh come on, Chiara likes to be right and Toni willing to bet money because he’s childish.”

“Hah! Look who’s talking.” Chiara smirked and dodged the sand that was flicked at her.

“You went to Toni and Chiara for advice?” Gilbert turned his attention back to his boyfriend.

“Yeah, well, I’ve never had a fight like that before so I didn’t know how to make up from one. Plus Elizabeta said Chiara might understand my situation. They told me I can’t hide anything and I should tell you everything.”

Gilbert looked a little disappointed. “Oh, so you didn’t do that on your own?”

Roderich immediately sat up and ran a hand through Gilbert’s hair, knowing that would calm him down. “That’s not exactly true. They gave me that advice, but I did want to open up to you. My dad did always say your soulmate is the one person you never hide from. I promise you, wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t wanted to.”

Gilbert bit his lip and shook off his restraint. He launched himself at Roderich, sending them both tumbling backwards.

“Gil—!” Roderich looked up to see Gilbert had suddenly pinned him down. Pale arms surrounded him and he was about to protest until he looked up into Gilbert’s eyes. He had never seen such sincerity and gratitude reflected in those stunning ruby eyes before now. It took his breath away.

“Thank you.” Gilbert laughed a little at their position. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so intense about that hug.”

Roderich couldn’t hold back the laughter that escaped him. “Everything is always intense with you.”

Gilbert had never before heard such a pure laugh from Roderich. He suspected he would have a lot of firsts with Roderich from here on out. A lot of firsts, but also a lot of lasts. This time there was nothing wrong or depressing about last times. There was hope in the lasts. Hope that he no longer would be lonely and unsatisfied. Although Gilbert had tried to put off meeting his soulmate at first, it was something he had always dreamed about.

“Get a room.” Chiara scoffed and Gilbert quickly let Roderich up. His eyes gazed past Chiara and lit up when they landed on Matthew.

“Mattie!” He jumped up and threw his arms around him. “I’ve missed you. We have to see each other more often. I miss our little cuddle parties we used to have when you and Francis first got together.

“Took you some time to notice.” Matthew’s voice was soft, but there was still a touch of sarcasm.

“Sorry, Mattie, I’ve been preoccupied. You know how it is when your soulmate admits feelings for you. It’s like you don’t want to keep your hands off of them. Roddy won’t tell you but he—”

“Gil!” Roderich ran up to them and cut his boyfriend off. “I know you’re excited, but you don’t need to tell the world about our personal affairs.”

“Right. Sorry. Roddy, this is Matthew; he’s Francis’s soulmate and a good friend of mine. He’s awesome, he helped me out in a time of need and we’ve been tight ever since.”   
            Matthew smiled and formally shook hands with Roderich. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m a fan of yours, actually, I’ve been to a few of the orchestra’s performances.”

Roderich grinned, thankful that there was one of Gilbert’s friends that might have something in common with him. “So you like classical music?”

“I do. It’s very calming.” Matthew still wasn’t used getting attention so his sentences tended to be short. He hoped it didn’t come off that he was trying to be short with Roderich.

Gilbert left them to talk and went off to dig up lunch. He knew Roderich and Matthew would get along. Plus Francis told him that Mattie had been dying to meet Roderich.

“Good thing the two of them finally got to meet.” Francis smiled. “Mattie wouldn’t bug me about it a lot, but he did mention being a fan of Roderich’s. I said that I could probably get them to meet after a concert once, but he didn’t want to be too much trouble. You know how he is.”

“But that’s what’s so cute about him.”

“So Gil, what’s it like dating a celebrity?” Francis teased and sat down to eat lunch with him.

“I can just say, I’m glad he’s not more famous. It’d be annoying if he was getting recognized everywhere we went. Luckily the composer is not seen on screen in the movies.”

“So selfish, Gil.” Francis teased and dodged the grape stems that were thrown at him. “No, I get what you mean. I agree regarding Mattie too. He sometimes gets lost in our conversations, I’m glad Roderich is here.”

“Yeah, I think they’ll be good friends.”

Roderich wandered over after a bit and sat next to Gilbert. “What did you bring for lunch?”

“Sandwiches, grapes, and chips.”

“You better make a good sandwich.” Roderich teased and reached across for lunch. Gilbert caught him and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

“You look happy, Rod, I’m glad.”

“I am. Thank you for convincing me to come on this trip.”

“Ugh. Were we that gross when we first starting dating?” Chiara teased, taking a seat next to her husband.

Toni grinned at her. “Only in private, you’d never let me do that in public.”

“For good reason! No one needs to see that, it’s just for us.”

“Gil! You have to tell me about your first kiss, I want to know.” Toni was nearly bouncing with excitement. He was a big cheeseball for anything of the romantic nature, even more so than Francis.

“Please don’t, I’ll barf.”

“Lady like as always, Chiara.” Gilbert teased. “I don’t want to embarrass Roddy too much, but you were right, Toni. Kissing a soulmate is like not like kissing anyone else. It’s incredible and so…I don’t how do you explain it?”

“It’s like a ‘finally’ feeling.” Mattie supplied for him.

“Exactly! Though I will say, it was totally romantic Toni. I was going to leave for the night, but Roddy totally wanted to make me stay. I was a bit mad still, but when he kissed me everything melted away.”

“It wasn’t a perfect kiss, I mean I’m sure I was a bit of a mess, but it was like it didn’t matter. It was Gilbert and that’s all that mattered.” Roderich was blushing because he was still not used to talking about this kind of stuff.

“You drive me crazy when you say stuff like that.” Gilbert leaned close and whispered in his ear. Roderich rolled his eyes and scrunched his nose as he felt Gilbert’s breath on his ear. It tickled a little bit, but he really liked it. He pushed him away but turned his head so only Gilbert could see and mouthed, ‘later’.

Gilbert bit his lip but went back to his lunch. “Roddy, we need to take a picture together. I realized we don’t have any.”

“I don’t really like pictures…but all right.”

“Take your shirt off, I want to see both of our marks in the picture.”

Roderich rolled his eyes, but he complied anyway. He sighed and scooted closer to Gilbert. He thought about how people would look at them and immediately see that Gilbert was the more attractive one. Roderich posed for the picture and thought about last night, hoping his smile would look genuine.

“It’s totally cute!” Toni cooed as he handed the phone back to Gilbert.

Roderich looked at it and was pleasantly surprised that he rather liked himself in the picture. “Yes, it is nice.”

“I’ll send it to you!” Gilbert took Roderich’s phone and set the picture as his background then showed it to them. “Look now we match.”

It was totally cheesy, but it made Roderich smile. “I suppose we do.” He stood up when he finished eating and turned to Gilbert. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

Gilbert grinned and nodded. He was starting to read Roderich through his eyes. While the rest of his body could stay calm in reserved, his emotions were in his eyes. It just took time to look in the deep purple pools and figure just what they meant. Roderich led them to the shoreline, but made sure Gilbert was the closest to the waves. “Roddy, are you okay? I mean how are you handling all of this?”

He sighed and took a deep breath. “It is a lot to go from just being friends to suddenly being more. Yet, it somehow feels so natural to be with you. I was terrified that I would feel exposed after telling you everything, and yet, I’m free.”

“I can see that. I mean you look less tense. You eyes are less clouded now, it’s like I can really see into them. I feel the same.”

“I suppose I can understand what my father meant. My soulmate is the one person who should know everything. I actually like that I don’t have to hold anything in with you because you’ve already seen all of my emotions.”

“You’ve seen mine too. I know my friends have suspected my insecurities, but no one knows them like you do now.”

“Gilbert, you have so much to offer and so many people in your life. You’re lucky and people are drawn to you.”

“They’re as much mine as yours.” Roderich gasped and suddenly stopped walking. “It’s true, Roddy. That’s how my friends have always been. Mattie was the first one we accepted, but once you’re with one of us, you’re family. Even if you didn’t have my friends, you have Ludwig and Feli. We’re their future child’s Godparents. Plus my mother and father loved you. You’re a part of my family now and I’ll make sure you’re never alone again.”

“Really?”

Gilbert was stunned that Roderich was just realizing all of this now. Then again, he supposed he never knew what it was like to be truly alone, like Roderich. “Yes. You have a family now. It started they day we connected. Chiara won’t do something for another person unless she actually cares for them. I bet Toni didn’t even hesitate when you asked them for advice. It wasn’t just for me, but it was also for you.”

“That’s not fair, you’ve given me so much, but I can’t even match that.”

Gilbert pulled him close, holding him gently, but also tightly enough to show how precious Roderich was to him. “You already have. You’ve let me into your life even when you hated me at first. I was still so immature two years ago, although I wanted my soulmate, I didn’t even have a clue how to act with them. I’m no longer alone, searching for someone to fill the space only you could.”

Roderich was quickly reaching the point of complete embarrassment. He was nowhere near ready to be able to accept affection like this. His family never showed it and it was always limited with Elizabeta. “Okay, that’s enough.” Roderich pulled away and kept walking.

Gilbert grinned as he realized what happened. It was kind of like Chiara, she could only handle so much affection before she was embarrassed. But then again, he was different than her. She was mean up front, but it was to hide how much she cared on the inside. She was so used to living in her sister’s shadow that she pretended not to care so she wouldn’t appear hurt. Roderich was kind and polite on the outside, but on the inside he was begging to feel validated. He just wanted someone to stay and show they cared. He was so afraid of abandonment that he hid behind smiles and doing things for others rather than ask for the affection for himself.

Now he was here being thanked by Roderich for everything he’d done. Guilt suddenly gripped his heart. He didn’t want to bring this up here, but they couldn’t go forward if he was still hiding from Roderich. “Roddy…there’s something I need to tell you. I feared we’d get into another fight, but I can’t take all that credit you’re giving me. I’m ashamed and I thought if I tried to forget it, I could pretend it didn’t happen.”

Roderich had stopped walking again and turned around to face Gilbert. Fear had returned to his eyes. Insecurity waited dormant while things were going well, but always there to strike, like a rattlesnake, in a moment of weakness. “What is it?”

“Please don’t hate me.”

“I can’t. You know that. Even when I wanted to, the more I got to know you the more I couldn’t.”

“The night of our fight I went out and got drunk.” He paused and looked at his hands. He opened his palms and looked at the half moons his nails had left.

“That’s okay, I know how hard an addiction like that can be to break. Plus I gave you no reason to believe we’d ever see each other again.” Roderich reached out to him, but Gilbert drew back.

“That’s not all. I was drinking to forget the pain I felt, and I…I blacked out. When I woke up, I wasn’t in my own bed.” He turned away from Roderich. He had been doing so well and he let that one night ruin it all. He had promised himself he’d wait from Roderich. “I slept with Claire.”

Roderich gasped, but Gilbert didn’t dare look at him. He knew what this would do. Roderich had been insecure about Claire early on and now he just threw this back in his face. _He’ll never forgive me._ “I didn’t mean to and I didn’t want to. She happened to be at that bar and I had lost everything by the time she came up to me. I couldn’t think straight or even give consent. I ruined everything, Roderich. I worked so hard and now it’s gone. I cheated on you.” He stared at the sand, his bangs hiding his eyes from Roderich’s view. He watched his tears fall into the sand and quickly be swallowed up by the heat.

“…Claire—”

“I know! If it had been anyone else it would have…well not been okay, but at least better than thi—”He started, defensively, but he was cut off.

“That bitch.”

Gilbert immediately looked up, he’d never heard Roderich swear before. He was taken aback by the expression on his face. It wasn’t hurt like he’d been expecting, but there was pure hatred in his violet eyes.

“You weren’t in the right mind and she took advantage of you!” He closed the distance between them and wiped away Gilbert’s tears with his thumb.

Gilbert gasped at Roderich’s words. _He’s…he’s not blaming me. He understands…I love you Roderich._

“She couldn’t have you, so she tried to come for me. Then she was probably just waiting for something to go wrong so she could win.”

“She tried to come for you?” Gilbert suddenly felt the fierce protectiveness that he saw in Roderich’s expression.

“The day after dinner, she ran into me. She was trying to figure out what you see in me. We have to get a restraining order against her so she’ll get arrested if she even comes near you.” Roderich had never felt such anger and passion before.

“Roddy,” Gilbert’s voice was small again. “Aren’t you mad at me?”

“No.”

“But I _cheated_ on you.” He turned his face away in shame.

“Look at me.” Roderich reached over and turned Gilbert’s face back. He looked straight into those beautiful, tormented cherry eyes so he could convey his point clearly. “No you didn’t. I pushed you away and I told you we’d never work out. We weren’t together and I rejected you. You had every right to do something like that.”

“But I…I messed up, I broke my promise. I wasn’t supposed to sleep with anyone but you. I was supposed to wait for you and I couldn’t even do that.”

Roderich reached out and grabbed both of Gilbert’s wrists. “Stop that. It’s all right. Don’t you see that? It’s not like you weren’t ever going to mess up. You turned to what you knew. Sleeping with her wasn’t your fault, stop beating yourself up.”

“I—”

“No. You told me yourself you couldn’t have possibly given consent.”

“But I let myself get to that point.” Gilbert wanted to pull away and run, but he also just wanted to collapse into Roderich’s arms. He was reminded of when Toni and Francis brought him to Roderich, drunk. He thought of how Roderich just held him and accepted him how he was in that moment.

“I smashed a mirror with my bare hand and let myself bleed until I fell asleep among the glass shards. I thought I was worthless too, Gilbert. I promise I won’t make you feel that way anymore.”

“So that’s what that’s from.” Gilbert nodded to the faint, white scars on Roderich’s right knuckles.

“Yes, now just let it go.”

“I’ll do everything I can to make you feel wanted. I promised myself one day, that I’d make you see what I see in you.” He threw his arms around Roderich and buried his face into Roderich’s neck. “I love you.” The words tumbled of out his mouth before he could even think to stop them.

“You what?” Roderich wasn’t afraid of those words like he thought he would be. They were a comfort. Gilbert loved him; he’d stay for sure. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had said that to him with such feeling. The love between him and Elizabeta was not like this. A part of his heart ached to say it back, but he couldn’t. Not yet.

“I didn’t mean to say it so soon, but I do. I won’t take it back. I fell for you the day we met so of course I’d love you by now. I know you’re not there yet and I wouldn’t expect you to be. We’re at two different stages. You just came to term with your feelings and I’ve always had them.”

The words didn’t hurt like he’d expected them to. He wasn’t rejected and he knew Roderich would get there. He felt it in how Roderich got angry on his behalf. It was there in how Roderich treated his dog, in that beautiful portrait he’d painted, in Roderich telling him to let go and in so many ways he couldn’t count. Roderich was in like, but love was soon to follow. They had invested so much time in each other. He knew this to be true more than anything. Where Roderich’s investment was, his heart would follow.

“Thank you.” It was all Roderich could voice, but he felt of it in his heart. _I promise I’ll say when I truly can be sure that I feel it. I care for you more than anyone before._ “One day your patience will pay off. I promise.”

“I know it will, babe, that’s why I’ve put up with you for so long.”

Roderich shook his head and pushed Gilbert away. “You’re the worst.”

Gilbert laughed. “You know I had to break up that seriousness.”

“Yes, because it would be such a crime for you to be serious.” He playfully pushed Gilbert away just as a wave was coming in. It was too late for Gilbert to recover before the wave pulled him down. Roderich let out a laugh as Gilbert stumbled into the water, falling onto his ass. “I hadn’t meant for that to happen, I swear.”

“You’re going to get it now!”

Roderich’s eyes widened as he watched Gilbert scramble up and head straight toward him. He backed away, but he knew he wouldn’t be fast enough. “Gilbert wait!”

Gilbert grabbed Roderich around the waist and took his boyfriend with into the water with him. Laughing as Roderich squirmed in his arms like a cat that was about to get an unwanted bath.

“Gil! I can’t swim.” Roderich yelled and clung to Gilbert’s shoulders as they hit the water and went under. Ice-cold panic ran through Roderich’s body and he thrashed around. Although he struggled only for a moment, time seemed to stand still underwater. It would be peaceful if he weren’t terrified he was going to drown. Before he knew it he was at the surface again, still safely cradled in Gilbert’s arms.

“Shit, Rod. I’m sorry, are you okay?”

He nodded, although he couldn’t swim he felt safe. The water around them wasn’t deep and it only reached his waist. “This is okay.”

“I didn’t know, I like to tease you, but I would have never done that if I knew.”

Roderich reached up and stroked Gilbert’s hair. “I know. I was too embarrassed to say that’s why I don’t usually go to beach.”

Francis glanced up at them every once in a while; he could still make out their bodies, but not their faces. “I thought they were just going to make out. They have such an interesting dynamic.”

Matthew nodded. “Serious one moment, but then silly the next. I suppose it works for them. Roderich is serious and Gilbert is the playful one.”

“It seemed like Gil was talking something serious before and then Roderich comforted him. I wonder what it was.”

“Like it matters. You really care what that idiot is talking about?”

“It looked like they could have been fighting.” Mattie replied softly looking at Chiara. “Of course we’d be concerned.”

“Of course. I bet those two have little arguments and make up all the time.” She replied with a shrug.

“Kind of like us.” Antonio added, kissing his wife on the forehead.

“Mostly because you’re being an idiot.” She rolled her eyes, but smiled at him. “Well, whatever that was, they made up.”

“Roderich is quite different than in high school.” Francis mused. “Not only that, but different from how he was just a few months ago. He is still reserved and composed, yet he relaxes more or something. I can’t quite explain it, but I’m glad.”

“I’ve always wondered something about that. You knew Roderich since even before high school right? I mean you and him grew up in the same neighborhood, right?” Toni asked.

“Neighborhood? More like gated community. Yeah we did. His family’s house was the biggest and everyone in the area tried to suck up to them. I hated that place. You were only as good as the money or possessions you owned. I spent most summers at my Grandma’s house just to get away from all that. It’s not a surprise that Roderich has always been ridiculously composed and polite in public. Anyway, what about it?”

“Well in all that time you must have seen his mark?” Even Chiara had put down her book to listen in on this. Matthew bit his lip and adverted his gaze.

“Yes. We had Gym Class together so yes, in the locker room.”

“Then you must have known! And you are being even more quiet than usual, Mattie. You knew before too, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Francis answered simply.

“Francis told me a while a go, shortly after we first met.” Matthew added.

“Well then why didn’t you ever tell Gilbert or introduce them?”

“That would have been stupid, Toni.” Chiara elbowed her husband. “They were obviously supposed at a certain time. If the potato idiot had met Roderich at any other time, he would have never been ready. He sought Roderich out on his own like he was supposed to.”

“Exactly.” Francis agreed. “I wanted them to meet how they were supposed to, not how I organized it.”

“Incoming, by the way.” Chiara nodded to Roderich and Gilbert heading their way. She went back to her book.

“You two okay?” Francis asked as they sat down.

Roderich and Gilbert exchanged a look before took Roderich’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Yeah. We just had something we needed to talk about, but we’re good.”

“I’ve had enough sitting. Let’s play a game or something.” Antonio stood up and dug out a water football out his bag. “Who’s in?”

“Roddy?”

Roderich shook his head and laughed. “No, I’m in no way athletic. I’ll come sit by shore and watch you guys.”

“Don’t assume it’ll just be the guys.” Chiara playfully kicked Roderich’s leg when she stood up. He happened to glance her way as she stripped off her sundress, revealing a well fitting black bikini. He had to admit, she was very pretty. He glanced back at Gilbert who had caught him staring. Gilbert made a kissy face and then stretched, knowing that Roderich would watch the way his muscles flexed. Then again…Gilbert was nice to look at as well. _What are you, a Greek god?_ Roderich thought and rolled his eyes as they unconsciously traced over Gilbert’s abdomen. _Stupid sexy muscles..._ Roderich scoffed but checked his soulmate out anyway.

He was surprised when Matthew got up to join them, he was definitely the shortest and less built of the guys. Then again, he did have some lean muscle on him. Roderich realized he must play some kind of sport. Roderich followed them, but stopped at the shore and sat just close enough to allow the water to wash over feet and shins.

Gilbert bent down and kissed Roderich’s cheek. “I’ll teach you to swim next time.” He whispered, making sure Roderich was the only one that could hear it. “Are you sure you’re okay watching?”

“Of course. Have fun.”

It started off as a simple game of catch, with each of them taking turns throwing to the person across from them. Chiara surprisingly had a pretty good arm and could throw farther than Francis, but not as far as Antonio and Gilbert, who were the best in the group. Roderich watched them game, but at times, mostly he was watching Gilbert. His boyfriend looked so handsome when he smiled. Roderich always knew that, but he noticed it the most today. He was happy Gilbert had a trip like this after the month they just had.

Chiara was the first to get bored of the simple game. She ran in front of Gilbert and caught the pass, sticking her tongue out at him before throwing it off to Matthew. Gilbert, of course, didn’t take the interference lightly. He waited until Antonio threw it to Chiara, cunning ruby eyes narrowing as they watched the ball. Gilbert ran at Chiara and tackled her into the water once she caught the ball.

“Oh, that’s how you want to play?” She quickly pulled her hair up into a bun and readied herself when she resurfaced.

Roderich had seen this before from the two of them. Chiara liked to tease and mess with Gilbert. Yet, not only could she dish it out, but she could take it as well.

“If we’re picking teams, I get Gil.” Matthew called and Gilbert high fived him.

“Traitor!” Chiara glared at Matthew, but he didn’t even flinch.

“He knows where his loyalties lie. Of course he’d pick the awesome winning side.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Antonio moved to stand next to his wife and crossed his arms. “She’s got me and you know how feisty she can be.”

Roderich laughed to himself. _I think we all know that._

Four pairs of eyes turned to Francis to see what he would decide. “Ugh. You guys can have that one too.” Chiara scoffed and jerked her thumb in Francis’s direction.

“I’d act hurt, but I know you love me, Chiara.”

“Yeah, yeah. As if you’d go against Matthew anyway. Even though he’s supposed to be my _friend_.” Chiara’s tone was pointed, but her smirk was sarcastic.

“I knew him first and he’s totally my best friend.” Gilbert shot back, throwing an arm over Matthew’s shoulders.

“You two are ridiculous.” Matthew interjected.

“I suppose I can forgive you this once. Are we doing this or what?”

Gilbert was about to agree but he met eyes with Antonio and changed his mind. He knew they both had similar thoughts. “The losing team should totally have to do something for the winning team.”

“Fine with me. I’d complain that the teams are uneven, but like that hardly matters. As the winner, I would definitely get to pick which one of the losers I want to do things for me.” Chiara narrowed her eyes at Gilbert. “Dibs on the potatohead.”

“Oh Chiara, you know I wouldn’t want it any other way. Back at ya, my dear.”

“I like Mattie too much to make him do something for me. I’d pick Francis.” Antonio was usually the most laid back and agreeable of the group, but he never backed down from a challenge.

“Thanks, Toni. Love you too.” Francis retorted, but slung an arm over Gilbert’s shoulders. “Although I would revel in Chiara having to do a favor for me, I think I’d have to pick Toni for that comment.”

“I’d go with Toni too.” Matthew added.

“Okay, I can forgive you for picking against me.” Chiara gave Mattie a small smile.

Roderich wasn’t quite sure what game they were playing. It wasn’t quite football. From the little knowledge he had of the sport, he knew the two teams should be running to make it to some sort of end goal, and that wasn’t happening.

He supposed they were counting points by how man completed passes each team made. If the ball was intercepted, the other team got the point instead. There was a lot of tackling and cheering when the ball was stolen and passed to a teammate. He had to admit, the smack talk Chiara and Gilbert traded throughout the game was kind of endearing. In a strange way, Roderich could tell it showed how they both cared for the other.

“Hah! Another point for team awesome Chi, what will you do now? Hmm. I can think of so many things I’d enjoy having you do for me.”

Chiara ignored the ball and ran after Gilbert, tackling him just for the fun of it. “That.”

“Ari!” Antonio called as he intercepted a pass from Mattie that was intended for Francis.

Because of her tackle, Gilbert didn’t have time to react and she caught the ball easily. “What was that about team ‘awesome’?

“It’s still early, Chiara. We’re only getting started.”

Gilbert had said that for the second time and Roderich passively wondered how long this would go on for. Sure it was entertaining, but they had to tire out sometime.

“It’s first to 40.” Matthew clarified, looking in Roderich’s direction with smile.

Roderich was surprised that Matthew had noticed he had been wondering. He supposed since Matthew didn’t talk as much as the others maybe he’d gotten pretty good at reading others.

“Exactly and Team Awesome is at 19 and you guys are at 21. Still plenty of time.”

As the game went on the gap didn’t lessen or grow. No matter what team was ahead the other was only trailing by a few points. Roderich was impressed that Chiara and Antonio were holding their own, even at a disadvantage. Then again, he could tell when she put her mind to something; Chiara could do anything. Gilbert was similar in that way and it was one of the things that Roderich found so attractive.

The game had boiled down to 38 points for Gilbert’s team and 37 for Chiara and Toni’s team. Chiara took a pause to strategize. “Toni, we’re not losing this one. I’m not about to be at Gil’s mercy. We need to be clever here.” She smirked at her husband, knowing just how to motivate him. “If we win this we can have a little fun of our tonight at home. If not, well…you get the point.”

“Let’s switch. I know you’ve been having fun guarding Gil, but I can take him down.”

“Good boy.” Chiara teased and leaned up to give him a quick kiss.

“Hey!” Gilbert called interrupting the two. “What are you two doing over there? Don’t be shady, Chiara. No plays like that during the game!”

Antonio moved his position and casually moved to stand in front of Gilbert. “I’m not losing this game, Gil. Prepare yourself.”

“Dammit! That tricky wife of yours! She must have motivated you with—”

            “Shut up! I did not!” Chiara yelled, turning her head to hide her blush.

            Antonio blocked his face from her view. ‘She totally did’, he mouthed to Gilbert.

            “Mattie, Fran, formation C.”

            “Got it!” Francis smirked and Matthew gave him a thumbs up.

            “What the hell does that mean?” Toni glared at Gilbert.

            “You don’t think we wouldn’t have a counter strategy? Come on, Toni, I’ve known you since we were kids. If you’re marking me, how will you steal the ball and how will Chiara throw the ball to you for the point. You know as well as I do that I can overpower you.”

            “I wouldn’t be so sure.” Toni nodded at Chiara and she threw the ball in Antonio’s direction. She didn’t even look to see if it connected before she was tackled Francis, stopping him from intercepting. The ball was slightly off course and was heading toward Matthew more than it was Gilbert.

            “Mattie!” Gilbert surged after the ball as well, but Toni was ahead of him. Antonio smirked back at Gilbert before aiming himself directly at Matthew. Chiara recovered just in time to see Antonio not only, jump for the ball, but also block Mattie from receiving the ball.

            “That’s 38 for the good guys.”

            “Don’t mind Mattie. Keep the formation.”

            Since Matthew was stolen from last, it was his at the turn over. It turned out formation C took Gilbert out of the play entirely. He was just the decoy. He reacted to the ball that sailed between him and Francis only enough to distract Antonio. Mattie grabbed Chiara around the waist to stop her from going after Francis.

            “Holding!” She protested, but no one listened. Her voice was quickly drowned out by the sound of Gilbert and Francis cheering.

            “This isn’t real football. We don’t have rules like that.” Matthew told her and hugged her close before letting her go. “Sorry, but I’m loyal to my team.”

            “Hah! Let’s hold them here. If we steal and pass, that’s game.” Gilbert yelled.

            “Toni! Don’t forget about tonight. Focus.”

            Roderich could feel the tension between the two groups and he didn’t blame them. There wasn’t one person who he’d want to be indebted to, well except Matthew. There was no way, that punishment would be that bad. _Well maybe being at Gil’s mercy would be fun…_ He shook his head that the thought he just had. _He’s rubbing off on me again!_

            “Never, baby, we can do this.” Toni regained the ball at the turn over and hip checked Gilbert before throwing, causing his friend to lose his balance. After the throw he ran after Francis and effectively splashing Mattie on his way by, giving Chiara the clear path for the catch.

            “What was that Gil? Toni’s motivated now, we won’t lose.” Chiara paraded around a bit after tying the score, putting both teams at game point.

            “A!” Gilbert shouted at his teammates.

            “Gil, no. You know they’re keeping their plan.” Francis protested.

            “Believe in me! I got this.”

            Matthew rolled his eyes. “Always one for wanting the ending glory points.”

            Unfortunately for Gilbert it didn’t work out in the end. Mattie blocked Chiara, giving Francis the opportunity to throw to Gilbert. Both Antonio and Gilbert rushed for the ball and it was ready to sail over their heads.

            “No way Gil!” Antonio yelled at him.

            “It’s mine!” Gilbert shouted and he jumped but Toni was there too, using his height to his advantage. Gilbert could jump higher, but Antonio had the reach and he snatched the ball completing the effective pass. Gilbert groaned as Toni ran to his wife and picked her up, spinning her around in celebration.

            “Hah! Gil, you’re mine. That’s what you get for your cocky attitude.” Chiara yelled over Toni’s shoulder.

            Gilbert trudged his way through the water and collapsed down next to Roderich. “Save me.” He mumbled as he leaned against Roderich’s shoulder.

            “You made the bet, darling.” Roderich pointed out, but he hugged Gilbert close and stroked his hair. “I don’t envy you, though.”

            Gilbert adjusted and snuggled his face into Roderich’s chest. “I love when you do that. It’s so relaxing”

            “I know you do. I could tell it calmed you that night I held you on my bathroom floor.”

            “That was one of my favorite moments.” Gilbert smiled fondly.

            “Mine too. It was the first time I let go and just let myself comfort you.”

            “I pulled away because I was hurting. I was drunk and wanted to kiss you so bad, but I couldn’t. It hurt because I felt rejected.” Gilbert finally admitted.

            “You can kiss me any time now.” Roderich said and was surprised how much he actually meant it. He leaned down toward Gilbert right as Chiara walked by.

            “Punishment time, Gilly! I’ve decided I’m going to bury you in the sand.”

            Gilbert laughed out loud and Roderich felt the warm breath on his lips. “That’s it? No problem.”

            “Not quite. You can’t get unburied until I say so.” She smirked at him.

            “What? What if I have to pee?”

            “Better go now.” She laughed at him.

            Gilbert groaned and moved to get up, but Roderich stopped him. “You were really going to tease me like that and not kiss me?” Chiara was stunned by Roderich’s initiative, but Gilbert grinned.

            “Don’t look so surprised. Just because he is reserved most of the time, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have desires too. Roderich has always been a direct person.” Gilbert leaned down and kissed Roderich.

He kept the kiss light and chaste since he knew Roderich didn’t care much for public displays of affection. Roderich shift and resisted the urge wrap his arms around Gilbert’s neck and pull him down closer. Gilbert broke the kiss first and jogged off to that bathroom.

            “He’s totally a bastard, but gotta admit, he’s a hot one.” Chiara commented and smirked at Roderich, who was gazing after his boyfriend. Roderich should have been ashamed to be caught, but he had the right to check out his soulmate.

            “How long are you planning on keeping him buried?”

            “I don’t know, maybe an hour? It depends how much he complains.”

            “So Toni,” Francis prompted, not eager for the punishment, but more to get it over with.

            “I was just thinking you’d be like my personal servant for the rest of the night, getting me whatever I need.”

            “You know, I was thinking about that for Gil,” Chiara added, smiling at her husband. “But then I thought he’d hate not being able to move and participate with us more. Also not being able to touch his soulmate even one bit.”

            “You’re so evil, I’m glad you’re on my side.” Toni walked over and stroked Chiara’s hair with affection.

            “Unless you annoy me too much, but for the most part I like you.” She teased.

            “Wait the whole night? That’s totally unfair. That could be multiple hours! Chiara only said Gilbert would be buried for an hour.” Francis protested

            “I said about an hour. Could be more.”

            “You just have to get things for me and do what I say. We all agreed to a punishment, but it was you who failed to put perimeters on it before.”

            “Stupid Gil had to go for the glory.” Francis muttered and pouted, but he didn’t protest any more.

            “It won’t be that bad.” Mattie told Francis and took his hand, stroking it with his thumb.

            Francis did brighten a little at the comforting gesture but then made a face at his husband. “Easy for you to say, they’re not punishing you!”

            “Mattie’s too cute.” Chiara said and smirked at Francis, knowing it would annoy him.

            “Plus he only went along with this because Gil and I wanted to make a bet.” Toni grinned.

            “Mattie is not as innocent as you all think him to be.” Gilbert joined the conversation again.

            “Ugh. You’re not trying to say were with him at some point too?” Chiara rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the side.

            Gilbert rubbed his side and made a face at her. “Not exactly, but hey I can’t violate the bro code.” He winked at pair and Francis glared a warning at him while Matthew blushed.

            “You’re so gross.” She pointed to an area in the sand, a little north of their towels. “Sit. It’s time for your punishment.”

            “You’re the worst. You’re at least letting me be near the fire like this, right?” Gilbert pouted at Roderich one last time, but he complied. He was always a man of his word.

“Oh Toni~!” Chiara called. “Want to help?” She smirked and kicked sand over Gilbert’s stomach.

Antonio shook his head and turned his eyes on Francis. “Not particularly, sounds like a lot of effort. Fran, go help bury Gil.” He walked over to his towel and stretched out. “Then start the fire.”

“You’re the worst.” Francis glared at him and joined Chiara at Gilbert’s side. “Sorry man, not much choice.”

“Uh huh. Don’t act like you’re not going to enjoy this.” Gilbert rolled his eyes at Francis’s feigned sympathy.

He broke out into a grin. “It is funny.” He started on Gilbert’s legs as Chiara lazily buried his torso. Gilbert could tell she was going as slow as possible to make Francis do most of the work. He could also see Roderich’s pitying looks out of the corner of his eye and shook his head.

“Roddy’s the only one who cares that I’m being buried. But you don’t have to pity me, babe. I brought this on myself.” He closed his eyes just in time to shield them from the sand Chiara was purposefully spraying at his face.

“Yeah you did. You are the one who got cocky with all the betting.” Chiara remarked packing the sand extra tightly over his crotch.

“Ow. Chi, you’re so mean, and don’t give me that! You were egging it on as much as I was.”

“Roderich will thank me for that.” She winked at Roderich as she packed more sand. “I’m saving him from your horndog ways. Though maybe he should be more worried about your hands.”

Roderich laughed. “Come on Chiara, he’s not that bad.” Roderich said just as Gilbert blurted out; “I don’t need my hands, Chiara.”

He shook his head at Gilbert and ran a hand over his face. “That didn’t help your case, darling.”

Gilbert’s heart flipped at the pet name. “You know you like it.”

“You’re annoying.”

“Hah! So it’s not just me who’d say so.” Chiara laughed and patted Roderich’s shoulder. “I’m liking you more and more.”

Francis laughed at that one. “She can say that to everyone but Toni.”

Chiara blushed and kicked sand in Francis’s direction. “Shut up. I do say things like that to him!”

‘So cute.’ Gilbert mouthed at Roderich who smiled and nodded in agreement.

“I saw that! I bury your mouth if I could. It would do us all a favor.”

“You’d miss my awesome insights, Chiara.”

She packed the final bit of sand onto Gilbert’s hands and rolled her eyes. “Uh huh, I’ll let you think that.”

Gilbert felt heavy with all the sand on him and a little too warm, but it was kind of relaxing. “You know besides Mattie, I’m your best friend.”

She gave him gave him a straight face, but he had known her long enough to see the subtle quirk in her lips. She was trying not smile. “Have fun in your sand prison.”

“It’s actually pretty relaxing, so joke’s on you.”

“That’ll get old. We all know you can’t stay still for long.” She smirked and went off to join Antonio. She sat next to him and said something that Gilbert couldn’t make out. He could tell by how Toni smiled that it was something cute and loving. She was only like that when no one else could hear and make fun of her.

“Oh Franny! Fire building time.” Antonio raised his hand and snapped his fingers.

He groaned and got up. “I still think you got off easy.” He stood and went off to look for dry driftwood.

Matthew got up to help but Chiara called out to stop him. “No, Mattie, you can’t help with any of his tasks. That’s your punishment.”

“Fine.” Matthew pouted a little and gave Francis an apologetic smile.

“He really likes helping others, huh?” Roderich walked over and laid his head on the mound of sand covering Gilbert’s stomach.

“Mattie’s always been like that. He’s so sweet and helping others is second nature for him. It upsets him when he can’t do anything to help. It’s super cute.” Gilbert smiled and his hand itched to run through Roderich’s soft brown locks.

“He doesn’t trust others easily, right?”

“Right, but once you earn his trust he’s yours forever. He’s used to being forgotten and mistaken for his twin brother. I think that’s part of the reason he moved out here instead of staying with his brother where we all grew up. Their dad owns a set of chain restaurants under the company that I work for. Alfred took over while Mattie moved to the city. Matthew needed to discover who he was without his brother.”

“So you, Matthew, and Chiara initially bonded because you all live in a sibling’s shadow? I guess that makes sense, although I think you’re better off being you and I could say the same about them as well.” Roderich adjusted his glasses and was glad he wasn’t looking at Gilbert.

“Wow. I like how to perceptive you are. You’re sweet too, Rod, when you let yourself show that side.”

“I told you, I’m done hiding from you.” He glanced up at the sky and his breath caught in throat. Because of his limited trips to the beach he actually had never been to the beach at sunset before. The sun reflected off the water, showering the waves with ripples of orange and yellow. It was as if an artist had gone into the sky with a brush, expertly blending pinks, purples, and reds into the darkening sky. He had never seen such a beautiful scene and he felt a sense of calm and ease wash over him.

“That is part of the reason I wanted to bring you here.” Gilbert nodded toward the shoreline.

“It’s stunning. Thank you for convincing me to come. Although, last night, I would have done anything for you. I’m still sorry about our fight.” He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture. He needed to paint this and he knew he could because there were so many feelings attached to this day. He’d remember it forever.

“I’m not.” Gilbert said bluntly.

Roderich turned over onto his stomach to face Gilbert. He met red eyes with a bewildered gaze. “What do you mean? I hurt you.”

“And I wasn’t kind to you, but look where we are now. I don’t know if we would have gotten to that point if we hadn’t spend that time apart. It forced us to open up and now I don’t have to worry about anything. I know you wanted to let me in because you realized that you liked me.” Gilbert smiled and he felt a tingling sensation at the base of his skull. He was the only one who knew everything and nothing would ever make him feel more special.

“I can see your point.”

“Give me your hand.” Roderich gave him a confused looked but held up a hand. “No the right one.” He rolled his eyes and did as he was told. “No closer to my lips.”

Roderich laughed as Gilbert pressed a little kiss onto the scars. “That was supposed to be romantic, huh?”

“Yes.” Gilbert huffed and pouted. “It didn’t work because it got all lame when I had to tell you what I was doing first.”

“It was still cute.”

“Ugh, she was right. This is getting old.”

“It’s only been ten minutes.”

“Are you kidding?” He groaned and threw his head back. “And now that fire’s going and I’m sweating.” Francis laughed a little. “Shut up Frenchie! You just want my punishment to be worse than yours. You’re all so mean.”

“No Mattie, you can’t do that either.” Chiara saw Matthew about to open his mouth to help. “You have to serve your loss as a team.”

Matthew made a face at her. “Okay, remind me not to be against you again.”

“Damn right. See Gil, he knows where his loyalties lie.”

            “You can’t tell, but I’m glaring at you.” He turned to Roderich. “Roddy, love, throw sand at her for me.”

            “I can’t do that Gil.”

            “Haha! Even your soulmate won’t help you.” She grinned.

            “That’s not what he meant Chiara! He won’t be mean to you.” Gilbert smiled warmly at Roderich. “Because he’s nice like that.”

            Antonio looked into the flames and watched how the orange glow danced across Chiara’s skin. She really looked beautiful in any light. He looked up and saw Gilbert looking at Roderich in a similar way. “Man I’m hungry. Are you hungry, Ari?” He pulled out hotdogs and buns from his bag.

            “Totally, that game sure worked up an appetite. I’m starved.” She and Toni looked right at Gilbert as they talked.

            “Francis, go find some sticks then make me a hotdog.”

            “Yes asshole.” Francis smirked and winked at Mattie, protesting in his own way. Antonio shook his head, but didn’t say anything.

            Gilbert shifted as stomach growled. “Damn you guys.”

            “I’ll make one for you.” Roderich offered quietly.

            “Roderich! You’re ruining everything.” Chiara whined.

            “I’m not going to let him go hungry. I don’t have to be mean to him.” _I’ve done enough of that already._ “I was out of the bet.” He ran a hand through Gilbert’s hair. “Next time do try to play smart, though, Gil.”

            The rest of them laughed. “Okay, at least you’ll still do that.” Chiara grinned.

            “I love you.” Gilbert whispered before Roderich got up. He watched the fond smile spread across his boyfriend’s lips and he felt tingly all over again.

            “Thank you, Francis.” Roderich accepted a roasting stick from him and grabbed supplies for him and Gilbert.

            “At least someone is appreciative!”

            “Thanks, Francis.” Mattie grinned at him. Francis walked over and kissed Mattie’s forehead before ruffling his hair. Matthew laughed and ducked his head away.

            Even though Gilbert was sweating his ass off and he was getting more and more uncomfortable by the minute, he was happy. He never could have imagined how nice it would be when all of them found their soulmates. It had started with Francis and then Toni. Now that Roderich had confessed everything with felt complete. He was having a blast just relaxing and hanging out with everyone. Roderich fit in seamlessly into group, filling in the final missing piece.

Roderich returned to Gilbert’s side with the plated hotdogs. “I guess I have to feed you.”

Gilbert licked his lips and murmured. “You do know how erotic this is right? I mean look at the shape o—”

            Roderich had shoved the hotdog in Gilbert’s mouth to shut him up and immediately broke eye contact. _Think about something else. Think about something else. You can’t get hard in front of all his friends…our friends._ He smiled how that sounded. “Don’t be gross.”

            Gilbert watched how Roderich’s body suddenly got taught like a stretched rubber band. He could sense the tension most people would miss. Knowing eyes drifted down to his soulmate’s crotch. _Did that really affect him? He looks like he’s trying to not be turned on. Shit if I think about I will be too. We’re not there yet, plus we’re in public._ He made a noise in the back of his throat and Roderich suddenly snapped back.

            “Sorry! I forgot for a moment.” He retrieved the hotdog. “Don’t do that again.” He growled when he got close to Gilbert’s face.

            “Rod did that…?”

            “I will slap you.” He narrowed his eyes and Gilbert threw his head back in laughter.

            “You’re disgusting, Gilbert.” Chiara chided.

            “You don’t even know what I said.”

            “Like we need to.” Toni added. “We could all tell by the way Roderich was blushing.”

            “Sorry Roddy.” Gilbert said, knowing the attention was embarrassing his partner further.

            “To prevent more of that, I’ll allow you one hand.” She amended.

            “You’re so gracious, Chiara.” Gilbert shot back with full sarcasm as he shook his right hand free. “Hey babe, will you wipe my hand off, I don’t want to get my hotdog sandy.”

            “Of course Gilbert is the clingy, needy one.” Francis teased.

            “What are you talking about? I’m the clingy, needy one.” Roderich said bluntly because he thought it was true. He needed Gilbert and he wanted to stay by his side. Gilbert had given him so much.

            They all laughed like it was a joke. “Good one, Roderich.” Antonio clapped him on the shoulder.

            He reached over and wiped Gilbert’s hand, catching it with a little squeeze before letting it go. He knew Gilbert picked up on seriousness of his statement. Roderich really did feel like he was mooching everything off Gilbert. He was the one following Gilbert to outings with friends and seeking out validation.

            “I think it’s cute, Roddy, don’t worry.”

            “Thank you for today, Gilbert.”

            “Thank _you_ for doing this for me. I know the beach isn’t your favorite.” Gilbert used his free hand to cup Roderich’s face. He stroked Roderich’s cheek with small circles of his thumb. The touch was so gentle it sent a shiver up Roderich’s spine and he leaned into it.

            “I think I’m warming up to it.”

            They finished their dinner and Roderich got them both drinks. He chose beers for the both of them. “Since when did you start drinking beer? I noticed that the depleted supply in your fridge was not my doing.” Gilbert asked him when he came back from the cooler.

            Roderich rubbed the back of his neck. “I hated the first one, but by the second one I didn’t mind it too much. It reminded me of you and it made the pain of missing you a little better. Now, I kind of like the taste.”

            Gilbert bit his lip and slowly broke out into a grin and then little giggles. “That’s so damn cute.”

            “Don’t patronize me.” Roderich wrinkled his nose.

            “I’m not.” He accepted the beer from Roderich. “I promise, I’m not. I’m really touched. Calling you cute, is my way of showing my affection for you.”

            Roderich smiled and took a sip of his beer. The cool, golden liquid passed his lips and he wondered if this was what kissing a drunken Gilbert would taste like. “Oh.”

            “This is really starting to lose its appeal.” Chiara piped up after a while as she prepared herself a s’more. “It’s been an hour and a half. Go ahead, Gil.”

            “THANK YOU!” Gilbert shouted causing Roderich to jump. He quickly moved to let Gilbert up. He laughed a little as Gilbert emerged from the sand looking kind of like a zombie digging his way out of a grave. Well, if the zombie was really clumsy. “I was really starting to have to pee. Don’t drink three beers while buried in the sand.”

He threw an empty bottle in Chiara’s direction before sprinting off toward the bathroom again. Roderich got up and followed him to the bathroom. He stood outside and waited for him to finish before he walked inside. “Roddy if you had to pee you could have come in, it’s not a one person bathroom.”

            “Shhh.” He placed his hands on Gilbert’s hips and pulled him close. He smiled a little before he pressed his lips against Gilbert’s, “Relax, babe, and open your mouth.” He teased when Gilbert had been too surprised to react, mimicking his words from yesterday.

            “Did the hotdog thing really affect you so?”

            “Shut up.” Roderich kissed him again parting his lips right away to let Gilbert’s slide over his own. Gilbert’s soft wet tongue felt so good against his own that it made Roderich shiver. Gilbert broke the kiss for a moment to press several kisses on Roderich’s lips. Some of them short as a peck and others he would take Roderich’s lower lip between his own and suck on it a little. Roderich low moan in the back of his throat and chased Gilbert’s tongue again.

            Gilbert pulled away and Roderich pouted. “Roddy. I haven’t had it in so long, be careful. If we keep going I’m gonna get hard.”

            “Oh. Sorry.”

            “Unless you want to take care of it?” He winked.

            “N-no. Not yet.”

            “I’ll wait for you. As long as you need.”

            Roderich smiled. He knew this was hard for Gilbert. Since his boyfriend had been more sexually active it was harder to resist and the urge was more prevalent. “You’re so sweet. We should get back.” They walked back to the fire holding hands. “It’ll be late when we get back, why don’t you just stay at my place again tonight?”

            Gilbert smirked and squeezed Roderich’s hand. He was purposefully walking slowly so it would take them longer to get back to their friends. “Are you saying that because it would be practical or because you actually want me there?” He teased.

            “Maybe it’s one or it’s the other.” He teased back.

            “You’re ridiculous. One minute you’re blunt and straight forward then the next you’re teasing me.

            “Maybe it’s both.”

            “You know, I wouldn’t ever have to go home if we just moved in together.”

            Roderich gasped and stopped walking so suddenly that he made Gilbert nearly stumble. “I do like being with you, but that’s a big commitment. I mean what if you get annoyed with more or the other way around? It’s not like we can just go home.”

            “Just tell me and I’ll go into another room and leave you alone. Or I could even go out for a bit. I’d understand and then I’d tell you if you were annoying me.”

            “Gilbert. Be rational for a moment. We just made up _yesterday_. That’s a little quick.” He chewed his lip as his anxiety flared up again. He swallowed it down so it wouldn’t consume him.

            “No, you’re right. I have to step back and remember this is all new for you. I feel like we’ve been dating for five months, and this is only our second day for you.”

            Roderich smiled and took both of Gilbert’s hands in his own. “I’ll make you a deal. The day I tell you I love you, you can move in.”

            Gilbert leaned in and sealed the deal with a little meaningful kiss. “Sealed with a kiss, I accept.” Roderich continued walking, leading Gilbert back to the fire. “You know they’re all going to know we were doing _something_ in that bathroom.”

            “Yeah, yeah. I’m used to their teasing by now.”

            “If they didn’t like you, they wouldn’t tease you.”

            Roderich rolled his eyes. He had a feeling he’d be saying the L word a lot earlier than he expected.

 

 

           

 

 

 

 

 

           

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter it technically late, but that's because it's twice as long as any other chapter. I didn't know where to cut it off so there you go, at 17,000 word chapter of kisses and mostly fluff! I am still stunned that I was able to write such a long chapter when I sometimes struggled just making it to 4,000 words. There are many more adventures to come for the pair.   
> As always I post occasional updates on my tumblr asliverofhope-the-fan-girl. (Also if you ever feel like asking me anything about the story feel free. Or y'know draw art for it, I'd die.) 
> 
> See ya next chapter. Maybe I'll eventually finish my PruAus"For You I'll Always Wait" or figure out what I'm going to do with my KageHina "Facing The Sun".


	12. Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roderich was cleaning his place and found something he thought had been lost forever. He surprises Gilbert and later gets a surprise of his own.  
> Song inspiration: “Say You Won’t Let Go” – James Arthur: “I knew I loved you then, but you'd never know. 'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go, I know I needed you, but I never showed.”

Roderich took a deep breath as he slid Gilbert’s key into the lock. He had been too excited by what he had found to think to call first. If Gilbert was out, he supposed he could just hang out here until he got home. It wouldn’t be the first time, and Gilbert had done that to him before.

              “Take that bitches!” Gilbert shouted from the couch. Roderich walked into Gilbert sitting in front of his flat screen wearing a headset with a controller in his hand. He didn’t know the game, but he supposed it was one of first-person shooters Gilbert talked about. Sebastian jumped up the minute he heard the door open. He barked excitedly and sat patiently at Roderich’s feet.

              Roderich smiled and scratched the dog behind the ears. “Hey, boy. It’s good to see you too.”

              Gilbert immediately paused the game and whipped his head around when he heard Roderich’s voice. Roderich had to stifle a laugh as he saw the light in Gilbert’s eyes. He swore Gilbert’s tail would be wagging as furiously as Sebastian’s if he had one. “You surprised me…wait,” His eyes went wide with panic. “We didn’t have plans that I forgot about did we?” He bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck, his hand trembling nervously. They had only gotten together a week ago, and he didn’t want to screw up already.

              “Ooooh~ you’re in trouble now, Gilly!” Antonio cackled, teasing him through the headset.

              Roderich shook his head and smiled easily. “No, dear, I should have called, but I do have a surprise for you.”

              “A surprise?” Gilbert recovered and perked up again. “Okay, I’ll get off right now.”

              “Hah! Whipped!” One of the random players taunted Gilbert.

              “It’s okay.” Roderich waved him off dismissively. “I didn’t call. Finish your game.”

              “You’d be whipped if your soulmate was as hot as Gilbert’s.” Francis shot back in Gilbert’s defense.

              Gilbert smirked at the comment. “Damn right! if your soulmate came to your place with a surprise, you’d stop playing too.” Roderich raised an eyebrow at him and Gilbert laughed. “Sorry, it’s online game so I’m talking with other players. They were taunted the awesome me and you, but Francis totally stuck up for us.” He clarified.

              “Oh, I see. I’m going to make some coffee. Do you want some?” Roderich went into the kitchen and smiled to himself. He thought it was cute that Gilbert even talked about him with his online gaming friends. It made him feel a bit special.

              “Please? You’re the best!”

              “Ugh, are all you adults so cheesy with your soulmates?”

              “Wait is she that hot?” Another player cut the other one off and Gilbert assumed he was some horny teenager.

              “He and yes.” Gilbert corrected with a smirk.

              “I can vouch for that.” Antonio jumped in.

              “Me too. He’s so beautiful, you wouldn’t care what gender he was.” Francis added.

              “If you two didn’t already have soulmates, I’d be worried you were after mine. He’s too awesome for any of you anyway.”

              “Can you please unpause the game already, ‘OhAwesomeOne’.” A frustrated player groaned into the headset, calling Gilbert out by his username and mocking him at the same time. “Please save the gossip for your own time, ladies.”

              “Excuse me, I take offense to that! Don’t compare girls to these assholes!” Chiara cut in. She was usually quiet in online games unless she was shit-talking other players.

              “Toni, you are seriously lucky your soulmate plays too.” Gilbert said with a touch of jealousy.

              “As if I’d be beat by some girl!” The guy piped up again, trying to get a rise out of her.

              “Unpause the game right now. Let me at this fucker.”

              Gilbert laughed and did as he was told. “Get him Chi.”

              Roderich listened to the chatter as he made their coffee. He was only getting Gilbert’s side, but he didn’t miss the tone of jealousy. _Does Gilbert wish I played video games? I am quite different from him._

              “The round will be over in like ten minutes; can you give me a hint?” Gilbert ignored the shouts to his headset and turned around to look at Roderich. He was giving his best impression of Sebastian’s puppy-dog eyes.

              Roderich’s lips curled into a little smirk as he shook off his insecurities. Gilbert loved him how he was and never let him forget that. He thought of all the times Gilbert had texted him those three words in that last week alone. “No. I want your full attention for this. You’ll just have to wait.”

              “Baaaaaabe!” Gilbert whined a little.

              “Focus Gil, we’ve gotta smoke these idiots.” Chiara yelled into the headset as she gunned down a couple of unsuspecting players. “What was that about girls, you sexist pig?”

              “That’s my girl!” Antonio cheered for her.

              “Damn right, baby.” Chiara said back, using a rare pet name.

              The game ended with Chiara having the most kills followed closely by Gilbert and then Antonio. Chiara wasn’t usually the highest scorer, but when she was motivated or angry, she was nearly unstoppable. “That’s right assholes. What do have to say about our girl now?” Gilbert taunted. “No if you all excuse me, my soulmate has an important surprise for me.”

              “A sexual surprise?” Francis joked.

              “There are children on these servers, bastard!” Chiara chided him disgust.

              “Then maybe you should watch your language.” Gilbert teased.

              “Oh, come on, it’s not like no one else swears online.” She scoffed.

              “True.” Gilbert laughed as he shut off his xbox. “Sorry about that.” He stood up and stretched. Roderich was holding two cups of coffee in his hands with something tucked under his arm. There were tears in his eyes. “Shit, Rod, are you okay? You should have told me it was _that_ important. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize, I should have gotten off sooner.” He grabbed the cups and brought them to the coffee table.

              Roderich looked surprised for a moment and then he realized he’d been tearing up. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t even realize.” He wiped under his eye. “I should have called, I’m happy. I promise those were happy tears. I just found something today while I was cleaning. I’m really excited to show it to you.”

              Gilbert walked back over to him and Roderich placed the book on the counter. He smiled as Gilbert took him into his arms. Roderich folded into his arms easily and took a deep breath. “You scared me for a moment, Roddy. I thought something was really wrong.” Gilbert kissed the top of Roderich’s head and rubbed his back. Roderich pulled away after a bit and grabbed the book again. It was a dark navy blue and the cover had gold trim along the edges. Roderich grabbed Gilbert’s hand and pulled him to the couch.

              “I thought all of these had burned in the fire. I had no idea my mother kept them in the penthouse too. Since I can’t introduce my family to you formally, I’ll show them to you.” Roderich smiled warmly and set the book in front of them.

              Gilbert gasped a little when he realized the book Roderich had brought was a photo album. “I’d love that.”

              He watched Roderich’s face as he opened the book. The pictures were centered around Roderich’s summers spent in the penthouse. Gilbert looked down and pointed to a 3-year-old boy with chocolate brown hair. “Even then, you had that one cowlick that refused to stay down. Look at you! Damn, babe, what were you? A child model or something?”

              Roderich bumped shoulders with Gilbert. “Stop it.” He pointed to the second picture of the same child and young mother with the same hair and purple eyes. The chocolate-colored hair, that shone hues of dirty blond in the sun. Those eyes, they were as expressive and deep as Roderich’s and they took Gilbert’s breath away in the same way. She was completely captivating just like her son. They were sitting under the same tree that was in the park across the street. “This is my mother. Annalise.”

              “Roddy…she’s beautiful and looks just like you. You really do get your beauty from her.”

              “Yeah, I know, I’m a very feminine looking guy.” Roderich rolled his eyes.

              “No. You’re manly, but also beautiful.”

              Roderich raised an eyebrow at Gilbert. No one had ever used both those adjectives together to describe him before. “Really?”

              “Yes, really.” Gilbert pointed to the picture of Robert sitting with young Roderich at the kitchen table. There were books spread across and the two were working on Roderich’s homework together. “You have his strong, masculine jawline and his high cheekbones.”

              “I guess. That’s Robert, my father. Doing what he did best, everything to help his son succeed.”

              “He loved you, Roderich.” Gilbert reached over and squeezed one of Roderich’s hands. “You can see that in his eyes. I think that’s why your mother took this picture.”

              “That and dad hated pictures. My mom made him pose for a picture once a year.” He flipped the pages to show each year they had the same picture under that tree. Roderich had been right, Robert didn’t photograph well. He wore the same stone cold face and looked stiff in every photo. Roderich had always been photogenic and his mother even more so.

              “That’s why you like that spot in the park so much. You were always beautiful even in your gangly stage.” Gilbert pointed to a picture where Roderich’s ears were a bit too big for his head and his limbs too long. “It is comforting to know even you had stage where you were awkward and had acne.”

              “Shut up! That’s a lot coming from you. You look like a statue.”

              Gilbert laughed. “A statue?”

              He blushed, knowing that hadn’t come out like he had meant it. “Yes, like a Greek God or something.” That clarification hadn’t helped his case one bit.

              “It’s just because I like to work out.” Gilbert grinned. He knew Roderich admired his looks, but he had never heard this before. He found it equal parts endearing and embarrassing. “And I had a gangly stage too. I’ll show you our photos someday. Momma will probably break them out when you come to her house.”

              “I’d feel a little better to see you look awkward.”

              “Wow thanks.” Gilbert flipped the page and saw a black and white cat in a few of the next pictures. “I thought you didn’t like animals. Yet you had a cat?”

              “I made a few exceptions. Lily was the perfect cat. She liked to cuddle, but other times she was completely content with being by herself. I miss her. And I like Sebastian too! Not all animals are bad, I just normally don’t like them.” He had a fond smile when looking at the cat in the picture.

              “Do you really think they would have loved me?” Gilbert asked, no longer looking at the photographs, but was watching Roderich.

              “You’re hard not to like. I would know, I tried.” He reached over and cupped Gilbert’s cheek. “Yes, and if they didn’t, I would still be with you anyway. My dad is hard to impress, but I think you would have found a way to make him come around. That’s what you do.”

              Gilbert smiled at Roderich and he glad Roderich had found the photographs. “Your parents really looked in love when they were young.”

              “They were and even in the fights or frustrations with each other. They always did. We’re lucky that soulmates exist. We get the person who is best for us.”

              A gasp of surprise left Gilbert’s lips and Roderich pulled back a bit, a blush taking over his face. “Are you saying I’m the best for you?” Every time Roderich never failed to surprise him. Never failed to make Gilbert’s heart pound like it was the first time all over again. Still, after four months, Roderich could still make Gilbert feel like this. He knew it even if they would fight, but even as they grew older, it would always be like this.  Everyone else he had in the past melted away because Roderich was the only one who mattered. The only one who always left him breathless.

              Roderich smirked and patted Gilbert’s cheek. “Nope. I still think fate messed up a little with us.” Roderich stood up to try to walk away, playing his favorite game of teasing Gilbert. He was terrified and exhilarated all at once. That’s what it always felt like to be with Gilbert. Every time he looked into those ruby eyes, he fell a little harder. They’d only been official for a week now and yet he was in love. Then again, Gilbert had been courting him for five months. It wasn’t the beginning. He’d been falling the whole time.

              “You liar.” Gilbert grabbed Roderich around the waist and pulled him back onto the couch. Roderich landed on top of Gilbert and he was grinning. There was something about where they were now that made it so easy just to be with Gilbert. They knew more about each other than anyone else and Roderich didn’t have to try to be who Gilbert or anyone else wanted him to be. He already was who Gilbert wanted, he saw that in Gilbert’s eyes. “I love you.”

              Roderich turned over and nuzzled his nose with Gilbert’s, just looking at him for a moment. “I adore you.”

              Gilbert pursed his lips. “I’m going to make you say it one day!”

              Roderich brushed Gilbert’s fringe out of his eyes and smiled. “I know you will.” He leaned down and kissed Gilbert. They were still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. Both giddy with excitement of new-ness and neither wanted to keep their hands off each other. It should have embarrassed Roderich, but it didn’t. This all felt right. Gilbert moved his hand to caress the side of Roderich’s neck, the other, resting on the small of Roderich’s back. He deepened the kiss, but Roderich was in a teasing mood.

              He pulled back and chuckled a little when Gilbert chased his lips, only to be met with cold air. “Hey.” He pouted at Roderich. “I wasn’t done.”

              Roderich sighed. “I was.”

              Gilbert glared him down “No you weren’t, you tease. I’ll show you what being a tease is really like. I _invented_ the frustration that comes with dealing with a tease.”

              “As if you’d make me come undone first.”

              “Roddy…be careful. You know the experience I have.” Roderich leaned forward and nipped at Gilbert’s lip. His eyes were clear and daring, inviting the challenge. “Okay, I’m just warning you.” Gilbert leaned up and ghosted Roderich’s lips. Kissing, but at the same time keeping them short enough that Roderich didn’t have time to feel them. As he did, his hands were light on Roderich’s sides, touching, but similar with the kisses, not enough.

              Roderich sat up on his elbows a sighed passively, like he was bored, but Gilbert didn’t stop. He kept up his game, not deterred by Roderich’s acting. Roderich could feel Gilbert’s hot breath all over and his skin buzzed with the sensation. It was alluring, but not enough. He brushed their lips together, but only just and that’s when he saw it. The annoyance in Roderich’s eyes. Roderich teased, but only liked it when he was in control. He was the type that hated to leave things unfinished and be at the mercy of another person. Gilbert took Roderich’s lip between his own, but didn’t put any pressure on it. He pulled away and let his hands fall to his side. He smirked and Roderich and made no further moves. Roderich tried to look passive, but his eyes gave him away.

              Subtleties lied in those eyes and Gilbert was beginning to see them. He was nearly there. He licked his own lip and kept steady eye contact with Roderich. Then he chuckled a little and slid out from underneath Roderich. He got up and stretched, walking away from the couch. He didn’t look back a Roderich once and rubbed the back of his neck as he made his way to the fridge. Roderich gritted his teeth together and shook his head. He stood up and darted in front of Gilbert, blocking his entrance to the kitchen.

              “Where do you think you’re going?”

              Gilbert’s eyes lit up with excitement. He’d done it now. Roderich reminded him a cat stalking his prey. His gaze was wicked and treacherous, not leaving Gilbert’s for even a minute. His body felt like it was on fire with need, but Gilbert needed to appear as passive as possible. “I felt like a snack.”

              “Oh no you don’t.” Roderich put his hands on Gilbert’s hips and turned Gilbert’s body so his back was against the doorway. “You really do know how to get under my skin.” He licked his lips. “I underestimated you.”

              “Your biggest mistake, really.”

              “Shut up.” Roderich growled. His tone was harsh and it sent shivers up Gilbert’s spine. He was about to tell Roderich to make him, but he had no time. Roderich’s lips crashed against his own. Gilbert gasped in pure surprise and Roderich wasted no time introducing his tongue.

              _What have I done? Damn, he really can get sexually frustrated. I have to play like that more often._ Roderich had more restraint than the average person, but once his dam was broken, the water would not stop rushing to escape. Gilbert didn’t back down in the slightest. He rubbed his tongue against Roderich, but let Roderich keep control of the kiss. He had never experienced this before and was planning on taking full advantage of it. This might be his new guilty pleasure. He was so used to taking the dominant role, but being dominated was way hotter than he could have imagined. Roderich had been in control of their relationship from the beginning, so it didn’t surprise him that Roderich would be dominant now.

              Roderich cursed under his breath when he broke the kiss and Gilbert raised an eyebrow in surprise. Roderich didn’t swear without good reason. His mouth fell open when he saw Roderich reach down to pull at the crotch of his pants. Their actions had made Roderich hard. “Rod—”

              “Don’t! This was your fault.”

              “I’ll take it as my responsibility then.” Gilbert stepped forward and smirked.

              Roderich pushed Gilbert away and ran off down the hallway. Gilbert was left gaping after hime, still not comprehending what happened. He heard his bedroom door slam. Roderich pressed his hands against the door and took a few deep breaths. He had never experienced this before and never had he been turned on so easily. He slid down the door until he hit the floor. He covered his face with his hands. Partially to hide his embarrassment, but also to try to calm his need. This raw, impassioned, hot-blooded yearning was nothing like he’d felt before. It ached inside of him, but also frightened him. They had only been official for a week now. He wasn’t ready for all of that. Gilbert had so many partners. There was no way he could compare. There was a knock on the door, but Roderich was pressed against the door. He wasn’t letting Gilbert in.

              “Roddy? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I was getting there myself. We don’t have to go all the way. There are other ways of getting off.”

              “Gilbert stop! I…I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never been turned on like this before.”

              Gilbert covered his mouth and tried to stop himself from laughing. “Wait. Liz never turned you on?” He actually felt a little special.

              “I always stopped it the moment I started to feel that way and no. I never got close to feeling like you make me feel. I knew she wouldn’t want that. We were both saving ourselves for our soulmates!”

              “Holy shit.”

              “Don’t mock me!” Roderich growled back.

              “I’m not…I swear. Wow, Rod. You’re so romantic. I love you.” Gilbert blushed a little. Roderich was a total romantic at heart even if he refused to show it most of the time.

              “Give me a few minutes.”

              “Go ahead.” Gilbert chuckled.

              “Shut up! I’m not going to do that!” He blanched, but also felt a little turned on by that thought. There were so many confusing emotions living inside him that he never had before. “Not with you on the other side of the door.”

              “But you do touch yourself, don’t you?”

              “GO away!”

              “Do you think about me?”

              “Gilbert! You are making it worse.” He put his head in his hands and shut his eyes tight. _I don’t know how to handle this, Gilbert. Everything is so new with you and I can’t take it all at once. Think of anything else dammit!_ He heard Gilbert’s footsteps echo down the hall and he finally relaxed. Voices from the TV filled the apartment and his focused on them instead of his own thoughts. Slowly, he felt his body relax as he took deep breaths. He opened the door and felt Gilbert’s eyes on him the minute he re-entered the living room.

              “Roderich, You are so adorable. I am really lucky.” Gilbert’s eyes weren’t filled with lust like they were before, but with true affection. He was kneeling, watching Roderich from over the back of the couch.

              “I’m leaving.”

              “Nooooo~!” Gilbert jumped off the couch and grabbed Roderich’s wrist. “I wasn’t making fun you. I really meant that. I was so happy you came over and showed me your family. Stay with me. My day is open and now that you’re here, I want to spend it with you.”

              Roderich sighed. “You’re too nice.”

              “You bring that out in me.” Gilbert smiled and walked back over to the couch. He sat down and held his arms out for Roderich. A little chuckle left Roderich’s lips and he made his way back over to Gilbert. He lay back against Gilbert, rest his head on Gilbert’s stomach. He rested his arms on Gilbert’s legs and stretched out. He took control of the remote and flipped channels until he settled on a romantic comedy.

              “I knew you liked these, Rod. Not just because you write for them. You’re a romantic and you melt with these movies.”

              “So what? Let me enjoy this moment.” Sebastian barked softly and made his way over to the couch. He nuzzled his nose against one of Roderich’s hands. “Feeling left out, buddy? I have been paying a lot attention to Gilbert and none to you. So sorry.” He moved he legs and patted the space between them. Sebastian let out a grateful bark and jumped onto the couch. He settled in between Roderich’s legs and wagged his tail. Roderich smiled and ran his fingers through Sebastian’s fur. “Good boy.”

              “He really loves you. I mean he likes people, but he’s never been this taken with anyone before. It’s sweet.” Gilbert was grinning, his heart swelling as he watched Roderich and Sebastian. “He loves his daddy, but you’re his second favorite.”

              “Second favorite, hm?”

              “You’ll always be my first favorite.” Gilbert grinned cheekily at him.

              Roderich shook his head and focused his attention on the movie. Gilbert traced his hands down Roderich’s side and let them come to rest on Roderich’s abdomen. These were the moments he wished for. Sure he had thought many times about what the sex would be like, but there was nothing that could compare to this. Roderich was unashamed by the physical contact or showing Gilbert the things no one else knew.

* * *

 

              Roderich sighed as he made his way home. It had been a long day of practice. Rehearsals were always long the week before a show and especially when a new piece was introduced. He checked his phone and saw a few more messages from his friends. He looked through them and there still wasn’t one from Gilbert. He tried not be disappointed. They hadn’t asked when each other’s birthdays were so he didn’t expect Gilbert to know. Still, it hurt that Gilbert didn’t remember. Someone must have told him, right? Elizabeta would have told him it was coming up.

              Roderich walked up to his place and was greeted by James. “Mr. Edelstein, happy birthday once again. I hope you’ve had a good day.”

              He sighed and wanted to give James a cheerier answer, but he honestly didn’t feel it. “It’s been okay. Nothing eventful.”

              “I’m sure, it’ll get better.” James said with a knowing smile, but didn’t say anything more.”

              “Thank you, Mr. Maris.” He smiled at him, but it was forced and it didn’t reach his eyes. “James, you’ve known me most of my life and yet my soulmate’s on more casual terms with you than I am. Please just call me Roderich.”

              James smiled and looked touched. “It would be my honor, Mr. Roderich.”

              Roderich gave him a smile and headed upstairs. He considered calling Gilbert, but that felt pathetic. He hated making a big deal out things like birthdays and he hadn’t had a party in years. But his soulmate should at least say something. He stopped in front of his door when he heard music coming from inside. _Oh no…please tell me Elizabeta didn’t try to throw me a surprise party again._ He slowly slid his key into the lock and winced, waiting for the yells, but none of that happened. The music was coming from the player on his coffee table and Gilbert was in his kitchen humming along. There was a banner hung on the mantle above the fireplace and it was painted in Gilbert’s rough handwriting. It was messy, but it made Roderich’s heart throb. Gilbert had strung his supply of Christmas lights up. It was ridiculous, but it gave the place a romantic, warm glow.

              Gilbert turned the minute he heard the door open. “Roderich! Happy Birthday, love!” He put down the spoon he’d been cooking with and went to greet his boyfriend. Roderich hugged him tightly. “You thought I forgot, didn’t you? I asked Elizabeta the date of your birthday. She warned me not to throw you a party and especially not a surprise party, but I still wanted to surprise you. So, I thought it’d be okay to throw you a surprise party of just me. I didn’t text you because I really wanted you to be surprised. Did it work?”

              Roderich nodded against Gilbert’s shoulder and he felt warm and fuzzy inside. Suddenly, he felt stupid for even thinking Gilbert would forget his birthday. Of course, Gilbert would have found out when his birthday was. “Thank you. This is just what I wanted.”

              “She told me not to do anything big, but I know you. My awesome skills were right again.” He pulled back and gave Roderich a quick kiss. “Ooooh. Maybe I should give you twenty-eight birthday kisses!”

              “Maybe later. I’m going to go freshen up.”

              “Dinner’s almost ready, don’t take too long!” Gilbert teased and Roderich went to get changed. He noticed that Gilbert had dressed up so he decided change into a set of formal clothes. _How do you keep doing that? I’m not transparent in the slightest, yet you always know what I want. I guess it’s a soulmate thing._ He walked back out and saw Gilbert lighting a couple candles in the center of the table. It reminded him of the first time Gilbert had cooked him dinner. Gilbert had tried so hard and Roderich didn’t truly appreciate it. Now, now he did.

              He was about to sit down when Gilbert stopped him. “What is it?”

              “We should probably do your present first.”

              “Why?” Roderich looked at him curiously. “You did a present on top of all this! Gil…”

              “Come here.” Gilbert took his hand and led Roderich to the guest bedroom. “Open the door.”

              Roderich raised an eyebrow at him. “This better not be anything sexual. I swear Gilbert—”

              “Babe, come on. Just open the door.”

              Roderich sighed, but did as he was told. At first, he didn’t notice anything had changed about the guest bedroom and then he saw it. In the corner was a plush black bed and on top of that was an orange ball of fluff. A gasp left Roderich’s lips and he walked into the room. He knelt next to the bed. He looked up at Gilbert who was watching him from the doorway with a smile.

              “I picked her out especially for you. I went to the shelter and told them about your cat growing up. They showed me several cats with Lily’s temperament. I came back and played with them several times. I knew she was the one after two visits.” He nodded to the orange fluff. “Her name is Lucy. She’s an orphan. She was found on the streets and she can be a bit skittish at first, but once she warms up to you, she’s fine. At first I considered getting you a black and white one, like Lily, but I wanted Lucy to be different. I wanted her to be special.”

              Roderich cautiously placed a hand on Lucy’s back and stroked her fur. She stirred from her nap and looked up at Roderich with wide green eyes. She meowed in surprise and darted up and skirted over to Gilbert, nuzzling up to his legs. “Lulu, sweetie, sorry we surprised you. You’ll like him, I swear. He’s really gentle and sweet.” Gilbert leaned down and scooped the cat up. He walked over and placed her in Roderich’s arms. She was frozen for a moment and Gilbert wanted to laugh. Roderich smiled down at her and started petting her gently. She nuzzled into his arm and started purring. “Gilbert…she’s perfect.”

              “I thought you might want a friend to keep you company and the way you talked about Lily, I knew you missed having a cat.”

              “You’re…amazing. I don’t get it. You always can see right through me and you get exactly what I need.” Roderich shook his head and looked up at Gilbert with admiration.

              “Well, I couldn’t always do that, but I’m starting to be able to read you.” He saw how calm Lucy became, sitting in Roderich’s arms. “You may not be super fond of animals, but they love you.”

              Roderich looked back down a Lucy. “I guess they do.” He set her back into her bed. She nuzzled against his leg as he got up, but she didn’t protest. “I’ll come play with you later.”

              “Dinner?” Gilbert asked.

“Dinner.” Roderich walked back into the kitchen sat down. He noticed this dinner was even fancier than Gilbert had done before. “Gil, darling, you’ve really stepped up your cooking game.”

              Gilbert sat down across from him. “Thank you. Francis has been helping me. I wanted to do something really nice for your birthday.”

              Roderich reached out and took Gilbert’s hand he leaned across the table a bit and kissed Gilbert’s hand. “Thank you. This is perfect.”

              It was a simple gesture, but the soft, gentleness of the kiss made him nearly melt. “You try it first, birthday boy.”

              Roderich cut into his pot roast and took a small bite. “Oh Gilbert…those lessons have really paid off.”

              Gilbert grinned and started eating. “Was getting you Lucy really okay? Having a cat is commitment. Maybe I should have asked.”

              “Cats are pretty independent and she not a kitten so I don’t have to train her. I meant it when I said she’s perfect. I do like her.” He saw Gilbert’s frown. “What?”

              “Who knew cats were your weakness? You warm up so quickly to the cat, but it took me _weeks_.” He teased and Roderich rolled his eyes.

              “Wasn’t it worth it?” Roderich said back with a little wink.

              “It was. I loved every day with you. Even the bad ones, because I still learned something about you. I know the fight was rough, but it taught us how to resolve fights.” Gilbert saw a flicker of pain cross Roderich’s features, but it disappeared once Gilbert finished.

              “I suppose you’re right. Listen, thank you, really for not throwing a huge party. I appreciate that.”

              “About that…next week is Antonio’s Halloween party. Will you please come with me? I know you’re not super fond of parties.”

              “Of course, what are we dressing up as?” He saw Gilbert’s surprise and smiled. He could tell Gilbert hadn’t expected him to agree so easily. “Well, I know with you there will be parties and I could do them for you every once in a while. Also, if we’re going, we have to dress up right.”

              Gilbert grinned at him. “Wait. You didn’t even fight me on that?”

              Roderich rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway. It wasn’t just any smile. It was the charming one that made Gilbert go weak in the knees. “Honey.” Roderich didn’t use that pet name often, but when he did, he knew he was about to get scolded or told. “You just did all this for me. Of course I would do anything for you right now.”

              Gilbert swore he was one nice word from melting into a puddle on the ground. “Roddy…I love you.”

              “I know. So I’m not above doing a couple’s costume.” He changed the subject again and for once, Gilbert didn’t feel dejected by it. He was starting to understand the aspects of Roderich’s personality even more lately. Roderich only changed the subject abruptly like that when he felt uncomfortable. It wasn’t always a bad uncomfortable though, sometimes, he just didn’t want to deal the feelings swelling inside of him. “If it’s tastefully done. It can’t be one of those cheap ones that look like they’ll fall apart.”

              “Okay, what’s your idea then?” Gilbert jeered, taking a sip of his whine.

              “I was thinking something classy, like day of the dead type. We could wear suits and—”

              “Babe, that would be totally sexy, but we aren’t make up, artists. It’s only hot if it’s done well.” Gilbert cut him off.

              “We could do it. I can paint, how hard could that be? I’ll watch a couple of tutorials.” Roderich shrugged.

              “True. That portrait you did was awesome. You actually like Halloween, don’t you?”

              Roderich rolled his eyes. “Yes, because it was of you. And I like dressing up when the time calls for it.”

              Gilbert pulled out his phone and started looking up pictures. “Babe. We should go to those ridiculous thrift shops in town and go all out. You know what would be really funny if we got me a full gown, wig and corset.” He showed him picture of beautiful girl with her make up done and flowers in her hair.

              Roderich laughed at Gilbert. “You’d cross dress?”

              “No doubt. One year, in college, Toni, Franny, and I went as slutty Disney Princesses. Toni was Belle, Francis was Cinderella and I was Snow White. We found these dresses with _short_ tutus and had wigs. A friend of mine did our make-up. We won the costume contest.”

              Roderich was laughing so hard, clutching his stomach, that he nearly fell out of his chair. Gilbert made a mental note of stunning Roderich looked with that much joy on his face. “Nothing about that should surprise me. I should know by now how ridiculous you can be.” Gilbert pulled up the picture and Roderich’s eyes widened. “That is actually well done. You look like all those sorority girls that try to be cute and clever on Halloween. Honestly, you look kind of hot and with your complexion, Snow White was perfect for you. You look nice with black hair.”

              “Yes!” Gilbert placed a hand on his chest and batted his eyelashes. “If my boyfriend thinks I’m hot as a girl, that’s all approval I need. I got hit on by several guys that night.”

              “Who thought you were a girl? You had to be like 6 foot 4 in those heels though.”

              Gilbert nodded. “They thought I was a super model.”

              “That would be an easy mistake to make. You look like an underwear model normally.”

              Gilbert threw his head back and laughed. “You’re amazing, love.”

              “If we’re going to cross dress you for next week, I’ll make sure it’s done well.” Roderich said, getting them back on topic.

              “I love your playful side, Roddy! Let’s go thrift shopping tomorrow.” Gilbert’s eyes lit up with excitement. “I know all the best places we could go. I hope they won’t be too cleaned out at this time…”

              Roderich finished eating and watched Gilbert with his chin resting on his hand. Gilbert kept rambling, but he didn’t care to stop him. When Gilbert got really excited about something he just couldn’t stop talking. His excitement was actually, really sexy. His eyes lit up, he wouldn’t stop smiling, and his started to talk animatedly with his hands. It was truly endearing. “Sounds good, my dear.”

              “Oh! It’s time for the cake.” Gilbert jumped up and cleared their plates before running into the kitchen. Gilbert came back out with a cake that Roderich could tell was homemade. The letters on top were shaky, but he could tell Gilbert really put effort into it. He had written ‘Happy Birthday Roddy’ with blue icing.

              “Gil…”

              “Wait! You have to let me sing before you blow out the candles.”

              Roderich was about to protest about how silly it would be to sing with just one person, but then he remembered Gilbert could actually sing. “Go ahead then.”

              Gilbert blushed a little but sang him happy birthday. Roderich smiled fondly through the whole thing. Even happy birthday sounded nice with Gilbert’s voice. “Make a wish, Roddy.” He finished with a smile.

              _I’m so stupidly happy right now. What could I wish for?_ He winked at Gilbert and blew out the candles. “You made this?”

              “I did…that wasn’t the first one. The first one fell apart when I tried to get it out of the round pans. It’s not super pretty, but I’m sure it’ll taste good. The first one tasted good!” Gilbert smiled at him. “I hope it’s okay since you’re the baking expert.”

              Roderich stood up and pulled Gilbert into a tight hug. “This is the best birthday I’ve had in a long time. I…I don’t know the last time someone did something this nice for me. You cooked me dinner, baked, decorated and my place and bought me a cat. You also sang for me. I love your singing voice. I’ve said thank you so many times already, but thank you. I really do have the best soulmate.”

              Gilbert dropped his head onto Roderich’s shoulder, “I’m so happy for that Roddy.” Roderich smiled and stroked the back of Gilbert’s hair. He loved every aspect about being held by Gilbert. He was always held like he was something precious, but also tight enough to feel like Gilbert never wanted to let go. They were nearly two months official now and Roderich still couldn’t believe Gilbert hadn’t left yet. He was not expecting him to run anymore, but what he had put Gilbert through was pretty nasty. He made Gilbert feel he wasn’t wanted. Nothing could top that feeling. Gilbert forgave easily, but he wondered if that wound was still raw. Their relationship had still been about him, he needed to start treating Gilbert too.

              He felt a sharp pinch to his side and jumped. “Gil! What was that for?”

              Gilbert pulled back and looked at Roderich. “Where did you go? You were so lost in your mind there for a minute.”

              He took a deep breath. Roderich didn’t want to ruin the nice night they were having, but the question would nag at him until it got answered. “Do you hate me? I mean even in the tiniest way? I hurt you on purpose and made you feel unwanted.”

              “And I cheated on you, I think we’re even for that.”

              _So, Gilbert is as insecure about that as I am about hurting him._ “You didn’t. I basically broke up with you.” Roderich looked into Gilbert’s eyes to show his seriousness. “You didn’t answer the question.”

              “I don’t. Yeah it hurt a hell of a lot, but I could never hate you. I know I can be overbearing and a bit much at times.” He smiled at Roderich and took Roderich’s face in his hands. “As far as making me feel wanted? You do. Every day, I feel it. You’re not around me just because you feel you have to be. Not anymore. No one has ever looked at me the way you have when you think I’m not looking.”

              Roderich blushed a little, but then again, he didn’t mind so much that Gilbert had caught him. Gilbert looked at him in the same way. They had come such a long way and both grown together. He didn’t want to start over because there were moments in their past that he treasured. The time they had gone star-gazing, or those roses Gilbert had sent to try and impress him. He had been completely embarrassed by them at the time, but now he found it sweet that Gilbert had tried so hard for a man he had hardly known. When Gilbert had brought him a cake on the anniversary of parent’s death and it had been exactly what he didn’t know he needed. Or when Gilbert had learned a simple song on piano just to show he wanted to invest time in something Roderich enjoyed. It was funny looking at those moments now how much they really meant to him. “Do you want to have a sleepover tonight?”

              Gilbert looked up from his cake and smiled. “Yes. I’d love that. You had that glassy look in your eyes again. What were you thinking about?”

              “I swear being around you is making me all sentimental and sappy. We’ve come a long way and I know I’ll never say this enough, but I appreciated every little thing you did for me. I might have hated some of them back then, but I love them now.”

              Gilbert had to hold back a snort while Roderich was speaking because Roderich was being nearly as sappy as he was. As much as it made him laugh, he loved it even more. This was his Roderich, the one that only he would be able to see. For the first time, he was thankful for Roderich’s ingrained composure. Gilbert had a habit of showing his love to everyone and he felt incredibly special that Roderich only showed love to those who earned it. “I really do get all the sides of you that no one else does.”

              “Yes, this is only for you.” _It’s been 10 years, Mom and Dad. There have been so many moments I wish you could have been here for. I will always wish you could have met Gilbert. Finally, after all these years cutting myself off from the world, I don’t have to any longer. I’m no longer alone and it’s all thanks to Gilbert._ Gilbert had given him the perfect birthday and when Gilbert’s birthday came along, he would blow him away. Gilbert deserved that more than anyone and Roderich would start treating him that way. It was his turn to give.

             

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took forever. Life got in the way. I still love this story and I have places I want it to go. Next chapter will be the Halloween party (I love Halloween and Roderich's birthday is days before it. Also in the storyline, it would be October. If I was thinking, I could have aligned it with the actual holiday, but we all know I'm forever running late.) and with that party may come some drunk shenanigans...always fun to play with. Then I'll probably do Christmas and Gilbert's birthday. And with the current timeline, Felicia is seven months pregnant so the birth will be in an upcoming chapter as well. Many exciting things to come. Thanks for reading and sticking with this if you have.  
> Much love and happy Holidays,  
> Hope


	13. Dia de Los Muertos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he promised, Roderich accompanies Gilbert to Antonio and Chiara's Halloween party. Things go very unexpectedly when Roderich accidentally lets himself get drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnd...Song inspirations for this chapter:  
> "How would you feel, if I told you I loved you?  
> It's just something that I want to do  
> I'll be taking my time, spending my life  
> Falling deeper in love with you  
> So tell me that you love me too." - Ed Sheeran, "How Would You Feel"
> 
> "She is everything I need  
> That I never knew I wanted  
> She is everything I want  
> That I never knew I needed" - The Fray "She Is" 
> 
> (this isn't a song, but I've seen it used in an amv so close enough)  
> Lily:Whats a soulmate?  
> Dawson: It's a.. Well, it's like a best friend, but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It's someone who makes you a better person, well, actually they don't make you a better person... you do that yourself-- because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens.. you'll always love them. - Dawson's Creek

It was early and Roderich could tell because Gilbert wasn’t even awake yet and he loved mornings. He rolled over and tried to settle back into sleep but stopped when he caught sight of Gilbert. _You’re even gorgeous when you’re sleeping. You really piss me off sometimes._ In the low light of the morning Gilbert’s silhouette was practically glowing and Roderich noted that Gilbert looked kind of angelic. His face wasn’t twisted into a playful smirk or clouded over with dirty thoughts, it was just at peace. _You may look angelic, this is, until you open your mouth. You say some really stupid things sometimes, but you never fail to brighten my day._ Roderich reached over and brushed his finger against Gilbert’s cheek. It was a light, gentle touch because he wasn’t ready to wake Gilbert up yet. He bit his lip as his feelings swelled inside him yet again.

              Love, romantic love, was a new concept to Roderich. He barely understood it, but he sure as hell felt it. The closer he got to Gilbert, the more he realized what he felt for Elizabeta wasn’t love. Not in the romantic sense anyway. He loved her like he had loved his parents or like the sister he never had. He felt it in the things that Gilbert did for him. He saw in Gilbert’s gaze and his laugh. It was there in the way that Gilbert refused to give up on him. And now, it rested inside of Roderich’s chest when he even thought about Gilbert. They had chemistry, yes, but there was more than that. They were learning how to make a relationship work. They were learning how to invest in one another. Lately, Roderich had realized because he invested his time in Gilbert, his heart followed. His heart opened and let in this annoying, arrogant, insecure, caring, sweet man. Gilbert had made himself a permanent fixture in Roderich’s heart as well as his life. Now that Roderich had let him in, he never wanted to let him go.

               He could tell Gilbert wanted to move forward, but he was also enjoying things how they were now. He liked visiting each other’s places and sleeping over. The times apart even if it were only a few hours made meeting up again all the more exciting. He knew Gilbert may get a little frustrated by the pace of their relationship, but he also knew how much happier Gilbert had been lately. Finally, Gilbert didn’t have to hold back the feelings in his heart. Roderich snuggled up to Gilbert and remembered last night. It was by far the best birthday he had ever had. Birthdays had never been a big deal in his family and he hated being the center of attention. Gilbert had done last night perfectly. It was simple, but it still showed that Gilbert cherished him.

              Absently, Roderich had started running his fingers across Gilbert’s chest as he started thinking about ideas. _I want to do something equally as special for Gilbert’s birthday. I have to ask him when it is. I’d like to take a road trip with him and maybe a few friends, but I’d want to do that if he had a summer birthday.  I love him, but I’m not willing to go on a road trip in the winter._ He stopped his train of thought immediately when he realized what he’d just thought so casually. He’d thought of the concept of loving Gilbert, but never had he thought it so plainly. _Well, I can admit it myself, now I’ll just have to say it aloud and to him…._ He smiled and decided he still wanted to wait. Roderich lay still for a bit before his mind returned to Gilbert’s birthday again. He wanted to do something big, but also meaningful. _I also don’t want to throw him a big party, because I want it to be special. Maybe I’ll ask Francis and Antonio about it._

              Gilbert stirred to a light sensation on his bare skin. He peeked open an eye and saw Roderich’s eyes open, spacing out. He wondered if Roderich had even noticed he’d been stroking him. “Morning, darling, it’s before 11 am, this is early for you.” He teased.

              Roderich jumped a little. “Geez! I hadn’t even realized you were awake.”

              “You did wake me up.” With a smirk, Gilbert placed his hand on top of Roderich’s and Roderich’s fingers stopped moving.

              “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t even realize…I was just thinking.” Roderich blushed a little and looked away.

              “It’s all right. It was actually a nice way to wake up, it was soothing.” Gilbert smiled warmly and squeezed Roderich’s hand. “Care to share your thoughts?”

              “When’s your birthday?”

              Gilbert smiled and felt a tightness in his chest. Roderich had been thinking about him and that made Gilbert so happy. “January 18th. I’ll be 28 as well.”

              _Oh. So, it’s a winter birthday. Scratch the road trip for now. Maybe I’ll do that for an anniversary or something. We did meet in late summer. It’ll be good weather then._ “What do you and your friends usually do for your birthday?”

              “Ah, I see. You’re trying to one up me.” Gilbert teased and poked Roderich in the chest.

              “I am not! I’m just gathering ideas.” _I’m going to blow you away._ Roderich smirked a little and winked at Gilbert.

              “Liar. You’re quite competitive when you want to be and you actually don’t like losing, do you?” Gilbert laughed at the confirmation in Roderich’s eyes. “Now that I know you better, your eyes give you away.”

              Roderich looked at him in surprise. No one had really been able to read him like that before. “They do?”

              “Well, not to the untrained eye, but I’m becoming a Roddy expert.”

              Roderich let out a small chuckle and shook his head. “But seriously, answer my question.”

              “My friends and I go on a skiing and snowboarding trip.” Roderich wrinkled in disgust at the thought of a vacation in the snow and made Gilbert laugh. “I thought so.”

              “I’ll come up with something.”

              Gilbert snickered and leaned over to kiss Roderich on the cheek. “You’re so adorable. You didn’t even try to invite yourself on the trip. I love that you’re true to yourself. Well, my dear, you have months to plan so it better be a good birthday.”

              “Oh, honey, it will be.” Roderich stood up and stretched. “I’m going to make some coffee and feed Lucy. We have a big day of thrift shopping ahead of us.” Roderich looked down at him and blushed when he saw the look in Gilbert’s eyes. They were filled with pure, unfiltered affection, a look that Roderich still wasn’t used to. “Stop looking at me like that. You’re so embarrassing.”

              Gilbert jumped up and wrapped his arms around Roderich’s waist. “Never. I love you and I’m not hiding it any longer. I’ll embarrass you to my heart’s content. You deserve all the love in the world.” Every once and while Gilbert would think about Roderich’s past. Roderich had lost his parents and had to live all alone in this loft at 18. Gilbert hardly knew who he was at 18 and he couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to have to do it all on his own. It just made him want to hug Roderich and love him twice as much. Roderich looked at him and knew the connotation behind those words. To anyone else, it would have sounded like a line, but he knew better.

              _“You lost your parents and broke up with the girl you dated for years, the girl you thought you loved. I’ll love you enough for all of them”…or something like that. Under all the ego, he really is a such a sweet, caring man. I’m lucky._ Roderich smiled and peeled himself away from Gilbert and walked into the kitchen.

              Gilbert thought for a minute as he watched Roderich walk away. _Hmm, he’s different today if even just a little bit. I don’t know if I can tell what’s different, I mean he was intently thinking about doing something for me. Not that Roderich is a selfish person, but he’s not been like that with me before. He’s coming out of his shell and I really am going to get to see ever side of him._ He walked into the kitchen and his heart swelled in his chest. Getting Roderich that cat may have been the best decision Gilbert had ever made. Roderich was crouching next to Lucy’s bowl, softly stroking the cat as she ate. Roderich opened to animals in such a sweet, gentle way. He’d seen it with Sebastian, but with Lucy it was different. Maybe it was because Roderich had a cat before and he actually loved them more than he let on.

              “She reminds me so much of Lily even though she doesn’t look like her. Lily used to let me pet her like this when she ate. Francis’s family cat hated that.” Roderich spoke softly, knowing Gilbert had been watching him.

              “This is completely adorable and I’m glad you’re happy.” Gilbert quickly grabbed his phone and took a picture before Roderich could notice.

              Roderich straightened up and, luckily, he hadn’t really been focusing on Gilbert. He slowly walked into the kitchen went to start breakfast. “I am, I actually am. I don’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed around another person. My mom, maybe? I loved Elizabeta, but we were, I think deep down, we were always on edge because we were waiting for the other to leave.”

              Gilbert narrowed his eyes at Roderich. “Did you just compare me to your mom?”

              “Shut up! I didn’t mean it like that. If anything, that was a compliment. My mom was the only one I ever felt comfortable being myself around. She didn’t care that I wasn’t going to a prestigious business school or if I wasn’t the perfect son.” Roderich mixed his scrambled eggs at the stove, refusing to look at Gilbert. “I guess what I meant is I feel completely comfortable around you. Maybe because I didn’t start out our relationship trying to impress you like I normally would. You had such low standards that I didn’t have anything to live up to.” Roderich finally smirked at Gilbert over his shoulder with the last comment. He had to get his revenge against Gilbert for the mom comment.

              Gilbert crossed his arms and shook his head. “I’m leaving.”

              Roderich laughed and finished up breakfast. “You won’t because then you’ll miss getting to see  me dressed up today in fancy suits.” Roderich put their eggs and bacon on the table, eyeing Gilbert’s charade. He was really committing to the joke. Gilbert had already put his shoes on and had one arm through his jacket.

              “Dammit.” He froze and glared at the door.

              “I know when you’re just trying to sell a joke, honey.” Roderich sat down and sipped at his coffee, ignoring Gilbert so he wouldn’t give him the satisfaction he wanted.

              Gilbert pouted and kicked off his shoes before sliding into the seat across from Roderich. “I think you’d be more upset if I left. You really like dressing up, don’t you? You’re very excited about getting to dress me up even more than I am about you.” Roderich refused to say anything and just looked at Gilbert over his mug as he took another long sip. That made Gilbert laugh and he took a bite of his eggs. “Mmm. Babe, I swear, you even make eggs taste amazing. You have to give me the recipe.”

              “No, it’s a secret.” He looked at Gilbert and caught him with smile on his face. There was something about that smile that made him uneasy and yet made a warm feeling stir in his stomach. “What did you just think of?”

              “When you’re ready for sex, we should totally take your love of dressing up into the bedroom.”

              Roderich scoffed and rolled his eyes to hide the flicker of excitement in them. He liked the idea more than he was willing to let on, the warm feeling spread from his stomach through his entire body. He knew it had spread to his cheeks and was causing him to blush now.

              “Roddy~” Gilbert sang out his name, noticing the blush right away. “Baby, it’s just me, you said I’m the only one you’ll show your full self to.”

              Roderich ran his tongue across his teeth and sighed, making it look like this was the most painful experience for him. “Okay, yes. I really like dressing up. Halloween is a really fun holiday for me.”

              Gilbert chuckled at his soulmate’s overreaction. “You’re so dramatic, Roddy. You avoided the real question. Halloween wouldn’t make you blush like that.” Gilbert leaned across the table, leering at him.

              “I hate you.” He picked off a piece of his remaining bacon and threw it Gilbert.

              “No you don’t.”

              “You won’t ever let this go, will you?”

              “Nope.”

              “I wouldn’t be above dressing up when we take our relationship there. In fact, I’d like it a lot. Maybe not the first time, but after that.”

              Gilbert jumped up and ran around the table to hug Roderich’s shoulders. “I love you! You really are more fun than I’d thought you’d be when we first met.”

              “That was not a compliment.” Roderich finished eating and pushed Gilbert off.

              “Sure it was!”

              “Well, you’re the worst at giving compliments.”

              Gilbert chuckled and kissed Roderich’s cheek. “I’m going to run home and shower and let Sebastian out, I’ll be back in an hour, okay?”

              “And leave me with the dishes? You’re the worst boyfriend ever.” Roderich smirked at him and waved him off. “Don’t take too long.”

              “Rain check for the dishes.”

              “I’m sure that’s what you’ll say every time when we start living together.”

              “You’re surprisingly funny.” Gilbert waved over his shoulder as he walked out the door.

              _Surprisingly funny…those comments piss me off._ Roderich narrowed his eyes at the door, spacing out until he felt pressure against his shin. He looked down as saw Lucy nuzzling her head into his leg. “But I’m falling so hard for him.” He picked Lucy up and stroked her fur. She purred softly and leaned into his touches. “And he got me you, Lucy, when I didn’t even realize I needed you. I kind of hate that he knows me so well, but I also love it.” _I’ve never been the most important person to anyone and maybe I can be that for you. I’d be so happy. Dammit Gilbert! Making me sappy again._

* * *

 

              Gilbert came back to find Roderich in the bathroom fixing his hair with Lucy lying on the counter, basking in the warm lights. She really was taken with him and wasn’t clingy, but just wanted to be wherever Roderich was. _We have that in common, Lulu._ Gilbert was a little surprised to see that Roderich hadn’t shooed her off the counter yet.

              “I can see you staring in the mirror, Gilbert. You’ve never been the least bit subtle.” Nothing Gilbert did was ever quiet. Roderich figured Gilbert had been trying to surprise him, but he’d heard his boyfriend the minute he closed the door. The penthouse was spacious, but in attempt to be sneaky, Gilbert was just louder and the noise traveled.

              “I never said I was trying to be.”

              “You were trying to sneak up on me. That won’t work.”

              Gilbert crossed his arms and smirked. “Oh yeah? I’ll get you some time. I always rise to a challenge, babe.”

              Roderich rolled his eyes at his reflection and smiled a bit. “Yeah, I know, we wouldn’t be together if you didn’t. Mr. ‘I want what I can’t have.’” Roderich used Gilbert’s own words against him.

              “Oh, come on! I’ve grown a lot since the first time we met! And I was right I do still like you, in fact I do want you even more than I did five months ago.”

              “You have. I’ve been slowly whipping you into shape. Almost there, but not quite.”

Gilbert walked up behind Roderich and hovered his hand over Roderich’s hair threateningly with a smirk on his face.

Before Gilbert could even think of laying a finger on Roderich’s hair, he reached up and snatched Gilbert’s wrist. “No! I just got it to lay right! You have no idea how long it takes to look like this.”

A small, sinister chuckle slipped past Gilbert’s lips. “Babe, you should be careful. You know I’m a tease and now I know your weakness.”

Roderich tightened his hand around Gilbert’s wrist and he glared at him in the mirror. “I’ll make you regret it. I know your weakness too.”

Gilbert raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh yeah? Then what is it?”

“Hah! I’m not a novice, a man never reveals his trump card before its needed.”

Gilbert’s hand went limp in Roderich’s grasp and he wrapped his free arm around Roderich’s waist. He squeezed Roderich close in a one-armed hug and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “I swear! Sometimes you just do or say something that’s so sexy, I can’t handle it.”

Roderich wiped his cheek with the back of his hand and wrinkled his nose in mock disgust. He finally let Gilbert go and winked at him as he wiggled out of Gilbert’s embrace.

“You did that on purpose!” Gilbert gasped in realization.

“We better get going. I’m not looking anything but my best for that party. If we’re participating in the costume contest, no way are we going to lose.”

Gilbert followed Roderich out the door and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “I never said anything about the costume contest.” Roderich’s back muscles tensed and Gilbert had to press his lips together to keep himself from snickering.

“I just assumed there would be one since your friends like to make bets and win things.” Roderich said quickly, hoping Gilbert wouldn’t catch the cover up.

Gilbert skipped to Roderich’s side and linked their arms together so he could see his face. “Liar. You’ve online stalked me, haven’t you?”

“You looked hot in your Halloween costume from last year. And I happened to see pictures of a costume contest.”

“The truth comes out. How long ago was this?”

Roderich refused to look at Gilbert, making eye contact with the pavement as they walked. “…a year ago.”

A loud gasp escaped Gilbert’s lips and his mouth fell open. He knew Roderich had seen him from a far two years ago, but refused to make contact. “A year ago? You still hated me then and yet you online stalked me…interesting. Maybe you’ve been pretending all this time. I’m horrified. I’ve been robbed! I—”

“Stop. You’re so dramatic. I…I didn’t…I wasn’t fond of your attitude back then, but you have always been stupidly pretty. I couldn’t deny that even when I wanted nothing to do with you.” He looked at Gilbert and regretted it immediately when he saw the shocked joy etched onto his face. “Come on, it’s not like you’ve never heard that in your life. I know you know you’re good looking.”

Gilbert’s chest tightened as he held back a squeal of joy. “I know, but it’s different when it’s you! I can’t help it that hearing that from you makes me happier than if it were anyone else. And even then, you couldn’t resist me~”

Roderich shook his head and refused to even acknowledge Gilbert’s words. He just dragged Gilbert into the first shop. It had the same musty smell of old paper like most thrift stores, but this one had the most promise of the ones in the area. It was higher end so it would hopefully have the dress Roderich was looking for. He hoped that Gilbert wouldn’t get annoyed with how many outfits he was going to make try on.  It was no secret that he was a perfectionist so they would do this look right or not at all.

Gilbert eyes widened as he took in the contents of the store. He ran off and Roderich shook his head with a fond smile on his lips. _What was I worried for? He’s just as enthusiastic as always and as excited as I feel inside. Sometimes I wish I was brave like you. You’re never afraid to be transparent with your emotions._ Gilbert always had his head in the clouds, always ran ahead, always wanting to explore the unknown. He was ship on the sea with a fearless captain and Roderich was his anchor. Grounded and realistic enough to help Gilbert keep his footing, but never overbearing enough to hold him down.

“Roddy~! How about this one?” Roderich followed Gilbert’s voice and found him between two racks of poufy dresses holding a pale blue ball gown. “I’d be so fluffy!”

“No, honey.” Roderich shook his head and gave him a pointed look. “If you were going as Cinderella, this would be perfect. But we’re going for sexy skeleton, it would need to be more Spanish flamenco type. Plus, that one would hide your best features.” Roderich smirked and gave him a once over, smacking Gilbert’s butt as he walked by.

Gilbert sighed and watched Roderich for a moment before chasing after him. “You’re right, you know best, sir.” Gilbert winked and gave him a cheeky salute. Roderich rolled his eyes and Gilbert took Roderich’s hand and let his boyfriend lead the way.

_You ass, you know I have a thing for being in control._ He scanned the racks until he found the type of dresses he was looking for. They were all mermaid cut or had dropped waists with lots ruffles along the bottom. He picked out about eight different ones for Gilbert to try on, favoring ones with long slits to show off Gilbert’s legs. “We’ll pick out yours first and then we’ll look for my outfit.”

“You mean you’ll pick out mine and you’ll pick out yours, little master.” Gilbert smirked at him, knowing exactly how to rile Roderich up. “I knew you’d never let me have any say in this.”

Roderich shoved the dresses at him. “Just go try these on.” He bit his lip and sighed. Gilbert’s tone was joking and playful, but Roderich worried a bit that there was a touch of resentment behind his words. “I’ll let you pick out of those ones. You can have the final decision.”

“Roddy, whoa, I was kidding. No need to get so serious. I promise, I’m having a blast letting you style me and besides this outfit isn’t for me. I’ll only be able to see myself in when I look in a mirror, you’re the one who’s gonna look at me all night.” He leaned forward and gave Roderich a quick peck on the lips. “We’re still in your birthday week, I’m treating you to your fantasy. You’ll finally get the girl you’ve always wanted.” Gilbert teased, but there was a bit of insecurity behind the last sentence. He knew Roderich had always been dreaming of a girl, but got him instead.

Roderich was feeling a bit better until the last comment. “Gilbert…I don’t care about your gender, not anymore. I’m the happiest I’ve been in my entire life when I’m with you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I wouldn’t trade you for anyone.” Roderich was blushing by the end and knew the people around them were looking. “Why do you have to do these things to me in public?”

Gilbert blanched and pulled Roderich into the dressing room with him. “I’m so sorry. I hadn’t meant to say that, it just slipped out.” He pulled Roderich into a hug, dropping the dresses to the ground. “I took it too far, I’m sorry, believe me.”

Roderich gripped onto the back of Gilbert’s jacket and held him as tight as he could. “I’m never going to stop atoning for what the things I said, am I?”

“No! shit…I really didn’t mean to bring that up. I’ve already forgiven you for that. I promise, but thank you for saying that to me. I guess both of us are always going to be a bit insecure, right?”

“Well, I’ll remind you as many times as you need that I won’t ever regret meeting you and being with you now. I want you by my side. When something great happened to me, who was the first one I call? Like when one of my compositions got chosen for one of the biggest movies of the winter season, who did I tell first?  When I’m afraid, who’s the one I want to comfort me? Who’s the one I’ve showed everything that I hide from the world?” Roderich pulled away so he could show Gilbert the seriousness of his words.

“Me.”

“That’s right.” Roderich grabbed Gilbert by the collar of his jacket and pulled Gilbert in for a kiss.

Gilbert could feel the tenderness in Roderich’s kiss and he put his every apology into his kiss. Gilbert wrapped his arms around Roderich’s waist and held him close as he parted his lips. Roderich opened his mouth and accepted Gilbert’s tongue naturally. _In the past two months, he’s really gotten better at kissing._ Roderich probably meant it as a simple kiss, but he needed to make up for what he said. This was supposed to be a fun day and he had to go and ruin it with a joke. Then again, he was happy. He got to hear things from Roderich that he never thought he would. He remembered the exact moment Roderich had brought up. Roderich’s voice shook in disbelief as he told Gilbert the news and they screamed on the phone together. Gilbert dropped everything, even called off work, to take Roderich to a celebratory dinner.

“And I’ll remind you countless times that you’re an incredible, sexy, and beautiful man who is worthy of all the love in the world.” Gilbert’s hand was soft on Roderich’s cheek and Roderich leaned into the touch.

“Deal.” Roderich was dazed for a moment before he became aware of their position. They were in the middle of very public thrift store and quickly went into a dressing room together. Definitely, not the connotation he wanted give off, and Roderich immediately came back to his senses. “Well, you have a job to do. Get going.”

Gilbert pressed his lips together and held back a snicker. He saw the embarrassment cross Roderich’s features and guess what Roderich was thinking. _Those people are definitely going to think we’re having sex in here. I saw that, such dirty thoughts, babe._ “Aren’t you going to wait for me outside the dressing room?”

Roderich rolled his eyes and sat in the chair in the corner. “What’s the point now? Besides, I don’t really want to face the staff or any the people who saw our mini fight right now.” He crossed his arms and tried to look indifferent, but Gilbert knew Roderich was just trying to hide his complete embarrassment. “Anyway, it’s not like you’re going to show me anything I haven’t seen before. We went to the beach together after all.”

“What if I’m not wearing any underwear?” Gilbert smirked trying to make Roderich blush again.

Roderich wrinkled his nose and looked completely scandalized. “You didn’t wear underwear to try on clothes? Do you know were these clothes might have been? I mean I knew you were crass, but…”

Gilbert clutched his stomach and doubled over with laughter. That was the thing about Gilbert, when he really laughed, he laughed with his whole body. Roderich found it a bit endearing and he would in this situation if he weren’t still a bit grossed out. “That reaction as perfect, babe. I was just trying lighten the mood, I’m gross, but not _that_ gross.”

“Very funny.” Roderich deadpanned, although he had to admit he did feel a bit better now. Gilbert had a perfect way of making tense situations better. _I love you. I just do. I think I’ll tell you as part of my Christmas present to you._

The thought crossed Gilbert’s mind to make his undressing as sexual as possible, but he already a bit on thin ice right now. Also, if he managed to turn Roderich on in public, he probably wouldn’t live to see Halloween. He quickly got rid of his clothes and slipped on the first dress. Roderich stood and zipped up the back of the dress. This one fit a little too well and Roderich swallowed thickly.

“Okay, turn so I can see the dress from the front.” Although the back did everything for him, the front was kind of disappointing. Blue was Roderich’s favorite color, but it wasn’t working with Gilbert’s skin tone. “Next.”

Gilbert tried on the next dress but it, along with the third and fourth were quickly rejected. Roderich clearly knew what he was looking for and he would know the perfect one when he saw it. “Rod, I feel like we’re trying to find me a wedding dress.” Gilbert teased.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You wouldn’t wear a dress on our wedding day. I’m getting you a perfectly tailored tux.” Roderich said and his tone was so effortless as if he was talking about what they were having for dinner, not about their wedding day. It sent a shiver up Gilbert’s spine and he bit his lip as Roderich worked on lacing up the corset on this dress. It was all black and tight all way down to Gilbert’s butt where it flared out into red ruffles. The front had a slit that extended to mid-thigh and was exactly what Roderich had been picturing. Red really was Gilbert’s color and the black really stood out against his pale skin. “Okay, turn.”

Roderich’s breath caught in his throat and it was better than he thought. They’d need to stuff the top a bit, but it looked just as stunning from the front as it did from the back. “What do you think?” Gilbert asked with a grin. He felt the weight of Roderich’s eyes on him and gave his boyfriend a couple of poses.

“What color are the heels you wore with your Snow White costume?”

“Red and yes I do still have them. I had to order them online from this specialty shop. It’s really hard to find a good pair of heels in a men’s 12. I think it was for drag queens, but not that I minded. If my restaurant career didn’t work out, I always thought I’d go into drag. It’s kind of blast and people’s reactions are hilarious.”

Roderich chuckled a little. “Good, they’ll be perfect with this. I didn’t want to have to look for heels that big from a thrift store. Get dressed, I’m going to find my suit. I have to get to practice this afternoon since we’ve got a concert coming up the first Friday in November. I’ll got get the rest of the supplies tomorrow.” Taking a deep breath to gather himself again, Roderich stepped back onto the main floor. No one payed him any mind and was glad that they had been in there long enough that their onlookers had cleared out. He did get an eyebrow raise from one of the clerks, but he just shrugged. “It’s not easy for him to put a corset on by himself. He was incessant about cross dressing for Halloween.”

Gilbert followed him out and heard the last of Roderich’s conversation. He draped an arm over Roderich’s shoulder and narrowed his eyes at Roderich. “Jeez, sweetie, no need to tell our personal lives to everyone.”

Roderich gave him a glare in return. “Wouldn’t want him getting the wrong idea about us, darling, we’re gentlemen after all.” Roderich pressed his lips together and steered them away. They both laughed together when they were out of earshot. “Poor kid. He looked a bit traumatized. We can’t be the first couple to come in looking for dresses. It’s less than a week away from Halloween, we can’t be the craziest thing he’s seen.”

Gilbert gave Roderich’s shoulder a squeeze. “Maybe, but most people wouldn’t have explained themselves. Most would’ve just avoid eye contact.”

“True, but I’m not most people.” Roderich looked through the rack, not picking a second or third option. He knew exactly what he was looking for and didn’t need other options. He already had a black undershirt and a red tie, he just needed a more vintage looking suit.

“No, you’re not, and I love that about you.” Something caught Gilbert’s eyes and he let out a loud “OH!” before running off.

Roderich rolled his eyes and continued rifling through the hangers, barely looking at most of the options. By the third row, he pulled out a suit and check the jacket and pant size. Unlike dresses, finding the suit was easy. Luckily, this one happened to be his size and it would be a great match for Gilbert’s dress.

“Will you wear this with yours?” Gilbert ran over to him, skidding to a stop and held out a black top hat. He was expecting a no, but kept his hopes up anyway.

“I was thinking about a top hat too. It’s perfect.” Roderich gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Okay, we’re done here.”

“Aren’t you going to try it on for me?” Gilbert pouted and didn’t follow Roderich.

“Nope, I know it’s my size and you’ll just have to see it day of. Come on, you’ve been a good sport today, I’ll treat you to lunch.” Roderich grabbed Gilbert’s hand and led them to the front. The cashier barely made eye contact with them while he rang up their purchases. Gilbert pulled out his wallet, but Roderich stopped him.

“But, Rod, it’s still basically your birthday! Let me pay.”

“No. I picked this place knowing it wouldn’t be inexpensive.”

“I don’t care, I want to, let me at least pay for yours.”

“Honey, you did enough for me yesterday. Let me get this, besides, these costumes were my idea.”  Gilbert pouted but gave in, knowing when it really came down to it, he’d never win. Roderich pulled out his credit card and rolled eyes at Gilbert. “Don’t make that face and just say thank you.” Roderich grabbed their bags and led the way out.

“Thank you, babe.”

One of the girls behind the counter sighed as she watched them walk out. “Wow, they’re so cute. The taller one is the wild one and the brunette keeps him grounded. Their dynamic is so adorable. I hope I can be like that with my soulmate one day.”

* * *

 

              Gilbert got to Roderich’s flat two hours early as instructed and followed the only source of light into the master bedroom. He was greeted by Lucy first who rubbed against his leg with a small, pleased meow. “Hi, Lu, looks like you’re settling in here well.” He crouched down and petted the orange cat under her chin, earning another happy meow.

              “Oh, good, you’re on time. You remembered your heels, right?” He smiled when he saw the shoebox tucked under Gilbert’s arm. “Fantastic, so I can count on you sometimes.”

              “Mean.” Gilbert stuck his tongue out and straightened up to greet Roderich with a kiss.

              Roderich smirked and pulled the dress out of the garment bag. “We’ll have to put the dress on first so we don’t risk screwing up the make-up later.”

              “You’re not wasting any time, huh?” Gilbert pulled off his shirt slowly just to annoy his boyfriend.

              “Well when I practiced on myself, it took me a good hour to get it right and two hours should be enough for the make ups and with styling we’ll be late enough to the party to make an entrance.”

              Gilbert chuckled and finished undressing. “When you like something, you get kind of obsessive, it’s endearing.”

              “I don’t do things halfway, you know that.” Roderich held out the dress for Gilbert to step into and slid it up his body. Gilbert had to admit, the silky fabric felt nice and if he was going to get one perk out of this, it might as well be comfortable. That, and because of the complicated back, Roderich had to help him into the dress.

              “Not too tight, Rod, I’ll have to wear this all night.”

              “I wouldn’t purposefully put you in pain.” Roderich started lacing up the bodice and gave Gilbert a quick kiss on the back of the neck. Gilbert let out high pitched noise somewhere between a gasp and a squeal as a shiver ran up his spine. “Oh?”

              “Shut up! I was surprised and I’m not used to being kissed there.” Gilbert blushed and Roderich grinned to himself. Gilbert wasn’t easily embarrassed, but he apparently had at least one sure fire way. Roderich would have to store that one for later use. Gilbert had to admit, this whole experience was very sensual. With each eyelet that was threaded, he got to feel Roderich’s careful fingers brush against his back. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh as Roderich finished, “good, I can still breathe.”

              Roderich walked around the front to make sure it was fitting him in all the right places. “Yep, looks good, but I have one more thing.” Roderich walked over to his bed, pulled a package out and started opening it as he made his way back to Gilbert.

              Gilbert’s eyes widened as he realized what Roderich was holding. He let out a loud laugh and Roderich glared out a him. “You really are pulling out all the stops with this costume. Did you actually go to a store to buy those? No wonder you didn’t bring me with you for the rest of your shopping. I just wish I could see the look on the cashier’s face when they sold bra inserts to a full-grown man.”

              “I bought them online! Rush shipping, so they’d be here on time. You have nice pectorals, Gilbert, but you don’t fill out the dress.” Gilbert continued laughing as Roderich tried to fit one in the front of his dress. “Make fun of me all you want, I have complete power to make you look ugly.”

              Gilbert gasped and placed a hand on his chest. “You wouldn’t!”

              “I would. Now stand still.” Gilbert did as he was told and let Roderich fit them into place. Roderich played with their postioning a bit, squeezing them through the dress and they rubbed against Gilbert’s nipples. Gilbert had to bite his lip to hold back a moan. “Almost, hang on a bit longer.” Roderich murmured, seeing Gilbert’s discomfort.

“It’s not that, this whole thing is kind of sensual. Maybe you used this as an excuse to touch me.”

“You wish.” Roderich stepped back to admire his work and let Gilbert see himself in the mirror.

              “Damn, baby, you’re right, it does look better. And thanks for making me like a D cup, you know I’d have great tits if I was a woman.” Gilbert couldn’t stop himself and squeezed them, giggling like a teenage boy.

              “You’re ridiculous, but you do look hot as a woman. No wonder that guy hit on you in college. I’m a bit proud of my work so far.”

              “What color hair are you giving me?”

              “I thought about black because it would look nice with your skin, but I thought it would blend into the dress too much. I went with a dark auburn. I think it’ll work well with your whole color scheme.” He walked into the bathroom, beckoning Gilbert to follow. “Now, you’ll have to patient with me. This’ll be a lot of sitting still. I’ll reward you when we’re done, though.”

              “You make it sound like you’re training a dog.” Gilbert laughed a little at his own joke and Roderich raised an eyebrow at him.

              “I don’t see the difference. Then again, Sebastian may have a longer attention span than you.”

              “Mean.”

              Roderich patted the stool he’d set up in the bathroom and Gilbert sat obediently but stuck his tongue out as he did so. “We better get started. I’ve watched a lot of videos and did my research so it should go quickly.”  

              “I should have expected you to be incredibly through.”

              “You have a lot of exposed skin, just be grateful that I didn’t decide to paint your leg or all the way down your arms. I’m just going to do your chest and shoulders. I’m going to start there and I’ll give you a break if you need it.” Roderich stepped in between Gilbert’s legs and Roderich suddenly realized this process was going to be more enjoyable than agonizing. It was an excuse to watch Roderich’s face up close and have Roderich in close proximity for an hour.

              Roderich started laying down white parts of the bone structure first and the brush didn’t tickle like Gilbert had expected it to. It actually felt really smooth even if the body paint was a little cold. “There’s barely a difference between the white paint and your skin.” Roderich teased.

              “Yeah, yeah. We can’t all have beautiful olive skin like yours.” Gilbert grumbled in response.

              “Sorry, you’ve probably heard jokes like that your whole life. I think your skin is real beautiful, it’s so smooth.” Gilbert flinched a little when Roderich started painting up his neck. “I know your neck is sensitive, tell me if it’s too much.”

              “I’ll be fine, darling.” Up close like this, he noticed just how long Roderich’s eyelashes were and how sexy Roderich was when he looked up through them. His face was calm when he a painted, but he tended to alternate between pursing and biting his lips. Roderich probably didn’t even knew he did this and Gilbert found it cute. When he moved on to filling in the spaces between the bones with black, he chewed his lip more, especially when painting close to the white parts.

              Gilbert reached out his hand and placed it on Roderich’s waist. He drummed his fingers, feeling the contours of Roderich’s side. Roderich closed his eyes for a minute and shivered. It was such a light touch, but tender touch. “What are you doing?” Roderich murmured and turned to grab a detailing brush off the counter.

              “Anchoring myself so I don’t fall over.” Gilbert winked, giving an excuse that he knew Roderich wouldn’t buy.

              “As if. Your feet are perfectly planted on the ground.”

              “You’re so close I couldn’t help myself.”

Roderich rolled his eyes went quiet as he concentrated on shading the bones and giving them little imperfections. He tried not to be distracted by Gilbert’s thumb rubbing along his hipbone in small circles. Before Gilbert he had never been fond of being touched and being this close to someone would have been unnerving to him. He was usually uncomfortable around people that he hadn’t known since kindergarten, but everything about Gilbert’s presence calmed him. “So, what are these parties like? I can only get so much from pictures.” He asked, trying to prepare himself for later.

              Gilbert snickered. “Oh, Rod, you might regret agreeing to come to one of these. Toni now only has big parties for Halloween, Pre-Christmas, and New Year’s. Birthday parties tend to be catered to whoever’s party it is. There will be snacks, drinking, dancing, and always a tradition with Toni’s parties, karaoke. He loves it and always drags Francis and I into a song. Toni’s voice isn’t bad, but Fran can’t sing.”

“But you can. I’ve heard your voice.” Roderich took one of Gilbert’s hands in his excitement. “You’ll sing at least one for me, right?”

Gilbert hand twitched and he wanted to rub his neck out of self-conscious habit, but he remembered the paint. “Maybe after I’ve had a few. I’m really not that great at singing.” He cleared his throat and changed the topic. “Luckily, because of our ages and responsibilities, we’ve toned the parties down a bit. Chiara and Toni kick people out at two, but in college, they could go all night and we’d only kick people out to get ready for the next night or because we had class.”

              “I’m glad I didn’t know you in college.” Roderich told him honestly. He had moved on to making the skin appear as if had been torn away on the tops of Gilbert’s shoulders. When Roderich had been planning these costumes, he hadn’t really thought about how close they’d have to be this whole time. Especially when painting Gilbert’s shoulders like this. His body was only inches away from being pressed against Gilbert’s and their faces were so close he could feel the Gilbert’s body heat. If he wasn’t distracted by getting the details just right, he’d have to actively stop himself from being turned on.

              “Yeah…I’m glad you didn’t either. I was way too immature and tended to sleep with Toni when I couldn’t find anyone else interesting to spend my nights with. I wouldn’t have been able to get my act together for you.”

              “Does Chiara know about that?” He asked out curiosity.

              “…yeah. I mean you know I’ve been with her too…”

              Out of the corner of his eye, Roderich could see the insecurity and vulnerability creep back into Gilbert’s features. “But you’re doing a good job now, Gil. I know you’ve changed. I have full confidence that you won’t even look at another tonight.”

              Those words brought a smile back onto Gilbert’s face and released the tension in Roderich’s shoulders. “You made me want to be a better person. Besides, I know you’d make me sleep on the couch tonight if I did.” He chuckled at his own joke.

              “Who says you’re even staying over tonight?” Roderich smirked and stepped back to admire his work. For the first time, he was actually pretty proud of his work. “Okay, we’re halfway done with you. Take a look.”

              Gilbert turned on the stool to look in the mirror and he let out a surprised gasp. “Rod. It looks amazing like it’s 3D and the bones look almost real. You’re amazing.” Gilbert reached out touch his collarbone and Roderich slapped his hand away. Gilbert looked at him with mock hurt in his expression and amusement in his eyes.

              “It has to set, you’ll smear my hard work and I’ll make you stay home tonight.” Roderich put his hands on his hips, making himself taller than Gilbert. It was supposed to be intimidating, but Gilbert just found it endearing.

              “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

              Roderich grinned and at him and leaned in for a kiss. It was short and sweet, but like every kiss it still made Gilbert melt. “You’re being so good. Thank you.” He turned his back to Gilbert and bit his lip. He didn’t always do well in large groups of people. They were now thirty minutes closer to the party and the excitement of dressing up was starting to wear off.

              Gilbert noticed the change in Roderich’s body language and he reach out, catching Roderich’s wrist. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

              “I’m nervous, I guess. I know this is your scene, but I was never invited to parties. Not in college or high school. People always wanted to get close to me because of my inheritance and the prestige of my family, but I was never really friends with them.” _And if I was invited it was to be the butt of their jokes…_

“Roddy, look at me.” Gilbert waited for Roderich to turn around before he continued. “Sweetheart, this is different. These are our friends. Toni, Francis, Chiara, and Mattie have already accepted you as part of the family. I won’t abandon you when we get there. What would kind of skeleton queen would I be without my king?” He placed his hand on top of Roderich’s mark, feeling the warm skin through Roderich’s t-shirt. “You and me against the world, Roddy.”

              “You’re right. Sorry, sometimes, I still revert to having to do everything by myself.” He took Gilbert’s hand in his and kissed Gilbert’s fingers. “I’ll be right back, I’ve got a little treat for you.”

              “I love you!” Gilbert called after him and Roderich smiled as he walked into the kitchen

              _I love you too. I want to enjoy this for a little longer. What was I thinking? I don’t need to be nervous, Gilbert isn’t going anywhere. He’s plenty proved that._ Roderich came back into the bathroom with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

              “Roddy, that’s my favorite wine! You’re the best.”

              “I was going to share this with you on my birthday, but you had everything so nicely planned out.” Roderich told him as he poured them each a glass. “Spill this on your dress or make up and I’ll kill you.” He took one of the variables out and decided to hand Gilbert his glass.

              “Yes, sir.” Gilbert cackled at the look Roderich gave him before taking a sip of his drink. “Was I not supposed to know you liked that?”

              He sighed and shook his head. “I suppose you’d find out eventually.” Roderich leaned close and kissed Gilbert. He placed a hand on Gilbert’s face, making sure not to smudge his work. Even after month of dating, Roderich still felt the thrill of kissing Gilbert like it was the first time. He pulled back to look Gilbert in the eye and saw his pupils dilated with the same exhilaration. He stayed close and felt Gilbert’s warm breath on his face. It made him feel warm inside and he watched the grin that spread across Gilbert’s face. Roderich couldn’t help but mirror the smile before kissing him again. He parted his lips and let Gilbert’s tongue rub against his own. He was still getting used to the sensation of Gilbert’s tongue running over his, but each time it did, he loved it.

              “What was that for?” Gilbert murmured pressing a quick kiss against Roderich’s lips before pulling back.

              “We’ll have to be careful with your make for a little while, so I thought I’d kiss you first.” Roderich shrugged and turned to prep his supplies for Gilbert’s beauty make up.

              Gilbert narrowed his eyes and stared at Roderich’s back. The explanation was matter-of-fact, but he knew there was something else behind those words. _You just wanted to kiss me, loser. You may not know it yet, but I think you love me. I’m going to give you a million kisses when you finally confess it to me._ Each day they had been together Roderich was getting more and more comfortable as well as bold with physical affection. He hadn’t thought about it before because he always assumed everyone else’s sexuality was as fluid as his own. Roderich wasn’t straight or gay really, he was demi-sexual. He only felt physically and sexuality attracted to Gilbert after falling for him. _“I want things I’ve never wanted before”_ Gilbert recalled Roderich’s words from their first night as couple and he smiled. _Roderich didn’t get turned on by me either until after we started dating…it makes me feel special._

              Roderich turned back on Gilbert to see him staring off into space with a goofy smile on his face. “Gil…you look creepy right now, what are you thinking about?” He teased, tapping on Gilbert’s nose to get his attention.

              Gilbert jumped a little on the stool and Roderich had to reach a hand out to steady him. “Hey! I’m not creepy. Have you ever thought about your sexuality? I mean I always thought because of the whole soulmate thing not caring about gender that peoples’ sexualities were similar. Like I’m very pansexual, and Toni is bi, but then again, I think my brother has always been straight and Francis has always preferred boys.”

              Roderich bit his lip, picking up a brushing and setting powder, as he thought for a minute. “I guess I always thought I was straight when I was growing up. I had only ever been with Elizabeta and I pictured my soulmate as a woman. Then I met you and I fell for you after I got to know you. I don’t know. I like you as a man though. I like that you’re taller than me and how I fit in your arms. I like your face and your…body. I…uh, I’ve thought about sex with you and even though I’ve never, I think I’ll enjoy it because it’s you.” He brushed the powder over Gilbert’s shoulders and chest to prevent the paint from smudging. Roderich’s face was on fire and he was purposefully avoiding eye contact with Gilbert. He hadn’t meant to say that much, but Gilbert was always so open and real with him that it made him want to do the same. Gilbert deserved that.

              “That’s what I was thinking. You’re demi.”

              “What?”

              “It means you fall for someone because of their personality over looks and gender.”

              Roderich nodded and started painting the white base on Gilbert’s cheeks. “I guess that makes sense. That’s why you were smiling like that?”

              “Yeah—”

              “Close your eyes for a minute.”

              Gilbert complied and tried to scrunch his nose as the brush tickled his face. “Like I was saying, before you rudely interrupted me, yes. I like that you’re demi, it makes me feel special to be your first for a lot of things. Also, that I’m lucky enough to earn your affection.”

              Roderich smiled a bit. “Well, even if I’m not your first, I know a Gilbert that all your partners will never know.”

              “That’s right, baby! You were my first ‘I love you’, though! And you get to be my last everything.”

              He could tell by Gilbert’s smile and the light in his eyes that Gilbert was happy about that. Gilbert had spent so much time searching and he knew Gilbert finally felt settled inside. “Okay, close your mouth, I know that’ll be hard for you, but I’m going to start on the exposed teeth.”

              Gilbert glared at Roderich but complied easily. He closed his eyes and just let himself feel the brush against his lips and cheeks. It was actually quite relaxing, but he had to resist the urge to kiss Roderich’s fingers as they would occasionally swipe across his lip to blend the black and white.

              “Hm. I’m actually surprised that you’re being such a good boy.” Roderich teased and expected Gilbert rise to the taunt, but Gilbert stayed still, other than a slight quirk of his lips.

              _Keep going…_

              Roderich raised an eyebrow and started on the hollows of Gilbert’s cheek, shading them with black to make them more pronounced. “You’re being so patient, darling, and sitting so nicely just to indulge me. You’re such a good boy.”

              Gilbert let a satisfied sigh out his nose and reached out his hands to hold Roderich. He slipped his hands into Roderich’s back pockets and left them there, waiting for Roderich to protest. _Yes, baby._

              “Oh? You like to be praised, hm?” Gilbert gave a small smile for confirmation, knowing he had to stay still for the fine details. Roderich smiled and knew where that stemmed from. Gilbert never felt like he was good enough and he just wanted someone to tell him he was good too. Gilbert had always been seen as the “bad boy”, but behind all the partying and loud boasts was a caring man that just craved praise. _I can do that for you, you deserve it. I love you…it’ll be soon._ Roderich finished his makeup and kissed the top his head.

              “Is it done?”

              “Open your eyes and have a look.”

              Gilbert looked into the mirror and gasped. The makeup had traces of realistic elements like the teeth and eye sockets, but also had sugar skull elements as well. There was a flower painted on his forehead and swirls around the eye sockets. The whole look was elegant and actually looked quite feminine. “I hardly look like a man or myself. Roddy, you’re amazing. You could totally go into makeup if you wanted.”

              “I had to watch videos and sketch a lot for practice, but thank you.” He kissed Gilbert’s head again and ran a hand through Gilbert’s hair. “You’re such an awesome boyfriend and you took my directions so well, good job.”

              Now that Gilbert could speak again, he let out a soft cry of pleasure at Roderich’s ministrations and his words. “I love you.”

              “Close your eyes again, I just have to apply the setting powder and spray just in case.” Before now, Roderich hadn’t noticed what long, beautiful lashes Gilbert had and with the mascara on they look like false ones. He brushed Gilbert’s face slowly, and thoroughly before misting him with the extra sealant. “Okay, finally the wig and you can go relax while I get ready.” The auburn wig had to be of high quality the way it held perfect, voluminous waves and Gilbert guessed Roderich had taken the time to brush it out. Roderich carefully placed it on Gilbert’s head, pinning it into place. “You’re all set.”

              Gilbert laughed out loud when he saw his reflection. “Shit. I look hot and like a professional drag queen. Am I the woman you’ve always wanted?” Gilbert teased and batted his eyelashes at Roderich and this time, the teasing had no insecurity behind it.

              Roderich rolled his eyes. “You make a better man. Honestly, you’re too tall for me.”

              “Babe, Elizabeta was nearly too tall for you.” He grinned cheekily at him.

              “Hey! I’m not that short, I’m 5’8”!”

              “True, you’re still taller than Chiara, Feli, and Lizzie.”

              “Yeah, yeah. Go drink your wine and watch some T.V. or something.” Roderich waved him out of the bathroom.

              “Aw, I don’t get to watch you get ready?” Gilbert pouted and grabbed his glass.

              “No. I want to surprise you.”

              Gilbert shrugged and he couldn’t argue with that. “Okay.” He walked out of the bathroom and was about to put his glass to his lips when Roderich called after him.

              “Use a straw form that wine! I still want you to be very careful with your make up until we at least get there. They’re in the silverware drawer.”

              Gilbert chuckled and wandered into the kitchen. “It’s like he was watching me. He’s so adorable.” He felt silly drinking his wine from a straw, but he’d rather feel silly than deal with Roderich’s wrath if he smudged the makeup.

* * *

 

              Roderich’s makeup took half the time because he was only doing his face and about half of his neck. “Okay, my dear, I’m ready.” Roderich stepped out of his bedroom and Gilbert’s jaw dropped.

              “You look so sexy.” The black suit looked simple enough, but when it caught the light, Gilbert noticed a black velvet damask pattern covering it. Not only that, but it fit well, and in Gilbert’s opinion almost too well. He was glad Roderich was all his. The top hat sat low enough to cast a shadow his face, giving Roderich an air of sexy mystery. Roderich’s makeup had similar swirl patters along the forehead and jawline to match Gilbert’s, but it stayed more masculine and realistic. “Damn baby, your cheekbones look like they could cut a man! And you had that suit tailored, didn’t you? There’s no way a thrift store suit would fit _that_ well.”

              Roderich winked at him. “I’m glad you approve.”

              “We have to take a picture!” Gilbert ran up to him and leaned in close. He held his phone at a high angle to capture as much of their outfits as possible.

              “Huh. It photographs really well.” Roderich commented as he scrutinized the photo. “I could have—”

              “Nope. I love it. Only you would see the flaws in it. Let’s go.”

              “Don’t forget your heels.” Roderich threw them at Gilbert.

              “Would you be a dear and lend me your shoulder?” Gilbert asked in his best impression of a woman’s voice and held out his hand expectantly.

              Roderich let out a little snort of laughter and walked over to him, holding his waist to keep him steady. “Please tell me you’re going to use that voice all night.”

              Gilbert slipped the heels on and Roderich groaned a bit as Gilbert now towered over him. “Only if you insist, my darling Roderich.”

              “You’re using my full name now, Katerina?” Gilbert raised an eyebrow at the name. “What? I thought it’d be fitting to give your character a name.”

              “Okay, I’ll go with it and yes, your full name makes sound more like the dapper gentleman that you are.” Gilbert weaved his arm through Roderich’s and let Roderich escort him out the door.

“You really aren’t embarrassed to be seen like this?” Roderich asked as he led them to the elevator. He was a bit surprised at how confidently Gilbert was walking and especially in the heels.

“Why would I be? It’s Halloween, I doubt I’m the only man dressed as a woman. Also, we look amazing so of course I’d be confident.” He followed Roderich out the door and he noticed Roderich also has a certain confidence about him as well.

“Mr. Roderich can I get you a cab?” James greeted them with a smile.

“Thank you, James, that would be great.”

Gilbert separated from Roderich and curtsied in front of James, offering his hand. “I’m Katerina Edelstein, nice to meet you.”

James grinned even more and accepted Gilbert’s hand and kissed it softly. “What a fine lady. Mr. Edelstein is a lucky man.”

“Yes, Katerina can be a handful, but she’s fun to be around.” They got into the cab and Roderich hoped the darkness was concealing his blush.

Gilbert gave the driver Antonio’s address before settling in next to Roderich. “Why are you blushing like that?” He smirked, noticing it immediately.

“Nothing. You just caught me off guard using my last name like that.”

“Well, I am your skeleton queen.” Roderich rolled eyes and Gilbert grinned. “You liked the sound of that, huh? Gilbert Edelstein.” The minute it left his lips, Gilbert realized how much he liked the idea of that as well. “Shit.”

“That actually sounds nice.” The both looked at each other and blushed a little bit. Roderich cleared his throat. “Anyway, are you planning on drinking much tonight? I just want to know what I’m in for.”

Gilbert laughed, “I’ll keep it in check, Roddy. We’re going to have fun, I don’t want you to have to take care me of me all night. Also, I stopped drinking like that because I didn’t feel the need to numb myself anymore.” He took Roderich’s hand and laced their fingers together as a realization hit him. “Wait! Roddy, have you ever been drunk before?”

“Of course not.”

“Are you gonna drink at all?”

“I might have a few, but I wouldn’t plan on getting drunk.

“Well if you do, I’ll take care of you like the awesome boyfriend that I am!”

“Don’t get your hopes up.” Roderich said as the cab pulled to a stop outside of Antonio and Chiara’s apartment. “Show time, Katerina.” He slid out of the cab and offered his arm to help Gilbert out.

“Yes, darling, I hope this party isn’t too much for you.”

“Careful in your heels, dearest, I know you don’t walk in them often.”

“Hey, I can rock anything.” The pair definitely attracted looks as walked into the elevator, but most people were confused. They were mostly trying to figure Gilbert out, and Roderich found it amusing.

“You’re definitely drawing eyes. I think most are trying to find out if they should be attracted to you as a woman.”

“Or maybe they’re just checking out your amazing artwork.” Gilbert pointed at them in the mirrored walls of the elevator. “I mean look. We’re stunning.”

Roderich had to admit they looked like a couple out of movie or like they’d stepped out of painting. “I know, I am a bit proud of how you turned out.”

              “As you should be!” Gilbert took Roderich’s hand and excitedly led them to Antonio and Chiara’s apartment. He was moving rather quickly and Roderich wondered how he didn’t topple over in those heels. Then again, he was the clumsy one, not Gilbert, he was a surfer and played sports, he always had good dexterity and balance. They both smiled at each other and took a deep breath. Roderich stepped forward, grabbing the door handle and took the lead.

              He knew Gilbert usually was the one to make an entrance, but was purposefully being quiet for surprise factor. At first no one really noticed them until Antonio had realized the door had opened. He ran over to them, eyes wide in wonder. “Holy SHIT Roderich. Your costume is amazing. Is that a mask?”

              Roderich smiled a little. “No, I actually painted it on. I’m not really one to go halfway on dressing up.”

              Gilbert stepped out from behind Roderich and curstsyed, putting on his best girl voice. “Pleasure to meet you, I’m Katerina Edelstein.” Roderich had to press his lips together to keep himself from laughing and blowing their cover.

              Antonio’s eyebrows knit together in confusion and he looked between them. “I…what? I wasn’t aware you had a…cousin? Where’s Gil? He texted me that you were on your way…SHIT no way.”

              Gilbert leaned on Roderich for support as he started cackling with laughter at Antonio’s reaction when he finally realized it. “Hi Toni. Do you like my new look?”

              “You don’t even look like you!”

              Roderich shrugged and really couldn’t blame Antonio. The makeup really did disguise Gilbert really well. It was completely jarring. “Roddy’s make up magic.”

              “You’re a makeup artist now?” Antonio teased.

              Roderich shook his head. “Not really, but he had idea and I had to make sure it was done well. I watched a lot of videos and we went to that high-end thrift store by my place.”

              “I’m guessing with the sudden increase in volume, that Gilbert has finally graced us with his presence.” Chiara cut through the crowd, wearing the female counter-part to Antonio’s pirate captain costume. It really worked well on her and Gilbert knew Antonio picked out her costume because it showed off all the right curves. Her eyes widened when the couple finally came in view and nearly dropped her drink. “What?”

              Gilbert smirked. “I’m Katerina Edelstein tonight, my dear. Are you jealous that someone else here actually has curves that rival yours?”

              “Well…we’re not winning the contest tonight.” Chiara muttered. “Toni even had our costumes custom made.”

              Roderich smirked at her. “Well, my fair lady, one thing you’ll learn about me, I don’t play to lose.” She glared at him and was about to come up with a retort, but Gilbert cut her off.

              “BABE. That was so sexy. Please tell me you’re going to stay in character all night!” Gilbert threw his arms around Roderich’s shoulders. “I love you.”

              He rolled his eyes. “Of course you do.”

              Antonio grinned at them. Besides the day at the beach, this was one of the few times he had really seen Gilbert and Roderich like this. They were really different than before, Roderich was more relaxed and showed more and more his true self to his friends. Gilbert was happier than he’d ever been before. Gilbert was always outwardly happy, but falling in love, finding the one person who accepted him, made his internal self happy as well. “Well, voting for the contest is going on until 11:45 and you can’t vote for yourself, Katerina. Karaoke is always on-going in the back. Drinks and food are in the kitchen. You better save yourself for our group song as always!”

              “Uh huh, after a few maybe.”

              “Can I get you a drink, my darling?” Roderich asked, offering his arm.

              “Of course, love.” He took Roderich’s arm and let himself be escorted to the kitchen. All attention was on them wherever they walked. Gilbert loved it, but it set Roderich on edge a little. His social anxiety wasn’t as bad as it normally was, partially because they were in fun characters, but mostly because Gilbert was by his side. This was the first time they had gone to a party as couple and he couldn’t blame Gilbert for being excited. He grabbed a cup and reach for the first punch bowl.

              Gilbert grabbed his arm and steered it to the second one. “Oh no, sweetheart. Toni makes two kinds of sangria, the normal kind and the kind that will truly get you fucked up. You want the bowl with the orange ladle. Trust me.”

              Roderich smiled gratefully and filled a cup for both of them. He had half a thought to fill Gilbert the black-ladled bowl just to see if it would get him to sing, but he wouldn’t want to start that kind of war. “Such language for a lady.” He teased.

              “Oh, pardon my French, dearest, but that was the best to describe it.” He accepted his drink with a smile and snagged a straw from the table just to be safe with the make-up.

              “Excuse me, I take offense to that. Not all French is dirty words.” Francis entered the kitchen hearing the rumors of a very convincing drag queen-clad Gilbert and had to see it for himself. “Wow, Gilbert. That’s quite the look. I mean it’s amazing, but very flamboyant. Then again I suppose that is true to you.”

              “Very funny. At least we didn’t go cliché couples costume like you. I mean come on, angel and devil? And you’re clearly not and angel.” Gilbert teased gesturing to Francis’ very lingerie-like outfit and fluffy wings.

              “Welllllll…I wanted Mattie in this one, but he refused.”

              “That’s because you look like a stripper. And not a good one at that.” Roderich cut in with a smirk. The costume and playing a character gave him a bit of confidence boost. It was true too that to make it with Gilbert’s friends, you had to be able to dish it out as well as taking it.

              “Yes, babe!” Gilbert laughed and gave Roderich a high-five. “That was amazing.”

              Francis glared at him but then smiled and shook it off. “I admit, you caught me off guard.”

              “Is Mattie here? I want to surprise him like this.”

              Francis pressed his lips together and snorted. “Yeah, he’s in the living room with his brother. Alfred is visiting with new fiancé for the weekend. Quite the first impression you’re going to make on him like that.”

              Gilbert shrugged. “Better to meet me with a horrible or strange impression and then I can surprise them later, right Roddy?”

              Roderich shook his head but a fond smile wormed its way onto his lips. “You were definitely a surprise.”

              “A good one?”

              “Eventually.”

              Gilbert stuck his tongue out at Roderich and skipped off into the other room. Matthew’s back was facing him and he was glad for the chance to sneak up at him. Across from Matthew was a pair of blond men, one with outrageous eyebrows and another with darker hair and glasses that were similar to the ones Matthew wore. They had a similar face and eye shape so Gilbert assumed the latter was Matthew’s brother. His brother’s eyes widened when he spotted Gilbert first, but Gilbert quickly put his finger to his lips and covered Matthew’s eyes.

              Matthew wasn’t in the least bit surprised. Gilbert like to surprise him like that often so he memorized the feeling of Gilbert’s hands. “Hey Gil.”

              “Dammit it.” Gilbert faked disappointment and removed his hands. He was smirking when Matthew turned around and his mouth fell open. “Hey there, Mr. Devil, that suit looks good on you. Do like what you see?”

              “You look incredible! It took me a moment to realize you were a male.” Matthew’s brother said, laughing at how fake Gilbert’s female voice sounded.

              “It’s true. Did you and Roderich get your make up done or something?” Matthew asked.

              “No. Roderich did it. He’s actually a good artist and just watched a bunch of tutorials on the look. It was his idea. He said if we were going to dress up, we were going to do it well.”

              “Huh, wouldn’t have guess that… Anyway, Gilbert, this is my brother Alfred and his fiancé, Arthur. Guys, this is my best friend, Gilbert.” Matthew gestured to each of them and Gilbert shook both of their hands.

              “It’s my pleasure, really.”

              Roderich stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching Gilbert with a small smile on his face. Francis stood next to him and shook his head. “He’s so out there sometimes, I don’t know how you deal with him.”

              Roderich shrugged. “Never a dull moment.” He took a sip of his drink and was surprised he didn’t feel the burn of alcohol in the slightest. He’d have to be careful with it. “How many until I get him to sing for me?”

              “So, you’ve heard his voice, huh? Mattie’s tried to convince to record covers or something, but Gilbert refuses to sing sober.”

              “That day we went to the beach, he thought I was still sleeping. I caught him singing along to the radio. His voice is great.”

              Francis nodded in agreement. “We all tell him that, but he refuses to believe it or watch videos of himself singing.” Francis rubbed his chin in thought, “You need to get him tipsy at least. So maybe four to five of the weaker Sangria, but the harder one, three, probably. He’s got the highest tolerance of anyone here. He’d need a ton to get smashed. Most of his part-time job money in college went to alcohol.”

              “Would it be mean to give him the harder one?”

              “You really want him to sing, huh? He probably would hardly notice the if you switched it on him.” Francis laughed, shaking his head. “Careful though, if you get him drunk too early, you’ll need to take care of him the whole night. You think he’s clingy naturally, he’s worse if you get him drunk. Then again, he’s a very temperamental drunk. It depends on the mood he’s in before he gets drunk. A happy Gilbert will be annoying as fuck and clingy. Angry Gilbert will pick fights for no reason, usually verbal ones now that’s he’s gotten older, and sad Gilbert will be depressed and very whiny. He should be fine tonight because he’s happy today.”

              “You really know him well, huh?” Roderich said, a touch of jealousy in his voice, he couldn’t wait for the day that he knew Gilbert better than anyone else. He knew things about Gilbert that no one else did, so that made him feel a little better.

              “Not like Toni does. They met when they were six. I only met Gilbert in college, but the three of us were basically inseparable. Toni’s seen him through everything. According to Toni and the few pictures his mom hid away, Gilbert went through an emo/scene phase. Dyed his hair black and red, wore lots of eyeliner and completely black clothes. From what I hear, it was hilarious. He was very moody though in early high school, though.”

              “Because of Felicia and Ludwig, right?”

              “Yeah. That was rough of him. I wasn’t sure that you knew.”

              “Yes, he told me after we made up from our fight, but neglected the emo phase. I would love to see it.” Roderich grinned and Francis gave Roderich a wicked grin of his own.

              “Julia will for sure show if you ask. I mean the Beilschmdit family always has a big Christmas celebration so I’m sure she’ll show you then.”

              “Roderich! My dear, they want to meet the artist behind our looks!” Gilbert called from across the room and waved him over. Roderich smiled at Francis and walked over, sliding into the seat beside Gilbert.

              “Hello, I’m Roderich Edelstein, Gilbert’s soulmate.” Roderich introduced himself to Alfred and Arthur with a formal handshake.

              “The paint job is even more stunning up close. Do you do portrait work or do you have your work in any galleries?” Arthur asked.

              “Oh, no. I do scenery mostly, but it’s just a hobby. I’ve really only done one portrait.”

              “Wait! Are you _that_ Roderich Edelstein?” Alfred butted in, leaning toward Roderich with interested excitement.

              “Um, I’m not sure what you’re referring to, but I’m the only that I know of.” Roderich looked surprised at the sudden change in topic and the recognition.

              “Dude! You’re amazing I always see movies when you’ve composed the sound track. You have this awesome knack for picking just the right melodies to really set a scene. I love your work!”

              Arthur smiled and noticed Roderich’s stunned shock. “Al is a big movie buff. Studied it as minor in college.”

              “Well, I’m glad you like my work.”

              “If you like his work, you should see him play in the orchestra. I love classical music and Roderich composes for them sometimes too.” Matthew gushed.

              Roderich shifted in his seat, a little uncomfortable with all the attention on him. Gilbert wondered how Roderich even dealt with the movie premiers or maybe Roderich was invited but never attended. “Alfred, you were just about to tell us about how you and Arthur met.” Gilbert spoke up, flashing Roderich a lopsided smile. Roderich reached between them and took Gilbert’s hand, squeezing it gratefully.

              “Arthur was my professor for my English class. We both felt it the minute I walked into his classroom and I thought it was one of my other classmates until Artie held me after class one day. I felt attracted to him the moment I saw him and I was thrilled it was him. He was so smart and a bit dorky, but I loved that about him. I wanted to date right away, but he did not.”

              “You were _eighteen_ and my _student_! It would have been completely inappropriate. I mean yes, you’re good looking and clever when you apply yourself. But I was employed by the university, so I couldn’t just break the codes of behavior.” Arthur took over, knowing Alfred wouldn’t explain his side appropriately.

              “Yeah, but you still refused to date me until I graduated.”

              “Dating a student would still be kind of awkward. I also didn’t want to hold you down. You were young and deserved to have a true college experience.” Arthur rolled his eyes at Roderich who smiled, understanding completely.

              “I asked him out for like the millionth time the day I graduated and he finally said yes.”

              “It was less weird for a twenty-two-year-old to be dating a thirty-year-old, than an eighteen-year-old dating a twenty-six-year-old.”

              Alfred kissed Arthur’s cheek. “Then I took him on the best date of his life he fell for me immediately.”

              “No. I was already in love with you, dummy. We still had monthly coffee meeting or lunch to catch up and talk. I was busy teaching classes and Alfred’s fraternity’s social events on top of school kept him busy. He asked me out nearly every time and it became harder and harder to say no.” He wrapped an arm around Alfred’s shoulder and ruffled his hair. “For some reason, fate decided I was supposed be with this young punk.” He stuck his tongue at Alfred. “But I love him. He’s a total git, but he’s also the friendliest, most sincere, kindhearted man I’ve ever known.”

              Roderich smiled and looked at Gilbert. It was hard to take Gilbert seriously dressed how he was now, but he felt the same way Arthur did about his own, completely loveable idiot.

              “So that explains why Alfred is dressed up like a stuffy professor and you look like a frat boy who’s way too old.” Gilbert commented and Alfred burst out laughing.

              “Yeah, yeah. Alfie,” he stuck his tongue out at Alfred who stopped laughing and frowned at the cutesy nickname, “thought it would be funny to reverse our roles for the costume.”

              “Well it definitely looks funny enough.” Gilbert grinned.

              “So! How did you two meet. Judging on how you two showed up tonight, I’m sure it’s a crazy story.” Alfred asked, eyes bright with excitement.

              Gilbert and Roderich both swallowed the uncomfortable lump that had formed in each of their throats. They should have realized this would come up eventually, but neither really wanted to share the tale. Gilbert looked at Mattie for help who gave him a sympathetic look and shrugged as if to say, ‘just make something up then.’ He was about to open his mouth when Roderich stepped in.

              “He came into my favorite coffeeshop, soaked from head to toe in rain water and in a full tuxedo. Apparently, he had come from our friend Antonio’s wedding and wanted the happiness that his friends had with their soulmates. He asked every single one the people in there to see their mark until he came to me.” He took a deep breath and smiled at Gilbert. “I was honestly not ready to meet my soulmate, but he begged me to give him a chance. He looked like a total drowned rat and was completely embarrassing in public so I said yes. I was against him at every turn and he met me where I was. He was patient and way too kind and I eventually couldn’t help but to fall for him.”

              Gilbert smiled at Roderich gratefully, relieved that Roderich didn’t mention the beach incident. “Well of course! I’m awesome and I wasn’t going to give up. I mean look at him, he’s completely gorgeous. Who would give up on that?” Roderich let out a little chuckle, happy the tension was gone. He could tell by the faces of their audience that they were satisfied by the story.

              “Well, looks like we both were worn down by a persistent soulmate.” Arthur smiled at Roderich and Roderich could tell that Arthur appreciated Alfred’s persistence just as much as he did for Gilbert.

              “Duh. Eventually, you’ll get sick of us asking and say yes. It only takes one and then we’re in.” Alfred replied and Gilbert high fived him enthusiastically

              “My man! I like you already.”

              Roderich looked around Gilbert to make eye contact with Mattie who just shook his head. “I know, they’re very similar…I could have guessed this would happen. Alfred makes easily and I thought he’d fit in with Gilbert and our friends.”

              “You any good at beer pong?” Alfred asked nodding to the table in the corner.

              “Are you kidding? I was basically my university’s reigning champion!”

              “Do you want to be my partner? I bet we could take another team on and annihilate them!”

              “Hell yes. I always have to fight Francis to be Toni’s partner, but I bet we could beat both of them!” Gilbert stood up, forgetting he was wearing heels, but Alfred quickly stood and reached a hand out to steady him.

              “I gotchu my dude!”

              “Toni! Fran! Alfred and I officially challenge you!” Gilbert yelled out and the four of them ran over to the table.

              Arthur looked across at Matthew and Roderich and shook his head. “This is about to be a disaster, isn’t it?”

              Matthew sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Bets on which one them gets hurt somehow tonight or breaks something first?”

              Roderich shook his head and snorted. “I’ve only seen Gilbert drunk once and that was only the aftermath of it. He’s not really a clumsy guy though…”

              “Yeah, my bet’s on Alfred.” Arthur nodded sullenly, not wanting to admit his boyfriend was probably the biggest clumsy idiot of them all.

              “What are we taking bets on now?” Chiara walked over and sat in Matthew’s lap. She smiled at him kissed his cheek. “Don’t let this jerk here tell you any different. I’m his best friend, not Gilbert.”

              Matthew grinned at her. “Come on, Chiara, I’ve known Gilbert longer and you’re my girl best friend. I don’t pick favorites.”

              “And we’re betting on who drunkenly breaks something or gets themselves hurt in weird way. I picked my dumb idiot.” Arthur rolled his eyes.

              “Toni. No doubt. I mean I just met, Alfred, sure, but Toni’s pretty bad when he’s drunk.”

              Matthew nodded in agreement. “Al may be worse, if you can believe that.”

              Chiara looked at Roderich to place a bet and Roderich held his hands up in surrender. “I haven’t seen any of them drunk. I’m not going to bet on something where I’m not informed.”

              “Boring.” Chiara rolled her eyes. “But I should have expected an answer like that from you.”

              He shrugged not easily baited and watched the others place money in the middle of the table. For all he knew, it very well could be Gilbert, not breaking something, but possibly hurting himself in some dumb way.

* * *

 

              Gilbert waltzed over about an hour later, still walking perfectly in his heels, but his eyes were glazed over a bit. “Hi baby. I won that game for you because I love you. Do you want me to sing for you now? I’ll do anything you want, Roddy. Sorry I got excited and abandoned you.” He spied the money on the table and raised an eyebrow. “What’s that for?”

              “We’re taking bets on which one of you four idiots will hurt themselves or break something tonight.” Chiara smirked, purposefully trying to bait Gilbert.

              Gilbert let out a hurt gasp and turned accusing eyes on Roderich. “If you voted against me, I won’t sing for you.”

              “No. Unfortunately, Mr. Stiff here didn’t join us in our ‘childish game’.” Chiara stuck her tongue out at Roderich, always ready to bait or make fun of another person.

              Roderich ignored her again and got up, ushering Gilbert to the back of the room. “I would never vote against you, honey, I vouched for you, actually. Now go serenade me, and I’ll forgive you.” Roderich wasn’t going to miss an opportunity like this. He probably wouldn’t get the chance often so he was all but ready to take it.

              Gilbert took the makeshift stage and turned paused the current music. “This is for my true love because he’s sexy and deserves all my love.” The crowd clapped and gathered around Gilbert.

              “Roderich. Wow. Those are quite the costumes.” Roderich looked to his left and saw Elizabeta walk up beside him.

              “Liz. I didn’t realize you were here? Is Emma with you?”

              “We just got here, she’s getting us drinks. Did Gilbert put you up to them?”

              Roderich shook his head. “It was his idea, but I coordinated everything.”

              Elizabeta shook her head and sighed. “You’re so different with him, sometimes I wonder if I really knew you at all.”

              “Of course you did, but I am more comfortable showing my true self to others because of him.”

              She smiled and squeezed Roderich’s shoulder. “I still hardly believe it, but somehow you two really do work.” Emma walked up and waved at Roderich and opened her mouth to give him a greeting, but Gilbert started singing and Roderich was immediately transfixed. Elizabeta was immediately shocked by Gilbert’s voice. She didn’t usually go to these events, but was interested when she found out that Roderich had plans to attend.

              “That’s why you fell for him, huh?” Emma hissed, teasing Roderich, but he was barely paying attention. The song was a slower one and that surprised Roderich, but he blushed when he recognized the song. It was a total romantic ballad and Gilbert had picked it with Roderich specifically in mind. It was all about Gilbert loving Roderich until the end and how far they’d come in their relationship. It was perfect for them and Roderich didn’t doubt that those lyrics were Gilbert’s true feelings.  _I’m in trouble…he’s voice is so beautiful and I’m in love. I’m so in love with you, Gilbert._

              Elizabeta saw subtle change in Roderich’s expression and realized she’d never seen it before. Roderich had never looked at anyone like that before and she knew it immediately, it was the look of complete and utterly sappy love. They all hit that point with their soulmates and while she’d seen it on Gilbert’s face, Roderich was finally hitting it. The crowd cheered loudly as Gilbert finished and took a bow. He raced off the stage and threw his arms around Roderich.

              “Did you like it?”

              “Yes, absolutely.” Gilbert grinned and pressed a kiss onto Roderich’s lips. Roderich didn’t even try to scold him for possibly ruining their makeup. They had pictures of it and everyone had seen them by now. He was still careful where he placed his hands and held Gilbert by his hips.

              “Okay, well,” Antonio stepped up on stage with his wife, Chiara didn’t look to happy as she stood by his side. “That was amazing as usual for Gilbert. It’s time to announce the prize and winners of the costume contest!”

              Roderich immediately pulled back from their kiss and Gilbert giggled when he lips collided with Roderich’s ear instead of his lips. “Rude.” Gilbert murmured against his ear, his hot breath causing a shiver to run up Roderich’s spine.

              “Hush, we’re about to be crowned tonight’s winners.”

              “Uh we better be. Our costumes are waaaaay more awesome than anyone else’s.”

              “Francis provided us with quite the prize this year. It’s a two night in the presidential suite combined with a massage package.” Antonio crossed his arms and glared right at Gilbert who grinned at him cheekily. 

"Yes, I called in a favor since my shop supplies The Grand Hetalia Hotel with their flower arrangements." Francis cut in and grinned.

"Yeah, you can promote your business later." Antonio grumbled. “I’m getting real sick of losing tonight. Ari and I were so looking forward to winning this one. You all know who won almost unanimously, Roderich and Gilbert for their incredible Dia de Los Muertos costumes.”

              Gilbert cheered louder than anyone else and pulled an equally as eager Roderich up to claim the prize. “Although it was my idea, I have to give all the credit to my lovely soulmate who did all the work.” Gilbert grabbed the vouchers and stuck his tongue out at Chiara who was glaring at both of them. Gilbert led Roderich off the stage and the music started up again. “I think we need a celebratory dance.”

              Roderich chewed his lip. “Gilbert I don’t know how to do this kind of dancing. I only know ballroom dances…”

              “I’ll teach you.” Gilbert stepped close and wrapped placed his hands on Roderich’s hips. Roderich sighed, not thrilled with the level of PDA dancing like this required, but he did want it too. He let Gilbert guide his arms up around his neck and laced his fingers together at Gilbert’s nap. It didn’t take long for the two of them to get into a rhythm and Roderich was actually starting to enjoy it. Suddenly, they heard a crash on the other side of the room and both of them started laughing. “Seems like one of them is getting some money tonight.”

              “It’s just a plate, I swear! I’m sorry, I’ll pay to replace it.” Alfred shouted over the music.

              “Dammit!” Chiara groaned, knowing she had just lost the bet. Arthur and Matthew high-fived as they split the pot.

              “Artie~ do you think they’re mad at me?” Alfred pouted as he quickly ran to Arthur’s side. “It was an accident, I swear.”

              “We’re not mad, but your fiancé gets to clean up the mess.” Chiara crossed her arms and smirked at Arthur, getting her revenge in sooner than she anticipated.

              Arthur groaned and walked into the kitchen to find a broom and dust pan. “You git.”

              “Artie, I can clean it up!” Alfred offered eagerly, following his fiancé like a puppy.

              “No, sweetheart, you’re drunk and I don’t want you to cut yourself.” Arthur smiled at Alfred who calmed down a little with his words.

* * *

 

              As the night went on, Gilbert was starting to discover Roderich was a complete lightweight and a completely adorable drunk. He was barely four drinks in and stumbling around, being way more social than Gilbert had ever seen him. “Gil! I have a secret to tell you.” Roderich ran over to him, nearly falling over as he skidded to a stop in front of his boyfriend. Gilbert chuckled and caught him by his shoulders.

              “Yes, my dear?”

              “Shhhh! You can’t tell Roderich though. He’ll be mad that I told you.”

              Gilbert looked at Francis and Toni who had been sitting with him. They both had to hold back snorts of laughter. “Okay.” Gilbert answered in a loud, fake whisper, barely being able to keep himself from laughing as well.

              “Promise?”

              “I do.”

              “Okay, okay.” Roderich reached out and took both of Gilbert’s hands. “I love you.”

              Gilbert gasped and looked at Roderich with wide eyes. Antonio and Francis exchanged looks and Antonio leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Has he said that to you before?”

              Gilbert quickly shook his head. “You do?”

              “Yes! But Roderich doesn’t want you to know yet. But I love you. I’m so in love with you.” Roderich wrapped his arms around Gilbert’s shoulders and kissed him. He was too drunk and too unfocused to kiss Gilbert properly. He had to break off the kiss as a giggle bubbled up in throat. “Hey, dummy. When someone says they love you, you’re supposed to say it back.”

              “I do love you, Roddy, you know that.”

              “Come on! Let’s dance!” Roderich said, suddenly changing the subject and started pulling him over to the dancefloor. Elizabeta had noticed drunk Roderich and stepped in between them. Roderich barely noticed and started dancing by himself.

              “Gilbert! Did you get him drunk?” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

              “Hey!” Gilbert held up his hands in surrender. “He did that all on his own.”

              “But you didn’t stop him.”

              “Calm down, Liz. I know you like to play his concerned older sister, but he’s fine. He’s an adult. I’ve sobered up and I’m going watch over him. Isn’t it better that he gets drunk with me when I can take care of him? He’s finally living his life; don’t you see that?” Gilbert crossed his arms, a bit annoyed that Elizabeta still didn’t approve of him.

              Elizabeta narrowed her eyes suspiciously and noticed that Gilbert’s eyes were clear. He was telling the truth. She pressed her lips together and sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. He’s always been like family to me so of course I’m protective over him. He’s…he’s different with you and I guess I’m a bit jealous. Not in a romantic sense, but as his best friend, I feel like I hardly know him.” She looked over at Roderich and smiled. “It’s like he’s finally let himself off the hook, huh?”

              “He was still living by the rules his dad created. He was following his father’s example, being composed at all times, but only showing his true self to his soulmate. He’s still a little like that, but he’s happier and more open.”

              Elizabeta gasped, not used to Gilbert being this insightful about anyone. Gilbert never took the time to care about someone like this before either. “He really did share everything with you.”

              “Gilbert!”

              “He loves you, you know. Don’t you ever hurt him.”

              “Liz, cool your jets. I know and I plan on marrying him so I won’t.” Gilbert blew a kiss at Roderich. “I’m coming, love.”

              Roderich walked over and wrapped his arms around Gilbert. “Lizzie, stop being mean to my boyfriend. I love him so you should too. You’re my best friend.”

              “I’m sorry, Roderich.” She smiled at the two of them after shook her head at Gilbert, as if to say ‘fine, you win’.

\--

              An hour later, Gilbert had successfully gotten them up to Roderich’s place, only minimally disturbing the neighbors. He sat Roderich on his bed and chewed his lip as he looked at his boyfriend. “It would probably be best if you showered to get this makeup off…but I can’t let you shower alone right now.”

              “So, shower with me. I love you so I don’t mind.” Roderich’s tone was serious, but Gilbert knew Roderich was still heavily under the influence.

              He clenched his fists at his sides, Roderich was really testing his restraint. “That’s not fair. You know that. You’re only saying that to me because you’re drunk.”

              “Nooooo~” Roderich whined. “I do love you!”

              “I know and I believe you do, but I’m not doing anything with you when you’re drunk that we haven’t done sober. And I haven’t even seen you naked yet…” He murmured the last part to himself and Roderich blinked up at him.

              “Then I’ll show you.” He started clumsily unbuttoning his shirt. Gilbert let out a frustrated yell, and had to escape to the bathroom.

              “Someone must really hate me…fate is punishing me for being a shitty person in the past. I know it.” Gilbert groaned at his reflection and his eyes search the bathroom counter. He sighed in relief when he saw a package of makeup remover wipes. He wiped off his own make up first, rising himself with soap and water, stripping off the rest of his costume until he was only in his briefs. He took a deep breath and walked back out into the bedroom. Luckily for him, Roderich only managed to get his shirt and jacket off.

              Roderich looked at him when he entered and grinned. “Oh, look you’re a man again! I missed man-you tonight.”  

              Gilbert smiled at him in return, that comment making him happier than he expected. “Yes I am. Now sit still and let me clean your face.”

              “Okayyyy.” Roderich tilted his face up obediently, but his hands were anything but. They started on Gilbert’s hips and then moved together to the center. Gilbert gasped as he felt Roderich’s fingers tracing the v of hips, teasing the waistband of his underwear.

              “Roderich! Hands!” He immediately stepped back as if he had been burned, only half of Roderich’s makeup cleaned up.

              Roderich pouted at him. “I don’t like when you call me by my whole name. Are you mad at me?”

              “No, but you need to behave. I only have so much restraint, Roddy, and I love you so, so much.”

              “You don’t want to?” Roderich tilted his head to the side in confusion.

              “No, fuck…I want you so badly, Roddy, but I can’t. Not like this. I’m trying to be good. I’m waiting until you’re ready, and really ready, not drunk-ready. I’m not letting your first time be like this. I wasted my first on a girl in high school I didn’t give two shits about. You’re such an amazing person Roddy and I want it to be special, just like you hoped.” Gilbert was pacing, crumpling the wipes in his hands as if that would hold him together. Roderich teared up and Gilbert broke a little, thinking he upset Roderich. “Baby, I know you don’t understand this right now, but I’m doing this for your own good.”

              “You are so, so good, Gil. I’m such a lucky man. I love you.”

              “I love you too, now will you behave so I can finish cleaning you up?” Roderich nodded and sat on his hands. Gilbert sighed and finished wiping Roderich’s face and neck. “You looked so beautiful today, Roddy. This was the best Halloween party I’ve ever had.”

              “Me too. To all of that.”

              Gilbert smiled and helped Roderich into his pajamas before tucking him into bed. “Will you behave or do I have to sleep in the guest room?”

              “Gil! I just had the best idea. Why don’t we save the hotel stay for your birthday? When you get back from that stupid winter trip or whatever. We’ll celebrate just me an’ you an’ maybe I’ll give you an extra special present. If you know what I mean.”

              “I’m not that dense, Rod.”

              “I’ll keep my hands rated G…or maybe PG…13.”

              Gilbert laughed a little at him and slid into bed with him. He closed eyes and Roderich wound his arms around him from behind. As promised Roderich’s hands stayed above his hips and settled for his abdomen instead. Gilbert smiled and silently promised himself he wouldn’t let Roderich get drunk again until they’d at least had their first time. It had been adorable at first, but he would never have expected this whirlwind of events. _I know you love me, but you’re still holding back for some reason. I’ll make you say it sober._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know this is really late. I promise I have not given up on this and I have finally figured out where I'm going to end it. I had major writer's block for this one and I've made the past few chapter 2-3x as long as I used to. My first chapter goals were 4-6k the last few have been between 8-17k so they take a lot longer to write. I think it'll make it around twenty chapters, but I'm still working on the logistics. I have plans for companion fics when this is finished or maybe along the way. I thought it would fun to do a few origin stories for a few of the pairing mentioned. We'll see though since I already suck at updating. I'm coming up on my summer break so hopefully I'll have more time to write. See you next time and thank you for sticking with this if you have. <3


	14. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert has to deal the aftermath of the Halloween and a very hungover Roderich. Later, during a nasty storm Gilbert comforts Roderich and the day ends with quite the surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration for the chapter:  
> “I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me.” – James Arthur (“Can I Be Him”)

Roderich woke far earlier than he normally would, this time it wasn’t because of his romantic, racing thoughts. It was due to the fogginess of his brain and the pounding in his head. He remembered Gilbert singing for him, meeting Alfred and Arthur, and then he got dragged into some silly drinking game with Chiara and Matthew. Everything after that was fuzzy, he knew he drunkenly flirted with Gilbert and told Elizabeta off for teasing Gilbert so much, but everything in between was a blurry mystery to him. He rolled over and pulled the blankets up over his head, letting a groan slip past his lips.

              Gilbert smiled to himself and pressed his lips together to hold in his laughter. He suspected that Roderich wouldn’t be feeling so well this morning, especially since last night was his first time. He chewed his lip, a little nervous what Roderich would remember from last night. _Does he remember telling me he loves me? Drinking brings out one’s unfiltered, true thoughts and intentions, so I don’t doubt that he meant it. I knew he was holding back, but I bet it’s just because he’s still trying to take things slow. Will he remember propositioning me? …with that one, even if he does, I bet he’d ignore it…either way…we’ll get there eventually..._

He sighed and rolled over, cuddling up to the lump under the mass of blankets. “You okay under there, my little drunkie.”

              “Shut up. You did this to me.” Roderich snapped back and Gilbert winced a little. He wondered if this was the morning wrath Francis had told him about.

              “I did not. I warned you against joining a drinking game with Chiara. If I thought you were stubborn, she’s like you times two.” Gilbert chuckled and kissed Roderich’s head through the comforter.

              “Go away. It’s still your fault. I hate you right now.”

              “Okay, okay. I’ll bring you some water and Tylenol. Are you nauseous?”

              “No, but my head feels like it’s trying to tear itself in two. So, stop talking already.” Roderich’s tone had gotten icier with every word he was forced to utter. The last threat sent shivers down Gilbert’s spine like Roderich had actually dumped a cup of ice down his back.

              Gilbert carefully got up, trying his best to shake the bed as little as possible. “Got it. It’s just me, your loving boyfriend, daring to care about you. I’ll go out and bring back breakfast and coffee, maybe an extra for you.” Roderich refused answer this time and Gilbert took that as his cue to leave. Gilbert quickly skipped out of the penthouse, but not before stopping back in to leave medicine and water for Roderich.

              He cheerily greeted James on his way out and pulled out his phone. He looked around him, as he dialed Francis’ number and waited for him to pick up. The weather was finally starting to really cool off and the leaves were changing. If Roderich was up for it, he had an idea for them today. He knew it would be bad so he was able to ask off from work today as well.

              “Hey Gil.”

              “Hey. How are you doing?”

              Francis groaned a little into the receiver and Gilbert chuckled. “My head hurts, but I’m mostly fine, you?”

              “Perfectly fine, Roddy on the other hand…” Gilbert shuddered again when he thought of Roderich’s tone.

              Francis chuckled, “Oh? You’ve finally experienced that morning wrath I warned you about, huh?”

              “Yes. Now I know why you were so nervous around him on our beach trip.”

              “So, you’ve woken up from one of Toni’s parties not hungover, is your body in shock?” Francis teased.

              “Probably. I actually had more fun being barely buzzed and watching Roderich let loose. It was so endearing.”

              “Where are you now? He’s probably hungover as fuck and I’m fearing for your life right now.”

              Gilbert laughed a little and then grimaced. “I’m walking to my place first to get Sebastian and then I’m picking up breakfast for us.”

              “Look at you, such a dutiful boyfriend. Then again, for Roderich, I would be as well. I had a minor crush on him in high school, but I mean, who didn’t? The guy was the richest in our private school and good looking and he didn’t even fucking know it. He was so closed off that it just made people want him more.”

              Gilbert knew that feeling well and smiled to himself. He was the only one who had seen behind that wall, beyond that composure. His spine tingled with the thought and then he realized something, “Wait! You grew up with Roderich…did you know?”

              Francis sighed and Gilbert knew before he even spoke up. “…Yes. I was hoping this wouldn’t come up. I saw his mark because we both had gym class together during our junior year and yes, I did make the connection after I met you and saw yours. I told Mattie about it and he begged me to introduce you two, but I refused. He could see how lonely you were and it hurt him a lot. Before he really fell for me, he had a little crush on you, but he wanted you to be happy.”

              “I knew about that.” Gilbert interrupted and he had always thought Mattie’s past crush was cute. It was normal for groups of friends to consider each other in that way, so it never turned Gilbert off. He’d been with half of their friend group so he wasn’t really one to judge.

              “Traitor!” Francis joked, but his tone became serious again. “Are you mad that I never told you?”

              “No.” Gilbert ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I mean you remember what I was like when my mark first lit up. If we met any other way, I think it would have been a disaster. It would have been like our fight, but worse.”

              Francis let out a sigh of relief. “Dude, that’s good. That’s what I explained to Mattie and I think it was really important that you made the decision to go find him.”

              “I know, I’ve actually grown up. Who would have thought?” Gilbert laughed, making fun of himself. “Oh! Dude, you’ll get a kick out this. Roddy came on to me last night while he was drunk and he was persistent as fuck.”

              “Don’t tell me…”

              “No, I didn’t. I don’t think he remembers anything. Though I don’t know for sure yet cuz I’ve barely gotten him to talk to me this morning.”

              “Wait…he tried to have sex with you and you said no? Holy shit.” Francis sniffed and pretended to tear up. “Oh, our little Gilly has really grown up. This is monumental! Stay on the line, I’m conferencing Toni in!”

              Gilbert groaned and tried to tell Franics to stop, but he was already put on hold. He unlocked his door, smiling as he heard excited barking on the other side. Sebastian greeted him with a lick to his hand, nuzzling it with his nose. “Aw, good to see you too, buddy. I love you.” Sebastian followed close as Gilbert walked around his apartment, gathering things for the day. “Sebby, my friends are huge assholes. I should have known they would blow this out of proportion.”

              “Hey! Don’t bad mouth us to your dog. He loves us!” Toni had joined the call and Gilbert grinned, knowing he had been taken off hold.

 He put them on speaker, partially so he could ignore them as he did things, but also to put in his order for breakfast. _Definitely a large coffee for Roddy._ “He may, but Roddy is his favorite, other than the awesome me, of course.” If they were going to pick on him, he’d do the same. They didn’t know that Roderich was surprisingly good with animals even though he wasn’t always super fond of them.

              “What? Sebastian, you traitor! I was there when Gilbert got you.”

              “Toni! Focus on the matter at hand.” Francis butt in, but his tone had a hint of betrayal as well.

              “You’re right. I’ll deal with you later Sebastian! Fran told me of course, but I’m still in shock.”

              Gilbert shook his head, “I was a horrible person back then, but come on! He couldn’t give proper consent. He means more to me than just sex. I’m sure it’ll be amazing, but he saved himself for me and I’m not going to ruin that just because I haven’t had it in months.”

              “Holy shit, _Gil_! Are you really the same Gil I grew up with? Fran, I think we might need to exorcise Gil, he’s been possessed!”

              Francis laughed with Antonio and Gilbert groaned. “Yes, that’s the only explanation.”

              “And you wonder why I call y’all assholes.” Gilbert cut through their laughter and looked at his dog. “See what I have to deal with Sebby?”

              Antonio stopped laughing first and his tone went serious for the first time on the call. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. You’ve finally become the person I knew was there all along. I’m proud of you Gil.”

              “Me too, Gilbert. That’s why I wanted Toni here.”

              “There is no middle ground with you two is there? You’re either assholes or complete saps.” Gilbert had a fond smile on his face as he hooked Sebastian’s leash to his collar.

              “You’re the same that’s we’ve always been the three musketeers!”

              “Yeah, yeah. I have to go pick up breakfast for my lovely boyfriend now so I’m going to go.”

              “More like he’ll chew your head off if you don’t.” Francis teased.

              Gilbert shook his head, but this time it was because he knew that to be too true. “Yeah. Hungover Roddy is terrifying and Drunk Roddy is a danger to my chastity.” Gilbert let out a snort of laughter that was echoed by both of friends.

              “Your chastity. Sure.” Antonio agreed sarcastically.

              “That or my self-control. I think I’m going to refrain from exposing him to alcohol anytime soon.”

              “If he’s bad enough, I’m sure he’d agree with you—oh fuck.” Antonio’s voice shook as he cut off his sentence. Gilbert could imagine him going pale.

              “You woke Chiara didn’t you?” Gilbert snickered. “Good luck, bro.”

              “Speaking of angry hangovers…I never realized how alike Chiara and Roderich are. Maybe next time you two should leave them alone together. It would be like the ultimate showdown. Which glare could really kill?” Francis smiled and glanced down at Matthew, who was lying in his lap. Matthew was a bit moody, but mostly he was just docile and cuddly.

              “This is no longer funny.” Antonio whispered into the receiver. “Ari, wait, I’m sorry babe. I’m going out to get you your favorite coffee right now. Shit guys, I’ve gotta go.”

              Francis burst out into loud laughter as Antonio’s line went dead. Gilbert would have joined him but he suddenly worried this was only foreshadowing for what he had to deal with when he got back to Roderich’s place. “You’re lucky Mattie’s cuddly and sweet when he’s hungover. I hate you.”

              “I fear for you too, buddy. Good luck.”

              “Yeah. Text me later to make sure I’m not dead. Bye.” Gilbert hung up and crouched down so he was eye level with Sebastian. “Save me. I’m totally using you to soften Roddy’s anger. He loved you first so maybe he’ll be nice to me.” Sebastian barked happily and licked Gilbert’s face. “Thanks, buddy.” Gilbert stood up and they walked over to Romano’s together.

              “Gilbert! Hi! I have your order~”

              Gilbert grinned when saw Felicia making her way toward him. Being pregnant had really given her a beautiful glow, but he was stunned to see her on her feet. His mind had no other way of describing her stomach besides comparing her to a bowling ball. “Feli, you’re still working?”

              “Well, of course. Chiara was at the party last night and Erika is coming in later so it’s only for the morning. My due date is still four weeks away, I’m fine. You’re like Ludwig right now.”

              Gilbert rolled his eyes. “I thought you’d take the time to rest.”

              “Very funny big brother, but I am working shorter shifts and I love this café.” She handed the drinks and the bag of food. “You look well this morning, surprisingly. With your note on the order ‘the largest coffee you can make me’, I assumed you were severely hungover.”

              “Gee thanks and that’s not for me.” He grinned cheekily, “I’m _actually_ picking up breakfast because Roddy is still in bed.”

              Her eyes widened in surprised and Gilbert laughed. “Seriously? I would pay money to see that. He really has loosened up a little since you two have been together. Lizzie always talks about how strange of a pair you two are, but I really think you actually complement each other. Things are going well between you both now, hm?”

              “Hey, I warned him to refuse Chiara’s challenge. He claimed he was in control.” He smiled at her, knowing there was a reason he liked her. Felicia was surprisingly perceptive and understood people well despite her seemingly airheaded personality. “Yeah they are. Brother and I both ended up with soulmates opposite of us, hm? Though I don’t think anyone could handle or understand Ludwig like you do.”

              “And I don’t think anyone else is capable of drawing Roderich out of his shell like you did. He wouldn’t even let Elizabeta do that.” She beamed at him and kissed his cheek. “I have to get back to kitchen, big brother, enjoy the rest of your day!” Sebastian barked at her, reminding her to acknowledge him as well. “Of course, you be a good boy today too.” She patted Sebastian’s head and waddled back inside.

              “Geez, Sebby. You’re so needy. Hopefully you’ll really soften the blow. Roddy can’t be mad at you. No one can.” Gilbert took a deep breath and took his sweet time walking back to Roderich’s place. He was a bit scared and didn’t deal well with being yelled at since he got that a lot as a kid.

Gilbert’s father tended to lose his temper with him a lot because of two of them didn’t see eye to eye often. Henri had often tried to parent Ludwig and Gilbert the same and never quite got why Gilbert didn’t live up to basic standards the way Ludwig did. Julia was different, she saw that Gilbert needed a little more nurturing and acceptance that he was different than the other men in the Beilschmidt family. He was more like her. While Ludwig had always been independent and needed little direction, Gilbert had needed reassurance and praise that he was on the right path.

              _Great…now I’m comparing Roddy’s temper to my father’s…_ He hesitated in front of the door, still dreading facing a crabby Roderich. He hadn’t dealt with his full-blown morning anger before so he didn’t really know how to react. He sighed and shook his head. _Don’t be stupid. You can do this, we’ve already gotten through a major fight._ Gilbert reached shuffled the things in his hands to get his keys. He was most careful not to spill the coffee. That was the most important part of his errands after all. Lucy greeted him with a hungry meow and an unsure narrowing of her eyes at the other guest.

              “Oh yeah, I didn’t think about that. Sebby…” He started in a warning tone, “be a good boy. It’s just a cat and please don’t wake Roddy up.” He set the breakfast on the counter and set out breakfast for both of their pets. “I’m watching you two, I mean it.” Sebastian sniffed at Lucy curiously, but most ignored her, wagging his tail patiently as Gilbert poured the food into his bowl. “Food’s more important, huh? I guess you’ve got your priorities right.”

 Lucy, being very wary of new comers, greeted Gilbert warmly, but scampered to the other side of the kitchen to avoid Sebastian completely. He shrugged, expecting that behavior from her and set up her breakfast accordingly. “You’ll warm up to him, he’s big, but totally harmless.” He looked toward Roderich’s still closed door and took a deep breath. “Now I have to deal with the other beast.” He muttered and carefully crept to Roderich’s bedroom with the coffee as his peace offering. Gritting his teeth, Gilbert carefully eased open the door and slowly took in the status of the room. Roderich didn’t seem to have moved from his spot under the covers, but the water was gone and so was the Tylenol he had left. _At least you took that. Hopefully you’ll be nicer now._

“Is that coffee?” Gilbert jumped, nearly spilling it. He had not expected Roderich to even be awake. He had been gone nearly two hours with his phone call and errands.

              “Yeah. I had Felicia make it just the way you like it. Are you, uh, doing any better?” Gilbert perched himself on the edge of the bed, being extra cautious as if he were waiting for a bomb to go off.

              Roderich slowly sat up and peeled the covers back. Gilbert pressed his lips together when he took in Roderich’s appearance. He was even more disheveled than usual and Gilbert found it so, so adorable. Completely unaware of Gilbert’s fear, he held his hands out expectantly and Gilbert willingly passed him the cup. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes, savoring the warm liquid as it slid down his throat and heated him from the inside out. Roderich opened his eyes again and suddenly realized how Gilbert had been acting. _…oops, I was pretty mean to him when I first woke up._ He shifted his coffee cup to one hand and reached out to Gilbert, taking his hand. “Thank you for getting coffee and for giving me a bit of space. Sorry I was crabby with you earlier, I know how I can be in the morning and being hungover made it worse.”

              Gilbert relaxed, instantly calmed by Roderich’s apology. “How’s your head?”

“It's calmed to a dull ache. My memory’s a bit fuzzy…” Roderich let go of Gilbert's hand and rubbed his forehead. “I know I really lost that drinking game and we danced and I got on Elizabeta for being too critical of you. I didn’t do anything weird…did I?”

_Great…he doesn't remember telling me he loves me. I am a bit glad he doesn't remember trying to fuck me because I'm trying to repress it. I don't want to embarrass him right now or push him into confessing when he's not ready. I'll wait until he brings it up or remembers._

“You hesitated.”

“I was just remembering you telling Elizabeta off. You were very flirty, giggly, and clingy, but nothing bad. I thought it was adorable.”

“Are you hungover?”

“No. I got tipsy very early on in the night, but after you started to get carried away, I cut myself off.”

Roderich pouted and took another long sip of coffee before he spoke again. “I ruined your fun, didn't I?”

Gilbert grinned. “Not at all. I had a blast last night. That was the best Halloween party of all time. Our costumes got hilarious reactions and looked amazing. I'm still had fun and I don't feel like crap today. I enjoyed myself seeing you come undone.”

“Oh you feel fine? Good for you.” Roderich teased him, but he felt happy on the inside. Gilbert had sobered up just to make sure he was taken care of. _Never would I have expected it, but he really has matured. All of his other partners really missed out on a great guy._

Gilbert stick his tongue out at him. “Sorry, wasn't trying to rub it in.” He was going to say more, but was caught off by a small whine outside the door. “Oh, Sebastian’s here because I was going to run an idea by you for a low key day. He also hasn't seen you in a while and misses you.”

“How did Lucy react to him?”

“She basically avoided him. He was curious, but I don't think it'll be a problem.”

“You've trained him well and he got a good temperament. It might take Lucy some getting used to.” Sebastian whined at the mention of his name. “You can let him in.”

Gilbert grinned and walked over to the door opening it slowly, hoping his dog would get the hint. Sebastian was clearly excited, but refrained from jumping all over Roderich. “I know, it's your best friend. You're excited. Good boy.”

Roderich put his coffee aside and slowly got up from the bed. He sat himself on the floor and patted the space between his legs. Sebastian brushed past Gilbert and bounded over to Roderich. He slowed when he got over to him and sat down, not being able to resist giving Roderich a lick to the face. “Hey!” Roderich was smiling, much to Gilbert's relief. “Yeah, I know, it's good to see you too.” Gilbert couldn't resist and snapped a photo of Roderich petting his dog with that beautiful, fond smile on his face.

Hearing the commotion Lucy wandered in, her eyes carefully taking in the scene in front of her. She narrowed her eyes and meowed angrily at Roderich. Gilbert chuckled and walked over to her. “He's not replacing you. Sebby was in his life before you, sweetie. Unfortunately, we have to share the ones we love.” She didn't look happier and he picked her up, pressing a kiss into her fur. “I love you, girlie, and Roddy loves you so be nice.

Roderich looked over at them and smiled. He grabbed his phone off the desk and snapped a photo. He chuckled to himself and sent it to the group message he had started with Chiara, Mattie, and Arthur. It had mostly started as a place for them to complain about their extra soulmates, but they had become friends. After bonding with Arthur last night, they had added him to the club. ‘The manliest of men, undone by a single kitten.’

**From Chiara**

**He wasn't manly to begin with.**

**From Mattie**

**He probably talks to the cat in a high-pitched voice**

**From Arthur**

**Oh god. If he does it like Al does with our retriever, I feel sorry for you. So annoying.**

Roderich laughed at the replies and typed one back.

**To all**

**Luckily, he talks to them in his normal voice to talk to them.**

**From Chiara**

**He's annoying enough. Still not too late to back out.**

**To all**

**I could, but he just brought a large coffee and breakfast while I'm hungover.**

**From Mattie**

**That was a rough game last night**

**From Chiara**

**Ugh…don't remind me.**

**And guy that brings you food? I guess he's a keeper. That’s why I keep Toni around**

**From Arthur**

**Al is just as hungover so we’re both screwed today.**

“Who are you texting?”

Roderich looked up and grinned sheepishly at Gilbert. “Group text between Matthew, Chiara, and now Arthur.”

Gilbert smiled. He was happy that Roderich was making friends. Before he had only Elizabeta and Gilbert knew he was getting by just fine, but now he was happier. It made his heart leap to think that he was even part of the reason. “You all bonded, that's good.”

“Mmhm. You got breakfast while you were out, right?”

“I did, it’s in the kitchen, your majesty.”

Roderich stood up and rolled his eyes. “Okay.”

Gilbert let Lucy down and followed after him. “I didn’t believe Francis at first, but you really are scary in the morning. I mean you were so sweet the morning of the beach…except when you were threatening me…”

“I know. That morning I wasn’t really awake and you were being so nice to me.”

“Hm, that’s true and the line between sweet morning Roddy and evil morning Roddy was pretty thin.” Gilbert mused and dodged an elbow jab that was aimed his way. Gilbert held his hands up in surrender, “Touchy. Go sit down with your coffee and I’ll bring everything over to you.”

“I can’t even be annoyed at you when you’re so sweet.”

Gilbert chuckled. “That’s the key, my dear! I also said I would take care of you in the morning if you ever got drunk, remember?”

“…Oh yeah. I forgot we had a conversation like that. With you I guess I shouldn’t say ‘never’ because I always end up going back on those.” Roderich started eating first, rubbing his foot against Gilbert’s under the table. “So where are we going today?”

“Our meadow. You wanted to see it in autumn, didn’t you? It’s going to be relatively warm today the leaves will be perfect today. Do you feel up to going? Sebastian loves the leaves too. Are you feeling up to it? I thought it would be casual enough all things considering. You could bring your sketchbook or paints or both.”

Roderich smiled and took Gilbert’s hand across the table. “It’s perfect.”

* * *

 

This was the second time he’d seen it and it took his breath away just the same. He thought the stars were beautiful and the way his mind painted it in the spring, but the autumn had to be the best by far. The orange, red, and yellow leaves in the afternoon sun made the sky look like it was on fire. Leaves crunched under their feet and the air was just cold enough for a light jacket. It was crisp and clean in their lungs. It was perfect for cuddling on a blanket and reminded Roderich of his favorite sweater he stole from Gilbert.

Gilbert let Sebastian off his leash and Sebastian barked happily, taking off in a gallop to explore as much of the meadow as he could. A fond smile spread across Gilbert’s face as he watched both Roderich, taking in everything for the first time and Sebastian, having the time of his life. He spread out the blanket in the middle of the meadow and took a seat. Roderich looked back at him with a genuinely pleased smile for a moment and Gilbert’s heart started pounding. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture, quick enough so Roderich wouldn’t have time to over think or change his expression.

“Hey!” Roderich scolded as he walked over to join him. “I wasn’t even ready for that!”

“I know, that’s why I took it. You look amazing when you don’t pose or other think your faces. I wish I had your art talents. I would draw every single one of your pretty facial expressions.”

Roderich stuck his tongue out but took sketchpad anyway and started the drawing with light pencil lines. Gilbert scooted close and wrapped his arm around Roderich’s waist, resting his head on Roderich’s shoulder. They were quiet for a while, only the sound of the lead on paper and Sebastian’s occasional barking. It was Roderich who broke the silence first. “So Christmas is coming up soon. It’ll be our first one together. What will we do?”

“Hm. Well, if you’re okay with it, the whole Beilschmidt family gets together. It’s our one big event of the year on Christmas Day. So it’ll be Mom, dad, Ludwig, Felicia, my grandma Maria, and Me. Chiara’s basically family too so she and Antonio usually stop by too. Hopefully you too if you wish. I wouldn’t force you for our first one.”

“Sure. It’ll be good to see them on good terms this time. We should do something ourselves too.”

“Sure, baby, I’ll save Christmas Eve for you. We’ll make it a new tradition.” Gilbert kissed him on the cheek and pulled a ball out of his bag, whistling for Sebastian. His ears perked up and Roderich thought how cute he looked. Sebastian came running over, leaves flying everywhere as he did. “Good boy.” Gilbert greeting him as he rubbed behind his ears. “You having fun?”

Sebastian barked happily in return and nudged Roderich’s hand.

“Hey, buddy. You messed up my tree!” Roderich teased but patted Sebastian’s head anyway. He took the ball from and threw it as far as he could.

“Not bad. Your arm isn’t as sissy as I thought it would be.” Gilbert teased. Roderich rolled eyes but laid across Gilbert’s lap. “You know, I’ve always had thing for your abs and your arms, but I’ve been totally underappreciated your thighs.”

“Oh, my Roddy.” Gilbert ran his fingers through Roderich’s hair. “What’s with that talk? Geez I’ve been a bad influence on you.”

“I’m an artist, I have the eyes that are trained to appreciate when they see it.”

“That’s total bullshit Roddy.”

“No. I’ve always thought you were beautiful, you know that.” Roderich grinned at him and kissed Gilbert’s thigh through his jeans.

Gilbert bit his lip and blushed. “Dammit. How do you do that? The other comments never get me. I’ve heard about my looks my whole life and you come in and generally call me beautiful. Then I blush like a frickin school boy.”

“Because I know you. You’re used to hot and hearing totally sexual comments, but beauty, no.” Sebastian barked for their attention and Gilbert threw the ball this time.

“You have to at least color this or something, just a sketch won’t do it justice. I mean it’s a good sketch baby.”

Roderich chuckled. “I know. I brought my watercolor colored pencils.”

“Good. You know, I was thinking about what Arthur said on Halloween… you should like get a collection together and have your own gallery or something! You’re really good.”

Roderich shook his head. “I’m okay with it just as a hobby. I’ve got enough going on with the orchestra and sountracks that I compose. Really.”

“Okay, we’ll come back to it.” Gilbert leaned down and kissed him.

* * *

Roderich was sitting in his piano studio when it started. It started slowly, just soft taps against the glass, but it immediately caught his attention. He had been so absorbed in his work that he hadn’t noticed the clouds roll in and darken the sky. He took a deep breath and told himself it was just raining. It was early December and he almost wished it was colder so it would snow instead of rain. _Almost._ Rain wasn’t bad, it was a natural occurrence that helped the Earth. There was no thunder, no howling winds, no lighting, he was fine. It was mind over matter. Of course, though, it didn’t really work. Violet eyes drifted to the equally violet sky and he swallowed the lump in his throat. _Was it supposed to storm today? When was the last time I even checked the storm forecasts? The sky is really dark today, but I haven’t worried about a storm since the night of our fight._

But it wasn’t just rain, as quickly as it started, the storm picked up speed. Thunder boomed like an explosion and lighting lit up the sky, spidering down toward the ground. Roderich gritted his teeth together as his breathing became shallow. His legs itched to get up, but he didn’t want to. The bedroom was waiting for him, his little safe haven, but he didn’t want to hide. It had been ten years and he didn’t want to be scared anymore. Every storm for ten years he had hid away in the most closed off room possible. Every crack of thunder trigged the anxiety and every storm had been bad. Well, every one but the night he had stayed a Gilbert’s place. Roderich balled up his fingers into tight fists just to quell his shaking hands. He was a coward. He hadn’t grown in all this time. _It’s no use._ Roderich let himself stand and escape to his room. He drew the curtains and took his headphones out of the bedside drawer.

He was about to shut the door when he saw a flash of orange. Lucy must have sensed his terror and came to give him comfort. He smiled warmly, but he didn’t feel it. She was a comfort, but not the one he was seeking. As usual he crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. Trembling hands fixed the noise-canceling headphones over his ears and he sighed with temporary relief. Lucy jump onto the bed and curled up to him. Roderich wanted Gilbert so badly it hurt. The last time he had felt this lonely he had tried to shut Gilbert out of his life.

 _No. I won’t go there, I don’t have to. He forgave me. Gilbert…I don’t remember the last time I wanted to see someone so badly. I could call him and I know he’d come running, but he’s working, I don’t want to inconvenience him. But he wouldn’t see it that way. He’d smile at me and shake his head like it was no trouble. Like I hadn’t caused him nothing but trouble and pain before we started dating. I can’t believe it’s been nearly four months now. I want him here, I want to be selfish, I want him to hold me every night…_ Roderich opened his eyes, surprised by his own thoughts. This was the first time he had thought something like without a hint of hesitation. _Why am I so surprised? I knew I loved him two months ago. Why have I been so hesitant? He’s not going to leave and everything is always better with him. He was all I needed and I didn’t know it. I wanted to make my ‘I love you’ special, but I just don’t want to wait anymore. I—_

Roderich’s thoughts were interrupted as he felt Lucy suddenly jump off the bed. “What? You’re leaving me?” He opened his eyes to find her fleeing backside but was met with a very familiar set of legs. Tears fell down his face faster now as relief and surprise washed over him. He quickly removed he headphones to catch the end of Gilbert’s sentence.

“—you okay? I’m sorry, I tried to get here sooner, but the traffic was—” Roderich didn’t bother waiting for the rest of the explanation. He stood up and threw himself into Gilbert’s arms. Gilbert staggered back a few steps, adjusting the sudden weight. He slid his hands under Roderich’s thighs to support him as Roderich had wrapped both his arms and legs around him.  Gilbert smiled fondly and pressed a kiss into Roderich’s hair. “It’s okay, I’m here now.”

“I love you.”

Roderich’s words were muffled against Gilbert’s shoulder so he wasn’t sure he heard it right. His eyes widened and he gasped, _no. I couldn’t have heard that right, right?_ Gilbert stepped forward and lowered Roderich onto the bed so he could look at him properly. “What?”

 _I finally get the courage to say it out loud and he didn’t hear me. Of course._ Roderich took a deep breath and smiled up at Gilbert. “I love you.”

 _“I love you.”_ Gilbert gasped and covered his mouth as tears filled his eyes and escaped down his cheeks. He hadn’t expected to cry when Roderich actually said it with sincerity, but he was just so surprised. He thought he’d see it coming a million miles away, but this was different, in the best way possible. Gilbert fell to his knees between Roderich’s legs and laughed in disbelief behind his hand.

              Roderich wasn’t sure how Gilbert was going to react to the words, but as usual, this had been better than he imagined. He had rendered the over-confident, boisterous Gilbert speechless and he couldn’t help but chuckle with him. The words he had felt, but had never said, he watched them, one by one be received and understood.

              “…you love me.” Gilbert whispered, more to himself than Roderich. The words were muffled by his hand, but Roderich heard them anyway. It was a world of difference than the drunk confession. This was sincere and the look in Roderich’s eyes showed it being repeated a million times over. After Roderich confessed initially, he knew this day would be coming, but he didn’t know it would be like this. Every single day when he had to watch Felicia and Ludwig together. Every time his stomach burned with jealousy. Every person that he used tried fill the emptiness inside. Every time he didn’t think he’d ever hear those words. It was over. They were all replaced by those three words said by the only person who mattered.

              Tears stung Roderich’s eyes as he watched Gilbert go through every emotion. The disbelief, the insecurity, the pain and finally the acceptance. Somehow this was better than when Gilbert said it. He wasn’t afraid, he didn’t feel the familiar inklings of anxiety. He had put everything out there and received everything back. Every emotion he hid from Elizabeta. Every time he looked for pride in his father’s eyes. Every storm he had weathered by himself. Every pain from his parent’s death. Every lonely night. They would all be over.

              Roderich swallowed and smiled, in a very Gilbert-esque way. He was breaking the sappy moment with a tease just like Gilbert did and it made him smile even more. “I know I don’t have experience in this area, but when someone says they love, aren’t you supposed to say something back?”

              _“Hey, dummy. When someone says they love you, you’re supposed to say it back.” Nearly the same as when you drunkenly confessed to me._ Gilbert finally removed the hand over his lips and decided to tease Roderich back. “You already know how I feel.”

              “So? It wouldn’t kill you to say it again.”

              “I love you too.” Gilbert stood up and tackled Roderich into bed, kissing him with all his pent up excitement. Roderich let out a surprised breath through his nose as all the air rushed out his lungs from Gilbert’s impact. The wind had been completely knocked out of him, but he didn’t care. Gilbert was kissing him with fever, with utter joy just because of three little words. Never before had he made someone that happy.

A loud booming of thunder rumbled outside, suddenly shaking Roderich back to reality. He jumped like he’d been struck by lightning himself. Gilbert pulled back and looked down at him. Roderich saw the unvoiced concern in Gilbert’s gaze and shook his head. “I’m fine.” He sat up and Gilbert followed suit, wrapping his arm around Roderich’s shoulders. He coaxed Roderich closer so he could lay his head in the crook of his neck. Roderich draped his arm over Gilbert’s torso and nuzzled closer. He took a couple of slow breaths and realized he wasn’t panicking anymore. The draw to shut everything away wasn’t so urgent. He wanted to be here with Gilbert.

“Why are you here anyway? I assumed you were working today?”

Gilbert stifled a laugh at Roderich’s every present directness. “I was supposed to, but I managed to get my shift covered. I have alerts on my phone that tell me when major storms are going to be in the area. When I saw that today was supposed to have scattered thunderstorms all day, I knew I had to be here. Today’s going to be rough and I didn’t want to leave you alone.” Gilbert absently raked a hand through his hair. He hadn’t really planned on saying his promise out loud, but decided to at this point. “I promised you and myself the night I first found out about your fear. I wouldn’t let you face another storm alone. All those years you suffered alone, I couldn’t stand it. I don’t want you to be alone anymore. I mean I broke that promise the night of our fight, but I—”

Roderich took Gilbert’s face between his hands and planted a kiss onto his lips. Gilbert had just said everything Roderich wanted to hear, everything he had just wished for. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Oh! Speaking of promises…” Gilbert prompted grinned at Roderich and giving him an overexaggerated wink.

“I know.” Roderich rolled his eyes. “It’s not that I was waiting to say it until I was ready. I don’t have a problem with you moving in, but I was just enjoying things how they were. It was fun going over to each other’s places and just taking it slow. I’ve never been in this sort of relationship.”

“That’s all you had to say. I haven’t experienced this either, remember? My lease is up after the first of the year. We can wait until after the holidays to make the move.”

“You're right. I also was waiting because I wanted it to be special. I wanted to tell you for Christmas in a super romantic way. I was going to get Antonio to help me come up with something.” Roderich looked a little troubled. _You deserve something like that. After all you’ve done for me._ He looked up into Gilbert’s smiling face, it was full of so much giddiness and love that Roderich felt his worries melt away. Gilbert had a way of making him change all his plans.

“This wasn’t the first time you told me you loved me, y’know?” Gilbert smirked and watched Roderich’s eyes grow wide in surprised apprehension.

 _Did I say it in my sleep or something or…don’t tell me…it was Halloween wasn’t it?_ He shook his head and just waited for Gilbert to say something.

“You told me you loved me on Halloween. It was right after you finished the drinking game. You came up to me in a fit of giggles, stumbling over yourself. It was so fucking adorable. You said, you had a secret to tell me and I couldn’t tell Roderich.” Gilbert paused to snicker at the memory, “like you didn’t realize you were Roderich or something. Then I promised you blurted out that you loved me. You were so proud of yourself.”

Roderich groaned and hid his face in his hands. “I hate myself.”

“No! I loved it, but this time the best. Oh and you did make me a promise that night too.”

“I’m afraid to ask what it was, but I’m assuming you’re going to tell me.” Roderich had removed his hands, but was still heavily embarrassed, and refused to look at Gilbert.

“Remember that hotel/spa package we won? Well you promised that we’d use it for my birthday and…” Gilbert trailed off to build suspense. “And that we’d…how did you put it again? Oh yeah! You’d give me and ‘extra special present’ if I knew what you meant.”

Roderich looked up at Gilbert, stunned, as the blush on his cheeks darkened. “Now I know you’re lying!”

Gilbert chuckled. “I’m totally not. I knew you didn’t remember.”

He searched Gilbert’s eyes for a hint of trickery because they always gave them away. They were completely pompous, but truthful. “I am never getting drunk around you again.” Roderich groaned and dragged a hand down his face as if he could wipe all the embarrassing thoughts away.

“Yeah. I thought that promise would be a stretch.”

“Okay. We’ll go for your birthday, before you go on that big skiing trip. That’s a little over a month away. We’ll see how I’m feeling.” He didn’t have to look at Gilbert to know he was completely cheered up. “Why are you bringing up my drunken activities now? A month later?”

“Well, I was actually trying to save you the embarrassment, so I wasn’t going to tell you. It was too funny to pass up after your true ‘I love you’ and it totally distracted you from the storm.”

As if on cue, a loud crash of thunder cut through their conversation. It barely made Roderich react. Gilbert was right, he had totally forgotten about the storm. “Wow.”

Gilbert grinned and pulled Roderich close again, guiding Roderich’s head into the crook of his neck. “You’re not even shaking right now.”

“...You’re right. I…I’m not scared.” Roderich’s words were slow as he realized there was not even an inch of fear in his body right now. “I’m not scared!”

“I’m proud of you, Roddy. I promise, I’ll be here every time.”

Roderich rolled his eyes turned on the TV. It was a ridiculous promise to actually make, but it made him anyway. It muffled the storm, but didn’t block it out completely. “You know, we don’t have to wait until January. It would probably be easier if you just moved your stuff in a little at a time over the next month.”

Gilbert pressed his lips together and held back the snort of laughter that threatened to escape. He didn’t mean to make fun of Roderich, but he just couldn’t help it. He was just being so cute right now. “Are you asking me to move in now?”

“Yes, okay? I was trying to be subtle about it. Not everything has to be a big production, but then again, with you it always is.”

Gilbert stifled his laughter in Roderich’s hair this time and silence fell between them. It was comfortable and warm like a bath on cold winter day. Not unwelcome or uncomfortable in any way. In moments like these, sometimes Gilbert thought about what they would have been like if soulmates didn’t exist. Would they have eventually come together? Would they have _actually_ chose each other? Would they fall in love in the same way? Thoughts like that would nag the back of his mind, but now, he found that they didn’t really matter. They did fall in love and they were together. Roderich had just asked Gilbert to move in and he felt it for real this time. They weren’t going anywhere. Everything was how it—

Gilbert’s phone suddenly rang, making them both jump. It broke the silence and pulled Gilbert out his thoughts. It played a hard rock song and both of them recognized it immediately. Gilbert was the type of person that had customized ringtones for all of his friends. This one screamed Chiara and Gilbert thought about ignoring it, but then again Chiara wasn’t the type to call just to talk. It had to important or she needed something.

Gilbert answered, putting her on speakerphone so Roderich could listen as well. “Hey Chi, you’re interrupting—”

“Yeah, yeah. I don’t care. Get your asses to the hospital. Feli’s having her baby!”

Roderich and Gilbert exchanged looks, both filled with excited energy. “Roddy! We’re going to be godparents!”

“Yeah. I’m still mad about that, but I’m going to be aunt!” Chiara was trying to one up them, but she was excited too. “I’ll see you both soon.” She hung up before giving them a chance to respond.

Gilbert jumped out of bed and ran into the other room to grab his jacket and shoes. “Today is the best day. I’m going to be an uncle and you told me you loved me!” Gilbert ran back into their room and saw Roderich hadn’t moved from the bed. His excitement was curbed by a sudden realization. Roderich was going to have to go out in the storm. “Roddy…are you all right? I mean the storm and everything…”

“No. Oh, no, it’s not that…I’m going to be a godparent…”

Gilbert stopped and felt a heaviness in his chest. It wasn’t sorrow exactly, but he felt the weight of Roderich’s words. They were filled with disbelief and the tiniest hint of happiness. “Yes, and an uncle! It won’t be really official until we get married, but she’ll call you uncle, we all will. Oh! She can totally be our flower girl when we get married! …Uncle Roddy! It’s so cute!” 

 _I have a family again. I never would have imagined loving Gilbert would give me so much._ “Only if she calls you Uncle Gilly.” Roderich finally got out of bed and threw himself into Gilbert’s arms. “Thank you. Just thank you.”

“Go get dressed, silly. You don’t really want your new niece to meet you in your pjs, do you?”

Roderich pulled away and quickly changed his clothes before pulling Gilbert out the door. The whole elevator ride down, they couldn’t stop staring at each other and grinning like idiots. They both ran out the door, neither even considering the storm. It didn’t matter.

“Wait here, I’ll get my car.” Gilbert let go of Roderich’s hand and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Mr. Gilbert! Please take an umbrella.” James urged, holding one out for him.

“Good thinking, Jamesy!” Gilbert took it from him and opened it as he ran out to the parking lot.

“Why are you two in such a hurry?” James asked, looking at Roderich who had barely noticed his presence.

“Oh! James, sorry. We’re going to hospital, Gilbert’s sister-in-law is having her baby. Gilbert and I are going to be godparents.” The more he said it, the more he liked the sound of it. When Felicia had originally asked them, it wasn’t real to Roderich. Now it was. He was all in to this family

“That’s wonderful news! I’ll be expecting pictures, Mr. Roderich.” James smiled and Roderich returned the warm smile. He thought of other things to say, but he didn’t have time. “I’ll see you later.” Roderich ran out the curb and got into Gilbert’s truck. “I know you’re excited, darling, but be careful.” As his excitement started to settle, he remembered they were out in the middle of a storm.

“Of course. You’re the most important person to me. I would never endanger such precious cargo.” Gilbert grinned at him and the pulled away from the curb. The grin was cheeky, but Roderich knew it also held way more sincerity than it should for a cheesy comment.

“Dammit.” Roderich mumbled under his breath and clapped his hand over his face. “How do you say such embarrassing things out loud?”

“Because I love you.”

“Yeah, no. I love you too, but I won’t suddenly start doing that.”

Gilbert chuckled and focused on his driving. “Uh huh. We’ll see.”

* * *

 

              “GIL! You’re here!” Antonio ran up to them and pulled them both into a big, bear hug. “We’re going to be uncles! I’m so excited.” Antonio pulled back but still kept a hand on both of them. “We’re all going to be one big family.”

              “Ugh. Finally there’s someone else here he can gush to. Babies make him so sappy.” Chiara walked up behind them, crossing her arms with a smile on her face.

              Gilbert smirked at Antonio before he ran over and enveloped her in a giant hug. “Chiara! We’re all going to be one big family!”

              “Ew. You’re Feli’s brother-in-law, not mine. Get off me.”

              “Yes, but you’re Maria’s aunt and I’m her uncle! We’re totally going to be a family.”

              Roderich looked over at them and Chiara glared him down for not helping her. “Maria’s going to have a wonderful family.” Roderich mused, smiling a little.

              “She is. She’ll have three awesome uncles and the best aunt ever.” Antonio shifted his gaze from them, back to Roderich. “It’ll be nice to be an uncle, huh?” Roderich raised an eyebrow at him and Antonio clarified. “I don’t have siblings either so it was kind of nice to gain them when I married Chiara. I now have a lovely sister in law and gained a further connected to Ludwig and Gilbert even though we’re not technically family.”

              “I’m starting to see what you mean.”

              “Brother!” Gilbert called and they all looked over to see him coming down the hallway. Gilbert ran over and greeted him first. “How is Feli? Did you call mom and dad?”

              “She’s fine, not quite at 10 cm yet. Yeah, they’re coming. I’m glad you’re here.” Ludwig looked a bit flustered and readily accepted the hug from his brother. “I was just checking to see if you were all here.”

              “It’s okay to be nervous, Little Brother.”

              Ludwig sighed and nodded. “I’ve planned out every detail.”

              “Of course you have, that’s what you’re best at.” Gilbert grinned and Ludwig gave him a weak smile in return.

              “But I don’t know…it’s different when it’s really happening.”

              “Mom said that dad was scared shitless when I was born and almost as equally as when you were.”

              Ludwig looked a little sad because he saw the look in Gilbert’s eyes. He was trying to be reassuring, but he wouldn’t say, _‘and dad turned out fine’_ , because Gilbert still held resentment to their father. “I won’t be like father. I’ll love her just the same if she’s more like Feli than like me.”

              “See? Just thinking like that, you’ll already be a great father!”

              “Gilbert, I love you.”

              “Wow. The L word, having a kid has really softened you up. You used be like allergic to that word.” Gilbert teased to cover up his surprise.

              “I’m practicing. I’m going to say it to her everyday.” Ludwig was blushing and Gilbert grinned. They both knew the weight of that sentence. Henri never said it, he always showed it, but never said it. Ludwig never really needed it, but Gilbert did. Gilbert was glad Ludwig was making an effort not be exactly like Henri.

              “I love you too, little bro and I’m proud of you.” Gilbert patted him on the arm. “Now go back in there. Your wife needs you.”

              “Right. I’ll come get you later. I need you in there.” Ludwig only said what he believed was necessary since he wasn’t great with words, at least when it came to emotions like this. Ludwig could always give speeches with no problem, but when it came to expressing his feelings, he kept it short. Gilbert smiled because he saw in Ludwig’s eyes. Ludwig kept to himself and had very few friends, so the people in his life were very important to him. On the surface level, they always got along, but Gilbert was always envious of Ludwig’s academic skill and hard-working nature. Ludwig, on the other hand, always harbored jealousy for the way Gilbert related with others and made them feel comfortable around him. Under all that, Ludwig cherished his older brother and Gilbert was very protective of Ludwig.

              “Did you call Kiku?”

              “Yeah. He’s on his way once he gets his manager to take over the shop. I’ll be back later. Text me when mom and dad arrive.” Ludwig gave him a small smile and headed back to the room.

              Gilbert smiled but he didn’t feel it inside. So much had come to surface just by their simple conversation. He need to be alone. He took a deep breath and put on a happy face for show as he started quickly walking away from the group.

              “Gil! Hey, idiot, what did he say?”

              Gilbert stopped and forced a smile on to his face. “She’s fine. Not quite ready yet, but soon. You can go see if you like. I’ll be back, I have to take a piss.”

              They all knew something was off with the way Gilbert was speaking, but Roderich was the first to react to it. He followed Gilbert down the hall until they hit a dead end. Gilbert leaned back against the wall, clenching his fist together, as if that would keep him from falling apart. “Gil, darling? What’s did he say to you?” Roderich stood in front of him, close, but waiting for Gilbert to make the first move.

              Gilbert took a couple deep breaths before answering. “He was nervous about having the baby. He said he wouldn’t be like my father. That he would love her no matter what, no matter if she was more like him or more like Feli. He said he loved me. That he would tell that to her every day.”

              “You don’t tell each other you love each other often, hm?” Roderich asked, knowing that was just scratching the surface of why Gilbert was upset.

              “No. We don’t. I…I’m not upset that he’s getting all this first. Not anymore. I know now that we’ll get there. I…it’s about my father. I told you about how Ludwig and my father are similar. I told you how I always compared myself to Ludwig, but it wasn’t Ludwig that I really had a problem with. It was my dad. I guess I never went into it.” Gilbert took a third deep breath, gathering his courage before he started.

              “My father sucks at emotions. He’s worse than Ludwig, who got an ounce of the affection my mom carries. He never told Ludwig he loved him and especially never told me. He tried to parent us like we were both the same person. Like I was expected to meet the expectations that only Ludwig could. Brother and I are only a year apart so I always had him to be compared to. My mom gave me special treatment and so did my grandma. It pissed my dad off and he often fought with them that they were babying me.

Dad favored Ludwig more because he related to him better, Ludwig did everything he wanted. And don’t try to tell me that my dad wouldn’t play favorites. I know it, My mom knows it, Ludwig knows it, hell, even my grandma knows it. So that’s why it…it made me happy that Ludwig wanted to make an effort not to be like that. I just…it just brought up everything I got overwhelmed.”

“I know, love, trust me I understand.” Roderich closed the space between them. Gilbert folded himself into the embrace and dropped his head onto Roderich’s shoulder. He felt the familiar, long fingers in his hair and started to calm down. “I told you about my father. I was probably closer to how Ludwig acted with your father, but even that wasn’t enough. I bet your father and my father could have bonded in the ‘my son is never good enough club’.” Gilbert let out a small sound in between a laugh and a sob. Roderich pressed a kiss into Gilbert’s hair, glad that his joke could at least help a little. “No matter how old we get or how many other people love us, we’ll always want our father’s approval, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Roderich held him and continued to stroke his hair until he fully calmed down. He knew it wasn’t the time to say it, but Henri and Gilbert still had time. Henri might be difficult, but he knew they still could make things better. It took sickness to finally soften Robert, maybe the grandchild would do the same for Henri. If that didn’t work than he would show Henri how much Gilbert was worth his praise. “Hey, do you know being second is the best?”

Gilbert pulled back a little to look Roderich in the eye and shook his head.

“Because Ludwig has already done everything and we have the new chance. We can show him up. Our wedding? It will totally blow his out of the water. Our child? He or she will have the best parents because we both know better. Our house? Honey, I’ve got a ton of savings for that. It’ll be, in your words, ‘awesome’.” Gilbert was grinning by the end and Roderich smiled back at him. He’d done his job. “Why don’t we go get some coffee? My treat.”

“You’re the best, Roddy.”

“I know.” Roderich stuck his tongue out at Gilbert before giving him a quick kiss on the lips. Gilbert laced their fingers together and followed Roderich to the coffee machine. “Well…it’s no _Romano’s_ , but it will have to do. I’ll get you something better after this, I promise.”

“Thank you, Roddy. You always know how to make it better.”

“I learned from the best.” Roderich winked at Gilbert but his face quickly turned to disgust as he watched the coffee pour out of the machine. “People already pay insane amounts for hospital bills, they could at least provide better coffee.”

“True.” They both reluctantly grabbed their coffees and walked back to the waiting room. Chiara noticed their reappearance and was about to comment on the length of their errand until she fully registered Gilbert’s appearance. She sighed and wistful smile and a look that read, ‘I feel you’. They were both watching their younger siblings being more successful and getting everything first. Gilbert swore sometimes that she was his platonic soulmate. If that was even a thing that existed. Antonio was his best friend, but no one understood him in the ways that Chiara did. Maybe in another lifetime where Roderich and Antonio didn’t exist they would have been together. They would have commiserated and fallen in love. Who knows? But a life without either of them would have been unimaginable now.

“Gilbert! There you are!” Roderich followed the source of the new voice. The first thing he noticed about woman was her beauty. She had the exact ruby eyes and snow white hair that Gilbert bore. By the wrinkles in her skin, Roderich knew she was the grandmother Gilbert had been talking about. So it wasn’t from his mother that Gilbert got his beauty, but his grandmother.

“Gran!” Gilbert dropped Roderich’s hand and ran over to hug her.

“How are you holding up?” She whispered into his ear, using the hug as an excuse to ask him in secret.

“I’m fine, really. I’m excited for Ludwig, actually. Things are better, now.”

“Good, good.” She pulled back and gave him a kiss on the cheek. It was only then that her eyes drifted past Gilbert to notice Roderich standing a few feet away. “Oh, Gilly, he’s simply stunning.”

“I know, right?”

She approached Roderich and took both of this hands in hers. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Gilbert has been talking about you almost nonstop since you came into his life. I’m Henri’s mother, Maria Beilschmidt.”

“Oh. The one that Ludwig’s naming his daughter after, right? I’m Roderich Edelstein, the pleasure is mine, Ms. Beilschmidt.”

“No, no. It’s Maria, please, honey, we’re family. Thank you for helping my grandson become the gentleman I knew he could be. Even over our weekly phone conversations, I can tell he’s different. In all his life, Gilbert has never been happier or more mature.”

“More mature?” Roderich raised an eyebrow at her and then winked at Gilbert.

“Well, mature for Gilbert.”

“Gran, not you too.” Gilbert teased as he joined them, wrapping his arm around Roderich’s waist. 

“No, but really, Maria, Gilbert’s helped me too. He gave me a family again.” Roderich smiled at Gilbert and Maria grinned at them, happy for her grandson.

Gilbert leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I love you.”

Roderich blushed a little under the attention of Maria, “I love you too.”

“Wait!” Antonio ran over, overhearing the last part. “Gilbert! Roderich! When? You should have told me about this, Gil.” Antonio had forgotten Maria in his excitement and bowed his head to her in respect. “Oh hello, Maria.”

“Antonio, good to see you. Interrupting as always in your excitement. So what’s this all about?”

“It happened earlier today, Toni, keep your shirt on. We hadn’t had the chance to tell anyone yet.” Roderich rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. He saw Maria’s confusion and clarified. “I told Gilbert I loved him for the first time today.” He gave Gilbert a look when he said first in a warning, but Gilbert winked and didn’t say anymore.

“Ari!”

“Stop yelling Tonio, I heard and finally, Roderich. Took you long enough, but today isn’t about _you_ Gilbert.” Chiara rolled her eyes and came to stand next to her husband.

“It’s still exciting and I’m happy for my beautiful grandson.” Maria smiled and her eyes lit up with recognition. “Oh, this means you’ll be coming by me for Christmas then, Roderich? It’s a whole family affair.”

 “Of course, wouldn’t miss it.” Roderich smiled at her and Gilbert’s heart skipped in nervousness for a minute. He had asked Roderich about it already, but again, he didn’t warn Roderich that he would be meeting his grandmother today. Roderich wasn’t fond of surprises like this. Gilbert let out a sigh of relief when he realized Roderich’s smile was genuine.

“Gilbert!” There was a yell from down the hall and they all turned to see Ludwig’s head poking out of the door.

“Coming brother!” He kissed Roderich’s cheek quickly and grabbed Chiara’s wrist, pulling her along with him. “She’ll want you too.” He greeted his parents on the way and they hurried into the room. Ludwig’s lips were pressed together and his skin was pale. Chiara ran to her sister’s side and took her other hand. Gilbert opened his mouth to comfort his brother, but closed it again when Ludwig grabbed his hand. He could thank him for what he said earlier or he could tell him everything would fine, but none of that seemed enough. He was here, they were all here. There were no words that needed to be said.

“You can do this, Feli, I’ll always be here, little sister.” Chiara said it all, the perfect words for all of them. _You can do this, I’ll always be here._

* * *

Gilbert left the room first, hours later, with a smile on his face. They all waited for an answer. “It’s is a girl, Maria Lovina Belischmidt and she’s beautiful.” Henri and Julia went into the room first eager to see their first grandson. Julia squeezed Gilbert’s hand in thanks as she passed him by. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. ‘Thanks for being there’, ‘thanks for putting everything aside for your little brother’. Gilbert ran past everyone else to seek out the one he always wanted to share everything with. “We’re uncles now, baby!”

Roderich stood up and met Gilbert, mirroring his excitement. They shared a quick kiss and Roderich pulled Gilbert into his arms.  “We are.” He smiled pressed a kiss right behind Gilbert’s ear. “I’ve decided. I want to adopt a child after we get married. You gave me a family and I want to give everything to someone like me.”

“I love it. That will be perfect.” It was a day of first and even more beginnings. First loves, first decisions and first life, all falling on December first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all liked the chapter! Leave me a comment and tell me about maybe? Next chapter will be Christmas with the family with a maybe a surprise or two thrown in. :) Thanks for keeping up with this and my sporadic updates. The big I love you was finally sincere! Oh and I just realized this chapter put this story over 100k I'm amazed. I never would have imagined I would have gotten a story near there! And there's still Christmas, Gilbert's birthday, the engagement, the wedding, the adoption of their child and the epilogue chapter. Just so y'all have a trajectory of the rest of this story.


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